DOWNSPIRIT’S POINT OF ORIGIN IS BAD ENOUGH TO GO PLATINUM

Thursday, August 26th, 2010 at 11:20am by

Speaking purely from a marketing point of view, Downspirit‘s problem is this:

If the members of this German outfit looked more like the heavies from a action movie starring The Rock and less like they were posing for the Sears “Peace, Love N’ Rock N’ Roll” catalog circa 1993, I have no doubt that they would be huge. HUGE, I say. People who “just wanna hear some real rock n’ roll with balls” — e.g., Godsmack and Hellyeah fans — would love this band, and an opening slot on the next edition of Crue Fest would almost certainly cement their place as one of the up and coming favorites of people who don’t know what contraceptives are.

Speaking purely from a creative point of view, Downspirit’s problem is this: they suck. Hard. I mean, I’ll take them over Hinder any day of the week, because at least I recognize Downspirit’s music as, y’know, music, and not just a war being waged against human ears. But this is totally generic, overly glossy, wholly ridiculous hard rock with nothing to speak for it, other than, I’d wager, it gets a lot of aging German groupies wet, and therefore vocalist Steffen Lauth can continue to get laid, despite apparently being really, really excited that he just found a Pizza Hut.

Real rock n’ roll will never die, and there will always be a place for blues-based hard rock bands. But if you highest artistic ambition is to sound kinda like a bad Collective Soul cover band, I have no need of thee. Be gone, Downsyndro… uh, spirit.

(1 1/2 out of five horns)

-AR

  • BASSQUATCH

    I had no idea Rosie O’ Donnell fronted a rock band

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniel-Winnett/504952291 Daniel Winnett

      1

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Crunch-Valverth/521246222 Crunch Valverth

      1

    • DJ Deuce Grunt

      I lol’d. In the middle of my college lecture. Well done.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brian-Edwards/100000527928466 Brian Edwards

      If this were a photo caption contest, you would surely win.

    • Waldo

      Sick

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Brootle-Ryan/596440962 Jake Brootle Ryan

      rosie fronts attack attack! dont you read the news???

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shaun-Reeves/100000774753955 Shaun Reeves

      1

    • http://www.heavymetal.co.nz heavymetalnz

      1

    • OLINVILLE

      looks like Johnny Depp on a doughnut binge.

    • DidgeryDo

      Nice!

  • Alex_P

    More of this, please.

  • http://www.schenkeltown.com Schenkeltown

    is it weird that the first thing i thought of when i saw that album cover was howard the duck?

    yeah, a howard the duck reference. bring it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mark-Gavin/1396340262 Mark Gavin

    With an album cover like that, how can this band be bad?!

  • http://thenumberoftheblog.com/ groverXIII

    What’s with all these terrible HDR band photos these days?

  • Howie

    Collective Soul sort of became a bad Collective Soul cover band for a while.

  • Isaac

    I would much prefer Hinder over this. Hell, I’d prefer FFDP over this trash.

  • http://www.stuffyouwillhate.com/ Sergeant D

    ‘People who “just wanna hear some real rock n’ roll with balls”’

    Glad to see I’m not the only one stealing Hipster Runoff memes!

  • Mike

    Whoever writes such a bad review is clearly the wrong person to judge this kind of music overall.

    This band is great!

  • Tanja

    I LOVE this album and this band…

    and their singer is hot!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Socolofsky/1144973638 Ben Socolofsky

    This is the fakest, gayest metal band since Poison.
    *Gets Flamed*

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Peter-Tomis/621582836 Peter Tomis

    noone noticed how the guy behind the singer looks like he’s putting it in his butt yet?

  • sYgnal

    So, we already went through best of the “retro” styles and now we have to come back to this shit. Fuck Glam Rock in the ass. Kinda like what the dude behind the singer is doing…

    • jadon

      haha wow

  • Sandy

    You fuckers all might know, the singer is still fighting against cancer! No Pizza Hut or anything else! Just medicine – thats why the belly’s puffy!
    He’s so nice, and loves music, loves human, and you fuckers talking like that! Shame on u!!