It’s cold, icy, and raining here in New York. In other words, I suddenly understand how it feels to be French Canadian.

No wonder the dudes in Neuraxis are so angry. I mean, just listen to all the vitriol coming through in their new song, “Savior and Destroyer.” They might as well have called it “French and Canadian and Neither Really.” I feel your pain, dudes.

ANYWAY, listen to the song here. It comes off their new album, Asylon, which will Prosthetic will release on February 14. How romantic!!!

-AR

“We aim to please, so please aim.” So read the sign above the urinals at the long-shuttered NYC restaurant institution Ed Debevic’s. And while we certainly don’t have a need to ask you to aim your urine, kindly stop emailing us about sweet tours just because we haven”t publicly commented on them yet. We know! We’re just, like, ya know… busy and stuff.

But there’s a pretty sweet tour storming the U.S. this Spring that you’ll definitely want to know about if you haven’t already heard. Atheist, whose new album Jupiter delighted old-school prog metalheads at the end of last year, are embarking on a brief 7-day North American jaunt. Atheist will have the incredible support cast of A Life Once Lost, Revocation and Last Chance to Reason in tow — definitely a prog tour for the books, but with only 7 dates we wish it were longer.

Dates after the jump.

Click to read more…

I made the grave error of listening to Intronaut’s “The Literal Black Cloud“ yesterday afternoon. It wasn’t a great error because it’s a bad song or anything — on the contrary, it was a grave error because I’ve had it stuck in my head ever since.

This happens to me on a pretty consistent basis, and has since we saw Intronaut with Cynic and Dysrhythmia this past summer. The entire night was lost to us and the Metal Injectioners sitting around going “Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh duh-duh-duh duh-duh-duh duh-duh…” like stoned idiots.

Which we were. But this is also a seriously fucking dangerous riff. It’s like it was designed to get stuck in your head. Do not fucking listen to it unless you are prepared to do nothing but think about this riff. ‘Cause your day is gonna be shot, dude. Maybe that’s why it’s really called “The Literal Black Cloud” — because it will follow you around wherever you go.

Download “The Literal Black Cloud” here.

-AR

…and no MetalSucks reader ever got an erection again.

It just thirteen months ago that Lita Ford loved ex-Nitro vocalist Jim “The Best A Man Can Get” Gillette so much that she was doing endless amounts of tweeting about how hot he was in the sack.

But while recently promoting her new album, She Don’t Look a Day Over Menopause, Ford revealed that she and Gillette are “going through a divorce right now, and it’s a really ugly divorce.” Say it ain’t so! If there’s no hope for the Lita and the guy she once said “literally fucks me right through the bed,” then it really is true what they say, and romance is dead.

I’m sad so sad, you guys. I might be too depressed to finish out the day. I think I have to go to my room and eat chocolates and watch Sex and the City. Anyone feel like making me an appletini?

Lita and Jim, this one’s for you…

Click to read more…

So Times of Grace, which is basically a reunion of Killswitch Engage’s Alive or Just Breathing-era line-up (seriously, they’re only missing two members), made their live debut last night when they kicked off their tour in Baltimore, and, well, wouldn’t ya know it?, someone filmed it on a cell phone. So here’s the footage. The quality is obviously not perfect, but it does look like the show was fun.

I’d be curious to know if they played any old KsE songs, but haven’t been able to find that info anywhere on the net yet… if you were there or know someone who was, please report!

More footage and remaining tour dates after the jump…

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You ought to remember thrashy black metallers Hemoptysis, but MetalSucks readers have the memory retention skills of a goldfish so I’ll remind you. They were finalists in the Jay Randall “No Label Needed” Contest we participated in last year and were endorsed by our own Nocturno Cultowitz. They made a killer video shortly thereafter that even resident MS Mansion film snob Axl Rosenberg endorsed (so you know it’s gotta be sweet). And just this past December they released two ripping new songs from their forthcoming 2011 release Misanthropic Slaughter.

Ringing any bells? Yes? No? Regardless, we’re giving you another chance to either revel once again in their awesomeness or finally get hip to it; HookInMouth.net is hosting an exclusive stream of the new song “M.O.D.” (“Merchants of Death”) from the aforementioned new album, which will finally come out on March 8th and is now available for pre-order with other assorted extras.

