Last week we bestowed upon you, our loyal readers, the chance to win a vinyl copy of Valient Thorr’s Stranger as well a sweet VT t-shirt. A shout-out is in order for Genial Gentile whose “Hammered Smash Face” comment made me laugh, but ultimately I had to go with this one for its topical relevancy:

• Dingas McCloud: “VALIENT FLORR.”

Nice job, Dingas! This week we’re giving away a Super Deluxe copy of the recently released Soundgarden retrospective set Telephantasm. The Super Deluxe version consists of 2 CDs — including the best of Soundgarden and some rare live and unreleased tracks (including “Black Rain“) — and a DVD containing the band’s entire music video collection and some bonus material, all housed in the deluxe packaging you see to the left (track list after the jump).

To win, just come up with the funniest caption to the below photo, and remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect)!

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Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli.

It’s that time of the month again, kids, so strap on your pussydiapers and click the play button below to guess next month’s blood-soaked Decibel Hall of Fame. It’s not easy to come up with hints for these — obviously the hint should simply be the accent of the inductee and whatever he or she (“she”… as if!) is alluding to— but in this case, let’s just say this one’s a no-brainer that took a curiously long time to wrangle. Albert hasn’t revealed why exactly it took so long to wrangle, which sucks anecdote-wise, but absolves me of inadvertently blowing it.

Maybe one day if we offer something pricier than a six-month subscription, the contest will be “Identify all the accidental Oxford commas in the issue” or “What is the square root to the fifth decimal of the number of times J. Bennett or Jeanne Fury utilized the word ‘tits?’” For now, we’ll stick to tormenting you with vague, grainy recordings. Album and artist and lots of luck, as always.

DECIBEL HALL OF FAME DECEMBER 2010

DECIBEL HALL OF FAME DECEMBER 2010

-AB

Buy yourself a copy of the November 2010 issue of Decibel or, better yet, buy yourself a full subscription, so you can count how many times J. Bennett and Jeanne Fury utilize the word “tits” this month,  and every month.

Yesterday Axl reminded you why you should attend the MetalSucks / Metal Injection / 1000Knives CMJ showcase featuring A Life Once Lost, Car Bomb, This or the Apocalypse, Baptized in Blood and Last Chance to Reason. And guess what? We’re doing two CMJ showcases this year! ‘Cause we love you like that, and we also love seeing our name on top of a flyer. Since the aforementioned showcase features a smattering of bands from across the metal record label spectrum, we decided to devote this one to honoring the best and brightest of NYC’s metal bands, with a few special friends as well. The lineup:

POWERGLOVE
Wetnurse
The Binary Code
Pack of Wolves (Austin, TX – ex-At All Cost)
Meek is Murder
Batillus

Saturday, October 23rd
Fontana’s – 105 Eldridge St., New York
4pm / 21+ / $10 (a limited number of CMJ badge-holders will be admitted, but event is open to the public)

As if that killer lineup isn’t enough to convince you to spend your Saturday afternoon headbanging, Sailor Jerry Rum will be providing complimentary cocktails from 4-5pm, and mixed drinks will be $3 thereafter so even the brokest of the broke can get their buzz on. See you at the show.

Bloody Disgusting has debuted Cephalic Carnage’s new,Michael Panduro-directed video, “Ohrwurm.” And holy shit, is it terrific. I mean, it’s incredibly disgusting, but in the best possible way. I don’t even really wanna say too much about it, because as it went on and on, I was just, like, “Holy shit what the fucking fuck is going on here?”, and then it kept getting increasingly gross, and then I hurled, and then I watched it again. And I don’t wanna deny you that very same experience.

So you just watch this. But not if you’re at work, or a library, or near your parents, or whatever. ‘Cause, like I said, this is some disturbing shit right here, and it’s definitely way too graphic for public consumption.

“Ohrwurm” comes off of Cephalic Carnage’s latest, Misled by Certainty, which is out now on Relapse.

