UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS WITH THE RED CHORD’S GREG WEEKS: LEWIS AND POLAMALU BATTLE IT OUT FOR SHOWER PRODUCTS, ORTON IS STILL WEIRD LOOKING, AND SEVENDUST AND THE FALCONS ARE “ON TOP”

Monday, December 6th, 2010 at 4:30pm by

So, I’m giving you guys an open invite to my place in Quincy, MA for tonight’s matchup between the Pats and the Jets. We’re playing cards, probably the re-release of NBA Jams, getting some Lynwood’s pizza, and enjoying ourselves. Don’t worry about finding my place; if I seepeople roaming my street with wings and team jerseys, then I’ll assume it’s because of this post and invite them on up.

Steelers-Ravens battled it out for first this week. More important than seeing who was going to be king of the AFC North was to see who was a better shower product. The Ravens’ Ray Lewis and his Old Spice body wash in one corner and the Steelers’ Troy Palmolive… Paramore… Pinkerton… whatever his name is, representing Head and Shoulders in the other. Polamalu takes this one just as he took the game. His late-in-the-game sack caused QB Joe Flacco to fumble, which, in turn, led to the game-winning touchdown. No worries though, Baltimore – you may have lost, but you did break Big Ben’s nose and nearly killed TE Heath Miller. Not too shabby.

The Broncos-Chiefs game was super boring, with one TD thrown by Matt Cassell. Matt Cassell rules, I don’t care how many TDs he has in a game! The Chiefs are oddly enough undefeated at home, and remain in first of the AFC West. Over on the Broncos side, Kyle Orton is still weird looking.

In other NFL news, Miami still can’t win at home, someone in the NFC West is going to the playoffs with a terrible regular season record, and the Bengals still suck. I hope that’s what T.O. and Ocho discuss on their radio show. Maybe they should focus more on football than extracurricular activities.

In closing I’d like to talk about the Atlanta Falcons. They have the best record in the NFL, the most wins in a row with six, and are scary good. I’d also like to discuss this video that was sent over to me this morning by MetalSucks’ own Axl Rosenberg. It may not trump Mr. Stapp from last week’s post, but I present Sevendust with their hit “Falcons on Top.” It’s presented in HD, so you can see the drummer’s braids perfectly. He’s white.

Also, if there are any teams that want The Red Chord to write or re-write a song for you and make an embarrassing video, we’ll do it. Maybe “Footballerizer,” “Dreaming in Bear Years”or “Fixation on Falcons.” New York teams need not apply.

-GW

Even if you play for a New York sports team, you should visit The Red Chord on MySpace.

  • buttcheese

    Holy fuck, that video…

  • William Grimmkvlt

    You can break Roethlisberger’s foot, bust his nose but he keeps coming at you like a rape-y Jason Vorhees. He’s sex crazed and retard strong. Sucks that it’s going to be him vs Vick in the Super Bowl. Those a-holes don’t deserve to be there.

    • Kid Gruesome

      Sex crazed and retard strong! Hilarious! He may be a sex offender but dammit you can’t deny his toughness. That was nuts, going back in on a fucked up foot and busted nose.

    • MoonSnake

      Hahaha, “sex crazed and retard strong”.,, I’m a Steelers fan but that shit made me laugh.

  • http://www.myspace.com/nylithia Dental Damnation

    Agreed….wow.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

    Has Sevendust ever been relevant?

    • Shocktroop

      what the hell is that even supposed to mean? relevant to who? for what?

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

        Anyone, anything. I guess you answered my question. Thanks.

    • Michael Rains

      @1994 or so.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

    Greg, I’m curious why you enjoy seeing Big Ben receive bodily harm? This is the second time in three weeks you’ve mentioned Ben’s GBH.

  • Shocktroop

    atlanta is garbage. good record but they’re not realistically going anywhere. lets be honest here.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

    that hit on heath miller was gnarly. how can the refs live with themselves for not calling a penalty on that play? james harrison gets a penalty or fine whenever he lays a finger on a quarterback. all the plays he’s been fined for this year, with the possible exception of the fitzpatrick hit, have been total child’s play compared to the miller hit. i thought the dude’s neck was broken.

    shame shame, refs

    • balls

      Word, I cant believe he got up from that hit. The officiating in the last two years has been a fucking joke. Fuck the refs and their inconsistent bullshit. Fuck Goodall as well.

    • Cryzthormagnusian

      Harrison would’ve been ejected for a hit like that. It just stregthens my arguement that Baltimore is a sanctuary for scum bags when I see play like that.

  • Roast Geef

    How about Dreaming in Dog Years with a Vick spin for us Eagles fans, eh??

  • battleid

    eyehategod or Soilent Green should do one of these for the Saints…..

  • mo biscuits

    you all just need to shut the fuck up, go to your closet or basement or wherever you keep your superbowl shuffle cassette, dust it off, listen to it and then realize its the bears year to take it all.

    • DecrystallizingReason

      No chance in hell. Bears suck and always will.

  • Cryzthormagnusian

    God damn these posts get worse and worse. I never see this Brawny spokesman wannabe ever again.

    • Cryzthormagnusian

      never want to

    • David

      Dude, that’s my flannel !!!

  • Pastor of Muppets

    I love me some Sevendust, but can’t bring myself to watch this video. The whole concept just seems silly. Oh, and football is ghey.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Polder/100000138911457 Martin Polder

    Go EAGLES! Go ahead talk shit, fuckers.

  • dicknballs

    Greg, even though I’m an Eagles fan, I’ll have to offer Hour of Pats as my suggestion for your re-recording of a football anthem.

    E-A-G-L-E-S Eagles!!!!

  • Zombie

    Hour Of Pats Indeed.

    Brady for MVP

  • C Frazier

    NY teams need not apply? Do I sense a Redskins fan?