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Contests

PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A SIGNED COPY OF ATHEIST’S JUPITER

 Friday, December 17th, 2010 at 4:30pm by

Last week we offered up one MetalSucks hoodie to whoever could come up with the funniest caption for the photo you see at right. Don’t worry; if you didn’t win you can still buy a MetalSucks hoodie here. And the winner issssss…

  • AetherJake: “The unmasking of Portal was even more surprising than we originally expected.”

Well played, sir. This week we’re giving away a signed, limited edition digipak copy of Atheist’s latest progsterpiece Jupiter, along with a prize pack from their record label Season of Mist. Alls ya gotta do is come up with the funniest caption to the below photo, and remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect)!


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  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

    Broken-shite

    (Maigaard7 AT gmail.com)

    • Bayon

      Well, another shitty Photo Caption Contest from Metalsucks.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

    the making of Cyptopsy’s The Unspoken King

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson
      • B-dizzle

        Holy shit, I saw the photo and though of making a Cryptopsy joke hHhH

  • Tacoloft

    The original cover for St. Anger

  • cougar party

    ‘Korn III: Remember Who You Are’ press photo.

  • DustintheWind

    Hahahahahahaha

  • Choronzon

    Is this AXL or Vince or Asno DF (Ass Defect),Tacoloft go die right now

    • Aaron R A

      Dude, what the hell does that even mean?

  • http://Gnartallica.wordpress.com Ross Gnarly

    In response to being left out of the Big Four tour, Testament’s Chuck Billy sent this photo to Dave Mustain

    Americanaftermath@msn.com

    • http://lordsofmetal.nl/index.php?lang=en The Almighty GOD

      heheheh, nice one!

  • Cryptosis

    Where the band Oceano actually got their name.

    • Choronzon

      FUCK YOU COCKSUCKER

      • Suraj

        ha!

        • Choronzon

          that’s the sound that he makes when the sand in his vagina becomes to much to bare

          • Suraj

            This is so great

    • Dave Markle

      +1 Horrible band live. The token singer should try rap instead.

  • Choronzon

    Okay i severely hate that ASSNO guy,i admit i hate him too much for my own good

    • Suraj

      “severely hate”
      Good work

  • BumpItCharlie

    The finished product of Lars Ulrich’s latest drum tracking.

    • Choronzon

      Lars Ulrich MADE YOU

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-Montalvo/1520528598 Andy Montalvo

        You mad?

      • Suraj

        You are a disgrace to Akercocke.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jon-Geen/619693471 Jon Geen

      Hahahaha

  • BigBintheAV

    A visual representation of what Mike Portnoy did to Dream Theater

  • Chainsaw Majini

    The real reason they call it “Cooking Contaminated”.

  • Mr. Beavers

    What really happens after bands get off 60 days of tour and eating Taco Bell.

    • Marco

      Alright

  • Choronzon

    Dream Theater always sucked,no big deal

    • Suraj

      wat
      Look everyone, a 11 year old on Metalsucks.

      • Choronzon

        He he he he

      • Choronzon

        Dude all you ever talk about are 11 year old kids,drop it already.What a meltdown !!!

        • Suraj

          “What a meltdown !!!”
          Go join your father.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/JT-OBrien/568906438 JT OBrien

    Bono’s baby picture with his father. purplepeopleeater18@hotmail.com

    • BASSQUATCH

      +1 for the South Park reference

  • AddRokk

    Castles made of shit fall in the sea, eventually

  • Chainsaw Majini

    When he finally shook off the 64 hour piss, he didn’t think he could surprise himself anymore…

  • Huge D

    Bono’s and Randy Marsh’s records combined for largest shit has now been beat

  • Suraj

    Metallica’s members like to jenk in order to make new tracks.

    • Choronzon

      Suraj they made you dude,that’s the saddest part

      • Suraj

        Sir.
        I believe you don’t know what jenking is.

        • Choronzon

          I sure don’t,but you’re still aborted fetus

          • Suraj

            “you’re still aborted fetus”
            10/10

          • Choronzon

            sure,if you say so fetus

        • Choronzon

          get that sand out of your vagina

  • Chainsaw Majini

    Hoping he is not too late, the procrastinating Metalsucks reader finally submits an offer for Vince’s CD collection.

  • http://www.myspace.com/signorojoswe Kaffebaggel

    Guess they “brought back glam”…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jameson-W-Lucas/723549964 Jameson W. Lucas

    After the initial squat down, Mike Portnoy realized he had bit off more than he could chew.

    jamesonwlucas@gmail.com

  • chris

    Moundgarden:Greatest Shits Vol. 1

  • Choronzon

    METALSUCKS HATERS IN ONE PLACE

  • wha?

