We can now officially announce what the entirety of Webernets has known for months; our favorite young thrash/death stallions in Revocation — whose 2009 album Existence is Futile placed near the top of multiple MS writers’ year-end lists — are the “special guest opener” for this fall’s MetalSucks-sponsored Legacy Tour. As if Darkest Hour, Veil of Maya and Periphery weren’t enough, now you get Revocation as well for what will surely be a raucous night of headbanging.

I think I’ve seen Revocation eight times so far this year (seriously) and I’m still not tired of them; their live performance is just so much fun and their music never loses its luster for me. Stoked. Also, our livers are going to be in serious pain the day after this show; we’ve yet to party with Veil of Maya (‘cept a quick backstage smoke sesh at Summer Slaughter) or Periphery, but every time we get together with Darkest Hour or Revocation bad, bad things happen.

And now, an exclusive welcome message from Revocation guitarist Dave Davidson:

Dates after the jump in case you missed ‘em the first time.

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It bugs the shit out of me when sly show-off dudes all, like, casually mention that they’ve already heard a big album that everybody is waiting for even though its release date is months away and the shit hasn’t been leaked on the interslice or anything. That annoys everybody, yes indeed. It’s like, wow man, how did you pull that off? Fuckin’ phonies. But in other news, I’ve heard the new Atheist record Jupiter like 500 times! Bam!! It’s partly cuz I’m a high-powered Metalucks columnist with a crazy awesome bod (the “I’ve heard it” part); and partly cuz I’m undergoing some post-trauma SAF (Stoned As Fuck) therapy all holed up in my friend’s pad whilst he’s on tour with the Milwaukee Gay Men’s Chorus (the “500 times” part).

So I have free time and when not catching up on premium television, I’m balls deep in Atheist’s first record since 17 eternities ago. I even paused Bored to Death to peep Atheist drummer Steve Flynn break down his drum parts on Jupiter’s second track, “Fictitious Glide” (above). Flynn rips, the track slays, the record jams, but gosh I do not know what my man is wearing. He and ex-Obituary guitarist/DUI machine Allen West dress like they should be putting up volleyball nets or pointing at something with a clipboard. Okay, that was a cheap shot considering that my outfit for today is a towel stapled to a sofa cushion. The important thing is that Atheist rules! Still! AGAIN!!

-ADF

Atheist’s face-bangingly awesome Jupiter comes out November 9 on Season of Mist.

So, the regular season is a quarter of the way through and we can separate the good from the not so good. I’ve compiled a quick list of suggestions for certain teams (Bills, Lions, Panthers and ’9ers) to claw their way back to the top. Where muscles and tattoos used to intimidate the enemy, today’s athletes are on ‘roids and look like human coloring books. Here are some ideas that are outside of the box.

Suggestion 1: Have your entire defensive line eat a bunch of Mexican food for breakfast and chase it with a ton of castor oil.

As they shit themselves and vomit all over their opponents’ front line, the distraction, if not the smell alone, will clear a direct path to the QB. I’m not sure how many times this’ll work, seeing as if a human vomits and has diarrhea for the length of a football game they’ll be dead, but it might get at least one slash in the win column.

A quick example: There was a young lady who won the Boston Marathon while having her “lady event” and also pooping. Was she a great runner or did no one want to come close to her? It’s a sports mystery.

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Kirk Windstein is one of metal’s busiest men; between his three bands — Crowbar, Down and Kingdom of Sorrow — dude’s got his hands full churning out down-tuned, gut-rumbling bad-assery constantly, and according to him that’s just the way he likes it. Unfortunately for Kirk his alcohol abuse problem forced him to take a break this summer as he sat out Kingdom of Sorrow’s 7-date Ozzfest tour to get healthy and sober.

Kirk’s recovery was the first topic we tackled in my phone interview with him last week; it turns out that Kirk did not enter rehab as reported but decided to lay off the booze on his own volition with the help of AA meetings and the assistance of his many bandmembers that’ve been through the process already. As of the day we chatted he was 48 days sober, sounding optimistic and energized about the prospect of turning himself around. We also chatted about all three of his bands, naturally: Kingdom of Sorrow are working on putting together a U.K. tour; Kirk was on his way to jam with Pepper Keenan on new material later that same day, and the band’s DVD chronicling their 2006 reunion run will finally see the light of day tomorrow; and last but certainly not least, Crowbar have a brand new record coming out soon through E1, and a live CD to follow closely after on Phil Anselmo’s Housecore label. Kirk also shed a little light (I said “a little”) on the reasons behind the Down DVD’s many delays, and shared his thoughts on the pride he feels when Crowbar are cited as an influence by today’s young metal bands.

Read the interview after the hop and skip.

