Axl Rose celebrated the two-year anniversary of Chinese Democracy‘s release by doing what he does best — no, not make music, silly. He sued somebody! Hey, dude’s gotta eat, and Democracy sales ain’t exactly paying for his next rental car, y’know?

According to 1up.com:

“Guns ‘N Roses singer Axl Rose has filed a $20 million lawsuit against Activision Blizzard over its use of the group’s song ‘Welcome to the Jungle’ in Guitar Hero III.

“According to the complaint, which was filed this morning in the Superior Court of California, Rose’s issue is specifically with the use of former Guns ‘N Roses guitarist Slash as an in-game avatar. Rose, according to the court documents, ‘is careful not to license any use of the band’s name and intellectual property that would further perpetuate the confusion in the public mind between Slash and Guns N’ Roses.’

“The complaint goes on to explain that Activision was ‘keenly aware’ of Rose’s concerns regarding the association of Slash with the band, and that the company ‘began spinning a web of lies and deception to concel its true intentions’ to feature both Slash and his new band, Velvet Revolver, in the game.”

I don’t find this as offensive as, say, re-writing history with Photoshop, but it is monumentally stupid.

We shouldn’t associate Slash with “Welcome to the Jungle” or Guns N’ Roses? You know what’s wrong with that, right, Axl? Here, I’ll remind you:

• Slash was the original lead guitar player for Guns N’ Roses.
• Slash co-wrote “Welcome to the Jungle.”

It’s not like Axl is fooling anyone into thinking Slash is still the band, regardless of whether or not the singer continues to use the GN’R moniker; I don’t think that, in 2010, anyone pays for a ticket to see GN’R and is then all bummed out when Dj Ashba hits the stage. And GN’R ticket sales actually seem to be pretty decent, depending on the market.

And ten million people are not going to run out and buy Chinese Democracy tomorrow, or next year, or the year after that. We can sit here and debate the merits of that album as an artistic endeavor all day long, but in terms of album sales, well, ya blew it, kid.

And why come after poor Velvet Revolver? They’re gone, dude! There might be a new Velvet Revolver album, but it’s still years off. These dudes are smart, and they’ll treat the band the way a studio executive would a big tentpole movie franchise — it’ll disappear for a few more years, and then it’ll re-boot with a new singer who is just as big of a draw as Weiland was, or maybe they’ll even reunite with Weiland (if Weiland is still alive by then). But in the meantime, they have to lie low to let people wash the bad taste out of their mouths — y’know, the taste of “Oh, I saw this episode of Behind the Music already, who’s got the remote?” So at least for now, VR should pose no threat to you or your ego.

But the best part, of course, is Rose’s claim that that Activision “began spinning a web of lies and deception to concel its true intentions.” Yes, Axl. It was a massive conspiracy against you! I hear they even hired an extractor to go into your subconscious. Was Chinese Democracy really your idea, or did it come to you in a dream during a long plane ride? Think about it, Axl — how did you get here?

-AR

Thanks to Daniel Agundiz for the tip.