PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A METALSUCKS FANPACK (T-SHIRT + 20-TRACK CD)

Thursday, May 5th, 2011 at 4:30pm by

Last week we offered up two copies of Zombi’s new album Escape Velocity. A lot of folks entered, which makes me happy because I greatly enjoy seeing other people enjoy good music. On the other hand last week’s photo, right, was like a giant meatball ripe for the taking.

  • Eric: “And the grammy for best metal performance goes too…..”
  • Zach: “Scientists were compiling empirical evidence that the cloning system failed to produce the desired outcome every 5th sequence.”

By now you guys are surely aware of the super-sweet MetalSucks Fanpacks that are being sold for just 10 bucks at every FYE in the U.S. They contain an exclusive t-shirt designed by Vertebrae 33′s Rodney Githens and a 20-track CD featuring music by Kvelertak, Thomas Giles, Believer, TesseracT, Napalm Death, Trap Them and several other excellent bands. Use the store-finder app to find the FYE location nearest you, or just leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by Carlos Santos). Remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect). We’ll be giving away two Fanpacks this week.


  • metalmeathammer666

    The Canadian

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Scott-Lockwood/1430292511 Scott Lockwood

    Weird Al’s mom banged everyone but Peter Kris.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

    Surprisingly, Gene Simmons wasn’t always a marketing genius.

    • A normal human like the rest of you

      That better be a Zach Parise USA hockey jersey you’re wearing in you avatar.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ben-Robson/1375985482 Ben Robson

        brooks orpik, actually. parise is awesome though.

  • Zach

    ……..”and so, Chaim Freely would forever regret his decision to forgo the Detroit Rock City tour in order to play little Ben Yakov’s Mitzvah”.

  • http://www.nylithia.com Dental Damnation

    KISS is pleased to announce they’re new guitar player will be Lady Gaga!…playing an accordian instead of a guitar.

  • Tim Requiem

    The only promo photo from the failed Kiss-Weird Al collaboration.

  • Brendan

    Lady Gaga turns the tables and spoofs Weird Al Yankovic…

  • Howie

    You don’t want to pull the trigger on his love gun

  • http://misterbooze.blogspot.com Mister Booze

    little known Kiss member Schultze, best remembered for his golden locks and a severe beating at the hands of a young Ronnie James Dio.

  • Slaughterhouse

    Hey look, its Mr. Simmons and Kathy Griffen’s love child, go figure

  • Charlie Brown

    I was made for polka’n you

  • Chet Stedman

    Paul Stanley unmasked.

  • Dirtman73

    The proof that KISS sucks.

  • A2James

    The idea that Gene Simmons got after sticking his “love gun” in Dolly Parton

  • Jim

    Knights In Spadowski’s Service

  • http://www.schenkeltown.com SchenkelTown

    French Kiss don’t quite have the rock & roll thing down yet.

  • Jason

    Make up and cosmetic testing is not only cruel to animals, but also to those who suffer from a low IQ.

  • Curt

    A KISS tribute in the key of Polka!

  • SON1KdethMUNKY

    This actually how Peter Criss spends his time away from the rest of the band.

  • Kuranes

    Frehley’s Vomit.

    • Ben

      It took me a second, but well done.

    • Jaysin

      WINNER!

      • mynutz

        WINNING

    • skullsession

      1

  • Derrek

    Detroit, polka city?

  • Brock Sterns

    The picture is irrelevent…look at the work on that shadow! shameful!

    • http://www.coreymitchell.com Corey Mitchell

      Nice!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alexander-Jacobs/100000030228475 Alexander Jacobs

    In his spare time, the Spaceman would abduct Sammy Hagar and torture him with his maddening polka music.

    potatomoto@gmail.com

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Richard-Warrell/516025342 Richard Warrell

    “The accordion is literally the only thing you can’t get a Kiss-ified version of from their merch store. Someone mentioned this to Gene”

    “Nope, Psycho Circus still doesn’t sound any better in polka form”

    theelfoid_tfs@hotmail.com

  • http://www.easttexasunderground.net DaylightReckoning

    YOU WANTED THE POLKA!?
    YOU GOT THE POLKA!!
    THE DEUTSCHIST BAND IN THE LAND . . ..

  • yzermantiis

    Pa pa pa polka face pa pa polka facccce!!!!!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jaymz-Hina/100000866625703 Jaymz Hina

    Cocain’s a helluva drug

  • Liz Lemon

    Hohner? How mainstream. I play a Gabbanelli. Gabbanelli ist kvlt!!!!!

    • Zach

      Nice!

  • John

    If you think her accordian skills are great, wait ’till you see what she can do with her tongue…

  • http:///www,twistedcritic.wordpress.com Chris

    …but where do the sparks shoot out from?

  • David B.

    The accordian of amenti?

  • http://metalmykee.blogspot.com Mykee Shaffer

    Space Ace got a squeeze box; Gene, Paul, and Peter never sleep at night.

