Hipsters Out Of Metal!



I spend a sizable portion of my life thrashing the band Kiss, its members, and its fans, cuz well fuck them that’s why. Kiss reeks. Awfully. And those fuckerz are everywhere. Still! If fact, t’wasn’t long ago that we called out Kiss frontman Paul Stanley for adding a blemish to the sterling reputation of party-metal greats Steel Panther. But hey, video of Stanley’s vox on a live run at “Lick It Up” with the band seemed to suggest that their goal was to redefine the term earache. And I’m a dick for writing that cuz Stanley (above, right) recently revealed that he was born deaf in his right ear. Shit. Stanley explained in a TV interview:

There’s no ear canal, so there’s no way for the sound to go into the ear. I now have a bone conduction device, which makes it possible to hear. It’s a little strange for me, but it makes me acutely aware of what some people are doing when they go to concerts or listen to music with headphones.

Anything over 85 decibels can cause hearing loss; a rock concert is usually at least 105 decibels. You can’t be around that for more than four minutes, I believe, without the danger of having hearing loss.

Wow, it’s been like eight decades since the inception of Kiss and finally the hideous band is contributing something positive to our lives. My only wish is that Stanley had hipped us to widespread hearing damage back in the ’80s, when my brah Brian’s guitar practice routine involved sitting inches away an 80-watt Marshall amp in an echoey basement. Now you can’t even jingle pocket change near the guy. GUARD YOUR EARS!


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