-AR

One of the most anticipated sets of this year’s This Is Hardcore fest in Philadelphia came from Sheer Terror, the iconic NYHC act that appealed to both metal and hardcore audiences without pandering to either. Infamous frontman Paul Bearer dissolved the band in the late nineties, and save for two sold-out reunion shows at CBGB’s in 2004, there was no sign of life until this summer’s appearance, which you can stream in full here.

Fortunately, those who couldn’t get into the sold-out Philly show have another chance to experience the brutality and brilliance of Sheer Terror, who headline an all-day “homecoming” show November 28 at New York’s Webster Hall, a space once known to hardcore fans as The Ritz. A stellar selection of openers include former Blackout Records alums Breakdown, up-and-coming fan favorites The Rival Mob, and Agnostic Front guitarist’s Vinnie Stigma’s eponymous street punk project. Black N Blue Productions, the team behind the annual (and essential) Black N Blue Bowl / Superbowl of Hardcore event, are putting this one on and tickets are on sale right now. This will be sick and people will be punching people.

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It took almost five hours on the highway in rain that wasn’t so much pouring as it was bulleting down to get from Boston to New York. And guess what? Totally worth it. Because it was all for Accept.

Vince has already covered King’s X, and no offense to him or our other intrepid site leader, but meh. I chose meeting up with friends I haven’t seen for awhile and gorging myself on Korean food and Shoju over watching King’s X. (I recommend the kimchi pancakes at Miss Korea over on Korean Way. They taste nothing like kimchi, which might be why I liked them.) I caught the last few songs, and while I enjoyed watching Doug Pinnick do his thing, the music was just too prog-y for me.

But Accept, oh my good godding fuck, Accept. Okay, they were always a band I thought I’d never see live. When they got back together, I was excited, but I mean, what’s Accept without Udo and his goblin screech? It was a restrained sort of excitement. But in the past year, hearing their new stuff, watching recent footage from shows, and actually getting to talk to Wolf (pshh, jealous?) psyched me up to the point where, as another well-known screecher Brian Johnson is wont to say, I “[couldn’t] stand still.”

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Heyo, Taco Riff central! If you’re on the hunt for taco riffs, The Fucking Wrath have got ‘em in spades. On their new album Terra Fire, out October 19th on Tee Pee Records, The Fucking Wrath — who we first profiled back in 2007 — bring their taco riff A-game but also a whole lot more. “Lowbrow,” the album’s opening track, goes from furious thrashy riffs to super-slow doomy tacos in a matter of seconds, and the juxtaposition — as well as a developed sense of songwriting — makes for a fun listen. Stream it below, and tell us what you think. Check out more of The Fucking Wrath on MySpace.

[this promotion has ended]

I admit, Texas Hippie Coalition’s “Pissed Off and Mad About It” is pretty darn simple and honestly not all that interesting, and ultimately I agree with Axl that it’s pretty bad. But there’s something rather endearing about these fellas in their approach to their music. Like, you know there’s absolutely no pretense involved here; these guys are exactly who they say are in all their redneck glory. Sure, their music is starkly plain, the singer comes off as a bit of yarler and ultimately they’re kind of a watered down Hellyeah (who themselves are a watered down version of someone else) but there’s something that strikes me as just more honest about these guys, and they don’t rub me the wrong way the way Hellyeah do. And that singer; I just wanna give that guy a big hug!

Is that Tuvan throat singing around the 2:18 mark? The Blogronaut would be proud.

Watch the recently re-filmed video above courtesy of Noisecreep.

-VN

Remember when we posted Metal Injection’s totally awesome footage of Misery Index playing at the Brooklyn stop of Despised Icon’s farewell tour? It was two days ago, so you should.

Well, guess what? Metal Injection has now posted footage of Despised Icon playing at the Brooklyn stop of Despised Icon’s farewell tour! Below, you can check out “A Fractured Hand.” I like this song because the lyric I used for the headline often reminds me of my relationship with my family. Thanks for coming to drag me to rehab back when I was sucking cock for crack rock, mom and dad!

Unfortunately, this footage features no shots of Vince and myself wiggering out, or of the ugliest girl we’ve ever seen, and it only kinda-sorta gives you a sense of how big the pit was (no joke, the biggest pit I’ve ever seen at this particular venue and possibly in this particular borough), but I still enjoy it anyway.