    MetalSucks Holiday Card 2011.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Wright/1365416981 Sean Wright

    What metal heads feel like when nobody likes their band or whenever nobody talks about their favorite band.

  • Dingas McCloud

    Motley Poo!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Darian-Putman/100001578468192 Darian Putman

    headbangers ball?

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    The biggest pile of shit on MetalSucks.net since Gary Suarez’s newest article.

  • Brandon

    and another deathcore band is born…

    • Brandon
      • Snarf

        hahahahahahahahaha +100000000000000000000000000000000

    • Smell the Glove

      well done

  • metallicbrian

    HOLY SHIT, THAT HOODIE GREW LEGS

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Keith-Brown/537636633 Keith Brown

      oh, lordy lordy lordy, this is the only one that made me laugh out loud

      • canea

        yes, just non sequitur enough to be funny. nice one.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sean-Goff/66000282 Sean Goff

    In America, Oceano is shit…. in Soviet Russia, shit in Oceano!

    • Choronzon

      Soviet Russia????????????????????????Did you came fresh from playing COD,Oceano just needs more melodic sound.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Tims/1313713879 Bobby Tims

        dude, give up already

        • Choronzon

          Why?

          • B-dizzle

            Because your taste in music blows, shut the fuck up.

        • Choronzon

          Judging by what?

          • Suraj

            Judging by:
            a) Your troll remarks
            b) Your blatantly offensive defense towards certain niche bands you like, but you’re such an idiot that whenever someone says anything “bad” you start menstruating
            c) The penis in your mouth

            Facts.

        • http://multimedia-ami.deviantart.com amelia

          I think we should stop engaging him. He just won’t stop.

          • Choronzon

            Never,I’m willing to go to pits of hell alone

          • Suraj

            “pits of hell”
            Bring Me The Horizon fan spotted

          • Choronzon

            amelia and suraj are two vaginas

        • Choronzon

          Bring Me The Horizon fan????is that eatable??

          • Slaughterhouse

            Sorry but Suraj comment below is FTW

            Judging by:
            c) The penis in your mouth

  • Chris

    the day after “grill ‘em all”

    chris.booker AT hotmail.com

    • legato

      ha!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robby-Steuer/518113596 Robby Steuer

    100 Katie Couric(s) = 1 Mustaine

  • Ironicallyunkvlt

    Talk about having sand in your butt crack..

  • Pickles the Drummer Doodly Doo Ding Dong Doodly Doodly Doo

    Wait, did Disturbed come out with a new album?

  • Jon

    Dino Cazares has started a new weight loss programme ahead of the new year.

  • http://multimedia-ami.deviantart.com amelia

    2010 summarized.

    • Choronzon

      The Thing That Should Not Be

      • http://multimedia-ami.deviantart.com amelia

        Lemme guess, you’re new here.

        • Choronzon

          i don’t get it

          • http://multimedia-ami.deviantart.com amelia

            Thought so.

        • Choronzon

          Who the fuck are you ?

          • Suraj

            Choronzon = Ulrich’s tampon

        • Choronzon

          tampon eater suraj can’t get that sand in his vagina so he’s mad

          • Suraj

            This should win
            Only a legitimately mentally challenged person would write this
            I give you 10/10

    • Choronzon

      tampon eater suraj can’t get that sand out of his vagina so he’s mad

  • Matt S

    an accurate visual representation of the Metalsucks comments section.

  • HeadSplinter

    After this event, Ozzy found the name of his new album. Ironically it sounded just as good.

    • Suraj

      Moar like Ozzy’s new album!

      • Choronzon

        More like you need to shut the fuck up

      • Choronzon

        or shove a penis into my mouth

        • Choronzon

          sabotage?

  • DD

    After Varg was released from prison he decided to go to the beach and let loose what was backed up for all those years.

    • Matt

      1000

  • Permafrost

    Slipknot’s Corey Taylor unveils his new single for Summer 2011.

  • A2James

    The making of the new Emmure album

  • Will

    It looks like BP’s Tony Hayward just dumped some more shit in the ocean. For his sake, I hope Anderson Cooper doesn’t get a hold of this photo.

  • Tyler

    And thus, metalcore was born.

  • Matthewtrout

    Yes bears do shit in the woods, but they got nothing on this guy!

  • JimC

    Axl Rose is currently suing this guy, claiming that only he has the rights to make the biggest piece of shit ever.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

      hahahaha. this is my favorite

    • Suraj

      zing.

