PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A COPY OF COUGH’S RITUAL ABUSE

Thursday, January 13th, 2011 at 4:30pm by

Last week we offered up two copies of The Ocean’s super-sweet Heliocentric digipak, complete with silver-embossed foil and individual song tarot cards. The winners of these little bundles of metallic joy are:

  • jateeg: “Who’s got two thumbs and invited Varg to the PTA meeting? This guy.”
  • Gatsu: “Crud Wizard is expanding, and warmly welcomes a new writer for the blog, Toxic Magician.”

This week we’ve got two copies of Cough‘s Ritual Abuse to give away courtesy of Relapse Records. As per usual, alls ya gotta do to win is come up with the funniest caption to the below photo (sent in by reader Logan Perley) and remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect)!

[photo removed due to copyright owner request]

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  • Peter Griffin

    Black meNtal!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dre-Toledo/628955415 Dre Toledo

      omfg, Griffin for the win!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Dolan/100000151486558 Zach Dolan

      I was gonna say the same thing. :(

  • yzermantiis

    SEE WHAT YOU GET WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE JUGGALOS?!?!

    • Bayon

      Corpse paint? Really? Looks like these guys are a little slow to catch up with the times.

  • clamfarts

    what the fuck? …commenting on this feels like a trap

  • leathalmeower

    HA!!

  • Full Metal Life Jacket

    There’s no caption that could make this funnier than it already is!

  • Benny

    Tom G. Warrior family reunion!

    • Old Man Doom

      you must win

  • shreddedhymens

    Which one is Corky?

  • Jason

    The 2010 Carolina Panthers.

  • Joe

    Insad Clown Posse

  • shreddedhymens

    Brains!

  • BenAlden

    The Ringer meets Zombieland.

  • Josh

    They definitely had a little help from their friends.

  • canea

    You don’t have to have Downs Syndrome to look like a retard.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Neil-Forrest-Nalley/1396964302 Neil Forrest Nalley

    The Neilstein Family Reunion

  • Rob

    This is what happens when rednecks try to form a pagan metal band

  • justxmosh

    Alice Cooper’s Home For The Mentally Challenged.

  • Del Dio

    Insane Downs Posse

    • jadedkid

      oh man! srs Lulz hahahah

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jack-Schwenke/1584633116 Jack Schwenke

        You, sir, win.

    • Dayv

      My vote: you have it.

  • deanerhead

    While appreciative of their intentions, Nergal wasn’t going to take just anyone’s marrow…

  • http://www.schenkeltown.com SchenkelTown

    the dimmu borgir camp does not approve of camp dimmu borgir

  • Dingas McCloud

    Autistica has just been confirmed for Ozzfest 2011

  • Dave

    The correct term in “Mental Handicapped” not “Juggalo”

    • Dave

      lulz I meant “mentally retarded”, I guess I should be in this photo

  • Dolemite

    Cocaine’s a hell of a drug.

  • austin millbarge

    I always wondered what Slipknot looked like under their masks.

  • Jim Scrimshander

    Children of Slowdom

  • Spanky

    Special Olympics! Quick team, show em’ your tiger face!

  • austin millbarge

    Neil and Bob decided to start a new trend of metal…Tard-Core

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harry-Jaremi/706646029 Harry Jaremi

    Wait, this isn’t Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band!

  • Dress To Depress

    AMC’s newest show: The Walking Braindead

  • wha?

    Gathering of the Juggalos, Southern Appalachian Mountain edition.

  • jethr0skull

    ICPees in their pants…uh..palsy/asperger fat camp..mommy where do tards go when they die? nowhere, they slobber the earth forever….the wayward eye of the juggalards are upon you. It least it aint bifida babies,those creatures make me sick.

  • jethr0skull

    Fuck all that southern rednecks shit, them tards is yankee.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matt-Corpiel/100001005860753 Matt Corpiel

    It all comes down to this roll. Roy Munson, a man-child, with a dream to topple bowling giant Ernie McCracken. If he strikes, he’s the 1979 Odor-Eaters Champion. He’s got one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, your bladder feels like an overstuffed vacuum cleaner bag and your butt is kinda like an about-to-explode bratwurst.
    Roy: Hey. Do you mind? I wasn’t talking when you were bowling.

  • GKIII

    NIPPLE BLOOD = BLACK METAL

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Oates/1476540021 Jordan Oates

    System of a Down’s.

    jco5055@psu.edu

    • Insomnivore

      So if we have a complaint about your intolerance of special kids we can just contact Penn State direct. Sweet! ;O)

      • Fufkin

        Oh mercy!

  • Eric

    We can has metal cred now?

  • Chris

    Syndrome of a Down

  • JLaw

    Phil Anselmo’s DOWN syndrome

  • steven

    Backyard Nut wrestlers

  • (required)

    These guys crank it to 47…chromosomes.

