Decibel is cooler than we are, which is why we’ve kidnapped their kitties and told them we’ll drown the fuckers if they don’t write a weekly column for us. Lucky for all cats involved, they agreed to the terms. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli.

It actually took some doing this time around, but congratulations to commenter du jour “Mat” for correctly guessing our November Hall of Fame, Angel Witch’s self-titled 1980 nut-crusher. As aforementioned, he scores a free six-month subscription to Decibel, not to mention — should he deign to drop me a line — a Rapegoat sticker and maybe some additional ludicrous extreme ephemera.

The Angel Witch HOF isn’t even the big highlight in our November issue, as you can see from the image above. I mean, we’ve all seen the new video by now, and thumbs up to Mordecai 9000 for the Han Solo dig in the comments, but this get-up’s a little more Queen of Naboo IMHO. And while Shagrath at no point in our cover story mutters, “So, this is how liberty dies — to thunderous applause,” maybe he explains the sikk new threads a little. You’ll have to see for yourself.

Of course, if you’re in the Dimmu-sucks-and-we’re-homos-for-putting-them-on-the-cover camp, you can always feast on a creepy Michael Gira interview, Kylesa backlash in the reviews, Q&A heaven with Dave Wyndorf, a Pig Destroyer studio report, and a Red Chord tour report, featuring Guy Kozowyk’s delightful memories about this very site! Now bow your heads in respect for the Mets’ recent tragic number acquisition and give us your money so we can sell you some fucking cars and shit.

-AB

If you don’t buy yourself a copy of the November 2010 issue of Decibel or, better yet, buy yourself a full subscription, Andrew Bonazelli will send the dude who played Jar Jar Binks to your house to annoy you ’til you wanna kill yourself.

At least two more; there’s one coming up at 4 p.m., and now I feel obligated to tell you that the band’s new album, Ahbradabra, is streaming here until Friday evening at 7 p.m. Pacific/10 p.m. Eastern.

I haven’t listened to the whole thing, but so far at least, it’s really not as bad the amount of shit I’ve been giving it might lead you to suspect; I mean, it’s basically another Dimmu Borgir album. If you’ve been a fan in the past, you’ll probably like it, and if you haven’t, you won’t, and blah blah blah. Does it deserve a spot alongside Death Cult Armageddon and Puritanical Euphoric Misanthropia, the band’s strongest works? Probably not. But it’s certainly not drek, either.

Listen here, then weigh in with your thoughts below. Nuclear Blast will release the album on September 24 in Germany, September 27 in the rest of Europe, and October 12 in North America. And in thirty minutes, we’ll have what is hopefully our last Dimmu-themed post for the day and the week.

-AR

Black Market Activities will release Mercy, the third full-length from Chicago’s Sweet Cobra, on September 28; since we’re debuting a track here on MetalSucks, it should go without saying that we think it’s pretty frickin’ cool. “Brux,” the opening track, has to be one of the catchiest songs we’ve heard all year; it sounds like Mastodon, if Mastodon were more interested in making sure they got stuck in your head and less interested in, like, orcs n’ shit. If the slip-slide riff and boppin’ drums don’t make you wanna get up and grab a hula-hoop, than you must have no pulse. This song is so infectious you’re gonna need to drill into your brain just to get it out.

Check out “Brux” below, and then pre-order Mercy here. It was produced by Sanford Parker (Pelican, Nachtmystium) and mixed by Kurt Ballou (Do you seriously not know who Kurt Ballou is?!?!), as if you needed any further incentive to buy a copy.

[this promotion has ended]

Revocation have been on the road almost non-stop since the start of last January/February’s MetalSucks-sponsored Metal As Art tour with Hypno5e and The Binary Code; European Thrash & Burn, Japan, Job For A Cowboy in the U.S. followed by Europe again (I think), currently with Despised Icon, and another forthcoming U.S. tour to close out the year that we can’t tell you about yet. It’s only fitting then that their new video for the Existence is Futile track “ReaniManiac” consists mostly of footage of the band playing live.

