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Contests

PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF CEPHALIC CARNAGE’S MISLED BY CERTAINTY

 Thursday, September 9th, 2010 at 5:00pm by

The winner of last week’s Labor Day-themed Photo Caption Contest is the appropriately named “Metalmeathammer666,” no doubt inspired by Sergeant D’s controversial interview the day prior. I’m insanely jealous of Mr. Meathammer because he gets this awesome Iron Maiden picture-disc vinyl and I don’t… but as MS Haterade King “Biff Tannen” pointed out I could just go buy one. Guess I’ll hafta do that. Meathammer’s winning entry:

  • “New all douche band: Guys Set to Grill.”

This week we’re giving away two CD copies of Cephalic Carnage’s weedtastic new album Misled by Certainty which is out now on Relapse and can be streamed in full here. If you’re a Cephalic Carnage fan and you haven’t read Axl’s interview with frontman Len Leal yet, well, you better do so right quick. To win a copy just come up with the funniest caption to the below photo, sent in by reader David Foust, and remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect)!


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  • Ørsaeth

    Isn’t defeating dragons and saving princesses a job for the power metal guys?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Iain-Shipton/1074650540 Iain Shipton

    Super Kvlt Bros!

  • jerzy

    holy crap is that a suction-cup dildo… you know kids read this website….

  • Seanicus

    One of the Sons of the Northern Plungers.

  • http://bloodandthumbsticks.blogspot.com/ The Overmatt

    From the creators of “Kiss Meets The Phantom” comes a thrilling tale of arson and adventure. Varg Vikernes and Fenriz star as the infamous Mario Bros. in “Lords of Mushrooms.” Featuring Gaahl as Bowser, Isahn as Magikoopa, Dino Cazares as a Goomba, Cristina Scabbia as Princess Toadstool, and Morgan Freeman as the voice of Yoshi.

    Coming soon to a church near you.

    • noobpotato

      your trying to hard dude

      • JimmyBagODonuts

        hah

      • http://bloodandthumbsticks.blogspot.com/ The Overmatt

        Yeah I’ll admit that too. When you can’t be snappy, be elaborate.

  • Nathan

    LOLTHEFUCK?

  • AARONIUS

    ITSA ME! VARG VIKERNES!

    • boazhimself

      win

    • troe

      Haha! Beat me to it, though I wasn’t going to use our pal ol’Vargy.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Edwards/699094358 Matt Edwards

      I woulda gone with Vargio.

  • deanerhead

    While happy to find King Diamond’s “Melissa,” Mario didn’t quite get the power-up he had hoped for.

  • Tom

    Judging from the outfit, objects and facial expression: that Chick was too weird even for Gaahl.

    • Tom

      or simply “that Chick was too weird even for Gaahl.” :P

  • wha?

    Do NOT use that bathroom!

    • Blargh

      this. ha.

  • 6infinite6hatred6

    Silly black metal Mario! There’s no plumbing in the woods!

  • ZackP

    When metal meets short bus

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Barrie/695461310 Sean Barrie

    A microcosm of the music indusrty: Dani Filth is forced to get a second job.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Barrie/695461310 Sean Barrie
  • Dingas McCloud

    Hellhammer Brothers

    • Jake

      This

    • Ørsaeth

      +1UP

  • http://www.suckit.com Satanicbrutality

    The giant princess shit that clogged the toilet was unable to be stopped and has turned Mario to the dark side.

  • Dan B

    This is why the Princess keeps running away with Bowser.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Roger-Prindle/518661975 Roger Prindle

    Fuckin’ plungers. How do they work?

  • JT

    Thank you for saving me Mario! But the princess is in another grim and frostbitten kingdom.

    • 10001100100100101

      nice

    • Yo Diggity

      Simple & Hilarious

      WIN

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Edwards/699094358 Matt Edwards

      I fuckin’ lol’d

    • Shitknuckle

      Bwahahaha!

      This wins

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colin-OConnor/1491245262 Colin O’Connor

      My vote. Right here. LMAO.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    Mike Portnoy’s post-Dream Theater image.

    harlequindevon@gmail.com

  • metallicbrian

    Mayhem ensues when the evil Emperor Bowser sits on his Darkthrone and awaits the Immortal Mario to Taake the Princess back. Burzum.

