EXCLUSIVE: BURZUM LAUNCHES CLOTHING LINE

Tuesday, February 8th, 2011 at 5:00pm by Sergeant D

Apologies for the blatant self-promotion, but I think this is something MS readers will actually be stoked on: I am starting a BURZUM clothing line! It’s been a crazy six months or so of negotiating with Varg’s people, designing the product, coordinating with all our vendors in Asia (did you know they take Chinese New Year off for like two entire weeks?!), but we are only a few months away from launch! The clothing line will be available this spring at Hot Topic, Spencer’s Gifts, and Journeys, but we wanted to give you a sneak preview of some of the most exciting SKUs.

Think of it as somewhat of a re-imagining of the BURZUM brand — a fresh update that makes the brand relevant to the new generation of consumers. With metal more popular than ever, and bands like Suiside Silence and Bring Me The Horizon moving massive quantities of merch, we figured that it was time to for BURZUM to get the recognition they deserve for all the amazing music (and ideas) they’ve produced over the years. We’d like to think that these items breathe new life into the brand, while never losing sight of the brand’s heritage. But enough about us — check out this exclusive sneak preview and let us know what you think!

Mesh shorts, ideal for blasting your quads at the gym or surviving sweaty mosh pits! MSRP $24.99

Basketball jersey with silver foil print “BURZUM” logo and marijuana leaf. Back has number 69 with “GET LIFTED” across the shoulders. MSRP $69.99

100% nylon duffle bag lets you represent true black metal when traveling, going to the gym/school. Interior measures a roomy 550 cubic centimeters! MSRP $59.99

Stay warming during frostbitten northern winters with this beanie! One size fits all, 50/50 cotton/poly blend. MSRP $14.99

Fitted New Era baseball hat with embroidered “BURZUM” logo. MSRP $29.99

Sexy yoga pants for lounging around your dorm room, an early morning jog, or a quick trip to the grocery store. MSRP $34.99

This womens’ half-zip fleece pullover is the perfect blend of cute and comfy! Printed “BURZUM” logo and embroidered occult seal on front pocket. MSRP $49.99

The exploded-scale “BURZUM” graphic makes a bold statement on these super-soft, slim-fit sweatpants. Imported. MSRP $49.99

This sexy little 100% cotton, American Apparel thong with printed occult seal graphic is the perfect gift for a truly grim Valentine’s Day! Sizes XS-XXL. MSRP $12.99

The controversial slogan on the back of this tee will make sure all eyes are on you at the next concert! MSRP $16.99

Accessory bundle featuring printed, hypo-allergenic rubber wristband and 100% stainless steel necklace. MSRP $34.99

This engraved “BURZUM” bottle opener shows other fans that you are metal to the core! Brushed aluminum with stainless steel O-ring. MSRP $8.99

Colorful, cartoon-style illustration of a shark eating a zombie. 100% cotton. MSRP $14.99

We are really proud of all the work we’ve put into the BURZUM brand over the past six months, and hope you are as excited as we are! Please let us know what you think in the comments (just type your information into the boxes below and press “reply”), and make sure to check your local retailer to get your hands on this high-quality lifestyle apparel!

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. helps bands with re-branding every day at Stuff You Will Hate.

Tags: Burzum, Varg Vikernes,

Dr. Steve Brule

Beautiful. So beautiful.

trueburzumfan

not beautiful, you obiously dont love Burzum

themasses

What’s your deal with Burzum? The sweat pants aren’t even size XXXL.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

That’s because Black Metallers are skinny with white pasty skin.

steve

or obese…there’s no middle ground.

Vakarm

PROBLEM, TR00 KVLTISTS?!

grossj

WHAT THE PROBLEM IS?!

moldytoast164

oh shit. where do i order?!

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

Spencers Gifts will have the full line, right next to the Brock Lesnar cardboard figures

Chainsword

lol, Don’t you mean next to the Cock Chestnar cut outs? I swear someone tattooed a dick on him.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Alex-Hood/512441159 Alex Hood

hipster.com

Natsquatch

Golden.
http://giantofthemountain.bandcamp.com Lordassenfroth

lol awesome, i will take two of everything. these will be great for when i play in the woods by myself on cold winter days….

seriously…
Pete

This may be the best thing you’ve done. Brilliant.
Mongorian

‘The controversial slogan on the back of this tee will make sure all eyes are on you at the next concert! ‘

LOL nice.

Not as inspired as ‘the many looks of Varg’ On Metal Inquisition tho
http://www.facebook.com/people/Dre-Toledo/628955415 Dre Toledo

I would love to have the basketball jersey!
LOL
cyrollan

Racist joke about white guys trying to be black metal?

freddy

what could possibly have caused you to think that?

aghast

Despite the idiotic use of the A.’. A.’. seal, this is like half funny.
rv

What about shoes and headbands? Where’s the skateboard? Probably in the summer line?

