Fear Emptiness Decibel

FEAR, EMPTINESS, DECIBEL: THE TOP FIVE DECIBEL REVIEWS OF 2010 THAT REVIEWS EDITOR ANDREW BONAZELLI WHOLEHEARTEDLY DISAGREES WITH

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Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli to get in on today’s needless-listing fun…

Demon Hunter — 7
The World Is a Thorn
Solid State

Admittedly, I’m just singling these guys out. My dream version of Decibel = no Jesus bands under any circumstances. Mind you, that version also entails a Hall of Fame on Nine Inch Nails’ Broken EP, which would have included a sidebar about the long-form video’s cock torture, butt rape and sewage guzzling. If Peter Christopherson and Bob Flanagan weren’t dead, that is. Good thing I’m not in charge.

GET ISSUE HERE.

The Dillinger Escape Plan — 8
Option Paralysis
Season of Mist/Party Smasher

This is sort of a dick move. I mean, I’m friends with Liam on Facebook, although I don’t believe we’ve ever been formally introduced. Plus, I thought Spylacopa were fucking rad. But you know the guy DEP defenders bag on in all these reviews, the guy who won’t let them evolve and just wants to hear Calculating Infinity over and over? Guilty. Although a couple of times was plenty for Calculating. Sorry. Whatever.

GET ISSUE HERE.

Van Canto — 6
Tribe of Force
Napalm

Scott Seward doesn’t give numerical ratings with his reviews, so I threw the 6 on there. The correct number would’ve just been ellipsis.

GET ISSUE HERE.

Helmet — 5
Seeing Eye Dog
Work Song

I mean, the dude wrote a really really nice blurb for my shitty novel that he actually took the time to read, and this is how I do him? Actually, I had nothing to do with this. It’s all Albert and Shane Mehling’s fault. No conflicts of interest at this magazine, I tell ya. Oh, and my opinion of this record is completely irrelevant.

GET ISSUE HERE.

Mastodon — 9
Jonah Hex: Music From the Motion Picture
Reprise

See, the problem is I listened to this once and told Albert “Uh, it’s fine?” That was evidently all he needed, ’cause Adem’s review slipped right through the cracks. I mean, sure, it’s the best thing about that useless piece of shit movie, but that’s only because Megan Fox remained clothed/unkilled.

GET ISSUE HERE.

-AB

At least one of these albums actually made Decibel’s “Top 40 of 2010” list, but you’ll have to buy the January 2011 issue to find out which one. Or, you can get a full subscription, and just constantly disagree with their reviews all on your own!

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