Like the rest of their material, the new song sounds a lot like Skeletonwitch… which is just fine with us. Of course, if they were straight Skeletonwitch ripper-offers you wouldn’t find us heaping so much praise upon them; their thrashy black metal (or blackened thrash metal) certainly owes a lot to our favorite Ohioans but has its own unique sense of melody to it, including a dose of ’80s-style shred. Check it out at the link above, and give a listen to two other songs from Misanthropic Slaughter at the band’s MySpace page.

-VN

Two years ago Anton OyVey and I get pretty drunk and watched Septicflesh rip about forty people a new asshole at the inaugural Scion Rock Fest in Atlanta; I think most of the crowd was out by the main stage watching some trendy beardo band, but I don’t remember who it was. In any case, their set was friggin’ fantastic, as was watching Anton make invisible oranges and drunkenly stumble/air guitar.

Until that point I wasn’t a big Septicflesh fan, but they made me a believer. So I’m stoked to hear their new album, The Great Mass. And “The Vampire from Nazareth,” the new song they’re now giving away for free download here, suggests that I won’t be disappointed.

Click to read more…

If I were in a metal band on EMI or any of their affiliated labels I’d be running for the hills. Metal Insider is reporting that the label group — one of the remaining “Big Four” major labels — has been purchased by Citibank. Yes, a label has been purchased by a bank. Too fitting in the dire record industry times and dire financial times of 2011.

On the surface this transaction doesn’t seem like it would have much impact on metal, but any major move involving one of the biggest label groups in the world, regardless of genre, is going to have a “trickle-down effect” on all segments of the industry, to borrow a term from my good friend Ronald Reagan. Many metal labels we know and love are distributed by EMI — Century, Season of Mist, Earache, and Willowtip among them — although I don’t expect this deal to really have much impact on those businesses; if shit hits the fan with EMI, I’m sure those labels can find other distributors for as long as distributors remain necessary (which isn’t very long). Moreso I’d worry that the absence of a major source of investment in music on the whole would just result in… less music.

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Well, this is terrible.

Early this morning an anonymous reader sent us a link to this Polish news article, which claims that (and excuse my Google translator’s poor phrasing) “Nergal was taken to hospital with a strong infection.” The article goes on to say that “It is not known whether the infection will affect the adoption of a bone marrow transplant,” which Nergal recently underwent to treat leukemia, and that it’s not clear how long he will have to remain in the hospital.

You may recall that Nergal has been living in seclusion and being attended to by only his parents following his release from the hospital last month for just this reason — because in his current state, his weakened immune system was particularly susceptible to infection. I honestly don’t know that much about leukemia or bone marrow transplants, but I’m hoping that this is a relatively normal, and treatable, occurrence in these types of cases.

In any case, we’re continuing to send out good thoughts to Nergal, his family, and his friends. We hope he’s home again soon…

-AR

Yep, we played a Ground Hog Day’s prank on you. Yep, we were actually posting here yesterday. Yep, we’re gonna re-post all those stories on the regular page right now for you idiots who didn’t figure it out. (Seriously, there was an ad for the other site right on the side of the page all day. It had Bill Murray and everything. You worthless stupid fucking idiots.)

It’s cold as fuck. Luckily, that cocksucker didn’t see his shadow yesterday. Hopefully this shit is almost over.

Happy Belated Groundhog Day,

Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

Hats off to reader Michael Teague, who correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Decrepit Depravity. Michael wins an awesome Lamb of God/Splatterhouse prize pack, which includes a copy of the Splatterhouse game, a Splatterhouse t-shirt, a Splatterhouse set of iPod Speakers, and a Splatterhouse logo statue. Michael, don’t forget to play that game as loud as possible, ’cause not only is it fun to kill digital pixels, but the soundtrack features not just Lamb of God, but also Mastodon, Goatwhore, The Haunted, Municipal Waste, High on Fire, and Cavalera Conspiracy. Niiiiiice.

