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Hipsters Out Of Metal!

KISS: PAUL STANLEY IS PARTIALLY DEAF

 Tuesday, April 19th, 2011 at 4:00pm by

I spend a sizable portion of my life thrashing the band Kiss, its members, and its fans, cuz well fuck them that’s why. Kiss reeks. Awfully. And those fuckerz are everywhere. Still! If fact, t’wasn’t long ago that we called out Kiss frontman Paul Stanley for adding a blemish to the sterling reputation of party-metal greats Steel Panther. But hey, video of Stanley’s vox on a live run at “Lick It Up” with the band seemed to suggest that their goal was to redefine the term earache. And I’m a dick for writing that cuz Stanley (above, right) recently revealed that he was born deaf in his right ear. Shit. Stanley explained in a TV interview:

There’s no ear canal, so there’s no way for the sound to go into the ear. I now have a bone conduction device, which makes it possible to hear. It’s a little strange for me, but it makes me acutely aware of what some people are doing when they go to concerts or listen to music with headphones.

Anything over 85 decibels can cause hearing loss; a rock concert is usually at least 105 decibels. You can’t be around that for more than four minutes, I believe, without the danger of having hearing loss.

Wow, it’s been like eight decades since the inception of Kiss and finally the hideous band is contributing something positive to our lives. My only wish is that Stanley had hipped us to widespread hearing damage back in the ’80s, when my brah Brian’s guitar practice routine involved sitting inches away an 80-watt Marshall amp in an echoey basement. Now you can’t even jingle pocket change near the guy. GUARD YOUR EARS!

–ADF

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  • corrupt_toolbox

    Strangely, my ears are the only part of my body that I actually take good care of.

  • Frank

    With Ear Guards

    • http://hipstersoutofmetal.blogspot.com/ Anso DF

      Nice!

  • Johnny Death

    I was born with only one eye. Luckily i have a sh*t ton of money so i got the best doctors to put a bionic eye in its place.

    Now that i have two eyes i can see how important it is to not get stabbed in the eye or look directly into the arc when someone is welding.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Austin-Pearl-Nutter/1418565949 Austin Pearl Nutter

      I was born with one arm. Luckily, I had a robot arm installed. Now I see how important it is to not play chicken with a table saw.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Luis-Rodriguez/601735615 Luis Rodriguez

        I was born with only one penis. Luckily, I had a second penis transplated. Now i see how important it is not to have only one penis.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jonas-Nilsson/556141616 Jonas Nilsson

          I was born without a Suez canal. Luckily, i had a new canal dug connecting the mediterranean to the red sea. Now i see how important is not to have to go around the entire fucking continent of Africa to get to India.

          • Random

            I was born without a copypasta. Luckily, I had a new copypasta downloaded from the internet. Now I see how important it is to troll everyone everyone in life and on the internets.

          • El Peras

            Jonas’ ftw

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Albert-Witchfinder/1013752031 Albert Witchfinder

            You, sir, win one internet and my full respect.

  • fester

    not just deaf…. motherfucker has microtia. If you can find a picture where the dude’s ears are showing, which is rare, you’ll see that they look like floppy little bacon strips glued to his head.

    google “paul stanley microtia”, you’ll see.

    • Tr00Metal

      Dude, I was eating bacon as I read that. Now I no longer crave it.

    • hatebasher

      So, fester. This is the second time I’ve seen you on a message board using the SAME lame bacon joke about Paul Stanley’s ears. My son happens to have microtia, and knowing that such an awesome musician as Paul Stanley is afflicted with the same condition gives me hope for his future. If you’re so bothered by them, how come you keep looking them up and commenting on them. Seems like a personal problem to me. Clearly your comment isn’t generating too many laughs, so why don’t you look in the mirror, post a pic of yourself, and find something to write.

  • yzermantiis

    I’ll never not crave bacon….

  • Benny

    So when do we get KISS brand earplugs?

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bret-Denton/1186463243 Bret Denton

    Ironically – Kiss is the loudest band I have ever witnessed live.

  • foobear

    Insert joke about now realizing why Kiss makes such awful music.

    • http://twitter.com/realofficernarc aaron m.

      you stole my thunder, you thunder-stealer, you. if only you weren’t so smart, you handsome son-of-a-bitch, i would be much angrier at you than i am. instead, i will take my rage out on myself, flagellating my genitals with a rubber hose. or if a hose is unavailable, perhaps some combination of leather and wet towels.

      • foobear

        Don’t flagellate, congratulate.

  • motorvate

    Like most of you, I despise what KISS has become, but their first 5 albums are classics. Rock and Roll Over is one of the best hard rock albums to come out of the 70′s. Period. I’m 44, and that album is still in my top ten of all time. Hate them all you want now, but go back and listen to those early albums. They could write a hook like nobody’s business.

    • http://twitter.com/realofficernarc aaron m.

      you’re so full of shit. everyone knows the only good song they’ve ever written is “i was made for loving you”.

    • Blargh

      No dude. In your heart you know that’s only nostalgia speaking. It’s like my buddy who refuses to acknowledge that Metallica are, and have been for years, complete shit. I thank KISS for kick-starting my obsession with music at the age of 4 when I got (uh, was given) Double Platinum. I worshiped them for years. Then an uncle gave me Dirty Deeds…now THERE is a hard rock album that has hooks, loads of swagger and is completely bad ass. Game over KISS. I saw the light when I was about 12. KISS sucks if you’re over the age of 10. They rule if you’re under. Makes sense to me.

  • yzermantiis

    He gets a free pass from me for Love Gun and Destroyer

  • Mcanty

    How the fuck do you NOT like KISS? I admit that at least half of their albums suck but KISS is KISS and you have to like KISS. God bless KISS.

    • Titties

      Yeah, well the devil says Kiss reeks of donkey dick and mayonnaise.

  • thatdude

    does anyone actually have legitimate reasons to hate Kiss?

    like is it the music? because the music is definitely not horrible. or do people really just hate them because they’re successful?

    • Rik

      I’m pretty sure the music is indeed horrible.

  • mcanty

    Some KISS is horrible, but certainly not all of it. There are plenty of guilty pleasures sprinkled throughout their catalog and I think that’s probably what KISS is and is about anyway.

    KISS readily admits they are not artists, they are entertainers. And they are damn good at it.

  • columbo

    Kiss has made a lot of crap. But they have made some classic stuff as well.
    It has always annoyed me that kiss get accused of writing simple songs, while bands like ac/dc and motorhead, who play the same shitty simple songs on all albums, are threated like gods,

  • Duece Loosely

    okay, so now we know why kiss -sounded- shitty…what about the pussy make-up and disco boots? was he blind in one eye as well? color blind? i’m guessing a mix of those and coked up beyond human comprehension. fuck kiss and fuck the 70s in general.

  • BACKSTREET

    gOD pAUL IS THE BEST HARD ROCK SONG WRITER , BETTER THAN THE OLD LADY sTEVEN TYLER AND ALOT OF OTHER GUYS I CANT THINK OF THE NAMES . AND TO THNIK HES BEEN DOING IT WITH HEARING INONE EAR NOW THATS SUPER HUMAN.