    • tyler09

      oh. my. god. This is the only one that made me laugh. Fuckin awesome

  • ArbySKULLsplit

    SERIOUSLY ?? WTF?
    I Love this site because you guys are assholes but
    FOR REAL YOU GUYS ARE ASSHOLES.
    Hhaah hhaah I can’t help but laugh though, I’ll admit it.

  • Mars Bar

    Joining the weight-loss reality show, Black Metal fans are showing that they are The Biggest Losers in more than one way.

  • dronemaloney

    That’s right we’re juggalos…. in training.

  • Joh

    We make holes in the teeth! We make holes in the teeth!

  • thepenismightier

    Dear Oderus,

    Years ago you appointed me to see to it that your unparented, biological(?) children have been taken care of. I have taken the liberty to enclose a photograph of them.

    I did my best but can do no more. Please come to retrieve them before Dino Cazares gets here to eat them.

  • Pony

    your not supposed to make fun of special people

  • Sacajawea

    Helloween’s latest promotion “The Hello-weenie eating contest” brought forth some of the fans of their older stuff.

    • Sacajawea

      Oh what the fuck? What movie is Rob Zombie butchering now?

  • VoP

    Am I the only one who hears this song in his head when looking at that picture?
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiOJ2P_jvnU

    • VoP

      Try it, it’s hilarious.

  • Chris Prod

    someone has finally created blackened insane clown posse

  • Adam

    I guess johnny knoxville reunited the cast of “The Ringer” to bring us the worst king diamond tribute band.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jesse-Krienke/509265358 Jesse Krienke

    wow, i’m staying out of this one….

  • Carl

    BRAINS!!! …cuz we don’t have any :(

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    Last time I saw a bunch of turds on the field, I was at a Mets/Phillies game.

  • Sylvester

    Tom G. Warrior is sponsoring a soccer team, The Celtic Frosted Flakes!

    • Sylvester

      A couple more came to mind:

      Blus Aut Nerd

      Dimmu Slowgir

      NachtWussTyum

      Epoch Of Unbright

      Hecate Enblown

      I could go on and on…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ethan-Florentine/1009880140 Ethan Florentine

    Clowncore!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Murdock-Madness-Merrick/100000560366769 Murdock Madness Merrick

    I would say the Raccoon Tribute & Jelly Filled Powered Donuts Festival has a kvlt follwing at most.

  • JX

    holy fuck strnad family

  • Guy

    The dude in the Virgins shirt is wearing sandals too haha.

  • You Don’t Know Me

    Alice Cooper’s family reunion

  • Sliv

    A genre is born: Sped Metal

  • Please Help Me Eat My Own Head

    I hope that guy in the green shirt is wearing a mask
    If Not

    Oh My Gawd

  • Tyler

    These guys did the backup vocals for the new Hollywood Undead album.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dalton-Lee-Hinton/1444740327 Dalton Lee Hinton

    We like tuhtles.

    yankees_fan8@yahoo.com

  • GUTH

    Really, only 2 of those guys are fat enough to qualify for the Fear Factory tribute band. Slim Jim up front doesn’t stand a chance.

  • Pete

    Though considered as influential in the douchecore subgenre as ICP, the Zany Tramp Associates never quite reached mainstream success for some reason.

    pelliott@uvm.edu

  • Smith Smyth

    You’re making fun of mentally handicapped people now? Just what I expects from a bunch of dirty J*ews.

  • Moltanic

    Hi ho, Hi ho, it’s off to Norway we go

    Moltanic@Gmail.com

  • The Steve

    Is that guy in the middle really wearing a t-shirt version of the Ottawa Senators ugly-ass third jersey? At an Oakland Raiders tailgate party?

  • Tortiss

    Average Juggalo Fanbase. They don’t understand how magnets work because they’re mentally handicap.

  • sasquatch

    ICP’s answer to black metal terrorists, only they burn abortion clinics instead

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jose-Rodriguez-III/1435762004 Jose Rodriguez III

    The Psychopathic Records – sponsored Special Olympics team.
    godhatesemokids@yahoo.com

  • Dethtomanrock

    Fenriz’s Down Syndrome Clinic

  • Rodney Wilder

    “The Autistic Clown Posse. I can’t put my finger on it, but something seems to be missing.”

    roquedog504@hotmail.com

  • Ajs432

    They finally developed the rest of the film from Immortal’s At the Heart of Winter photo shoot?!

  • Howie

    “Warriors… come out to plaaaaaaaay.”

  • Wildman

    Metalsucks suits up to take on NOTB in an impromptu and very kvlt football match.

  • Ørsaeth

    after a disappointing season, the Minnesota Vikings decide to completely rebuild their team

  • http://Gnartallica.wordpress.com Ross Gnarly

    Norweigian Down Syndrome Boyscouts.