Def getting the mesh shorts and basketball jers for when I get my swell on at the gym in a kvlt way of course

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

Skateboards are a great idea, love it!

David B.

Definitely did not expect this from Burzum but I think I’m gona need the “BLACK FUCKING METAL BITCH” shirt for my collection. Can’t wait

Deth

You do know this is a Sergent D post, right? That means it’s troll. Ain’t gonna happen.

AetherJake

double trolled.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

And he sticks the landing!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Maclyn-Bean/1078331801 Maclyn Bean

so much trolling

Benito

make a burzum lighter and you have a deal.

http://laburroteca.com K-milo

Make it a church-shaped lighter…

Beenyad

hahaha brilliant

Tarjei

First edition of “Aske” (Ashes) came with a complimentary zippo. True story! With a burnt church on the cover of course.

Captain Obvious

that is true.

its also true that nobody asked varg for permission and he never saw a dime of any of that money becuae euronymous was an idiot and the label was incompetent/greedy.

Wlve

Ya lets make Burzum into a fad. Great Idea guys now I will see people who have no idea who Burzum are wearing the shirts. Fucking mental…

Tudor

Life must be very hard for you.
http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com/ Alkahest

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH

Ryan

1

http://www.facebook.com/people/Keegan-Lavern-Still/1811502136 Keegan Lavern Still

So much trolling…

chainchomp

oh praise the lawd for the bright neon shark eating zombie shirt, i only buy those to get scene points. the bottle opener will also be great for all of those bartles & jaymes that i guzzle on the weekends before getting crazy at a local show.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Steemson/575374964 Adam Steemson

this whole things a troll right? ahahaha i mean….c’mon. I believed till I saw the Shark shirt!

http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com Disinformasiya

I believed it until I read “Tuesday, February 8th, 2011 at 5:00pm by Sergeant D”

Ziv F

hehe
Schnoor

1

Wlve

What does marijuana and sharks have to do with Black Metal. These clothes are for the hipster metalcore kids.The marijuana symbol alone defiles Burzum seeing how Varg thinks drugs are pointless. I am not ‘Kvlt” or do not claim to be I simply respect Burzum and all it stands for. Like I said these clothes defile the Burzum name. Varg’s people ovbiously are money grubbing idiots.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

I for one am outraged that they would make a mockery of the music I love by selling out to the corporate machine!
da tr00f

I have a seasonal Mayhem Winterfrost pale ale in a Darkthrone coozy waiting for you when you get the joke.
chumbawumba

trolls trolling trolls… etc.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

pissing in oceans of piss

AetherJake

trolling in oceans of piss

wackomann

…on Planet Piss.

GoingDeaf?

“I respect Burzum and all it stands for.”

Racial purity FTW?

parasitesafari

1
Damien

Racial purity has nothing to do with Burzum. Burzum is music and has never adresed or racial maters. Only ancient pagan myths. Vargs views on races are not his music.

Conrad

D’s posts bring out the best in all of us.

Blargh

This post became worthwhile with this string of comments right here.

Dubs

Wait… this can’t be serious…^^^ These guys above me have got to be kidding… right?
AAAAAHHHHHHH

is this for cereal ?
yeahyouknowit

Golden! I’d expect nothing less Sarge.
This dude

Total troll
Watt Par

I’m absolutely fucking ASTOUNDED that there are a) people who still don’t “Get” SergeantD and b) at least two people who did not “get” THIS FUCKING POST. All of my faith in humanity is fucking gone. Fuck.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Steemson/575374964 Adam Steemson

I think its just Sergeant D is very convincing to be honest! amazing what you can do with photoshop these days too!
tingdurr

People who don’t read the site come here and post after searching for shit on google and don’t know about Sergeant D.

But yeah you would have to be pretty fucking naive to believe this post. I love reading those comments thank god some people haven’t caught on yet.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

Holy shit, you are a genius. Also the chick modeling the pullover looks scary.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

Also go to the Mayhem page on Last.fm and check out the second comment that’s up atm, it’s funny on multiple levels, sorta related.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Yevgeniy-Reznichenko/1053344492 Yevgeniy Reznichenko

well you gotta understand that Euronymous was kind of a total hottie, like no homo, if I was gay I would go for that http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_-M5PyYHH2kk/SdPP1k_eDQI/AAAAAAAABNo/JKaXUON582w/s320/euwm.jpg

http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

Yum.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

It was actually the one talking about identifying with Euronymous but on a second look it’s just another troll. Jesus tits, can’t 4chan just stay on 4chan?

wackomann

Pullover gal looks scary because she has Noel Gallagher’s eyebrows.
William GrimmKvlt

She has the same “herp-derp” face that Olivia Munn has on this month’s Maxim cover.

mar h.

this is a disgusting display of Jewish behavior.