  • fightingmike

    If Turisas started in the 70′s…

  • squid

    the only thing that could make kiss worth listening to.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dwight-Cobb/100000586756371 Dwight Cobb

    If you thought the members of Kiss couldn’t get any lower, you were wrong.

    TheMindAssassin@yahoo.com

  • Braston

    … Because in spACE… NO ONE can hear you scream…

  • Hetal

    This is either bad black metal, or good KISS.

  • Aether Jake

    Suffocation decided to ditch the gimmick early on.

    aetherjake@gmail.com

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    The Human Twinkie Wiener Sandwich

  • Dragthewaters666

    After all these years. All Peter wants is some attention

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Sean-Heron/9391234 Ryan Sean Heron

    the latest line of kiss action figures commemorating the bands short lived and all but forgotten polka era.

  • jim

    Kat Vivaldi’s love child with Gene Simmons, yet another example of the need for gene pool life guards

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Greg-Eiseman/805553116 Greg Eiseman

    When Dee Snider tried out for KISS, he didn’t realize they weren’t looking for an accordion player. Boy, did he feel foolish…

  • http://www.last.fm/user/opeth027 Kyle

    Coming soon to a webstore near you: the Kiss Akkordion Kondom

  • BruisedMetal

    Weird Al joins the kiss army

  • Brendan

    Kissane Accordion Posse

  • Marplot

    rocking the solo for Detroit Schlock City

  • Mars Bar

    Gene Simmons. You can say what you want about him, but he’s a hell of a business man thanks to his polkaface.

  • Bill

    Welcome to heaven, heres your harp.

    Welcome to hell, heres your äccordian.

  • Zorbs

    I’m back…Back in the POLKA GROOVE.

  • Heywood

    Acecordian Frehley

  • BigDan

    The Kiss Army also celebrated the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

  • Etzell

    So I was gonna say something funny… But that picture is such a fucking trainwreck I don’t know where to start.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Green/626817516 James Green

    jm20green@sbcglobal.net I Wanna Polka N’ Roll All NIGHT!!!!

  • BeautyInTheButt

    Mom. Shutup.

  • Thomas K

    New contribution to the world of metal genres: Blackordian

  • al

    Hey, that’s Skwisgaar Skwigelf who joined Kiss fan-club not long ago! Boy i’m sure he was high as hell back then & he still is! btw, i’m not sure he can play this button accordion properly..

  • http://fantasyh.wordpress.com fantasyh

    Weird Gene Simmonsowicz

  • Kirk Austin

    Grace Frehley

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Steve-Flynn/627094869 Steve Flynn

    In the end, Turisas opted for costume plan B on the grounds of originality…

  • Walker

    Polkacore was off to a shaky start until it hooked up with Skrillex and helped transcend the genre.

  • gnarlatron

    …the gospel accordian to KISS.

  • troe

    Kiss Armageddon.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colin-Frazier/100002182298476 Colin Frazier

    So did you hear? Jethro Tull doesn’t just play the flute anymore. He’s definitely going to sweep the hard rock categories at the upcoming grammy’s.

  • slice two

    Kathy Griffin joins Kiss as the member they never needed!

  • CW

    Lights come down on center stage as his hit song Gretchen wins over the crowd

    or

    Host of the new German reality show Polka Stars

  • Dave B

    Tranny Ace Frehleys’ Hohner gives me a boner.

  • namelessness

    Varg’s new promo shot.

  • Dan

    Apparently, God gave polka to you as well………..

  • CrackCore

    Ebay didn’t lie. This most certainly is a RARE UNIQUE SKWISGAAR DETHKLOK ACTION FIGURE GERMAN L@@K

  • chris

    now to measure this in Danzig’s

  • Black Shuck

    Symphonic black metal is getting a little out of hand…

  • The Uncool Guy Down The Hall

    “An accordion? Why not. It can’t make us sound like more of a joke than we already are.”

  • Caleb

    Dayman….Fighter of the Nightman. Champion of the sun.

  • Mike Reno

    AND ON THE HAND ORGAN…….PAT HISCOCK!!!!!!!

  • speed_bump

    Knights In Strauss’ Service

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harrison-Hatcher/100000832693214 Harrison Hatcher

    After Goldilocks’ traumatic run-in with the 3 bears…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harrison-Hatcher/100000832693214 Harrison Hatcher
  • Mack T

    Post-Glam polka? At least its not Nickelback.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Martin-Maxwell/701451618 Martin Maxwell

    Come see Rod Stewart live at Neil Comkowski’s bar mitzvah, he’s doing Kiss Covers!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Evan-Quigley/767550306 Evan Quigley

    this is a piece frome the french Kiss toy line

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tim-Bartolini/100001859397919 Tim Bartolini

    When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s ametal

    tim.bartolini@gmail.com

  • BillyIdle

    I want to rock n roll all night! And Polka everyday!

  • Jadon

    PISS! like KISS but polka… and way more annoying

  • Stephanie

    KISS 70′s THUNDER SQUEEZEROCK

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dustin-French/1320488685 Dustin French

    Well uh, now this fucking band is signed to Victory Records. Oh boy!