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Because there is. It’s also called Daath. And we love it. And we’re very excited for you to hear it. And we know that some of you think we’re biased because we’re friends with Eyal, and all we can say is, you’re right. We would never actually be friends with a talented person who is a member of a good band, only a hack whose album we can promote because we don’t really believe in it. Eyal was actually, like, our eighth choice of guest columnists, after members of Attack Attack!, The Devil Wears Prada, Oceano, Bring Me the Horizon, and this band, amongst others, turned us down.

SO. While two tracks have already been released — “Destruction/Restoration” debuted right here at MetalSucks, and “Indestructible Overdose” is streaming on the band’s MySpace page — now you’ve got a chance to hear a third: “N.A.T.G.O.D.” has just debuted over at Metal Injection. Go here to listen.

And now that you’ve heard approximately 23% of the album and you’ve come to realize that we’re not just biased and this album really does rule and you’re so excited to hear the rest of it that the October 25 release date can’t come soon enough, go here to pre-order the thing.

And while you’re jonesin’ to hear the remainder of the record… Skulls N’ Bones have now completed their series of in-studio videos chronicling the creation of Daath, and I’ve collected them all right here for you, ’cause these are really fun and I’m a nice guy like that. Here’s the one centering on Eyal…

And here’s the one about drummer Kevin Talley…

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You think you have a monopoly on using metal to promote a Japanese car, Scion? No way! Now Honda is using Judas Priest’s “The Hellion” in a commercial for the 2011 model of the Odyssey. Between this and that cell phone commercial Rob Halford was in this summer, at least we know that The Metal God can afford a hot meal this month. I know a lot of you were worried about that.

The funniest part of this commercial — besides the minivan quickly turning into a panther, in case there was any doubt about the message the advertisers were trying to send — is that, near the end, there’s a video showing on the in-car television, and while it’s clearly meant to be a metal dude in the video, it’s not actually Halford or any other member of Priest. I guess there’s a limit to Honda’s licensing budget or something.

-AR

Thanks to William Corella Corella for the tip!

Because the contestant and the judges never appear in one shot together, and because I only speak English, I can’t tell if this is real, or just a well-edited video. I’m especially thrown by the fact that the poor kid has no chops — he starts coughing part-way through the audition, and it’s such a funny moment that I almost feel like it has to be fake.

One way or the other, this is some entertaining shit right here.

Thanks to Santi for the link.

-AR

I don’t know who Unruly Child are. But apparently they’ve reunited, and now released this video, for a song entitled, “Believe it or not, our singer really is a woman! (Seriously, she has a vagina and everything. Check for yourself. Wait, where are you going?)”

ANYWAY, not only is it the best song I’ve ever heard, but its lyrics are of such poetry that they will shake you to your very core. Seriously. They are the best lyrics ever written by someone under the age of four who doesn’t speak English as a first language. Here’s a sample:

You said it too late
To learn the truth
To find the gold
And love is the only gold worth having in this world
This world within dreams
It’s quiet as night
I guess these dreams were hiding from my sight

I mean, WOW. Just… WOW. What insight into the human condition (or possibly the movie Inception). Thank you for so eloquently articulating what I’ve only dared to think, Wendy Carlos.

Also, kudos for getting Elton John to be your bass player.

-AR

Well THANK GOD someone FINALLY took a collection of still photos of the “Hottest Gothic Girls” and edited it to the music of Drowning Pool. I was really worried no one ever do this. And they picked a song where the lyrics are just mwah! Perfect-o.

I know that a lot of you reading this think I’m being sarcastic, but I swear, I am completely sincere in my praise of this montage. I mean, do you really think I would make fun of this after reading the accompanying YouTube description?

“These are almost all the cute ones so enjoy and don’t post anything nasty because I’m a goth to and if you do I will delete it”

See! He got almost all the cute ones! (Those last few don’t like to be photographed, so getting all the cutes ones was just unrealistic.) And if we post anything nasty he’s goth to delete the video! (Oh, wait, he meant “I’m a goth, too.” But still, he’ll delete the video!) AND THEN WE’LL BE DEPRIVED OF ITS HEAT FOREVER! Surely, this would be a fate worse than death.

That made so horny, I’m gonna go pour water all over my dick and stick it in an electrical outlet.

-AR

With all due respect to those Slayer fans who hoisted up the guy in the wheelchair so he could get a better view of the show in Atlanta, this video of the frontman of Swedish band Nödvärn puking his guts out while performing gives it a run for its money.

This poor guy had to feel like absolute ass — food poisoning? flu? too much booze? neon green liquid ingestion? — so he lets a barrage of stomach juice flow from his mouth in repeated bursts of bile glory while the rest of the band continues to rock. Best of all, he stays up on stage and keeps going before succumbing once again to the evil inside of his belly, hurling all over the microphone while attempting one last heartened growl. The best part: the look on the dude’s face as he grabs his belly right before he pukes the first time, then the post-chuck look of amused accomplishment on his face when he realizes the super-high metal quotient of what just happened.

