Before we begin today’s edition of “Cinemetal Round-up,” I’d like to address a comment left by the reader who calls himself “GoingDeaf?” after the last round-up:

“I find it hard to believe that these are the BEST new videos you have at your disposal. I’m all for shitting on bad bands with bad videos, but there HAS to be something of value for you to mix in from time to time for this column. It’s more fun to be a curmudgeon, sure, but balance can be good as well.”

GoingDeaf?, I gotta tell you, if I only posted these when there was “something of value to mix in,” I’d only post two or three of these a year. I post the videos I’m sent via press releases, or see on other metal sites. I’m not sitting on good videos just for the sake of being a curmudgeon; good videos do get made, but they’re very, very few and far between. So, uh, y’know, feel free to just not read these columns. Sorry, bud.

And with that out of the way, let’s watch the crap currently passing for metal videos.

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We’ve got a bit of history with famed heavy metal burger truck Grill ‘Em All. One of our readers named their brand new BBQ sauce, we interviewed Chef Ryan Harkins this Fall, and duh, we love burgers. So when Chef Ryan and crew rolled cross-country to NYC in October as part of their “Victory Lap” tour — celebrating their victory on The Great Food Truck Race TV show — we visited their guest lunch service at Duke’s Restaurant to experience the deliciousness and glory of their burgers for the very first time.

The GEA dudes hired a film crew to capture the entire Victory Lap, and lo and behold… Axl and Vince got a little camera time. Watch Episode 2 of the Victory Lap coverage below. If you’re wondering, the kick ass intro music comes courtesy of L.A. shredders Holy Grail.

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Photo by Jeremy Saffer

So despite the predictions of naysayers, Iwrestledabearonce are still going strong — in fact, they’re in the studio making a new album right now. They’re self-producing this time, with the help of Ryan Boesch, the dude who produced their last album, It’s All Happening (he’ll also mix this latest effort), and since they’re hitting the road with a bunch of bands I don’t care about in March, we can assume the record will be done by then.

And jjjjjussssstttt in case that news doesn’t really grind your gears, the band has also launched a Tumblr page where fans — or haters, as the case may be — can follow IWABO’s progress and even ask questions. Some deets thus far revealed: the album will probably have ten songs, they have “a fucking insane summer tour” lined up but it’s NOT Warped, and they’re recording a cover of a song that originally had “no screaming/heavy parts” until the band added “some crazy shit to it,” but said won’t appear on the record — “it’s for somethin [sic] else.”

So maybe now instead of sending me death threats for supporting these dudes (and lady), you can just go to said Tumblr page and ask them mean questions, like “Why did you make metal gay?”, “What’s it like to be so gay?”, and “Don’t you think I’m clever for calling you ‘gay’?”

More info on the new album as we get it…

-AR

We’ve gotten quite a few emails about a newish band called The Famine over the past couple of weeks. I ignored the first couple of emails because I saw the words “Solid State” and “Records” in close proximity to the band’s name, so it took an unprompted but impassioned plea from Josh Childers of The Showdown — one of the only other Solid State bands that doesn’t blow donkey balls — to get me to give a serious listen. Here’s what he sent me:

Yo… legit… right? Underoath / August Burns Red / Gwen Stacy / normal Solid State fare this is not. No bullshit, no breakdowns, no -core suffix; just pure death metal. The Famine might not be shattering any molds, but what they do they do quite well; these guys could hang with Dying Fetus any day. I’m not sure whether The Famine’s lyrical content is Christian, but I honestly don’t care; good music is good music, and I never listen to metal lyrics anyway.

The Architects of Guilt, The Famine’s sophomore Solid State release, will hit stores on February 15th; pre-order it here.

One more tune to stream after the jump:

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Are we suffering from an embarrassment of riches or what? New Devin, new BTBAM, new Protest the Hero, new Meshuggah, new Obscura… Mastodon are writing, Opeth and Dream Theater are already recording… surely there’s never been a better year to be a prog metal nerd than 2011. And it just keeps getting better; SMN News is reporting that Scale the Summit have set a March 1st release date for their new album The Collective.