Metal Injection have three more awesome clips of the last time Despised Icon will ever play NYC until they reunite in a few years; check those out here.

-AR

Sam Strange is a director of such momentous talent that after he once screened his latest film for Spielberg, Spielberg got a job at Jack in the Box, and had to be talked into returning to the business to direct his masterpiece, The Lost World: Jurassic Park. A little-known fact is that Strange also directed Guns N’ Roses’ infamous video trilogy, “Don’t Cry,” “November Rain,” and “Estranged.”

Now Strange has opened up about his experience to C.H.U.D. in a special guest blog. Apparently, the concept for the video came about via inception, the now-famous method of dream invasion portrayed in Christopher Nolan’s Inception. Strange writes of his encounter with rock’s most dangerous front man:

The strangest story I have involves this guy Axl Rose (Real Name: Hacksel Rosenbaum). When Axl came to us he was leader of an struggling local Rock n Roll band called Guns n Roses. Axl felt destined to rock stardom, but some unhappiness deep in his subconscious kept this fate out of reach.

“So Mr. Rose, please tell us what IDEA you want us to Incept in your brain and how many tickets you think it will sell.”

“I dunno. I just wanna be a rock guy.”

“Do you know how hard it is to Incept someone? An IDEA like that is far too broad. You’ll have to think of something more specific.”

“That’s the best I can do. Here’s two billion dollars.” (Axl was super rich because his dad had been an extra in Pump Up the Volume.)

Strange also offers an analysis of each individual video, for the benefit of those of us who always found the storyline a tad confusing. Here’s an excerpt of his explanation of the “November Rain” clip (above):

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Wolvserpent used to be called Pussygutt, but that moniker was too commercial-sounding, so they changed it; people  apparently kept trying to book them on the Warped Tour, ’cause Pussygutt just sounds like the name of that kinda band, y’know? I personally ignored them when they were called Pussygutt because, again, based on that name, I thought we might soon see them opening for Hollywood Undead or some terrible band like that.

But now that they’re called Wolvserpent, all the confusion has been cleared up, and the duo is celebrating by releasing a new album, Blood Seed, which is streaming here. It’s fast-paced, hyper-energy piece of work that will be perfect for metal fans who are afflicted with ADHD; it requires no intelligence or patience on the part of the listener, as the hooks will wash over you immediately, and it would most certainly NOT be the ideal soundtrack for abducting a young girl and using her as part of a dark ritual in which she becomes Satan’s bride, like in The House of the Devil.

Only 500 vinyl copies of Blood Seed will be pressed, so go order yours now; the album will come out October 5 on 20 Buck Spin.

Wolvserpent are kicking off a tour tonight, and will be on the road through November. Get dates after the jump.

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Poland’s Crystal Viper are the best thing to happen to metal since the invention of the electric guitar. They’re so fucking good that I’m not even sure why any other metal band is still trying. Everyone should just quit, and we should change the name of this site to “CrystalViperSucks,” and just report all Crystal Viper news, all the time, in a sincere manner, with absolutely no tongue-in-cheek humor whatsoever.

And if you doubt my claims, check out the band’s latest video, for the song “Greed is Blind.” The clip tells the moving story of a Homeless Beggar; a Well-Attired Man stops to give said Homeless Beggar some money, and the Homeless Beggar rewards the Well-Attired Man for his kindness by literally stabbing him in the back. After discovering that Well-Attired Man’s wallet is empty, the insidious Homeless Beggar decides to steal the Well-Attired Man’s Crystal Viper guitar pick instead! OH NOES! Those devious homeless people. You have to keep one eye on them at all times, ’cause they’re always trying to steal your priceless Crystal Viper shit!

What I really appreciate about this video, though, is that the band only spent two dollars to make it, so as to ensure that we understand that Crystal Viper practice what they preach.

“Greed is Blind” will be on Crystal Viper’s latest, Legends, which comes out October 22 on AFM. It promises to be the best metal album of this or any other year that another Crystal Viper record wasn’t released.