      • Choronzon

        suraj S.U.R.A.J(SUCKS URINAL RADIOACTIVE JUICE)

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thomas-Leo-Braund/707525448 Thomas Leo Braund

          boring

          • Choronzon

            Fuck off

        • Suraj

          nice

          • Choronzon

            I’m glad you like it

    • Slaughterhouse

      1

    • Matt

      1

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bobby-Tims/1313713879 Bobby Tims

    Atheshit- Pupiter

    btims11763@yahoo.com

    • Choronzon

      you look like John Isner

  • http://laburroteca.com K-milo

    So that’s why it’s called “Gold Cobra”!!

  • moses valenzuela

    Axl Rose, Dave Mustaine and Eddie Van Halen in the afterlife.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alejandro-Aldana/683878171 Alejandro Aldana

    the uncensored album cover that represents korn’s latest release.

  • Jonathan

    Only the most metal of teens can shit peanut butter ice cream so artistically.

  • AJ Gregory

    “Dude, the new Electric Wizard is so heav-urrrgggghhhh!”

    jesusy_wesusy@yahoo.com

  • Random Yelling

    Taco Bell: now with 30% more Shigella

  • el fucko

    an artistic interpretation of Phil Labonte’s live clean vocals.

    serpentbearer@yahoo.com

  • Chief

    The latest Limp Bizkit release.

  • yzermantiis

    Jupiter??? More like…….Poopiter…….get it?!?!

    Mingstein365@gmail.com

  • john

    Fajita night strikes at the worst of times.

  • shane

    eddie trunk giving birth to jim florentine and don jamieson

  • Zartosht

    Sadly, his time as the world-record holder for “biggest shit” was cut short by the release of your favorite album.

  • Mordecai 9000

    Michael Bay presents: The History of Crunkcore

  • saqdancer

    chorozons mom?

    • http://cheezburger? saqdancer

      choronzons mom sry

      • Choronzon

        i killed my mom,she’s rotting

        • Suraj

          you’re so brutal, you gave me aids

          • Choronzon

            Aids(like aid in food and medicine,your homeless)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        • RoXoR

          Trolllllllllllllllll

    • Choronzon

      Go eat that big pile of shit,it’s waiting for you

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Murdock-Merrick/100000560366769 Murdock Merrick

    This could easily but a reference to Slipknot’s “People = Shit” but I’d rather have a more accurate reference…two words….TACO…BELL…

  • B-dizzle

    “When Flo Mounier announced a new Cryptopsy album coming out, Vince and I shot him an e-mail asking what it would sound like this time around. He shot us an e-mail back saying ‘here’s a visual representation’”

    Darkreaper002@aol.com

    • Choronzon

      You again?

  • http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com/ Alkahest

    Oh hey, it’s that behind-the-scenes photo from the LB sessions that Fred posted on twitter a couple of days ago.

  • Choronzon

    saqdancer are you up for a fist fight

    • Suraj

      Change your tampon.

      • Choronzon

        Tampon worshiper,sand in your vagina itches you

        • Suraj

          THIS THIS

        • Choronzon

          I like semen, though.

          • Choronzon

            I LIKE YOUR MOM

  • ceasar arellano

    What an animal his elements are definetly displaced i mean like look at the water,earth, and even the green in the background the air must really smell bad…

    ceasararellano@yahoo.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jose-Rodriguez-III/1435762004 Jose Rodriguez III

    That dump Butt-Head was talking about during that Crowbar video.
    godhatesemokids@yahoo.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Oates/1476540021 Jordan Oates

    How Max Cavalera ends his day.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Oates/1476540021 Jordan Oates
      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Oates/1476540021 Jordan Oates

        Or “I always knew Max Cavalera was full of shit”

  • AetherJake

    I love how mad Choronzon has gotten upon realizing that no one with any sort of intelligence would take him seriously.

    • Choronzon

      You did,i made you

  • Choronzon

    Who wants to win this shit anyway,are you really that fucked up,the picture actually represents all readers of metalsucks waiting in the background to eat their favorite meal,the frame was just too little to capture them all !! lol

  • Choronzon

    Thought so,in the end there was only one.Choronzon wins,flawless victory,fatality,wait did i hear something?No it’s just me slaying bitches like knife trough butter,the song that could sum up my victory?Angel of Death(try Carnifex cover it’s better than Slayer)

    • Suraj

      “just me slaing bitches like knife trough butter”
      You’re one of the more educated trolls on Metalsucks, aren’t you?

      • Choronzon

        You have sand in you vagina i believe

      • Choronzon

        troll?????????????????????????????????

      • Choronzon

        TROLL—Is that when you make sounds from your vagina

        • Suraj

          How does a Soviet FOB like you have internet access?