For the uninitiated, Scale the Summit are an extremely talented young instrumental band from Colorado. Their Prosthetic debut Carving Desert Canyons ranked as #11 on my 2009 year-end list. They rocked our faces off when they opened for BTBAM, Cynic and Devin Townsend last year (that they were invited on such a tour should give you an idea of their pedigree), and did so tagain when they played our 2010 SXSW showcase. Most importantly, they’re insanely talented and original. In an era when “instrumental” usually means “djent” in the metal scene, Scale the Summit are far from it. But enough waxing ecstatic; listen in for yourself to some of the tunes from their last album.

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We first spotlighted Brooklyn’s Primitive Weapons in November in a “new bands to watch” piece. Watching [and listening] is just what we’ve doing since, and Primitive Weapons seem poised to make big moves in 2011; they’re already catching on in the local scene and making quite an impact throughout the underground crevices of the metalosphere.

Their debut 7″ comes out on March 8th via new label Shinebox Recordings, but you can get a taste of their gnarly blend of crushing stoner metal and metallic post-hardcore below in the form of a new song called “Black Sheep and Prodigal Sons.” Look for them to be making multiple performances at SXSW 2010.

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Onslaught are by no means the greatest thrash band in the world, but their 2007 album, Killing Peace, was a shit ton of fun. And up until about five minutes ago, the only song we’d heard from their new album, Sounds of Violence, was a cover of Motorhead’s “Bomber,” which, although good, really told us nothing about the record.

Luckily, the band has now released an actual original song from Violence — and it’s good. The track is called “Godhead,” and you can listen to it here.

Like I said, this band ain’t gonna change your life — but as much as anything on Killing Peace, this tune is just fun, fun, fun. It’s catchy, it’s aggressive, it has a solo which will rip your face off… it’s basically everything Metallica have failed to create for the past twenty years. Listening to it, my first thought was, “Man, these dudes really need to tour the States, and they need to do so with Exodus.” What a perfect fit that would be!

So check it out and let us know what you think. Sounds of Violence comes out in the U.S. on February 8, but Europe gets it January 28, and those fuckers in Japan already have it.

-AR

[UPDATE: Now with actual pics included! Sorry. -Ed.]

Earlier this week we shared with you some photos taken by Alyssa Lorenzon at the First Unitarian Church in Philadelphia on December 17th, 2010, and those pics were some of the bad-assiest, hairiest, most metal pics of Skeletonwitch we’ve ever seen. Fellow MS photographer Mariel Pietrykoski was on-hand at the same show and snapped some excellent pics of the other bands on the bill, A Life Once Lost, Job For A Cowboy and Misery Index. Those pics after the jump!

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Well, here’s an anticlimactic conclusion to a dramatic story.

Avenged Sevenfold have announced that Arin Ilejay, formerly of the Christian band Confide, will be taking Mike Portnoy’s spot behind the drum kit for their upcoming tour dates. The announcement does not say that Ilejay is a permanent member of the band, but I’d imagine if he kicks ass on the tour, they’ll scoop him up. I mean, they have to give SOMEONE the gig eventually, right?

Honestly, I’d never heard of Confide until just now, but I’m not encouraged by this music video:

So that sucks.

Ilejay was apparently recommended by A7X’s drum tech, Mike “The Sack” Fasano, who has previously hit the skins for such illustrious acts as, uh, Warrant. Which almost makes me wonder why they didn’t just hire him, but whatevs. They probably felt like since they lost a Reverend they needed a Christian, and, voila, Ileljay got the job. Yeah, that’s a completely logical explanation, right?

Anyways, I guess we’ll see how this pans out…

-AR

With all our talk about djent, I can’t believe we’ve never written anything about Vildhjarta. A bunch of you have definitely e-mailed us about them before, but we get a lot of fucking e-mails, so, uh, shame on us but we were busy, too, y’know? Anyways, I stumbled across this song, “Don’t Fail Me Now (Lady Luck),” quite by accident last night, and I’m into it. I could live without the clean vocals, but that may just be because I’m a cranky old man who thinks that that clean vocals need to go the way of Jerry Falwell (or otherwise bands should just make like Cloudkicker and cut it the fuck out with the vocals altogether).