-AR

Remember when Sergeant D. found that totally awesome instructional video called “How to Dress Sexy Scene & Be Hot!”? In case the title didn’t give it away, it featured some chick who is clearly going to make some poor guy insanely unhappy one day instructing ladies on how to, well. Y’know.

Now Noa Avior at Metal Injection has discovered a delightful de facto companion video, entitled “How to Look Like a Hot Metal Chick.” (I love the modesty of the young women making these videos.) And, in all fairness, the girl in the video is definitely cute, especially if you’ve ever dreamed of fucking a piece of plastic. Personally, I would definitely tap that, so long as she promised not to speak under any circumstances.

She’s wearing a Suffocation shirt and she says it’s important that “you know and like the band” whose logo adorns your attire. Do we think she really digs death metal, or do we think she just realized that her value in the metal world is like a gajillion times higher than her value in the mainstream world, given that metal is a total sausage fest and dudes will kill one another for anything with a hole and a pulse? (Actually the pulse is just, like, a bonus.) I’m not saying attractive women can’t appreciate Suffocation; I’m just saying that this girl has all the personality of a Barbie doll, so I wouldn’t be shocked if she were totally full of it.

Also, did you know that there’s no room for girls in metal who don’t have blonde or black hair? And that eyebrows are incredibly important? And holy shit doesn’t this crap go against everything metal is supposed to represent?!?!

My personal favorite part, though, is when she says she’s gonna teach her fellow women how to dress for when they’re “going to a metal concert-thing.” I LOVE metal concert-things! Why, I’m going to a metal concert-thing tonight! Do you think I’ll be able to meet anyone as smokin’ as this chick? I’d really like to bring her home to meet my mother, ’cause Ma hasn’t threatened to disown me this week.

I think that Noa is even more pissed about this nonsense than I am. Head over to Metal Injection to read her thoughts on the matter.

-AR

Trent Reznor may have dissolved Nine Inch Nails, but the coolest rock star in pretty much the history of ever is still keeping plenty busy. Earlier this week, he released the score the co-composed with Atticus Ross for The Social Network, charging just three bucks for a download from Amazon for the for the fist 48 hours; shock of shocks, Deadline reports that it’s been the Amazon mp3 store’s top seller ever since. (As of this writing, the soundtrack is still available for a mere $2.99; it will go up to a whopping $4.99 later today. It’s not metal, but it is fucking great. Go get it.)

Meanwhile, /Film has a fifty-minute (!) audio interview with Reznor regarding the score, in which the always-loquacious goth idol gives some interesting insights into the music. You can stream or download it here.

And as if all that wasn’t enough to scratch your Reznor itch, try this: Remember how Trent wanted to do an HBO series based on his album Year Zero? I can’t blame if you don’t; that was more than two years ago. But lest we forget, the film and television business can move very, verrrrrry slowly. And so I was elated to see that the project is apparently still alive. Reznor tells the Los Angeles Times:

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Okay, let’s imagine you’re at a party on the beach, and as you’re packing a fourth slice of pizza into your face, you overhear someone state unequivocally that Bon Jovi and The Beastie Boys are more important than Rush. You’d grimace, but, hey, sales are sales and impact is debatable. It’s a party; be nice.

Then, as you resurface from a sand puddle gravity bong hit, that someone continues with an assertion that Rush is also less vital to modern music than the guy with the big spoken word hit about boffing mermaid chicks (or something) and, oh, let’s not forget the singer of a Phil Spector holiday song who went on to co-star in the Lethal Weapon films. (Jesus, does Scorsese get more than one vote?)

Finally, as you grit your teeth and instinctively glare at the source of these statements, your ears are raped by further by the spoken implication that Rush doesn’t measure up to the motherfucking J. Geils Band.

Party or no party, by now you’re mindlessly stomping this dumbshit into a dust just on principle. It’s like temporary insanity, right? “Had to be done,” you’d tell the judge. “Your honor, you’ve heard that song ‘Freeze Frame.’ Rush Pride for life!”