Brock Sterns

I cant tell if you’re referring to the post, or the gefilte fish-based dump me and my chaver’s took after reading the post

http://www.facebook.com/people/Zach-Dolan/100000151486558 Zach Dolan

This is priceless!!! You have such great humor Sergeant D!
Julia

Haha this is great! Basketball jersey + mesh shorts = winning combo.
JB

Those are some Fierce eyebrows. or were those caterpillars?

Merde

I think I just found my missing Maine Coons.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

I lol’ed at this.

AetherJake

The flatbrimmed cap was the dealmaker for me.
dunkelheit

Uhh, maybe I’m the only one, but I find this is pretty disrespectful…
Don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty far from trve or kvlt but this is just bad taste.
When are you guys going to start growing some pubes?

GoingDeaf?

Yes. You are the only one worried about disrespecting a unabashed racist who murdered his friend in cold blood.

sacredchao

He’s got feelings too, doesn’t he?

GoingDeaf?

Sure… the point is that I don’t care about them because he is scum…. respect is earned.

sacredchao

Lol. Yeah, I agree completely. I was being a bit facetious. Varg is a fucking douche.
Kim Jong Il

What about all the good things Varg did!?
Franky

Hopefully this IS a joke. Whatever. Even if it’s not, I’m certainly not buying any of this garbage. I agree with GoingDeaf? and sacredchao…Varg is a pompous jackass. Trve Kvlt, my fvkking ass. What a douchebag.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

BTW Varg is actually a minority shareholder in Burzum, LLC so he has limited control over the brand– so if you don’t like any of this stuff, blame the Chairman, not him

troe

+50

Made my day right there.

Adam

omg dude that merch is hella (sic) haha i mean i dont listen to death metal but ive always wanted 2 get into it. i just lisened to a bursum song cuz i didnt wanna be a poser n buy there merch w/out lisening to it ya no? it wuz hella kinda too crazy for me haha but trhere was one cool part so i bought the merch cuz now i now wat they sound like at least haha and that song had sum (sic) parts lol

http://confrontingevilyoudread.wordpress.com loganarchy

I’m leaning towards troll, but I’m not sure…?

Rachel

Agreed. Leaning towards troll. Damn, this is convincing.

James M.

This had better be a troll…

cacaconstructor

Oh c’mon. Of course it’s a troll. Anyway, I LOVE the jersey, and it’ll combo nicely with the mesh shorts/NE fitted cap combo I have planned. My only problem: $69.99? WTF? Don’t get me wrong, it’s fly as shit, but a dude’s gotta eat too and I doubt that jersey is up to the quality standards of some of these other products. Anyway I might wait til it goes on sale and the price drops but GAWDAYM I can’t wait to mosh it up in my dream Burz-outfit.

kolbot

What the fuck is this shit? Why the fuck would you do this? Black metal is now officially dead.

Deth

And another victim falls to the Sergeant D troll-bot 3000.

Frank

1

kolbot

Alright you got me. Good job. I was almost outraged you motherfucker. Haha.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexandre-Perrault/545955672 Alexandre Perrault

The worst part is that this is pretty similar to some of the merch he’s actually putting out. Allover-print shirts (http://www.plastichead.com/cat_images/large/PH5607.jpg) and messenger bags (http://www.plastichead.com/cat_images/large/PHBAG023.jpg) were not something I ever thought I’d see from him.

Also, this looks like it was a lot of work. I just want to say I appreciate it.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

Those messengers bags are a clear violation of our license! Please cease and desist from selling this product immediately!!!!

We employ a team of several Jewish attorneys, and you should expect to hear from them shortly!

rizzy

you can put your macbook in that tote bag, so that you might be able to write updates on your black metal blog and create tr00 kvlt black metal in garage band while sipping on a fair trade coffee on a sunday afternoon. see? black metal is not dead!

http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com/ Alkahest

That allover print shirt is actually not bad. I’d wear it if I were a fan.

Deth

Absolutely one of the best posts you’ve ever done. Awesome Photoshop skills with the models. Hilarious.
http://www.thejamminjabber.com thejamminjabber

I admire the effort that went into this.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Mitchell-Allan/788340190 Mitchell Allan

a lot of shopping. I did believe at first though

obc

awesome bit. would have been even funnier had you referenced survival gear and a H& K G3 in the duffel bag description.

“perfect for your next work out… or prison break!”

cacaconstructor

Don’t tell sarge how to write an article. He is funny. You are not.

jules

Burzum is a fucking terrible band and these articles of clothing are terrible. but knowing Seargent D, who also happens to suck, this is most certainly a troll on the fact that hipsters have now picked up Burzum as well. i was always unsure whether or not he was always trolling but there is no way in existence that this stuff is real.