I feel bad for the other dudes in the band who had to put up with that stench for the rest of the show. Puking-on-stage-man, I salute you. I hope that night ended up alright for you, buddy.

-VN

Thanks: Longtime Suckalo Alex Diaz.

Underoath are streaming a new song, “Illuminator,” on their official site. The best thing about it is that there’s this hypnotic gif that appears to be spinning and changing shapes (non-headache inducing version above), which is makes it fun to look at for a second or two, and I imagine for much longer if you’re high.

As for the song itself, I liked it better when EVERY OTHER METALCORE BAND IN THE FUCKING WORLD ALREADY RECORDED IT FOREVER AGO. This thing is about as formula-free as an episode of Scooby-Doo. I’m not saying it’s terrible, I’m just saying it’s organic like Gene Simmons’ face.

Underoath’s new album, Ø (Disambiguation), comes out November 9.

-AR

I’ve said it before but it’s worth repeating: I absolutely adore the fact that Protest the Hero actually put a ton of effort into making their studio videos funny / interesting / awesome instead of just stitching together a bunch of clips of dudes recording. Not only did the guys have to spend time shooting extra footage just for these videos, but someone had to have the ideas, someone had to execute them (and presumably do multiple takes to get it right… like those excellent basketball scenes!), and someone had to edit them all together in a way that makes sense. Like their music, everything is well thought out. Much respect. It’s also great to know that some dudes still actually have fun doing this shit, ya know? Because after all, metal is funny. Metal sucks.

Here’s the second studio video. It features footage of Luke Hoskin and Sir Beardy McBeardstein Tim Millar recording guitars for their upcoming album Vince Neilstein Just Splooged All Over Me, out early 2011 on Vagrant Records.

-VN

I don’t care about Lordi so I don’t know why I’m sticking up for their just-pink-slipped drummer, other than I think that the reasons for his dismissal are idiotic, and I’m against idiocy in all its forms. Also, it’s looking like it may turn out to be a slow news day.

So. I guess the now-former drummer from Lordi, Kita (above), is also the singer for some other band, Stala & So., and because he performs in that band sans mask, he’s been sacked. A statement from the band, which reads like a legal document, asserts that Kita’s actions were “in direct conflict with one of the cornerstones of Lordi’s image.” And because image (and certainly not music) is the most important thing, Kita shouldn’t let the door hit him on the way out.

Click to read more…

Reader Tommy Smith sent us a link to the below video, with the following description:

“My buddy went to the Atlanta show and told me about the crowd lifting this guy up in his wheelchair at the Slayer show so he could see. Well, here’s the video (1:57 mark). It’s a testament to the brotherhood that exists between metal heads!”

Tommy, I could not have said it better myself. There is nothing more awesome than this:

Seriously, somebody should call the people who make those annoying “Kindness: Pass it on!” commercials and tell them about this shit.

-AR

Once upon a time there was a band called hed (p.e.), and they wanted to make an awesome stop-motion animation video for their song “No Rest for the Wicked,” which was a totally original song title that they had thought of all by themselves. They wanted to make a stop-motion video because a) it would allow them to personally skip the video shoot and b) sometimes stop animation in videos is cool, like in Tool’s “Sober,” or, more recently, Porcupine Tree’s “Bonnie the Cat” and Serj Tankian’s “Left of Center.”

Unfortunately, the band didn’t have any money, and for some reason it didn’t occur to them to contact the instructor of the six-week intensive animation course at the local community college to see if maybe any talented students wanted to do it for the price of a credit.

But then The Singer, whose name would later be forgotten by a blogger suffering from a case of Wormrotitis* and far too lazy to look it up on Wikipedia, remembered that his nephew had said something about taking an after-school animation class. And since he had heard that just getting your nephew to do your animated video in his spare time had worked out really well for Slayer, the band decided to go that route.

But oh noes! The Singer from hed (P.E.) didn’t realize that Slayer’s Nephew was in a high school animation course, whereas The Singer’s nephew was only ten years old, and his after-school program was taught by the shop teacher, who needed to make some extra money to pay for his daughter’s braces. And so the resulting video was a complete fucking mess, and the subject of much derision.

And they all died.

The End.

-AR

*Symptoms of this condition include an inability to fall asleep due to being so jazzed from the previous night’s Wormrot show, cough, running nose, and diarrhea.

All’s been quiet from The Human Abstract since 2008′s controversial Midheaven which saw the band go both softer and more proggy, setting off a firestorm of both Internet hate and Internet praise. The very mention of Midheaven here is sure to set off some sparks in our comments section where readers who didn’t make it past this article’s first sentence are already headed; shit’s like Jon Stewart vs. Bill O’Reilly-level arguing and side-taking. Human Abstract fans are an impassioned bunch.