Anyway, it seems like the band is unsigned, but that doesn’t really mean much in this day and age, and it’s easy enough to find a copy of their EP, Omnislaught, if you want it. You can also check out the band’s MySpace page. They’re Swedish, so I guess maybe that country is trying to make a comeback or something.

Enjoy another song from Omnislaught, “Shiver,” after the jump.

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It’s pretty rare that a band touring one single region of the country they’re already from is news; then again, not many bands are the mighty Agalloch. This is the first time they’ve come to our neck of the woods in seven years, so, yeah, it’s kind of a big deal. Sez gee-tarist Don Anderson:

“After seven years we are pleased to announce that we are returning to the East Coast for a series of performances with our good friends and fellow Profound Lore recording artists Worm Ouroboros. We’ll also be playing dates in both select areas of the South and Canada. The last time we played on the East Coast was in February of 2004 with The Gathering and Novembers Doom. People can catch ongoing updates on the upcoming tour via our official Facebook page.”

Worm Ouroboros, in case you don’t know, shares drummer drummer Aesop Dekker with Agalloch (and Ludicra, for that matter), so… hope that dude is in good shape!

ANYWAY, these shows should be killer; I’d also imagine they’ll be sold out, so you best go get your tickets ASAP. Here are dates, courtesy of Metal Underground:

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Just yesterday Vince was talking about all the great prog dork music coming out this year; poor Obscura got left off his list, though, and decided to flip him the bird by releasing an awesome new song.

It’s called “Septuagint,” which the world’s most reliable research resource tells me “is the Koine Greek version of the Hebrew Bible.” And, like the Koine Greek version of the Hebrew Bible, “Septuagint” the song takes all the best things about that Hebrew Bible and amps ‘em up to eleven. Okay, well, maybe not the Hebrew Bible in Obscura’s case. Maybe just metal. But otherwise, everything I just wrote is true. There’s, like, ten different kinds of metal going on here, and it’s all being executed with such skill that fuck Straight Line Stitch. That’s really the only way I can put it. You can make music like Obscura, or you can give up on life and wait for the sun to die and listen to Straight Line Stitch. Those are your only choices.

Listen here, and then come back and tell me I’m right in the comments section.

“Septuagint” will appear on Obscura’s latest, Omnivium, which the world’s second-most reliable research resource tells me is Latin for “omniverous space vulva.” It comes out March 29 on Relapse.

-AR

Nergal sends a message to cancer. Photo by Jeremy Saffer.

And finally, some good news to end the day: Nergal has apparently completed his treatment for lukemia and is out of the hospital and staying with his folks. Yes, Nergal is staying with his parents while he recovers. I love that there are assholes all over Poland who want this dude burned at the stake, but his mom and dad are still proud of him. Awesome.

ANYWAY, according to Metal Injection, “due to the cold weather and his weak immune system after the transplant, he has to stay in and cannot even see his girlfriend, for fear of infection.” Which is rough now, especially because I’m sure that Nergal is anxious to get back to this, but it will surely soon pass. And then Behemoth can make their triumphant return!

Continue to send Nergal good thoughts in the comments section.

-AR

I’m not a masochist and therefore I have never endured more than a moment or two of American Idol schlock. My first experience with the show involved an army cowboy yodeling his way through “I Don’t Wanna Miss A Thang” and yee-haw that shit was enough AI for a lifetime. But things have changed here in 2011 with the addition of Aerosmith lip-flapper Steven Tyler. He’s batshit. He’s a tweaker. He’s the most talented, versatile, lovable American rocker in history. I will be watching that shit!

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Y’know what really makes me happy? When a band I previously did not enjoy releases new material which makes me do a total one-eighty. Creative growth! More good art in the world! A better chance that my ulcers might subside! These are all good things. I will happily eat my hat when a band I used to feel was “meh” or worse suddenly get their act together.

