MEET THE CRUD WIZARD!

Hi I’m Ezra Lux and I’m 9 and my dad is helping me with Crud Wizard. I like to listen to music and learn. My favorite band is Iron Maiden and I hate Reagan, and hippies, and Jesus.

So reads the blogger profile of Crud Wizard, a new metal blog helmed by aforementioned 9-year old Ezra Lux. Since we also love Maiden and hate hippies and Jesus we can totally get down with Crud Wizard; we’ll make an exception at the mis-directed hippie hatred. Ezra’s approach is surprisingly accurate in its simplicity, and (I’m being totally serious here) you’ve got to appreciate it for its pure, direct language. Sample post titled “My Metal Weekend”:

I had a very metal weekend. Here it is. On Friday I saw Dysrhythmia, my dad’s friend Colin’s band at the bar Slims. I had an awesome time. Dysrhythmia was very rhythmic and intricate. Colin played bass, and was quite good. On Saturday I went to Tidal Wave, the metal festival in McLaren park. The first few bands weren’t that good but when Stone Vengeance played they were o.k. But then they played “I Don’t Know” by Ozzy Osbourne, it was cool. Then came Giant Squid who I’d never heard, and they were good. The second day my dad’s friend Sarah gave us a ride. And the best band by far was Amber Asylum, Sarah’s band. But during the whole thing I had a lot of fun, like rolling down hills, exploring in the park, building log forts and climbing trees.

I mean, right? He’s also got some choice entries on his favorite album covers (including Cannibal Corpse!) and his thoughts on classic albums by Thin Lizzy and King Diamond. It’s all interspersed with highly entertaining “State of the Day” pieces that take a look at, you guessed it, one glorious United State per day, each paired with an ’80s hardcore band — and hey, I’ve really learned a lot!

-VN