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Suicidal Tendencies’ 1983 self-titled debut album is universally regarded as an absolute classic. And rightly so — it’s without question one of the definitive 80s hardcore records, and required listening for any would-be fan of the genre. It’s fucking untouchable; anybody who says otherwise is your enemy and you should punch them in the face immediately. But it’s not the only classic in the Suicidal catalog: my pick for the most underrated gem in their career is 1988′s Controlled By Hatred/Feel Like Shit/Deja Vu EP.

“Master of No Mercy” is my all-time favorite Suicidal song, yet in all the many times I’ve seen them they’ve never played it :(

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In case you can’t tell by all the posting I’ve been doing about the soundtrack, I really wanna see The Social Network. It’s just like the story of how MetalSucks was created, only we didn’t go to ivy league schools, we’re not billionaires, and we haven’t sued each other (yet). How dare David Fincher and Aaron Sorkin steal our life story!

Speaking of our life story, here’s how we amused ourselves this week:

• We debuted new music by The Fucking Wrath.
• Intronaut’s Sacha Dunable wondered if America really has any talent, The Red Chord’s Greg Weeks discussed the NFL with Job for a Cowboy’s Charn, and Daath’s Eyal Levi taught us about proper etiquette for being a houseguest.
• We spoke to Eric Guenther from From Exile and the new Daath album.
• We checked out new releases by The Serpent & The Siren as well as Mutant Supremacy, Pyrrhon and Parasitic Extirpation.
• We found out that way more of you like nu-metal than we thought.
• We learned how to look like a hot metal chick.
• We bemoaned the latest batch of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees.
• We watched the new Cephalic Carnage video and now we’re afraid we’ll never get a boner again.
• We got excited about the first awesome tour of 2011.
• We declared Cradle of Filth to be a glam band now.

Have a good weekend, folks. See ya Monday!

-AR

Ever had a free loader, moocher, or destructive human parasite stay with you? I’ve had all kinds of them stay with me. My residence has kind of become a bed and breakfast for nomadic creative people. Actually, it’s not a “kind of.” It HAS become that. And it’s been that way for the better part of a decade.

After that much time you start to notice patterns. History will sometimes repeat itself, and if there’s one thing that’s stood out, it’s this: Bands or disgruntled ex-band dudes are typically the worst. I let bands stay at my place because I have enough space for them and I know that even one night of comfort on tour can do SO much good. Getting to sleep comfortably, shower, do laundry, get fed, etc. These things all mean a lot more to you when you can barely do them, and especially if you get to take care of them in an environment created for your ilk. I also really appreciate it when we (DÅÅTH) get that type of kindness out in the world (I love you Nick Hipa). That’s why I’ve decided that if a friend of mine’s band has to choose between their van and my house, well, they’re coming to my house.

Sometimes bands have multiple days off in Atlanta and they’ll end up hanging out for a few days at a time. It’s no problem. Really. Promise. It’s cool. I’ve got the space and I love hanging out with friends. If there’s room, come on by… BUT DON’T BREAK MY SHIT, DON’T LEAVE MY PLACE WORSE THAN YOU FOUND IT, AND WHEN YOU GET A CHANCE, TELL THE ASSHOLES IN YOUR CREW TO AT LEAST DROP THE FRONT WHILE YOUR FRIEND IS HOOKING THEM UP! ITS FUCKING WEIRD TO HAVE SOME GUY STAY IN YOUR HOUSE FOR THREE DAYS AND NOT GIVE YOU MORE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT THAN THE TOUGH GUY NOD!

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It’s October, and Halloween season is officially here. This week, on the TV front, there’s been talk of rebooting The Munsters series. Again. It seems redundant for any of number reasons, including but not limited to: It’s been done before, and in this era of Hot Topic, you don’t need the Munsters to get a look at some video footage of a goth girl. But anyhow…

The talk of the Munsters relaunch reminded me of the Marshall Act. Passed by a Democrat-dominated Congress in 1987, it required all metal and crossover bands to cover composer Jack Marshall’s Grammy-nominated Munsters theme. Approximately three of every ten working metal crews recorded a cover of it over the next six years.

To commemorate the season of the witch, each week between now and the end of the Samhain, MetalSucks will spotlight one metal version of the Munsters theme. Our inaugural version is by Anacrusis.

The St. Louis also-rans were way ahead of their time. They blended thrash-, melodic-, tech-, and prog metal into a mix that holds up surprisingly well. Bill Metoyer (Slayer, the Accused, DRI) produced the band’s last LP, and Death’s Chuck Schuldiner personally invited the group to support his band. Anacrusis singer-guitarist Kenn Nardi recalled recording their version of the most riffolicious TV tune:

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