«
»
Cinemetal

CINEMETAL ROUND-UP: THE “I GIVE UP” EDITION

 Wednesday, January 12th, 2011 at 1:30pm by

Let’s pretend I wrote an intro and put it here and now you’ve read it and we can move on.

First up we this snow filled day we have Mychildren Mybride’s video for “Jonathan Davis” — err, sorry, “King of the Hopeless” — which debuted on Metal Injection.

At first I was like, “Wait, haven’t I seen this video before?” And then I was like, “Wait, I HAVE seen this video before!”

And then I was like “Hey, remember when we sponsored a tour with Mychildren Mybride?” And then I was like, “Well, The Red Chord were the headliners, and you can’t make an omelette without breaking some eggs.”

Next up is Funeral for a Friend’s video, “The Rocking Chair on Axl Rosenberg’s Porch” — uh, that is, “Front Row Seats to the End of the World.” If this isn’t the most boring music video you’ve seen today, well, you haven’t watched the other videos in this column.

Next is Rev Theory’s video for “Justice,” because I lost a bet and my choices were either post this or not kill any MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys for twenty-four hours. When you watch this clip, just think: “Somebody somewhere thought that this was a better use of money than feeding starving children.”

Next comes “Strain” from Skullshifter. The director’s intent with this video was apparently to make sure that no viewer could ever tell what the fuck was going on under any circumstances. But that works out pretty well, ’cause it seems like the band’s intent was to make sure that no listener could ever find the “mute” button fast enough.

Next up is Moniker’s video for “From the Grave.” Folks, this video is absolutely terrible, and it is easily the best video in today’s round-up. And it gets even more slightly-less-painful if you watch it while listening to something that isn’t the music it contains. So feel free to turn off your computer and just go play in traffic now.

Next in the queue is Sacred Steel’s video for “Carnage Victory,” a phrase, it’s worth noting, that doesn’t actually mean anything. But that doesn’t matter, because if you’ve been stuck on a desert island without any metal since 1981 and just got rescued yesterday, well, this is going to blow your mind.

And so, in conclusion:

-AR

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
  • GoingDeaf?

    I find it hard to believe that these are the BEST new videos you have at your disposal. I’m all for shitting on bad bands with bad videos, but there HAS to be something of value for you to mix in from time to time for this column. It’s more fun to be a curmudgeon, sure, but balance can be good as well.

    • tyler09

      New videos? Bro stick stickly was so 2009, And its the “I give up” edition which means that they’re all going to be shitty ass music videos

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Heider/602520830 Kyle Heider

    Doing my best to bring you non-garbage videos for quality music asap. Lack of funds is a fucking bummer though, so for now imagine Hoile/Wilson on a negative budget. Getting there. Until then, HQ Nachtmystium footage coming in Feb. :D

    • GoingDeaf?

      I’m not of the belief that budget = quality. Obviously, a few of these videos had a budget,and look at the result. Creativity is infinitely more important. Quality video has become just as accessible as quality audio gear. Taste and creativity are still rare qualities, but they are the most important thing.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Heider/602520830 Kyle Heider

        I agree entirely. By budget, I mean start up money for purchasing gear in general, not spending it on unnecessary post work and FX. One nice camera is all I ask for. College = Negative funds =/

  • Kazz

    Moniker, huh. And here I had no idea PeeWee Herman fronted a metal band.

  • Tha Rev’Rend

    I can’t help but think there should be a joke band called Funeral For A Funeral.

    Also, the Skullshifter video made me feel like I was watching Headbanger’s Ball circa 1994. Easily the most tolearable of the bunch.

    • The I

      I WTF’d so hard at that video.

  • AARONIUS

    You need to post Mychildren Mybride’s video for the song Terra Firma. Great song, just the band playing in an old barn with various other dark arty shots but it’s a better video.