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Being someone who is kind of stuck in their own little bubble most of the time, I tend to forget how ridiculous the outside world can be. Since my teen years, I’ve been disgusted, yet morbidly fascinated with mainstream culture. It’s like a flaming car wreck, for lack of a better analogy. I can’t watch any kind of television without feeling like I can see right through it, and being offended that so many people’s lives in one way or another revolve around corporate-funded programming, whether it’s for entertainment or information. I lost interest in owning a television years ago.

Anyway, the most recent offender is a show called “America’s Got Talent.” Have you SEEN this shit? It should be called “America Gets Told What To Think.” Never before have I been so compelled to stick needles into my eyeballs, take a shit on a studio audience’s collective head, and leap face first off a bridge all at once. This is the very epitome of mainstream media programming minds to reject anything outside their comfort zone. Here I am trying to get a little innocent bro time with my stepdad over the weekend (this actually happened a couple months ago), getting riled up enough to, uh, write a blog entry on Metalsucks.net.

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Sir Sweatsalot Valient Himself leads the audience in mass synchronized rowing. Photo taken by yours truly.

“You had to be there.” It’s a phrase oft uttered by would-be storytellers who just can’t seem to convey the hilarity of said story to anyone who wasn’t, ya know, there. And it’s a phrase that perfectly applies to not just the particular Valeint Thorr, Junius and Howl show Axl and I witnessed in Brooklyn last week, but to each individual band in the broader sense. Try as we may, there’s no possible way we can convey to you how freaking awesome each band was at this show, and try as those bands may, it seems damn unlikely that any of these bands will ever be able to make a record that even comes close to approximating what it’s like to see them live. Simply put, these three bands are the very embodiment of “you had to be there.”

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A reader calling him (or her, but probably him)self “K S” sent us the below track, which is apparently called “MINÄ MÄÄRÄÄN!”, and is by a Finnish industrial band called Turmion Kätilöt.

Holy shit, could there be any more umlauts up there? Mötley Crüe are suffering from some serious umlaut envy right now.

ANYWAY, K S suggested that this band might be better than Rammstein, and I have to disagree. This songs features what has to be one of the more generic industrial riffs I’ve ever heard. I know that most industrial riffs are kinda basic, but there’s a massive difference between this and the epic, pseudo-symphonic majesty of Rammstein’s “Mein Herz brennt,” or even the filthy, scummy, punch-you-in-the-face-for-no-reason guitars that power My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult’s “After the Flesh.” The below song is just, like, industrial’s answer to a Triple A riff.

Check out Turmion Kätilöt below, and let K S know what you think in the comments section.

-AR

I keep forgetting that it’s basically October already, ’cause the weather here in New York has still been, by and large, quite warm — but there ya have it. The year is rapidly drawing to its conclusion.

And so now we’re talking about shows for next year. But at least those shows sound potentially killer.

So. Deicide have apparently completed work on their new album, To Hell with God, which was produced by the great Mark Lewis and should be out sometime next year. While we wait, they’ve announced a headlining trek with support coming from Belphegor, Blackguard, Neuraxis, and Pathology. That is a not-at-all shabby line-up, wouldn’t you say? And it’s DEI-FUCKING-CIDE. You know you wanna go.

Dates after el jumperooni.

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Unless you count current metalcore bands with a wiggerish slant (Emmure, Winds of Plague, Acacia Strain, etc.), the genre of nu-metal is all but dead. Once a nearly-unstoppable juggernaut of Kikwear pants, eyebrow piercings, and chinstrap beards, today it is but a dessicated husk, barely clinging to life. At its peak, nu-metal filled the airwaves coast-to-coast, but these days you’re most likely to hear it on a beat up boombox in the corner of a windowless basement printshop or third-rate auto parts store on the outskirts of town.

While the tastes of fickle music consumers may have changed, nu-metal has never sounded better. Many kids these days are too young to have experienced this unique genre the first time around, so I figured I would share some of nu-metal’s best artists that fly a little under the radar of current tastemakers — I’ll skip the big names that we all know (Korn, Kid Rock, Bizkit) and focus on the unsung heroes. And mark my words, you’ll see indie rockers ironically listening to hed(pe) within the next few years!

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