So last week Snowy Shaw officially joined and then officially quit Dimmu Borgir, all within twenty-four hours. And now Shagrath says the band is going to remain a three-piece consisting of the “core” members of himself and guitarists Sneezy and Grumpy — uh, I mean, Silenoz and Galder — with some touring members so the band doesn’t just become the equivalent of a black metal karaoke band. That’s not the first time a band has made the decision to never hire a permanent replacement — metal and non-metal bands from The Rolling Stones to R.E.M. to Korn have all done it, presumably because a) they don’t think anyone else has anything to bring to the table creatively and b) it’s cheaper. It will be the first time I’ve ever heard of a co-lead vocalist being just a hired gun, though, so that will probably be kinda weird.

So while we wait to see which poor bastards are the new not-really members of Dimmu Borgir, we can listen to a new song, “Gateways,” with vocals by Snowy Shaw, and dream of what could have been — namely, a world in which there was a band features members named both “Silenoz” and “Snowy.”

At least, I assume that’s Snowy doing the clean vocals. Whomever that is at the 1:32 mark, he or she should be shot in the throat. Holy shit, that is the ugliest sound I have ever heard not coming from an overweight octogenarian. It’s like they hired an eunuch, and then made that eunuch inhale helium before singing. I imagine that what’s a cockroach sounds like when it sings. Luckily, some chick comes in at the end and doesn’t sound like a member of the cast of Joe’s Apartment.

Check out the song here.

-AR