Major lulz at the “Black fucking metal bith” shirt

http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com Disinformasiya

I see you’re new here, Lord High Admiral Obvious.
Aaron

you’re not planning on having kids, right?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

Watch out Sergeant D, Varg is going to burn down your house now.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Anthony-P-Stine/1314021455 Anthony P Stine

This has to be one of the funniest things you guys have done in a while. Bravo.
Adam

Step 1: Go to thirddegreemerch.com
Step 2: Photoshop the Suiside Silence/Abigail Williams merch
Step 3: Wait for lulz

Awesome post.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

Now that you mention it, some of that Suiside Silense merch DOES bear a resemblance to some of our product– what a weird coincidence!
gloriousjohnson

you forgot profit, dick

Adam

Sarge is in it for teh glory n lulz. Stuff u will h8 is a not 4 profit org

dr. doom

Priceless. Pure genius.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Sterner/1335958279 Andrew Sterner

ya bro, that bottle opener would look totally sick on my key ring. it’s perfect for opening natty light bottles with ease.
BurningChurches

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS CAN’T BE REAL

JERMY WATERS

damn, it sucks that Dimebag is still ded. rip

http://www.metalinjection.net/ RobInjection

D, my hat is tipped to you. Incredible post.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

Thx brah– and you get the last laugh, I pissed away an hour of my life watching that Terror documentary thing on your site

yetzer hara

LOLZ

http://www.facebook.com/people/Hellvis-Priestley/672914858 Hellvis Priestley

Cheap Photoshop cut and paste but… I understand… That’s a STATEMENT:))
Noskaj

\m/
SourDeez

I’ve seen a few shitty metalcore bands here in NYC who would absolutely buy the Burzum fitteds, no questions asked, if they were real.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

I think the sweatpants will be a strong seller too!

Kevin

can’t tell if troll…. >.>
Rachel

What the fuck, Sarge? haha I thought your post about high school talent shows was amazing, but I think I hate this idea even more. The Burzum shirt with the shark on it and the thong made me rage. Especially the fact that the thong is available in XXL.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

Based on the extensive market research we conducted, we expect the L-XXL to make up the bulk of our volume.

Ryan

I laughed way too hard at this.

http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/f60fa9e6421f91d4c1d1d0e1fe20a144?s=80 Goro923

Holy shit I almost hit the floor so hard when I saw the colorfull-core shark one…

hs

great, the first clothing line by Nazi murderer trying desperately to cash in on his infamous name
Flynn. F

Gotta get me that Burzum Fitty Nine Fitty. lol
KMFCM

get those sweatpants out in time for Maryland Death Fest, you will make a KILLING!! :)
foobear

That shark shirt is sick as fuck bro. After seeing that I know I need to check out this band!

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

Yah brah you should check them out– rock if u like Darkthrone, Havohej or the Final Fantasy 7 soundtrack

Boey Jellodonna

Ah, Burzum? Come on, man, Burzum hasn’t been good since their first demo came out. Total sell-outs making commercial music for posers. Now they’re ripping off that band with the Superjoint Ritual singer with the pot leaf stuff? Stoner fags.
Simon from Canada

For a split second, I actually believed this before seeing the Burzum duffel bag (although I knew the basketball jersey was a joke). I can’t be blamed though; it’s because Burzum’s stuff is actually listed on Hot Topic’s website: http://search.hottopic.com/search?p=Q&w=Burzum

Also, is the “Black Fucking Metal Bitch” t-shirt alluding to Morbid Angel’s semi-famous tee, “Extreme Music for Extreme People?” (They both use the same bold text) Both are equally great.

AetherJake

Someone is out of touch with metalcore fashion.
yetzer hara

i have an old ass jungle rot shirt with huge bold letters on the back that says “PURE FUCKING DEATH”

adding the burzum shirt to my collection with the quickness.

Reuben Pearce

Jesus… and yet more people fail to see.

cacaconstructor

WTF, I didn’t know I could download the albums from good ol’ HT. They’ve got fingers on the metal underground pulse though, makes sense. Varg should do a national HT store tour, he could give in-store performances, sell tons of merch, sign autographs. It’d be beast.

andy morales

ya had me till i saw the “shark” shirt lol no way this is real

http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Reagan/520958920 Mike Reagan

That’s a real suicide silence shirt

nocturno coco

varg should burn that chick’s eyebrows off
http://stuffyouwillhate.com shawnyouwillhate

is anyone here attending the Burzum shows at Brooklyn Masonic?

rideshare?
saqdancer

if this is for real i lost all respect in burzum AND metalsuck

mr lun

lol

Randon

Lets turn Burzum into a hardcore band. yayyyy
16

HAHAHAHAHAHA funniest shit…this is a joke right?
Doug

F**king stupid and not really that funny beyond the first (and last) picture.
Chris

Burzum sucks. Mayhem rules.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Brandon-MXickman/502613553 Brandon MXickman

lame
http://www.facebook.com/people/Alejandro-Aldana/683878171 Alejandro Aldana

you should make burzum sponsored sunblock.

http://twitter.com/stuffuwillhate Sergeant D

+1 zillion

yetzer hara

SPF 666

tom cash

i want that new era and all the dirty looks that will come along with it.
Jason

Promotional deal: first 100 purchaes recieve custom made leather gauntlets with 6 ft spikes, stitched from real deer hide. Now, granted they could kill someone we can’t actually give them to you. Nothing more tr00 than a gift you can’t actually ever get.