Alas, no such luck in the case of Straight Line Stitch, whose new song, “Conversion,” failed to, uh, convert me.

I have the same problem with SLS now that I did with SLS before, which is that they seem to be chasing a trend which doesn’t exist anymore. It’s not just the lack of originality that sinks “Conversation” — it’s that no one is looking to fill slots for the second stage at Ozzfest ’03 right now. (No wonder they’re about to start touring with Nonpoint.)

Of course, the fact that they’re so artificial ain’t helping, either. I mean, look at this new band pic, which was taken by Tom Medvedich:

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Behold, regular Happiness:

Now… add some death metal:

Voila.

-VN

Thanks: Ace Rimmer

At this point I really have no idea if we’re ever gonna get a new Rwake album or what. If they’re done, well, they certainly went out on a high note with 2007′s Voices of Omens (which I assume you all have, and shame on you if you don’t, and you can download it for under nine bucks here). And if they ever do come back, well, hoo-ray for metal!

In the meantime, it turns out that Rwake guitarist Kiffin has a new band, Napalm Christ — which might be the single greatest band name ever, by the way — with members of Shitfire and Shredded Corpse, both bands who also have ridiculously good monikers and both bands who, I am sad to admit, I’m not familiar with (although my gut tells me that Grim Kim might be). And now Napalm Christ have released a demo of one song, “The Seasons of Dirt,” which you can check out below.

It’s a good song, and bodes well for what I’m assuming will eventually be a full album (the band’s Facebook page currently lists Frozen Dawn Records as their label). Yep, I bet it’s only a matter of time until Walmarts all across America are stocking Napalm Christ albums on their shelves.

-AR

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For the most part you will never see me posting about album covers. It’s not that I don’t appreciate artwork, it’s just that in the digital age talking about an album cover makes very little sense; even if you see one that you really, really like, then you talk about how you really, really like it… what next? More than likely you’ll never look at it again because listening to that album no longer necessitates picking up a physical object with that piece of artwork on it. Maybe you’ll see a tiny thumbnail on your iPod or in the corner of your iTunes window but that’s it. It’s not “covering” up anything — it’s just a random piece of art attached nebulously to the music. For this reason I believe that talking about album artwork is pretty much irrelevant in 2011, even if you enjoy the artwork.

But fuck me naked with a spoon if the cover for Protest the Hero’s new album Scurrilous — which we found out yesterday will come out on March 22nd — isn’t the coolest looking thing I’ve seen in a while. We should expect no less from Protest the Hero; these are guys who pay the utmost attention to the details of their music. So what in the fucking fuck is going on in this beautiful watercolor painting?? Let’s take a look:

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Okay, so, like, I didn’t even know there was a new Krallice album coming out. And I’d feel dumb, if I weren’t so happy. There’s a new Krallice album coming out!!! On April 26!!! It’s called Diotima, which is apparently a reference to a German poet I’m not smart enough to have ever heard of before!!! And “The Clearing,” the new song which has debuted on Stereogum, suggests that it’s not going to disappoint!!!

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I guess this guy Nardwuar is old news to Canadians, but I’d somehow never been privy to his shenanigans until reader Jason Bang sent us a bunch of his work a few weeks back.

And boy am I sorry, because I’d been missing out; this guy is like the OG troller, before trolling was trolling, before Sergeant D was Sergeant D, and loooooong before Ziltoid decided to make a Devin Townsend character his handle and infuriate the MS masses with his fuzzy purple hair. Pure genius. Watch as he toys with Slipknot’s Clown — who, to his credit, hangs in for most of the interviews — and frustrates #3 into leaving the set:

Brilliant. Higgins, one of the chief MS Mansion Monkeys, is jumping up and down right now and going “Oooooo. ooo. Ahhhh!” which is monkey-speak for “There’s an open position at the Vancouver Bureau of MetalSucks International if this Nardwuar guy is looking for a job.” So, uh, Nardwuar, waddayasay?

After the jump, watch Nardwuar troll Dani from Cradle of Filth, then watch him troll Steel Panther while Steel Panther troll him right back:

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