    Americanaftermath@msn.com

  • Turtle

    This is what happens when your children listen to Cough.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicholi-Stephaan-Cervantes/1281091549 Nicholi Stephaan Cervantes

    Ice cream? When the fuck did we get ice cream?!

    Nicoscervantes@yahoo.com

  • Tom

    When the fuck did we get ice cream?!

  • http://multimedia-ami.deviantart.com amelia

    Who knew… Metallicats can be black metal.

  • Phil Fisher

    I.C.P-Vampires Everywhere Family Reunion 2011

  • B-dizzle

    “Come on get downs with the grymness”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nicholas-Gomez/100001361092785 Nicholas Gomez

    Gathering of the Juggalo Dads

  • William Friesen

    I just want to feel something, other than my extra chromosome.

  • dale

    slipknot’s fan club weekend getaway

  • DevilDriverBeastFeb22nd

    ICP clearly stands for Incest Creates Phencyclidine

  • dana

    “What would YOU do for a copy of Ritual Abuse?!”
    “Oh man! I’d do anything!”
    “Even make fun of retarded people?”
    “…oh, uh…no. that shit aint cool man. i’ll just download it illegally off the internet instead.”

  • ITTOA666

    Retardedly heavy.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shaman-Phair/555766212 Shaman Phair

    ICa hut on fire
    shamanphair@gmail.com

  • Ekrem

    Special Olympics Pro Wrestling Squad yearbook photo… right before the counselors got fired!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Heider/602520830 Kyle Heider
  • Thoth

    Brutality doesn’t fall far from the tree.

  • Greggum

    Papa Shango’s bastard family.

  • |Tch0rT|

    After being left for dead and getting his ass kicked by cats on the isle of wayward kitties, Fatty Ding Dongs (aka Fatklok, back left) gathers his posse for a group photo and a picnic before seeking revenge on Dethklok.

  • biohzrd21

    Dirty Mike and The Boys, cuming in a Prius near you!

  • Landon Caldwell

    I would not jump into the pit with these hulks.

  • Roberto

    The Black Metal Short Bus!!!!

  • jateeg

    Grim and frostbitten edition of “The Ringer”.

  • http://www.myspace.com/sodomonster SODOMONSTER

    TardKnot.

  • Type-O-Negative

    Man that musta been one kvlt milkshake.

  • BruisedMetal

    “Theyre all playing for the other team”

  • Pat

    We were told this would be a juggler’s festival.

  • stiggs

    That family is fucking haunted by a serious epidemic of sleep apnea.

  • Hollowedout

    Short Bus To Hell has a group picture before the tour starts. Three would leave and two would be dead by the time “This Chromosome’s Mine” finishes! Next on Behind The Music!

  • Dave

    Until the Light Takes Us… to the Zoo…

  • Mitch K.

    “we like metal cause its downs tuned!”

  • TechnicalGrammarDouche

    Hello, I’m Technical Grammar Douche. Just dropping in to clarify: it is known as Down Syndrome. It isn’t Down’s Syndrome or Downs Syndrome. There’s this thing called Google… /rant

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eric-N-Dalia-Fredrich/731189238 Eric N Dalia Fredrich

    “hmmm….looks like nachtmystium added a few new members since the last album.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clayton-Russell/553693986 Clayton Russell

    Mushroomhead-heads tailgaiting at the Down/Sindrome/Mushroomhead show

    eddievanclaylen@yahoo.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Clayton-Russell/553693986 Clayton Russell

    Mushroomhead-heads outside the Down/Sindrome/Mushroom head show

    eddievanclaylen@yahoo.com

  • Fish

    Finishing first place in the Juggalo Softball league…….The Wilmington Wicked Shits

  • Ryan

    Metal just got a whole lot “special-er”

  • http://facebook.com/frosiff Joe

    “Are you telling me this ISN’T how Twilight was done!?”

  • Marco

    Blank metal

  • columbo

    “My favorite band ever, King diamond, just got a whole bunch of new members. Hurray!! ”
    Vince Neilstein

  • Mike LaFerney

    Celebrating Alice Cooper’s entry into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame!

  • caleb

    Oh no! The Juggalos have infected my beloved down syndrome scene!

  • Black Shuck

    “New black metal band from West Virginia: Satan Has A Purty Mouth.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Adragna/18902481 Richard Adragna

    Oh look! A mentally challenged hit squad!

  • BTK666

    Enough said.

  • columbo

    Our extra chromosome is full of SATAN!!

  • TriangleBlud

    Isosceles Blood has the best fans.

  • Brandon

    Oh Shit!!!! The Norwegian Version of The Ringer is here!

  • supafish93

    good to see the Knights of Columbus corpsepaint outreach program is working

  • gizmoduck

    “down” with the sickness

  • Dethtomanrock

    So who won?