          • Choronzon

            I don’t get it,since English is not my thing.Can you translate that to me?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicholi-Stephaan-Cervantes/1281091549 Nicholi Stephaan Cervantes

    It still smells better than Matt Pike.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicholi-Stephaan-Cervantes/1281091549 Nicholi Stephaan Cervantes
  • Jim

    Oh my god. This came out of her. This came out of her butt! It’s still warm!

    - uttered by a crazy bear on Bizzaroworld.

  • …Metal \m/

    For the next graf orlock album the guys decided to package each album with a bit of their own shit… they figured that is the only thing that could top a full size boom box cutout for 15.00…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ian-Cairncross/1530102028 Ian Cairncross
  • AngryOx

    OceaGuano.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-Montalvo/1520528598 Andy Montalvo

    Choronzon being born.

    • Choronzon

      I raped your mom,dog,relatives

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andy-Montalvo/1520528598 Andy Montalvo

        Yeah, that just makes it obvious now. You’re not a troll. You’re a pest. Trolls leave ONE remark that pisses off a lot of people. Chodesmoker over here leaves a bunch of comments about nothing at all and just annoys us. Even WITH the shitty comments (pun not intended) on the picture, this retard is just making it worse. Seriously, he left at least 54 comments out of the other 204 from people that either wanted to win the contest or tell off this retard.

    • Suraj

      Nice, man.
      CREATION OF TROLLS/LOCUSTS
      This child should be permabanned.

      • Choronzon

        Locust is better because trolls live in a cave,and that place is obviously occupied

  • Suraj

    Ziltoid offers his thoughts about new songs by The Faceless and Necrophagist.

  • http://web.me.com/metalshea metalshea

    Ozzy makes a new year-end list. Spoiler alert: he still puts Korn above Firewind.

  • yzermantiis

    Anal Cunts next album is a concept record about the Rings Of Saturd!!!

    • Suraj

      wut

      • Choronzon

        wut,is that the sand in your vagina

        • Suraj

          Sandy “Choronzon” Vagina
          it all makes sense now. This is a picture of your birth!

          • Choronzon

            Yes it is,but it’s too small to show you in the background waiting to lick me!!!! Oh man this gets even better than i thought it would.

          • Suraj

            Words cannot express the level of facepalmage.

  • Spot

    Dude told you not to eat anymore Dino cookies

  • Chainsaw Majini

    Usually these captions are a lot of fun to read. This time, though, it is the absolute opposite of fun. I’m sure many of you agree and know why.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Thomas-Leo-Braund/707525448 Thomas Leo Braund

      1

      • Choronzon

        SHUT UP THOMAS LEORTARD

        • Suraj

          Good work!

  • Choronzon

    Suraj je ponovo nervozan zbog pjeska u njegovoj pickici.Sisaj ga majmuncino glupa jebem te usta razvaljena,jebem te u oko.

    • Suraj

      2/10
      In Soviet Russia…no, not even worth making a derp at a pathetic individual such as yourself. Too many syllables, hombre? I can use Google Translate too.

      • Choronzon

        Use that translating shit to understand other people,tortured creature you are.

  • Metal

    Above we see Metallica’s last 20 years in a nutshell. In other news, the next album will be appropriately named ‘Superload’, kinda like what that guy is taking.

  • Choronzon

    I KNOW THIS IS A METALLICA HATING BLOG SO THIS GOES FOR ALL OF YOU I ALREADY RUINED YOUR DAY I HOPE MANY MORE WILL COME
    PATHETIC BUNCH OF HYPOCRITES,THIS GOES TO YOU CUNTS.
    I FUCKING RULE

    My Life Suffocates
    Planting Seeds of Hate
    I’ve Loved, Turned to Hate
    Trapped Far Beyond My Fate
    I Give
    You Take
    This Life That I Forsake
    Been Cheated of My Youth
    You Turned this Lie to Truth

    Anger
    Misery
    You’ll Suffer unto Me

    Harvester of Sorrow
    Language of the Mad
    Harvester of Sorrow

    Pure Black Looking Clear
    My Work Is Done Soon Here
    Try Getting Back to Me
    Get Back Which Used to Be
    Drink up
    Shoot in
    Let the Beatings Begin
    Distributor of Pain
    Your Loss Becomes My Gain

    Anger
    Misery
    You’ll Suffer unto Me

    Harvester of Sorrow
    Language of the Mad
    Harvester of Sorrow

    All Have Said Their Prayers
    Invade Their Nightmares
    See into My Eyes
    You’ll Find Where Murder Lies

    Infanticide

    Harvester of Sorrow
    Language of the Mad
    Harvester of Sorrow
    Language of the Mad
    Harvester of Sorrow

    • Marchosias

      some people are dumb.