    • BASSQUATCH

      xD +1

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rodney-Wilder/42003558 Rodney Wilder

    “The Super Marduk Bros.”

    roquedog504@hotmail.com

  • Legions: Iron and Steel

    Tool for the trade.

  • Matt

    Marios of Mayhem

  • Malamor

    After Snowy Shaw left Dimmu Borgir, Shagrath decided to go for someone not so ridiculous looking on stage.

  • NW_Metalhead

    Dani Filth tried eating too many mushrooms to power up, but it didn’t work

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eliot-Cain/1671789273 Eliot Cain

    Sorry, your kvlt status is in another castle.

  • Bayon3twork

    Try as hard as you might, that plunger won’t rid your toilet of Nintendocore.

    • Bayon3twork

      This guy’s a real mushroomhead!

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    He takes it up the Poopa Shoota.

    • Vinsanity

      koopa shoota

  • Matt C.

    Powerglove’s new vocalist (if they actually had one)…

  • TanyaRocksMe

    Sumariocore.

    • JimmyBagODonuts

      i like this one

  • g man

    “It’s Giuliani time!”

    • Blargh

      Oh man. this is nearly brilliant: “it’s Ghouliani time!”.

  • pigchop

    life sucks.

  • chainchomp

    This is what happens when you take too many shrooms.

  • skullsession

    Nintendo pulls out all the stops to complete withe PS3s “Move” and 360′s “KInnect”.

    • Metalguy

      I know its a joke but c’mon man. The fucking Wii…

  • Josh

    Mortiis Era 4: Super Wizard Of The White Throne

    floppychikenstuffyum@yahoo.com

  • Yo Diggity

    Wario must be into Ke$ha.

  • toast

    Naglfmario…

  • BILL

    Mario No! Don’t use the plunger for the princess’s abortion! That what we have hangers for.

  • BigJordowski

    TOP NEWS: Mario leaves the Mushroom Kingdom for Norway where he has started recording with his new black metal band “Black Mushrooms to Nowhere”. Toki Wartooth to be lead guitarist.

  • Ørsaeth

    from the Mushroom Kingdom to the Grim and Frostbitten Kingdom

  • Brendan

    generic mario/black metal joke

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Joshua-Hunter/100001289132594 Joshua Hunter

    “All those years of bad mushroom trips have left me Grim and Frostbitten.”

    joshlhunter@yahoo.com

  • josh

    After Vortex got kicked out of Dimmu Borgir, he came to the sad realization that it was time to find a new job.

  • A2James

    Jugga-Mario: The latest Mario spinoff to be rejected by Nintendo focus groups

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-Beaman/1260212418 Andy Beaman

    Ill be right back, im going to suck more flaming balls from the mushroom kingdom of sorrows.

    andydna2012@gmail.com

  • T

    Unfortunately for Euronymous his disguise didn’t work!

  • up yours God

    “No,I’m not criminally insane,But I did set fire to a Best Western”

    canaryyellowcowpie@hotmail.com

  • Douchebro

    They tried to tell him cosplay wasn’t Kvlt…

  • Jonathan

    First giant mushrooms, now a giant blunt. I bet you he’ll be stomping on finntrolls next.

  • jeff

    No wonder Bowser always be tryin’ to kill Mario… he’s a damn ICP fan!

  • Kelsan E. F.

    Mario still hadn’t noticed the corpse paint. Sometimes, Luigi could be a real prick.

  • MBen

    I usually flush my toilet cigars.

  • Brock Sterns

    Mario learned the hard way that theres a difference between the “Mushroom of Immortality” and the “Mushroom the Makes you Immortal.”

    • troe

      +1 :D

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Sauter/39606135 Kyle Sauter

      haha. awesome

  • troe

    Super Mario Bros DCLXVI: The Frostbitten Kingdom

    “So grim and kvlt you can smell it.”

  • luke

    Nintendo Core and ICP’s illegitimate child .

  • http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com/ Alkahest

    King Diamond is ready to take the plunge this Halloween.