I learned some things about the band when I spent 6 days on the road with them on the Metal As Art Tour: 1) they are razor fucking tight, every single night, 2) they take a page from the Matt Pike book by always playing shirtless, even in the dead of winter. 3) Singer/guitarist Dave Davidson got tired of announcing this track as a mix between the Ahhnold classic “Reanimator” and the cartoon Animaniacs, so after a while he took to introducing the song thusly:

<death metal voice> ”Has anyone here seen the movie How Stella Got Her Groove Back? Who here remembers the show Animaniacs?” <pause> This one’s called ‘ReaniManiac’!” <start song>

Here it is, in all its shirtless glory.

-VN

I often associate Dimmu Borgir with Cradle of Filth, for really no better reason than I think they’re probably both gateways into black metal for a lot of kids. I can’t think of two other black metal bands that have gotten so popular in metal’s relative mainstream; I mean, I assume they’re not selling Mayhem shirts at Hot Topic (at least not yet).

Now here’s another good reason to associate CoF with Dimmu: Both bands have new albums coming out, both bands are rockin’ new gear for those albums, and both bands seem to have modled that gear on a prior Marilyn Manson look. Dimmu have gone the all-white Mechanical Animals route (although a friend recently suggested that the style might actually owe more to Antichrist Superstar Manson), and now Cradle of Filth are doing the Daryl Hannah-in-Blade Runner thing that Manson did for Holy Wood:

So that’s a little weird. I fucking love Blade Runner, but I think it’s time to declare a moratorium on this particular style of make-up, don’t you? Like, if musicians wanna start dressing like Joanna Cassidy or, better yet, Brion James, that would be swell with me… just no more Daryl Hannah, okay?

Cradle of Filth’s latest, Darkly, Darkly, Venus Aversa, comes out in November. Watch a behind-the-scenes video (featuring the above make-up) with  a piece of a new song after the jump.

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Few bands give interviews as entertaining as ones with The Red Chord, and Metal Injection‘s latest — conducted backstage during the NYC stop of this year’s Summer Slaughter tour — is no exception. Bassist (and now MetalSucks NFL columnist!) Greg Weeks and guitarist Mike “Gunface” McKenzie basically highjack the thing, and, well, I almost feel bad for anyone who got anywhere near them during the course of the interview (especially the members of “Veil of Papaya”). I would seriously love it if these dudes had their own television series, so I could just tune in and watch them go kuh-ray-zee on a weekly basis.

Head over to Metal Injection for tons more interviews and awesome live footage from Summer Slaughter.

-AR

I used to do these Soundscan chart recaps regularly, if not quite weekly, but I’ve kind of been slacking lately. There are three reasons for this: 1) I no longer have access to Soundscan. If any MS readers who happen to be employed by major labels wouldn’t mind sending me the report when it comes out each week I would be much obliged, 2) I don’t believe that album sales are necessarily a bellwether of a band’s popularity anymore. One element, sure, but just a piece of the overall pie. 3) Metal Insider‘s Zach Shaw has got that shit on lockdown. Let’s see how various hard rock and metal releases performed this past week, with a special nod to Mr. Shaw for doing the research.

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Axl and I traveled to Donington, UK for the Download Festival in 2006 and it was something of a life-changing experience. We hadn’t yet come up with the idea for MetalSucks, but I’m sure the experience of being part of such a huge metal event and the people we met there gave rise to the idea only six months later that perhaps there was a worldwide audience that thought about metal along the same lines as we did.

One of the highlights of that fateful weekend was Down, who made an unannounced but widely rumored appearance at 11am one morning on the main stage. Anyone who trekked out that early to take a chance, as we did, bore witness to a fantastic set by a now-legendary band that unbenownst to those in attendance would be captured for posterity.

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Last week we told you about Joe Satriani’s new album Black Swans and Wormhole Wizards, which comes out October 5th on Epic. Now’s your chance to hear about it from the maestro himself.