…I think all corpse paint should now resemble a shark…I have to match my shirt…
Moltanic

Where are my Burzum V-Necks?
Beastmaster

The sad part is that I’d actually buy those sweatpants.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

lol’ed hard at “BLACK FUCKING METAL BITCH”
Perpetual Black Screen Name

This…is the funniest…fucking thing…I’ve ever seen. BAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And I thought that Fred Durst story a while ago was amazing.
Jeff

Holy eyebrows on the fleece pull-over. Jesus.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Varg-Voltaggio/1409575074 Christian Varg Voltaggio

OMG LYKE S0000 PHOTO%0p3D NUBZ
http://www.facebook.com/people/Travis-Leon-Dreher/605590543 Travis Leon Dreher

I’ll buy the shark eating a zombie one, because that’s just awesome. Hopefully the Spencer’s in my area will stock it.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Fritz-Pettersen/536945538 Fritz Pettersen

What does marijuana and sharks have to do with Black Metal. These clothes are for the hipster metalcore kids.The marijuana symbol alone defiles Burzum seeing how Varg thinks drugs are pointless. I am not ‘Kvlt” or do not claim to be I simply respect Burzum and all it stands for. Like I said these clothes defile the Burzum name. Varg’s people ovbiously are money grubbing idiots.What does marijuana and sharks have to do with Black Metal. These clothes are for the hipster metalcore kids.The marijuana symbol alone defiles Burzum seeing how Varg thinks drugs are pointless. I am not ‘Kvlt” or do not claim to be I simply respect Burzum and all it stands for. Like I said these clothes defile the Burzum name. Varg’s people ovbiously are money grubbing idiots.What does marijuana and sharks have to do with Black Metal. These clothes are for the hipster metalcore kids.The marijuana symbol alone defiles Burzum seeing how Varg thinks drugs are pointless. I am not ‘Kvlt” or do not claim to be I simply respect Burzum and all it stands for. Like I said these clothes defile the Burzum name. Varg’s people ovbiously are money grubbing idiots.What does marijuana and sharks have to do with Black Metal. These clothes are for the hipster metalcore kids.The marijuana symbol alone defiles Burzum seeing how Varg thinks drugs are pointless. I am not ‘Kvlt” or do not claim to be I simply respect Burzum and all it stands for. Like I said these clothes defile the Burzum name. Varg’s people ovbiously are money grubbing idiots.What does marijuana and sharks have to do with Black Metal. These clothes are for the hipster metalcore kids.The marijuana symbol alone defiles Burzum seeing how Varg thinks drugs are pointless. I am not ‘Kvlt” or do not claim to be I simply respect Burzum and all it stands for. Like I said these clothes defile the Burzum name. Varg’s people ovbiously are money grubbing idiots. +1(at least).

http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Reagan/520958920 Mike Reagan

Troll or get trolled
Gorestain

sucker or king troll?

http://www.facebook.com/people/Fritz-Pettersen/536945538 Fritz Pettersen

The Troll Hunter

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khJKq_kJK7Q

Chris

absolteuly fucking hysterical . cheers serg. you witty fucking bastaard you . i wish i could email you abeer and ahigh five
Jack

so fucking funny dude
http://www.facebook.com/people/Jack-The-Ripper/100001528926491 Jack The-Ripper

I don’t want to sound like an elitist but I can’t help but notice that you’ve chosen hardcore stuff with the Burzum logo…

http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

that’s the joke

http://misterbooze.blogspot.com Mister Booze

These are so great. Hey, can you suggest to the board of directors that we get some Burzum beer coozies and dew rags? I’d definitely put those on my amazon.com wish list. Also maybe some slick Burzum iPhone cases would be rad. Would Burzum seat covers be a stretch? Because I need one of those to keep my cigarette ashes from burning a hole in my carseat but, preventing burns might not be part of the corporate philosophy.

The Greys

Holy Sh*t, what a great idea. I’d buy buy every Bufrzum beer coozie in the store. Gotta have icy cold beer to go with all of Varg’s frozen black metal.

Doomed do Better

This would go great with my Twisted Sister bathing suit Borat style.
http://murderkingskillerqueens.blogspot.com/ Pelko

Would definitely buy Burzum mesh shorts
djabthrash

LMAO !!!

This is the best blog entry ever made on Metalsucks !!! Pure genius !

But you forgot one merch item… the brassknuckles and the baseball bat :)
TNBM

Varg being against much everything popular, I find this as selling out. The logo is cool, but seriously the jersey with weed? Seems that just a bunch of scene kids will start wearing them to be Tru.

http://www.heavyblogisheavy.com Disinformasiya

The English language strikes again.

