Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Smart, funny, insightful, and honest, Decibel is the reason we stay on the toilet even though we finished pooing a long time ago and now our legs are falling asleep; the reason we were late for your aunt’s funeral; the only reason we actually know anything about pornogrind.

We’re thrilled that the Decidudes have stooped to being our friends, and will now be writing a weekly column for us: “Fear, Emptiness, Decibel.” In this inaugural edition, managing editor Andrew Bonazelli serves as the voice of dissent against this month’s cover story/Hall of Fame entry, Refused’s The Shape of Punk to Come. You can buy the September 2010 issue of Decibel now wherever fine publications are sold, or, if you’re lazy/live in the middle of fucking nowhere, order a copy here.

Greetings, MetalSuckers. I’m the managing editor/token pathetic Mets fan at Decibel. I don’t really do much here except shoehorn bukkake references into captions and refuse to review anything until Hammerhead puts out a fourth full-length, but today I’m here to flog our glorious, vaunted Hall of Fame series. This month’s installment is Refused’s The Shape of Punk to Come, which is not only the HOF, but the cover, which shows how important it is to everyone at the office but me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the scene in Friday Night Lights where the fuckhead high school jocks take the field to “New Noise” is THE APEX OF PUNK ROCK and everything, but anyone who’s seen the sanctimonious beat-off otherwise known as the Refused Are Fucking Dead DVD has to kind of reassess the merits of this album, don’t they? Or, maybe not — I mean, Vincent Gallo’s one of the most pretentious dickheads on earth, and I Celebrate The Guy’s Entire Catalog, even the one where he drives for 90 minutes, then gets blown. Anyway, let’s just say the idiosyncrasies that many Refused fans find groundbreaking are precisely what annoy the shit out of the nonbelievers.

Nick Green is the man who made this feature happen. It’s safe to say that, given the time he spent tracking the Swedes down, he vehemently disagrees. You know how fucking hard it was to get Refused to do these interviews? We wanted a Shape of Punk to Come HOF for Decibel #4 — we’re currently working on #72. Yeah. According to frontman Dennis Lyxzén, the band has granted maybe eight interviews since infamously packing it in following a disastrous 1998 stateside tour. However, after doing the DVD and the Shape remaster, they had a change of heart about reminiscing, hence our exclusive.

As you can tell by my (immature, asinine) tone, this is a polarizing record, either regarded as a truth-in-titular-advertising punk/hardcore revolution boasting flawless sequencing, or an overrated, pompous bastardization rife with ridiculous electro-wankery. So, let’s open the floor. Do you guys think it’s HOF worthy? Both yeas and nays can check it out on newsstands or our webstore pronto.

-AB

Fuck it, why not just buy yourself a subscription to Decibel? It comes down to about two bucks an issue for a one-year subscription, which is roughly thirty-six dollars more a year you could be spending on drugs, alcohol, rare 7″ splits, and internet porn.