This week we have another awesome prize for you: five bottles of Metalliance Hot Sauce, the new sauce from GiddyUp! Sauces created to celebrate the Metalliance Tour, an KICK-MOTHERFUCKING-ASS new package trek featuring Helmet, Saint Vitus, Crowbar, Kylesa, Red Fang, Howl, and The Atlast Moth. Holy shit, that’s a great line-up. And since GiddyUp! Sauces is the brain child of Steve “Buckshot” Seabury, author of Mosh Potatoes: Recipes, Anecdotes, and Mayhem from the Heavyweights of Heavy Metal and bassist for Moth Eater, you know this sauce is gonna be all kinds of delicious.

Below is the super-evil-looking poster for the Metalliance Tour; you can get dates after the jump, and tickets, including special VIP packages, here.

So how do you get the sauce? All you gots to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail at axl AT metalsucks DOT net with your answer, your name, and your address. ALL ENTRIES WITHOUT AN ADDRESS WILL BE DISQUALIFIED. From everyone who gets it right, we’ll randomly select up to five winners (less, if fewer of you get the right answer!) and announce their names next week. Please note that the sauce has not yet entered production, and will therefore take 2-3 weeks to ship.

Thanks to Dillon Lyons for this week’s logo…

And here are those Metalliance Tour dates…

Click to read more…

The above quote appears right at the start of the new trailer for Mercenary’s forthcoming offering, Metamorphosis. And I guess if we’re talking about 11 Dreams or The Hours That Remain versus A Sense of Purpose or Soundtrack to Your Escape, well, uh, I wouldn’t disagree with the sentiment. I think the quote is kinda confusing, though, both because I don’t know why Mercenary would want to lob at bomb at In Flames, and because I have no idea if it comes from a review of Metamorphosis or one of the band’s other albums. And if it refers to one of the band’s other albums, well, this version of the band has a 50% different line-up, so it doesn’t necessarily apply anymore.

I haven’t felt encouraged by what we’ve heard of Metamorphosis so far, and this trailer doesn’t do much to make me feel any more optimistic. But I’m super-curious to hear it. I don’t want Mercenary to fail; I just know how bad metal sucks.

Here’s the trailer…

Click to read more…

The once-great Zakk Wylde and has recorded a new version of “Iron Man” with William Shatner, the Canadian sex symbol and star of National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1. Wylde had nothing to do with the creation of the original “Iron Man,” of course, but he does know Ozzy Osbourne, so it’s appropriate. It’s a real thing.

ANYWAY, in-the-studio footage of this blessed event has now surfaced (above). You get to hear Wylde do lots of guitar squeals, but that’s about as uncommon as taking a breath, so it’s not really the good part of this video. No no no no no no no. The good part of this video comes around the :58 second mark, when Shatner tries to direct Wylde’s performance thusly:

Click to read more…

I’m in love with Cut Your Teeth‘s blend of straight-up hardcore and ’80s glam blues riffing/shred. Axl pointed out to me that at times throughout the course of their new album CYTII (out later this month) the two styles seem abruptly stitched together, and it’s hard to argue with that. But there’s something that I nevertheless find endearing about the combo of seemingly disparate genres; it’s obvious these dudes love them both and are making music that’s an honest expression of where their musical brains are. Just listen to those super-tasty riffs that open the song and the even tastier guitar solo that starts around 1:30… unfuckwithable!

I love this video for their new track “Stallion,” too. It shows the band doing what they do best, which is to FUCKING ROCK, and it’s unpretentious and genuine in its approach. No bullshit CGI, no storyline that doesn’t make sense, no crazy lighting effects… just pure rock and great closeups of the dudes playing in a room so cramped that it looks like it could actually be (and probably is) their own rehearsal space.

-VN

We still haven’t gotten to hear the new Darkest Hour album, The Human Romance, in its entirety — but Chris Dick gives it an 8 outta 10 score in the March 2011 issue of Decibel, the first new song from the record that the band released, “Savor the Kill,” was awesome, and now the second new song from the record the band has released, “Your Everyday Disaster,” has also proven to be pretty wicked. So it’s looking like Darkest Hour have, once again, delivered the goods.

Which is no shock… they’re Darkest Hour! And the great Peter Wichers produced this record! So the odds were pretty much always in DH’s favor.

And “Disaster” sounds like classic Darkest Hour in pretty much every way imaginable. So check that shit out here.

The Human Romance comes out February 22 on eOne. Get stoked.