The Greys

Great ideas here, but what you need are celebrity endorsements. I was thinking you’d make millions if you could get, say, The Beastie Boys to sport the Burzum ball caps in public. Maybe the short guitar player in Anthrax would wanna wear the b-ball jersey while playing the holocaust song from “Persistence of Time.” That would be a big marketing boost.

Also, can you imagine the buzz if Beyonce would peel herself out of one of those Burzum fleeces at the VMAs? OMG, you and Varg would be rich.

djabthrash

HAHAHAHA

http://www.facebook.com/people/Kasper-Maigaard/1027001938 Kasper Maigaard

All the pics are very convincing, until you see the bottle-opener. That one is a little shaggy. Otherwise, entertaining as always sarge.
aj lucas

burzum sponsered viagra
EvilMoogle

What about a Burzum knife set?

djabthrash

:)
rdt513

:) indeed

matty2fatty

When does the line with cute furry cartoon animals come out? Cartoon zombies are so last year.

Aaron

you need a cute furry animal stabbing another one 27 times

Tim

Funniest thing I’ve read in a while.
buttcheese

I’m buying a screen printing kit and jumping on this while people think it’s still real.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Will-Morley/618112437 Will Morley

Check out the eyebrows on the sweater model.
http://www.theoppositionmachine.wordpress.com the opposition machine

holy shit! sarge just won the internet.
NYR

Not usually impressed by this column, but this was legit funny. Not a huge fan. Varg just makes it too easy haha
Chicago Bryan

This is a fucking joke
http://www.facebook.com/people/Hunter-Starr/676942693 Hunter Starr

i lold
Wray

I have never laughed so hard in my life. Also, this line could benefit from an array of iPad accessories, for the tr00 kvltist who really wants to impress.
CUNT-CAUTERIZER

THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A shark? WTF? Why a shark with a Burzum logo? The silly bastard who did this must return dealing with metalcore bands! All of these items sucks, it’s an injury to black metal. America gangsta style, smoke marijuana, be stupid, country of brainless people. But be happy, Varg must paid for churches he burned, he need money so OK, be stupid and buy this ridiculous stuff. ;)

0mnivore

Smoking pot is unmetal? HAHA The bro clothing is silly but its even sillier to bring up that fallacy. Smoking pot along with other drugs have been giving people great music for decades. Black metal does enough to injure its reputation with silly appearances and personas. How do you think they do those photo shoots? They get burnt, dress up, look grim for 5 seconds, snap pic and then burst out laughing. I bet this makes Varg laugh as well. Keep it true bro…..and keep dating that fat goth bitch you met at hot topic because she kind of likes black metal and is just as stand offish as you. PWND.

P.S. The shark made me lol. I’d get it for the lulz.

Logan

Yo sarge, what about the Burzum tampons I’ve heard rumors about?
SluseOnest

I realize this is a joke, but I would rock the shit out of those shorts and that BLACK FUCKING METAL BITCH shirt
http://It's.... Timothy

Two things: First, outside of the cap and the knit cap, most of this is HORRIBLE, Secondly–If you think THIS stuff is going to sell at Hot Topik, HA!, you
are CRAZY. No one who goes in there, will buy this merch. Comparing them to a HORRIBLE teeny bopper act like BMTH, is also, BEYOND a joke.
0mnivore

LOL why is it all Bro clothes? XD
http://www.facebook.com/people/Rob-Dornenburg/14221549 Rob Dornenburg

The shark t-shirt is amazing. Will be buying one please.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Brent-Ericson/1277943616 Brent Ericson

BEST. TROLL. EVER.

http://twitter.com/stuffuyouwillhate Sergeant D

Thx brah, means a lot!

Ren

No. Just no.
Chaz

For Whom The Bell Trolls.
Sam

http://www.metalunderground.com/news/details.cfm?newsid=44874
morbidMira

wow
Cryzthormagnusian

All time low.
sathanas

I guess some of this stuff is kind of cool. But this is kind of dissapointing also………
sathanas

Oh nvm. im retarded haha
Nay

just to be clear; this is a joke right??

http://~ B. Ewing

there is no other explanation…it cannot be real

http://www.facebook.com/people/Emmanuel-Quinones/100000463639580 Emmanuel Quinones

need the booty shorts
Ari

I’m sorry but… wth where you thinking?
you must know nothing about black metal, especially about Burzum.
I especially want to know the reasons for the one with the marijuana leave, and I’m even more perplexed at the last one with the shark that looks like a t.shirt for a new metalcore band or something of that sort.
I’m sorry to burst your bubble, but if Varg allowed this to happen its because he pretty more doesn’t care about any of that stuff and is just taking this as a joke, he probably laughs at you and all of this (not to be cruel, but its just probably the truths). He might take this lightly but black metal fans wont. And if this comes out in Hottopics all over the world then that is just scary.

junkyardgod

hahahahaha you’re dumb.

haiduk

anyone who knows anything about burzum or varg would never be caught dead wearing these abominations! marijuana leaf??? varg despises drug users, i have no clue how these guys got the permission to ruin the burzum name like this….
Keleigh Black

