Editorials

F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION

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Yesterday, Sergeant D. posted a Metal Edition of the classic parlor game Marry, Fuck, or Kill, and you guys responded, uh, enthusiastically, surprising no one. And because we’re equal opportunity offenders — don’t forget that this is the site which posts leaked naked pictures of women and men alike — we decided that today we should post a metal d00dz edition.

So we sat down with the Mansion’s resident feminist, Leyla Ford, and presented her with some hot metal d00dz for a new game of MFK. Check out the results after the jump…

F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION

STINKY BEARDED DUDES
Zakk Wylde, Kerry King, Brent Hinds

Fuck Zakk Wylde. I think that’s about as long as I could stand being around him.
Marry Brent Hinds, because with our combined genes, our children would have stupidly awesome hair.
Kill Kerry King, because he scares me, and life teaches us to destroy what we do not understand.

F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION

VAN HALEN VOCALISTS
David Lee Roth, Sammy Hagar, Gary Cherone

Fuck David Lee Roth, because duh. I’m only human. And female.
Marry Sammy Hagar, because I like tequila.
Kill Gary Cherone because, well, sorry, Gary.

F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION

HUGGABLE BEARS
Gene Hoglan, Billy Milano, Dino Cazares

Well, seeing as I’m not a big lady, I’d be crushed to death by any of them. So good luck to me, and I hope Billy Milano can support his weight, because he’s my pick for Fuck.
Marry Gene Hoglan, because he drums fast and I feel that would keep me entertained for the duration of a marriage.
Kill Dino Cazares. Sorry, I don’t like Fear Factory enough to play imaginary groupie.

F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION

TATTOOED HOTTIES
Olli Sykes, Mitch Lucker, Trace Cyrus

Fuck Olli Sykes. I can’t believe I actually typed that out. I want to peel my skin off. But there’s no way I’d touch a Cyrus.
Marry Mitch Lucker, as he seems the least of the three evils.
Kill Trace Cyrus. Kill it so there aren’t any more spawns.

F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION

ANGRY ASSHOLES
Vince Neil, Axl Rose, Sebastian Bach

Fuck Sebastian Bach, because I can still picture him looking like he did in the 80s.
Marry Axl Rose, because he’s such a hermit I probably would never see him.
Kill Vince Neil… FOR RAZZLE.

Ladies! My boyfriend threw in these options. Although, I don’t think he gets the concept of “themes,” because these three have possibly nothing in common.

F*CK, MARRY, KILL: HOT METAL D00DZ EDITION

HYPOTHETICAL LESBIAN EDITION
Dr. Mikannibal, Doro Pesch, Tarja Turunen

Now, since we’re being hypothetical, I’m gonna go ahead and give my picks, because, hypothetically, I could be into women.

Fuck the good doctor.
Marry Doro.
Kill Tarja.

It’s kinda sad how little I had to think about that one.

-LF

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