In Part 1 of Satriani’s webisode series, released exclusively to MetalSucks, Satch shares how he came up with the album’s bizarre title, talks a bit about the studio in which it was recorded, what it’s been like for him working with his new band, and last but not least some fun footage of said new band jamming on a few tunes.

Love him or hate him, there are few rock or metal guitarists in the world as accomplished and respected as Satriani, and this webisode is a cool glimpse into the mind of a true master.

[This exclusive has now ended.]

Question 1?? Question 2??? Question 3?!?

-Sergeant D.

The Cult is amazing, but singer Ian Astbury is confusing. He publicly wipes his ass with Dave Grohl’s name and generally decries modern disposable pop. It’s like he’s too aware of rock’s legendary personalities and their creative, conceptual, and technological leaps in the art form. So he gets a bit holier-than-thou these days, even when guesting on lame vanity records (Slash) and lame hipster records (Bore-us). Whatever. But what possible reason could he have for dramatically changing the way we enjoy The Cult? Oh, I see. Poor sales.

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Even though he’s been circling his long-gestating-but-not-about-dinosaurs Tyrannosaurus Rex project and a blob-less remake of The Blob, Rob Zombie has announced Lords of Salem as his next film project, according to Deadline. It’s being produced by Haunted Films, which is the same company that made last year’s breakout hit, Paranormal Activity, as well as Insidious, a new film from the writer and director of the original Saw. Lords of Salem takes place in contemporary Salem, MA (if you’re not up to speed on the significance of that town to American history, read this), “where the inhabitants receive a demonic visit from a 300-year old coven of witches.” He’s writing the script during downtime on his current tour, which means he’s clearly giving it his full attention. (I kid, I kid.) But here’s the most interesting part… says Zombie:

“What excited me most was [producer Jason Blum] saying, you can have total control over the script, casting and final cut… I’ve had differing levels of control, with the best experience being Lionsgate on The Devil’s Rejects, when I made the movie and they said, `great.’ The two Halloween movies were more give and take, and I had enough bloody battles to get my way that by the time I got it, I didn’t care anymore.”

Zombie made the Halloween movies for Harvey and Bob Weinstein, who are notorious ballbreakers, and rumors persisted of their creative interference throughout the production of both of Zombie’s Halloween movies. I really liked The Devil’s Rejects and hated those Halloween flicks… is it possible it was really all the Weinsteins’ fault? I guess we’ll find out after Lords of Salem is released. But one thing we pretty much know for sure: Sheri Moon Zombie will play one of the witches, and will wear a skimpy costume.

-AR

So last week we got a video of Dave Mustaine playing “Sudden Death,” the new Megadeth song from Guitar Hero: Warriors of Rock; now reader John Spartan has uploaded a video of the song filmed directly from the game itself. It’s still not studio quality, but it’s easier to hear the song than it was in the previous clip.

And… it sounds like it would fit in on Endgame to me. Which is a good thing!

Hopefully a studio version will find its way onto the interwebs soon. In the meantime, enjoy this…

-AR

Indiana Sumeriancore rippers The Contortionist just released their debut full-length Exoplanet for Good Fight Entertainment (we’ve got the track “Advent” streaming here) and they’re about to head out on tour with The Acacia Strain, The Red Chord, Terror and Gaza. For a band that’s only been together for a little under two years they’re pretty far along in the game, and vocalist Jon Carpenter — who himself has only been in the band for a few months — was audibly excited about the band’s prospects when I chatted with him on the phone a couple of weeks ago. Peep our chat about how the band’s record deal came about, how he came into the fold, their new record, and naturally what he thinks of the term “Sumeriancore” after the jump.

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The headline says it all.

Thanks to Russell Warnhoff for the pic!

UPDATE! Holy shit! There’s another one! This pic is courtesy Mike Cunningham…

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A couple of weeks ago, we asked you to listen to an mp3 and guess which band was performing the song. Well, we’re here to give a big ol’ pat on the back to Al Pike, Kenneth Myers, Sanskar Wagley, Aron Tomasi, and Seth Mummel, all of whom correctly identified the mystery band as Abigail Williams. For their troubles, each of these MetalSucks Maniacs wins a prize pack from Candlelight Records. Congrats guys!

