Long-time readers of MetalSucks are fully aware of my lifelong obsession with Mötley Crüe. Okay, it was more like a two-year love affair, at least until I discovered Terry Glaze-fronted Pantera, Metallica, and the English Dogs.

I have ruined any chances of running for public office by openly displaying my dress-up capabilities as both Vince Neil and Nikki Sixx on this wonderful publication. I have reviewed the band’s concerts here, as well as their books (and books, and books).

My pathetic one-sided man crush was shattered on December 8, 1984, when lead singer Vince Neil vehicularly manslaughtered 24-year-old Hanoi Rocks drummer Nicholas “Razzle” Dingley, while driving his Pantera to a liquor store in Redondo Beach, California, to pick up some booze. Interestingly enough, that was the same exact moment the band’s music began to completely suck. Hard.

That brings us to modern day Mötley Crüe and their upcoming co-headlining summer tour with metal stalwarts Poison **hack** and glam rock pioneers the New York Dolls. According to Blabbermouth, Crüe bassist and de facto leader Nikki Sixx claims that the band’s fans “demanded” that they take Poison out on the road. MetalSucks co-head honcho Axl Rosenberg, of course, is much wiser than Sixx gives him credit.

The “big” news here, however, is that Mötley Crüe is supposedly allowing its fans to go online today and pick the band’s setlist for its upcoming trek. Who knows if this is a full-blown free-for-all; which, if it is, the old me would want to hear Too Fast For Love and Shout at the Devil back-to-back with absolutely no interruptions, no in-between songs banter. Nothing else. Period.

The current me, however, would love to hear something else different altogether.

I’m talking “Home Sweet Home” on an endless loop combined with the entire John Corabi-era set list, plus Tommy Lee incessantly clanging a cowbell for an eternity whilst DJ’ing the new Korn/Skrillex nudubstep collab as gargantuan film screens display the Crüe members’ misadventures in reality television with special emphasis on Vince Neil hanging with MC Hammer, Corey Feldman, and Emmanuel Webster on The Surreal Life. A second encore would include members of the University of Nebraska drum corps, featured on Tommy Lee Goes to College, pounding out the drum patterns from “Red Hot” while Bret Michaels reads excerpts from Vince Neil’s epic self-help plea/autobiographical tome, Tattoos & Tequila. Mick Mars will stand offstage, simply shaking his head. Nikki Sixx will cackle like a Macbethian witch as he counts de money.

Pure nirvana.

Or, if you’d rather hear and see something else from Mötley Crüe, feel free to offer up your two cents at the Crüe’s website starting sometime today.

-CM

Corey Mitchell is a best-selling author of several true crime books. He misses caffeine on a daily basis.

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