Uhmmmmmm…….
Spencers and Hot Topic….
EXPLOIT.
DISAPPOINT!
mugen

I clicked this expecting it to be a Rosenberg post, but then saw the actual author and immediately cracked up. GOOD SHOW, I SAY!
Dave

Considering the fact that Varg took the name “burzum” from the orcish word for darkness in the Lord of the Rings, it should be Tolkien’s people who would have a problem with these products. If not, I’m going start selling dormats that say “mellon”.
Sylvester

Killer Troll, Sarge!
Love how the grim and proper ones are getting their panties all in a wad!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Christian-Kelley/1078894223 Christian Kelley

I hope this single-handedly inspires Varg to turn Burzum into a Wigger-Slam band…

Dear god…
madame goat

no.
Dwarfskeet

I’m cracking up over here, at all the people who are taking this seriously.

Sergeant D, you never fail to make me laugh. I love you bro!
euronymous

Black metal finally gives into the vice of materialistic mankind. How ironic.

Golf Goat

Dude, it’s a joke.

Decius541

I honestly hope this is a joke. It’s almost like Burzum’s selling out to the core kids w/o even intending to……
Paradox Kirby

hurray!!! now all the scene kids that dont even listen to Burzum are gonna go nuts on this. this is a terrible idea.

Sergeant D, I Am dissapoint.
Matt

holy fucking sellout batman

Matt

oh wait apparently it’s a joke… yay. i knew that…

Little Earth

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7k9vOc_B9w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iQuIKil5rKI&feature=player_embedded#at=128

This is Norway tomorrow. Welcome in Globalization.
Submersion. In 50 years, Norway is african, as Europe. Strong progressivism and humanism. It’s good. Europe will be dead. Europeans will be as Native Americans, in their own country. I thank people like you.
L

You’ve been on fire recently, Sarge.
Anne

Everyone knows Varg would have none of this capitalist endeavor! Capitalism is another facet of Americanism, which is inherently deplorable and destructive to Norwegian culture. His hatred of these things are what motivated his acts of violence, not him being a straight-up sociopath.
Ceal

This is not right, i dont want emo kids wearing this shit thinking theyr all black metal

trueburzumfan

Brother, help me stop this madness. This is disgusting. This line better not come out, it will ruin the beautiful work of Varg Vikernes.

http://www.facebook.com/people/Raphael-Pinsker-Ba-Broadcasting/28400447 Raphael Pinsker Ba Broadcasting

YES! Finally Blackcore is gonna get it’s start…
Who’s down to join my project:
http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/11639_574468793055_28400447_33781521_5632927_n.jpg
Elliot

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA
http://www.facebook.com/people/Steve-Bowen/502176360 Steve Bowen

will i be able to get this merch in canada?!
Lupus McKay

jajajajaja!
This is great. Now all I hope for is an Immortal Clothing Line, spiked wrist bands, baseball caps, Converse shoes and everything else.
dagon

That’s completely funny! Burzum is a Bitch who’s selling his ass! Bastard. Sexy yoga pants? Thongs? Sport pants? WTF?
sam

they need to make a burzum action figure
R4ze

Oh man. I was almost fooled by the troll.
Beer bottle opener and the toque are okay though. I might have actually bought those. Haha

Maybe even the sweat pants….
http://askinfordancingin.com MurphQuake™

I would buy the knitted hat for the frostbitten winter.
steph

Names of the two models are Anna de Rijk and Bambi Northwood-Blyth.
Baltazar135

No…no…just trow them away.
I hope Varg never have to see this.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Daniela-Mendoza/100000522243970 Daniela Mendoza

Last shit with the shark wtf? this is fucking hot topic!
Baphomet

You do know that if you do this you’ll have a shit load of kids wearing this crap not knowing that they’re supporting neo-Nazism and church arson right
anth

SERIOUSLY I WANNNA BUY THIS MERCH, ANY WEBSTORE? ANY LINK? PLEASE!!
http://www.facebook.com/people/Reuben-Pearce/100001111334037 Reuben Pearce

fuck me, this comments section is totally hilarious, how many people could possibly fall for this.
Cheapi

is this a troll post? that last t-shirt looks like a shitty metalcore band’s merch. i’d buy the gym shorts though.
Vomitchrist

wtf is up with that girl’s eyebrows D:
trueburzumfan

F*ck all of you, this clothing line is a mockery, a disgrace to Burzum, this is disgusting. This Bullsh*t isn’t what Burzum is about. I bet Varg didnt even have a say on this. I’ve read his articles. He says countless times he disproves of the “drugs sex and rock& roll” scene that everyone was trying to follow, yet you make a basketball jersey with a pot leaf on it. and a T-shirt with a shark on it? What is this, are you mad? Are you corrupt? This is not what Burzum is in my heart, or any other Burzum fan’s heart. Burzum is something that takes you away to another world, Middle earth, not another mainstream metalcore band. This makes me want to vomit because of the numerous times Varg explained he was rebelling against the mainstream. I’m torn apart just by your piece of s**t clothing line. I hope you people are ashamed of yourselves.

sincerely,
A TRUE Burzum Fan

Sylvester

Lighten the fuck up, Francis!