And in case you’re wondering, yes, the song does come off of Abigail Williams’ latest, In the Absence of Light, which Candlelight will release on September 28. You can pre-order it here.

Wow. It must be “Learn About Awesome Bands You Didn’t Know Before” day or something. Steve Stamopoulos e-mailed us this morning about Japan’s Envy, and I’m glad he did, ’cause I didn’t know who they were (they’ve been around since 1992, so, again, I’m a no good stoopid dumb shit), and they’re touring the U.S. right now — in fact, they’re playing here at NYC next week with Trash Talk. So I’m really glad that Steve forced me to remedy this lapse in my metal education.

ANYWAY, Envy are really in the same vein as epicly epic and gut-wrenchingly visceral bands as Buried Inside and previous “Readers’ Choice” pick Amenra.The music successfully achieves that most difficult hybrid — it feels simultaneously soul-shatteringly sad jugular-rippingly mad. It’s the perfect soundtrack for a New York Jew in therapy.

Get Envy tour dates here. And listen to some of their music below.

-AR

Bad Religion are like the Slayer of punk; for the most part they release the same record over and over again, and that’s just the way the band’s fans want it. If Bad Religion ever tried to “branch out” or “experiment” I’m sure they’d be met with strong rebellion, which is kind of ironic given the supposed punk ethos the band’s fans live by (same for Slayer… but I digress). Really though, would we want it any other way? Just as you want your new Slayer record to sound like fuckin’ Slayer, all you really want from a new Bad Religion album is for it to sound like good ol’ Bad Religion, which is to say full-throttle four-chord punk songs with catchy, anthemic choruses, layered “ooo ahhh” vocal harmonies and Greg Graffin’s highbrow socio-political lyrics.

I mention this, of course, because Bad Religion’s new album The Dissent of Man comes out next Tuesday, September 28th.

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Which is a smart move on Fox’s part, because now people who have never watched American Idol in the past — like me! — will tune it at least once, just to sate our curiosity.

Stranger might be that J. Lo is also a new judge on the show. Various celebrity gossip sites claim that Lopez is a massive bitch, which doesn’t shock me at all, and it’s readily apparent that Tyler is no cupcake; hopefully this pairing results in some back-stage cat fights. My money would totally be on Lopez.

Here’s a Tyler quote from the LA Times:

“Tyler said he wanted to be a ‘part of something bigger than himself. I wanna bring some rock to this roller coaster.’”

So I guess Aerosmith isn’t “bigger than himself.”

Does this mean the end of the Boston quintet? Will they just hire a new singer, Velvet Revolver-style? Or will everyone make nice once they realize this is probably good for record, concert ticket, and merch sales? Stay tuned…

-AR

For real: Intronaut’s forthcoming album Valley of Smoke is going to absolutely smoke your valley. It’s a crushingly heavy and doomy/stoney but adventurously progressive journey. It’s that rare album that can excite both the hardcore/mosh-types of metalheads and the musical-ability-first, progressive nerd-types of metalheads (other bands that do this: Mastodon, East of the Wall). Intronaut are that rare band that readers of both Pitchfork and Shredders R’ Us Magazine can get giant boners over, and they’re a band that will blow your mind whether you’re stoned to the point of decapacitation or you’re perfectly sober. Valley of Smoke is fucking awesome no matter how you cut it up, and it’s quickly becoming one of my favorite albums of 2010.

We’re working on convincing guitarist Sacha Dunable to rejuvenate his Blogronaut column on MetalSucks, but in the meantime the band is offering these “making of” studio webisodes that provide a nice little glimpse into the making of Valley of Dongs Smoke. Just listen to the first riff in the video below and tell me you aren’t instantly sold.

Valley of Smoke drops October 12th via Century Media, and it’s available for pre-order in a variety of package deal configurations here.

-VN