HEY EVERYBODY WE’RE ALL GONNA GET LAID! #ENUFFZ’NUFF

Holy ballz! This is so awesome. Those two stuffed shirts Neilstein and Rosenberg are out of town on a gay cruise on business and they left me in charge. And with those macho tyrants (pictured here) away, we’re free to make MetalSucks a No-Pants Zone (NPZ). So get yer kits off! Oh and in an NPZ, the second rule (after mandatory nakey cheeks) requires a tasty up-with-party-people jam to properly peel our brain bananas. Hmm I got just the thing: some Enuff Z’Nuff, whose debut single (above) would’ve been a success if released five years earlier than 1989 back when hair ruled. Or, alternately, “New Thing” would’ve owned 1994 if Enuff Z’nuff had been packaged as a slacker Brit dunno band like Oasis and the Stone Roses. Huh I’m kinda like that too — get a different haircut or a time machine and I could’ve been one of those superstar journalists you see mobbed on the street and shirtless on the cover of Rolling Stone. Came this close!

–ADF