      • Choronzon

        Some people just leave random lame comments

        • Smell the Glove

          Oh the irony

          • Suraj

            and boom goes the dynamite.

  • oh the savages

    The byproducts of crabcore at its finest

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Vigilante/1150133684 Chris Vigilante

    A representation of this past weeks “Best of 2010″ lists.

    chris_vigilante@yahoo.com

  • dale

    the formation of gwar is started

  • vedicardi

    “How “The Devil Wears Prada” presents their new album to their label”

  • fosh

    the birth of sergeant d

  • Certis

    Release the Krakken!

    • Suraj

      Here Comes The Kraken! ahaha.

  • VoP

    Korn.

  • WowWee!

    This is the last picture of Devin Townsend’s carnivore days. He must’ve went all out!

  • Howie

    Jesus guys, just because the picture is a big pile of shit doesn’t mean all your captions have to be.

  • Marchosias

    I here by dub this new land Krakatoa!

  • Sacajawea

    When Gulliver laid down in the water, with just his crusty nipples sticking up from the surface, the tiny vilagers begain their attack.

  • vasteburai

    Well, there goes 2010, bring on 2011 please.

  • Devilwoman

    I told you, Children of Bodom really ruined the legend of Lake Bodom.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Augusto-Rodriguez-P/100000009752443 Augusto Rodriguez P

    Now ztart zearching for the Korn

    gusrodriguezp@hotmail.com

  • Choronzon

    For a moment i thought hey there is someone cool here,but the more i see the less i believe

    • Choronzon

      But then I made love to a four year old
      And I forgot that I wasn’t funny

      • Choronzon

        dude,not cool using my name,don’t be pussy,be a turd that you are !

        • Choronzon

          Too bad I only use passive voice since I failed 4th grade…maybe if I didn’t, people would somewhat value my opinion. I should go kill myself…

          • Choronzon

            Don’t throw your wishes at me,you can actually work it out,you don’t have to kill your self,get out of that cave and make some friends

      • Choronzon

        SURAJ,WHAT A SAD CREATURE YOU ARE

        • Vinsanity

          lol didnt work on us either, Suraj. u gave this guy way too much credit. even he knows he isnt capable of making intelligible sentences.

  • wv

    the new black veil brides album weighs at least 30 Courics.

    • Billy

      lmfao. Thats awesome!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Yevgeniy-Reznichenko/1053344492 Yevgeniy Reznichenko

    Shit, Shit, Shit!!! Dun dun dun
    Shit Shit Shit Shit!!! Dun Dun Dunnn
    Shit shit shit shit, SHIT SHIT SHIT!

    - James Hetfield on St. Anger

    yuriyr@sbcglobal.net

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Perlovsky/14812777 Mike Perlovsky

    This guy’s asshole just discovered Celtic Frost’s Cold Lake

  • Billy

    I think he likes Running Water…

  • Choronzon

    SEREM TI SE USTA MATER TI RASPALU JEBEM MRTVU,PUSI KURAC JEBEM TE U TE OCI RAZROKE.JEBEM TI CJELU FAMILIJU I UZU I BLIZU,KURCOLIZAC SMRDLJIVI,USLJIVI MAJMUNCINO,LIZI GA JEBEM TI MATER SELJACKU.

    Now translate that S.U.R.A.J (Seljacina Usrana Raspala Alfaseljacina Jedesvrecukurceva)

    • Suraj

      I’ve never laughed so much in my life over a 11 year old cocksucker…that is, since your mother. (Had to.)

      • Choronzon

        I hope you choke while you’re doing that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Junior-Fuentes/100000618380829 Junior Fuentes

    Oh Look The New Attack Attack! Album Is Out!

  • flowers and rainbow kisses

    looks like the photo caption contest has really gone up shit creek

  • Gageless

    When asked whether he was excited to be on the road with Dave “the President” Mustaine, Kerry King gave this response.

  • Seanicus

    A representation of how heavy Strapping Young Lad was.

  • kingben

    Now THAT’S a limp biscuit!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ron-Maynard/581293784 Ron Maynard

    GRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  • Sliv

    Mastodons new album, Crack The Sphincter.

  • Bakula

    LeBron taking his talents to South Beach…

    jmbakula@hotmail.com

  • trence75

    Like my friend kelly always says “if you aint got fiber you aint got shit”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Adragna/18902481 Richard Adragna

    And that is where crabcore bands come from.

    adragnarichard@gmail.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    A graphic representation of 99% of the comments for this contest.

    harlequindevon@gmail.com

  • Drop

    My tapeworm tells me what to do
    Poo!
    My tapeworm makes me pose for photo.