  • BruisedMetal

    Super asshole brothers

    • Brendan

      HAHAH

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brad-Howarth/674963183 Brad Howarth

    this is what happens when mario doesnt get his mushrooms

  • foobear

    A previously unknown Super Mario Bros. 3 power-up has been found: The Immortal Suit.

  • McFrito

    Hahahahahahahahahaahaha , the only thing I can say bout this is , HI — hi -hi hey princess how bout a kiss eh , Itsa me MARIO !!

  • wolfface

    This is what happens when Mario eats the douche-bag mushroom.

  • Chet Stedman

    Who is Mario’s favorite black metal group?

    Bur-zum Bur-zum Bur-zum.

  • Jake

    The fact that ICP jokes and black metal jokes are interchangable is not a good thing.

    • troe

      Or is it…?

      Drinkin’ Faygo while we be burnin’ down the churches of old, representin’ the N-O-R-W-A-Y.

  • pigchop

    sex toys for the mentally challenged.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dave-Colbert/535041444 Dave Colbert

    Super Marduk Brothers 64

    cryptosis77@aol.com

  • WowWee!

    Mario took the black star this time and is now going to damn the world by making everyone love tutles and pluming.

  • Chainsword

    John Leguizamo may have played clown in the spawn film, but Bob Hoskins auditioned for the part first.

  • http://Gnartallica.wordpress.com Ross Gnarly

    “I’ve beat lizard’s asses. Stomped little brown bastards. Fucked princesses. Got my dick sucked by a turtle and now you fuckers think Satan worship makes me an asshole?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Javis-Davis/732759369 Aaron Javis Davis

    “Metal Mario Bros.” Nintendo telling Microsoft and Sony to “go fuck yourself we’re MORE METAL THAN YOU!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Horton/1074905683 Tom Horton

    3 in the pink, 1 in the sink

    vulgardisplay21@aol.com

    • Dan Aboud

      That makes my day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Moore/100000457840985 Ben Moore

    Kiss-A-Me A Mario!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yevgeniy-Reznichenko/1053344492 Yevgeniy Reznichenko

    BLLLAAACCCKKKK, MAGGGGIICCCCC MUSSSHHHRROOOOMMSSSS

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Luis-Ferraz/867805295 Luis Ferraz

    “Gaahl wants to call a guy, but I know I can fix this!”

  • morningrise

    Mario’s proves cePHALLIC Carnage shows actually are a sausage fest

  • Douchechill

    Super mariOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • Sandy n Papo

    “Hey man, we are going to se Horse the band, u wanna come?…they play something called nintendocore”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Oates/1476540021 Jordan Oates

    Even Mario couldn’t unclog the the shit known as black metal

    jco5055@psu.edu

  • heemeyer

    if everyone stops responding to these photos, will you guys stop recycling pictures of unfunny losers in ironic corpse paint?

  • SON1KdethMUNKY

    When the fuck did Mario start smoking Cubans?

  • jason m

    He’s been like this since that fireball missed that goomba and hit that church.

  • Dunlopeth

    Hammer Brothers Smashed Face

  • Ørsaeth

    the new Mario Kart game: Mario Kvlt

  • Matthew Grant Anson

    Buckethead’s brother.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Cairncross/1530102028 Ian Cairncross

    Mario, getting ready to beat the leukemia out of Nergal
    surfnskian@sbcglobal.net

  • Iggy

    I always knew Mario was down with the clown.

  • Sean Goff

    “Dude, I said the star makes you ‘invincible’… not ‘immortal’.

  • chrismarchiel

    I dunno there’s nothing really funny about this picture, it’s just some guy being FUCKING AWESOME.

  • Landoth Coldhell (Landon Caldwell)

    Slay the Koopa Kallesin!

  • Greg

    Those were definitely not the mushrooms Mario ate to get big and smash shit.

  • VoP

    Pump. Pump it up.

  • D.A.T.

    Enemas r us

  • Sasha E.

    Even though Mario tried his best, his make up and props just weren’t enough to make it into Lady Gaga’s Alejandro video

  • RobotScythe

    Metallica’s failed attempt in creating an metal icon as beloved as Eddie and Vic.

    • Malamor

      Hahahahaha

  • Greggum

    Evil Mario has to take a King Koopa and wipe his Goomba.