This was an obvious (at least to me) troll post. None of this stuff exists, it was merely a big joke. Anyone reading too far into this is taking themselves way too seriously. Much like Varg himself.

Look, I’m very passionate about the bands and music that I like (Burzum being absolutely nowhere on that list), but I can appreciate a good joke/troll.

Blut

That fleece pullover would actually look pretty hot on a good looking girl.
Msowerby99

this is terrible you can’t do this to Burzum
Msowerby99

this is terrible you can’t do this to Burzum
Msowerby99

you can’t release none of this its a bunch of too modern and too un metal stuff this is sickening varg might have to kill someone for doing this. yoga pants is this some kind of joke? get rid of the white trash wigger crap and the colorful gay stuff.
Msowerby99

you can’t release none of this its a bunch of too modern and too un metal stuff this is sickening varg might have to kill someone for doing this. yoga pants is this some kind of joke? get rid of the white trash wigger crap and the colorful gay stuff.
Msowerby99

you can’t release none of this its a bunch of too modern and too un metal stuff this is sickening varg might have to kill someone for doing this. yoga pants is this some kind of joke? get rid of the white trash wigger crap and the colorful gay stuff.
Painemaxine

This a fucking abomination. This is the stuff that Varg is totally against. Stupid fake commercialism. Influencing people with pretty things rather than the meaning of what the music stands for. Fuck whoever spawned this idea.
Painemaxine

This a fucking abomination. This is the stuff that Varg is totally against. Stupid fake commercialism. Influencing people with pretty things rather than the meaning of what the music stands for. Fuck whoever spawned this idea.
Painemaxine

This a fucking abomination. This is the stuff that Varg is totally against. Stupid fake commercialism. Influencing people with pretty things rather than the meaning of what the music stands for. Fuck whoever spawned this idea.
Painemaxine

This a fucking abomination. This is the stuff that Varg is totally against. Stupid fake commercialism. Influencing people with pretty things rather than the meaning of what the music stands for. Fuck whoever spawned this idea.
Demogulatory

The Sergeant never disappoints. This is the funniest shit I’ve seen on this site in months. What’s even funnier is how the dipshits above thinks this is real.
swarm

damn some of you people are pretty dense to not have realized it was a joke
lalo

no mamen esa es una ofensa al black metal
mierda el q lo hizo
doctor cockinson

Hooray now I can go to my neighbourhood HMV and pick up some sick black metal cds and then pump fucken blast beasts in my ears at the gym while blasting my quads into shape. And all this in comfortable Burzum Brand shorts m/
doctor cockinson

Hooray now I can go to my neighbourhood HMV and pick up some sick black metal cds and then pump fucken blast beasts in my ears at the gym while blasting my quads into shape. And all this in comfortable Burzum Brand shorts m/
Himmlers Ghost

Varg gotten up your hook nose heeb?
Ohdinnson

how dare you jews use burzum as a brand and a trend, there is no way varg would let you jews get away with making money off of his stuff.
Ohdinnson

how dare you jews use burzum as a brand and a trend, there is no way varg would let you jews get away with making money off of his stuff.
Ohdinnson

how dare you jews use burzum as a brand and a trend, there is no way varg would let you jews get away with making money off of his stuff.
Ohdinnson

how dare you jews use burzum as a brand and a trend, there is no way varg would let you jews get away with making money off of his stuff.
fucking losers

BURZUM FUCKING SUCKS SO DOES ANY STUPID FUCKING IDIOT WHO LISTENS TO THAT TALENTLESS FUCKING SCUM DUMBSHITS YOU ARE ALL A BUNCH OF STUPID FUCKING LOSERS EVERYONE LAUGHS AT YOU BUT YOUR TO FUCKING STUPID TO EVEN SNAP OUT OF YOUR ADOLESCENT FAGGOTRY DRESSING UP IN MAKEUP AND SHIT AND SPIKES OH WOW SO HARSH YOU ALL PRETEND TO HATE IMAGE YET YOU FUCKING DRESS YOURSELF UP FOR ATTENTION YOU STUPID MISGUIDED CONTRADICTING FAGS
http://www.facebook.com/masterofbrutallity Albert Brown

I think I would wear some of this just to piss people off, haha

The Blog	Columns	Partners	Contact
Home	Eyal	Metal Injection	About Us / Contact
Exclusives	Dallas	Blast Beat Network	Advertising
Reviews	Paul Masvidal	The Syndicate	Privacy Policy
Interviews	Misha "Bulb" Mansoor
Contests
Cinemetal

EXCLUSIVE: BURZUM LAUNCHES CLOTHING LINE

Meta

Archives