  • Habeeb

    Attack Attack’s new album coming out as expected

  • stigmata_97

    The guy represents Opeth’s new album, and the water represents the sea of shit we’re about to experience in 2011.

  • MindsinK

    After being inspired by Timo’s phrase “we eat metal and shit chains!”, this the best our heroes from Korn could muster…

  • Chainsaw Majini

    A man squats over a swirly sandcastle at the beach and pretends he is shitting it out of his ass.

  • Dayv

    You win this round, Taco Bell.

  • jason

    Either this is fake, or he’s shitting with his pants on.

    • Chainsaw Majini

      1

  • Zac

    Adding another item to his list of things not to do with full bowels, Adam scrawled down ‘crab-core’ stance in his notebook.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tom-Horton/1074905683 Tom Horton

    Is it still a fart if it has lumps ?

    vulgardisplay21@aol.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Micah-Neufeld/688711741 Micah Neufeld

    Did you know throwing down also means throwing down the feces?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Derek-Baumer/1520671260 Derek Baumer

    Although the shit steals the spotlight, let us not forget the day Steve walked on water.

    (fro.xfx at gmail.com)

  • False Nate

    The contents of the upcoming special edition of KoRn’s discography.

  • Kurt Hansen

    Oh, looks like (Insert Your Favorite Band’s Name Here)’s new album is out.

  • http://www.suckit.com Satanicbrutality

    The aftermath of Jesus walking on water…

    str8outacomptonaz@hotmail.com

  • Edgar

    “slim fast”

    ed6ar1493@gmail.com

  • Edgar

    “eat that 2 girls 1 cup”

    ed6ar1493@gmail.com

  • Rusty

    “This is the last time I listen to Crowbar before I go to the beach”
    epiverb@gmail.com

  • Choronzon

    lol yu are all stupid fuck you mods lol

    • Choronzon

      using my name again.marching the path of least resistance,patheic piece of shit

      • Choronzon

        what is a spellchecker i don;t even

  • Demogorgon

    I would be hiding my face in shame too.

    PS I bet Choronzon and Suraj are really the same person

    • Suraj

      Sir! I am deeply offended.

      • Choronzon

        You don’t have consciousness for such thing ,it’s usually present within intelligent life forms.

  • calebzia

    check it out! limp bizkit is putting out a new album

  • Bicro

    My awsome time at the beach with Fenriz.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Javis-Davis/732759369 Aaron Javis Davis

    And then… Deathcore was born.

    purpleantagonist@gmail.com

  • Choronzon

    Suraj when you look at yourself in the mirror you must be sad,coz every morning you know that you can’t escape from that hateful fucked up mind,there are guys here that know their music i admit,but that shit doesn’t give you fucking right to judge people.I’m from Bosnia dude,i saw more funerals that you will ever see on tv including my dad’s.I’ve learned English by myself,at least you can understand what I’m saying.Metal is my blood in this fucked up remote country,you can not begin to understand what oppression means, i like what i like at least I’ll go to my grave like honest man.You have your problems there in US,but you can not begin to understand what is living hell.Continue to be dick,dick to the end.I apologize for my part.I will never hate Maiden,Metallica,Slayer,Megadeth they are the air that i breathe it’s a code,i will stick to my fucking guns to the fucking end,unlike you shapeshifters,AND YEAH FUCK YOU TOO DOUCHEBAG

    • Suraj

      I lol’d about your dad. It was on TV!

      • Choronzon

        Be proud of yourself,degenerate,i hope you know what you have said,insect ?

  • Choronzon

    And another question,how the fuck deathcore bands sell that amount of records?You buy them first,than you come here and piss on everybody.Whitechapel,The Acacia Strain are good bands and we all know that,but it’s hard for you fucks to admit that,fuck you,fuck this blog,fuck your opinions.I pray for earthquakes to wipe the shit like you,fucking haters.Lame mother fuckers

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

    trollfest up in hurr

  • dan nash

    arcturdus

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Benecasa/1267291022 Jake Benecasa

    I’ll “shit bricks” you say? Pfffffffttttt, clearly I’m waaaaaaayyyy too hardcore for bricks.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Benecasa/1267291022 Jake Benecasa

      Forgot my email: jbenecasa@gmail.com

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Benecasa/1267291022 Jake Benecasa

        After going through and reading 90% of these comments, I feel like I am one of only a few that actually wanna win that Atheist digipak. And it’s really sad that this has become more about talkin shit to each other than music.

