CINEMETAL ROUND-UP: NEW VIDEOS FROM THE SWORD, AS I LAY DYING, BRING ME THE HORIZON, BONDED BY BLOOD, AND HEATHEN

All these bands decided to release new videos within the past twenty-four hours. So I’m just lumping them all together in one post, the same way my mom lumps any music with loud guitars together under the heading, “Things I assume my degenerate son must like.”

First up we have this pretty amazing video for “Tres Brujas” from The Sword. I’m not even, like, the biggest The Sword fan in the world, but I gotta hand it to them, they have definitely made the nerdiest stoner metal video I’ve ever seen by a band that isn’t Mastodon. The thirteen year-old zit faced virgin in me thinks that this video is incredible, and the eight year-old autistic kid who’s never heard of Sabbath in me thinks the music is pretty great, too.

Next up we have this performance video of As I Lay Dying’s “Anodyne Sea.” And when I say “performance video,” I mean it is literally a performance video not — the band did not film themselves playing the song and then lay the studio recording over it. So I do wish that the audio were a little clearer. But I also wish Cristina Scabbia would just stop playing games and tell me she loves me already — I mean, I know we’ve never met or even spoken before, but come on, Cristina, you’re not fooling anyone, we know you don’t dress like that for Jim Root’s benefit — so, y’know, shit happens.

This video really makes me miss L O S T, by the way. Not because I miss having an hour of my life swindled by terrible writers who don’t know what the fuck they’re doing on a weekly basis, mind you, but just because I miss getting good vibe e-mails from Nick Hipa every week. That dude is awesome. He has a tattoo of sushi! Awesome awesome awesome.

Next is this video for Heathen’s “Dying Season.” When I first sat down to watch it, I thought it was gay porn, and someone had sent me the wrong link or something, ’cause there were all these dudes in military uniforms, but I was clearly dealing with something that had a smaller budget than what I spend on dog food every week. And I know I shouldn’t make fun of Heathen, ’cause Lee Altus is in the band, but the teeth I’m missing from that time my dad hit me with an iron remind me that I never did learn to respect my elders.

Oh well. At least the song sounds like literally every other thrash song ever written, so it should just sell itself, terrible video or no.

Speaking of thrash songs that sound like literally every other thrash song ever written, Bonded by Blood have a new video, for the track “Prototype: Death Machine.” I’m not a real big fan of this band, but I don’t have anything really negative to say about this video. The performance footage is shot a clear manner, and although there were obvious budgetary restrictions, director David Vorhes doesn’t let the seams show too badly.

Finally, we have a video for Bring Me the Horizon’s “It Never Ends.”

Okay, so that’s obviously not really the BMTH video. But it’s so much better than anything BMTH have ever actually done, so I decided to post it instead. If you wanna see the actual video, it’s at the bottom of your toilet. Go stick your head in there and wait until you drown, then it’ll start playing. Honest Injun.

-AR