-AR

For all the friendly ribbing we gave the 70,000 Tons of Metal cruise, seems like it was actually quite the event that was boat loads (!) of fun. Get those pre-conceived images of sweaty, fat, balding 45+ year-old metalheads out of your mind… because the actual scene was a whole lot younger, cooler, and, uh, basically normal (by metal standards, anyway).

Metal Injection just posted 500 photos from the cruise, conveniently sorted by band performances, including shots of Testament, Amon Amarth, Iced Earth, Finntroll, Marduk, Sanctuary, Fear Factory, Nevermore, Arsis, Voivod and more. There are also some choice pics of the boat’s temporary metalhead residents, and, of course, a few of Rob, Frank and Noa raging it up.

Expect Metal Injection videos to surface shortly… but in the meantime, enjoy this clip of Testament’s Alex Skolnick, Exodus’ Tom Hunting, and Death Angel’s Rob Cavestany doing a karaoke version of The Eagles’ “Lying Eyes” onboard the ship.

-VN

Our friends over at Brooklyn Vegan are giving away a new Weedeater song! It’s called “Mancoon.” I have no idea what that word means. I Googled it and what came up was “Maine Coon,” which is apparently a huge fucking cat. I don’t think that’s what the song is about, though.

ANYWAY, “Mancoon” will appear on Weedeater’s new EP, Jason… The Dragon, which comes out March 15 on Southern Lord. I believe this is the band’s first release since vocalist/bassist “Dixie” Dave Collins accidentally shot off his big toe just about a year ago. It seems to me that the band is missing a real opportunity to make a unique concept album about a stoner who simultaneously proves that drugs and guns don’t mix and gives other stoners a bad name when he quite literally shoots himself in the foot, but whatever. It’s not my band.

Download “Mancoon” here.

-AR

King Lizard are a modern British band attempting to be an 80′s Hollywood band, and like almost all bands attempting to be 80′s Hollywood bands that a) did not make their debut in the 80′s and b) were not actually part of the Hollywood scene, they’re pretty terrible. I mean, guitarist Nitro Knox does a good enough job with the whole Jeff LaBar thing that I think he can reasonably expect to someday get a chance to audition for Guns N’ Roses, but Vince Neil’s love child with Alexi Laiho is a horrible, horrible singer and lyricist.

To wit, the chorus, in which he attempts to rhyme the words/phrases “viva,” “decadence,” and “want ya.” I mean, there’s gotta be like seven million phrases which would have fit into the song all while appropriately conveying the band’s faux sleazy image, but no, this idiot has to go and get stuck on the phrase “Viva La Decadence” and try to make that shit work.

This is the title track for an album coming out March 28 in the UK, “later on in France,” and, mercifully, apparently no time soon in the U.S. The cover has some boobies with a snake crawling in-between ‘em just for good measure, so if you’re thirteen and horny, definitely Google image search that shit.

-AR

I remember a time when if a singer couldn’t sing, they either a) did not get to have a career, or b) fronted a really dirty-sounding band so that it didn’t matter that they sounded kinda, uh, off. I mean, Tom Araya was never exactly Ronnie James Dio, and no one gave a shit. It’s rock n’ roll, man! It’s not s’posed to sound perfect!

This tradition of “Fuck it if the singer doesn’t sound amazing” barely seems to exist anymore. And for that reason alone, I have to tip my hat to Duff McKagan. His band Loaded have a new album, The Taking, coming out in the spring, and they’ve released a bunch of new songs from that album. None of them are great songs by any stretch of the imagination, but I kind of admire the fact that McKagan’s vocals more or less sound like crap. I mean, they’re not modern-day Dave Mustaine bad, but they’re still really bad. He could have auto-tuned the fuck out’ve ‘em, but, no, the guy comes from a punk rock tradition, and clearly just does not give a shit about trying to convince the world that he’s any better than he is.

Check out some new tracks from The Taking after the jump to get a sense of what I mean…

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I’m not a Rush fan; I think that the music is swell, but I can’t stand Geddy Lee’s stupid eunuch vocals. Sorry.

Still, this Funny or Die Sketch, in which Jason Segel and Paul Rudd reprise their Rush-obsessed characters from the movie I Love You, Man, is so great I just had to post it. All you really need to know going into it is that they get to meet Rush. And that Neil Peart, as it turns out, is a comic genius.

Enjoy.