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OZZY OSBOURNE HAS HIS FINGER ON THE PULSE OF METAL CULTURE

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So Yahoo! has Ozzy Osbourne’s personal list of the Top Ten Metal Albums of 2010, and it may or may not surprise you to learn that it’s a really, really interesting mix of terrible and brain dead. (By the way, if you don’t like MetalSucks articles where I can really, really, really angry about something of less than no importance, then you should stop reading now.)

Okay so check out his list, and then I’ll tell you my thoughts. And before we begin, I should point out that it’s theoretically possible Ozzy didn’t actually choose these release, but, rather, than one of his handlers did it for him. But since it’s being labeled as “Ozzy’s list,” I am going to treat it as though it were written by Ozzy.

1) Ozzy, Scream
2) Black Label Society, Order of the Black
3) Motorhead, The World is Yours
4) Slash, Slash
5) Halford, Made of Metal
6) Korn, III: Remember the Alamo
7) Pantera, Cowboys from Hell (reissue)
8) Lamb of God, Hourglass (box set)
9) Firewind, Days of Defiance
10) AC/DC, Iron Man 2

Alright, so first of all, fuck your mother.

And second of all, no, really, fuck your mother.

And third of all, he put Korn above Firewind.

I don’t care that he named his own album number one, although I do think that Scream sucks. But Yahoo! might as well of solicited a list of “The Top Ten Reasons I am Completely Out of Touch” from Ozzy. Besides Scream, there are two other albums that come from the Ozzy family and one other that he did guest vocals for, an album from his current tour mate, a reissue, a box set which is basically a collection of reissues, a greatest hits package, and a Korn album.

He put Korn above Firewind.

I’m not even really knocking his taste in music. Half of these releases actually do contain great music, seven of them contain good music, and only one of them is truly, unbearably awful. But for fuck’s sake, three of them contain no new music and he seems to have chosen another four of them purely by looking around the room at whomever was standing near him at the time.

He put Korn above Firewind.

How shitty must Gus G. feel? Or Zakk Wylde, for that matter? Zakk was allegedly let go because he was making Ozzy’s albums sound too much like BLS albums, but Ozzy’s second favorite album of the year was a BLS album. He liked the Firewind album, too, but not as much as he enjoyed revisiting something that came out twenty years ago. And I agree that Cowboys from Hell is a superior album to Days of Defiance, and plenty of other records that came out this year (and now that I think of it, pretty much this entire list, even the other albums I like), but I also think that when considering the best albums of the year, one ought to consider the best albums of this year.

Also, he put Korn above Firewind.

Is Ozzy SURE that Days of Defiance is really better than Iron Man 2? If Iron Man 2 had had more Bon Scott-era AC/DC on it, would it have lapped Firewind? I just wanna make sure the Ozz man has really thought this all the way through. It’s not like Gus G. ever wrote anything as famous as “Back in Black,” y’know?

[takes a few long, deep breaths]

Alright. Whatever. Now seems like a good time to tell you that one week from today, each regular staff writer at MetalSucks will be unveiling his or her end of the year list, and that we also rounded up a whole shit ton of lists from musicians across the metalsphere — including Gus G. I can’t tell you what’s on his list yet, but I can tell you that Korn somehow did not make the cut.

-AR

[via Blabbermouth]

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