  • ha

    Master’s Plunger, bitch.

  • shane t

    now thats how u make mario bros relevent again…. mercyful mario starring king dimond…

  • jadon

    Mario’s lesser known bro. His special skills include burning churches without flower power, and (evidently) unclogging toilets, or exploding them all together with his dynamite.

  • Metal Fuckin’ Dave

    Hey man, remember when we locked your retarded brother in the bathroom with his N64 and a poster of Gorgoroth? What was that…a month ago? We should let him out.

    • Dan Aboud

      You should win.

  • Michael

    Grim and Frostbitten Koopa Kingdoms

  • Zeram

    Plumbing the depths of despair

  • Big Tricky

    Itsa me, Marduk…io

  • Big Tricky

    “Abigaillll!!! shit… i mean, Princess!!!!”

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    Eeeet’s a meeeee, King Dia-mond!

  • Romaould the Loquacious

    Corpse Paint Mario, found only after crouching on top of white blocks and running to the end of the level, has the power to bring down churches with his mighty fireballs and fellow band members with head-stabbing powers.

  • http://myspace.com/shepherdsgatemusic,myspace.com/burymeinsmokemusic Michael “The Armenian Demon” Fenton

    We’re sorry but the Princess is in another burning church!

  • BruisedMetal

    Super douche bag

  • Pickles the Drummer Doodly Doo Ding Dong Doodly Doodly Doo

    Insane Klown Plunger

    grantiscool10@aol.com

  • Stephen H. Martin

    While Tommy’s Halloween costume earned him a lifetime of basement-dwelling friends and more high fives than he could handle, his pick up line of “want to blow in my cartridge?” didn’t go over quite as well.

  • Dress To Depress

    No, Mario, the leaf turns you into a raccoon, not an evil panda!!

  • realxhorrorshow

    Discontent with only working in shit, Mario began a strict Juggalo regiment of shit music, and huffing jenkem.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Crunch-Valverth/521246222 Crunch Valverth

    Black nintendocore..

  • Arby

    Mario: No way! He’s wearing the same costume as me!
    Luigi: It’s looks way better on you, dude!

  • Dan Aboud

    (In heavy Norwegian accent) “No Johan, this is not what I meant when I said to get ready for the Mayhem concert…”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colin-OConnor/1491245262 Colin O’Connor

    That new Cephalic Carnage is a good record.

  • larry

    Shaggy 2 Dope….Where Are They Now?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colin-OConnor/1491245262 Colin O’Connor

    Nunchucks and plunger in hand Mario consumes the Black Metal Mushroom powerup and promptly becomes retarded.

  • Hydro

    The immortal mushroom power ups had a rather different effect than mario had envisioned.

  • Jake

    Black Metal Ist a me.

  • Cryzthormagnusian

    Stupid picture of non-black metal situations with black metal corpse paint #341.

  • The_Dude

    see johnny when you eat lead paint, then we have to call the heavy metal plumber

  • Anon

    “I heard you had a clogged drain.. OH WAIT you were listening to slam.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Iain-Shipton/1074650540 Iain Shipton

    Plumbers play some pretty sick SludgeMetal

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tanner-Westhomas/1506171449 Tanner Westhomas

    Mushroomz iz krieg

  • BILL

    Heres a sneek peek at the new Super Mario Bros. 666-The Castle of Black Metal

  • BILL

    Any one else notice that the charcters name is Mario, and his brother is Luigi, but they are the Mario Brothers, so either their names are Mario Mario, and Luigi Mario, or Luigi is just getting screwed.

  • jason

    cuz animal cruelty and dragon slaying just wasn’t metal enough.

  • Lycanthrope

    “Super Mosh Bros”

    (I wasn’t going to bother with a comment this lame, but since everyone else here seems to be satisfied with unoriginal bullshit and low-grade creativity, I figure I can be, too)

    thewolf@wmucradio.com

  • cdvmark209

    This is what happened when he didn’t save the princess and picked up transilvanian hunger

  • http://Snacrifice Snacrifice

    After 25 years of constant mushroom use, Mario enters the hotel room where his final interview will take place. Little does he know, an intervention awaits him.