        • Suraj

          That’s partially my fault, sir.

          • The Squatch

            Well, in a since we are supposed to be “talkin’ shit”, but they’re obviously talking the wrong kind.

  • tom

    And you can buy Gene Simmons dump for $500 at the Merch Stand.

    • tom

      Or,

      Somewhere in Mexico, Kiss are sweatshopping their latest merch.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Norman-McCann/100000207310621 Norman McCann

    Finally! A photo that will get me on Metal Sucks!

    tomboftheopinionated@gmail.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Norman-McCann/100000207310621 Norman McCann

    The man eating python had created his best disguise yet….foolish humans love their poop!

  • Trux

    Fact: The reaction of the winner of the latest funny caption contest when he realized that the prize was the new album by Atheist.

  • Choronzon

    Suraj melts down into a big pile of shit when he’s foster parents reveal him his true nature,I BELIEVE WE HAVE A WINNER UP IN THIS BITCH !!!!

    • Choronzon

      oh yes i am the best

  • Matt

    “You see kids, this is what happens when Bob Rock produces your album.”

  • josh

    This is not what Varg meant when he scheduled the “release” party for the new Burzum record.

  • Matt

    Metallica decided that cow blood and semen was more tasteful.

  • Choronzon

    Are you tired insectoid ?Where are you?Oh shit i forgot by now you are hibernating in your cave,is it warm out there?It would be a shame if someone like you died alone in a festering crypt with dick in his choking mouth with eye carved out?Oh sorry did i scared you with my limited English knowledge,i know you’re IQ is masturbating when you see too much syllables in one sentence.I’m sorry man,you know it’s just one of those days,maybe you are crying somewhere in the corner of your cave,it gets lonely dude.Ashes to ashes dust to dust,Suraj is a gnome i don’t give a fuck!

    • http://lordsofmetal.nl/index.php?lang=en The Almighty GOD

      LOL! There’s just no stopping him! XD

      His comments are an endless source of hilarity though….

      • Suraj

        It’s just “derpy derp derp”

  • Choronzon

    OH MY GOD Suraj (Hindi: सुरज, Urdu: سورج, translation: sun),you are an immigrant from India,you are Indian(maybe?wrong term).Man you must be isolated there in the US.I like that Indian guy from Simpsons,are you like that.Dude I’m sorry I’m not going there but frustration levels must be ultra high,all the prejudice.LET’S MAKE A DEAL,TELL ME YOUR REAL NAME AND I’LL TELL YOU MINE?Mine is hilarious I promise,even Google translate won’t help you! LOL!!!

    • Choronzon

      Mine’s спермы пожиратель ;)

      • Suraj

        …does that say “semen devourer”?

  • Choronzon

    Boy, the next word that comes out of your mouth better be some brilliant fuckin’ Mark Twain shit. ‘Cause it’s definitely getting chiseled on your tombstone.

    • Suraj

      Quoting “The Devil’s Rejects”? LAAAAME

  • Choronzon

    Leave Suraj alone,leave him alone,please,please,he lost his hair,he went trough a lobotomy,his boyfriend abandoned him.All you people care about is more,more,leave him alone!!!!!!!!His foster parents kicked him out,he lives now in the cave,LEAVE HIM ALONE!

    • Marchosias

      Jesus, I just checked to see caption entries, and all I say is this douche bag rambling on about god knows what. What a waste of a good dick putting ears on this one.

      • Suraj

        I’m so lost

        • Vinsanity

          this guy is simply on another level. we dont function on those wavelengths. bosnians are some elite mofos. i swear i dont get most of this stuff. im just perplexed. or as choronzon would say, “i got sand in my vagina.” its all the same at this point. cant wait to read what else is here. maybe i should go blaze up first, could make the experience more memorable.

    • johigh

      are these lyrics from godsmacks new album $hittin my life away!?!

      • Vinsanity

        lol really nothing better to do. off from school, out of a job, cant find one, watching the baby, you know. but ya u scrolled pretty far down urself, duder :P

        • Vinsanity

          oops im retarded disregard that. thought u were given me beef for having free time, which i do have a lot of now.

  • cyrollan

    Documentary, “The Making of Korn III” – cyrollan[at]gmail[dot]com

  • steven

    What is the hip hop/rap section at best buy doing at the beach?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Bolek/138900376 Travis Bolek

    John Turdle, formerly weighing over 400 pounds, tries out a new diet program.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Bolek/138900376 Travis Bolek

      D’oh! Almost forgot my email: guyinrubbersuit [at] gmail.com

  • car

    first known photo of the birth of oli sykes

  • Art Weingartner

    Gojira’s new full length album – Flying Bowels

  • Janice Golden

    antiques roadshow is gonna love this

  • CoasterKid

    Choronzon is a true hero to society.

    • Choronzon

      HEY PUT YUR PENIS INTO MY BUM AND TINKLE SO FUCK YOU COCKCOCK

  • fuckmetal

    And they called it “St. Anger”.

    • makelovenotmetal

      repost cuz i just realized my name will get it taken down
      … and they called it “St. Anger”.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harrison-Hatcher/100000832693214 Harrison Hatcher

    When sand castles just don’t cut it…

  • sacredchao

    Dude has way too much fiber in his diet.

  • OldMEtalGuy

    The A&R department at Victory Records shows you how they get their new bands.

  • Spermgrinder

    caption contest:

    The newest work of Opeth has just been released…

  • CEPHALICoftheCARNAGEvariety

    Yet another unmarked grave for a metalsucks mansion monkey. R.I.P

    vomitgrinder0@yahoo.com

  • steve-o

    Directions: Listen to Atheist.
    Warning: Side effects may occur.

    abstrakttheory@yahoo.com

  • Vinsanity

    the inspiration for the reality show, “the biggest loser.”
    vdecker@uccs.edu

  • Ian D

    14 Fiber One bars later…

  • grindcorizado

    Generic goregrind album cover

  • johigh

    Godsmack greatest hits album

  • gooooo

    Chuck norris was here

  • johigh

    the point of Choronzon’s and Surij’s convo throughout this thread

    • Suraj

      “Surij”
      10/10

  • You Don’t Know Me

    How ICP writes their songs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Nelsen/592137871 Ryan Nelsen

    grunt. grunt. Leviathan. ahhh.

  • Paradox Kirby (>^o^)>

    puuuush…. pussshhhhhhh…. GYYYAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! and there goes 2010!!!!

  • Ryan Schutte

    why is some dude squatting over fred durst?

  • http://www.schenkeltown.com SchenkelTown

    thankfully someone took a picture of emmure recording their new album

  • Andy Synn

    Metalsucks: Not born. Shit into existence.

  • Marc Hunt

    this is just sand, no matter how much it looks like an enormous pile of Choronzon

  • Johnny

    Photos from the release party of Attack Attack dropping their new album

  • Choronzon

    Ok. Look im sorry for trolling im just lonley, bored, and insecure about myself and cope by lashing out on this board. I constantly check back every hour, every minute hoping to GOD that someone responded to a comment I left. Just so I have someone to talk to. Im sorry. im soo sorry.

  • Haze Amaze

    The visual representation of Ziltoid’s review of Jupiter.

  • abcdefg

    Simon Cowell’s first ideas for next year’s Christmas number one.

  • Cyril D

    The 2nd biggest shit that Bob Rock has ever produced.

  • Cyril D

    Oh shit, thought i was facebook connected. My Email is justinleboot2@rogers.com

  • James V

    Looks like the new Waking the Cadaver album just dropped.

  • LoomeyTunes

    Dino after he “Ate da babe”

  • Jesse H

    And so, crunkcore was created.

  • http://reaper-x.deviantart.com/ Reaper-X

    See, even when Devin Townsend shits, its awesome.

  • goatman

    Axl Rosenburg puts the finishing touches on another MetalSucks article about how awesome boring shitty hipster metal band Kvelertak are and how Sevendust ‘aren’t THAT bad’. Fuck this poser site.

    Address the package containing Atheist’s boring new album to MY ASS.

  • Mike

    Looks like Axl Rose and his Guns N Roses band are working on a NEW CD!

  • Harry Barbee

    Whats he hoarding in thar

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Randy-Gene-Maitrejean-Jr/1288008210 Randy Gene Maitrejean Jr

    Merry Christmas from the bottom of my ass.

  • Choronzon

    Where is that Indian Immigrant :)? Did he gave up? What was his name?Abha?Agna?Anus?Spermaj?Oh I remember now it’s Suraj,do you still have sand in your vagina?

    • Choronzon

      also i am sorry to evyone for my grammar bad
      it is difficult to ytpe with this penis in my mouth

  • >_>

    This ones called the Drop Lock n’ Pop.

  • BILL

    Dude! Watch out, you’re about to sit in Atheists new CD!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Centers/542069401 James Centers

    looks like Paris Hilton did make it out of Mr. Slave

  • ewan

    Bathtub Shitter sells out.

  • Ricky

    and then some

  • Erenussocrates

    I shouldn’t have drunk so much Blacktooth Grin last night