Kurt Ballou, you rat bastid! After telling us he was about to begin working on a new Old Man Gloom record and getting us into a tizzy, Ballou has gone and taken it all back a few days later, claiming it was a “belated little April Fools joke.” From Kurt’s Facebook via Metal Injection:

whoops. nevermind about Old Man Gloom. they forgot to write songs, so they’ve cancelled

And then a follow-up reply to stangry FP commenters:

hey, i want an new OMG too. i think i’m just going to write it and record it myself and see if i can pass it off as them. i have played drums, guitar, and sang on their records before, so it’s ok, right? it will be called “easter.”

Oh well. At least we can still pine for that Scissorfight reunion.

-VN

And we can’t believe you’ve been gone a year already. Metal can never replace you.

Of course when you set out to make a list like, say, the one we’re doing right now, of The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, you are bound to piss a lot of people off — that just comes with the job.

But I always find it hilarious HOW those people get pissed off. For example, this week I saw a lot of complaints that the guitar players we’ve been selecting aren’t “modern.” And I can’t believe we have to fucking define the word “modern” for some of you idiots, but apparently we do. So:

So… which one of you jackasses would like to call up Alex Skolnick or Vernon Reid or Adam Jones and let them know they’re antiquated and obsolete? ‘Cause I saw Testament and Living Colour and Tool live just last year, and I would not want to make that call. Just because those dudes have been playing this game for awhile doesn’t mean their best days are behind them.

My point simply being: I don’t care if you hate our choices. That’s fine. But at least try to hate our choices based on an argument that makes sense, y’know?

And on that note, here are other ways we entertained ourselves this week:

• We debuted new music from A Pale Horse Named Death and Oakhelm.
• We checked out the latest releases from From Exile, Godstopper, and Cruachan.
• We wondered which is better, old music or new music?
• We philosophized about Google’s new cloud service.
• We fretted that metal may soon be blamed for terrorism.
• We got excited about The Faceless’ new demo.
• We bemoaned the current state of In Flames.
• We wept because Dave Grohl is not going to be on the new Mastodon album after all.
• We enjoyed a vegetarian cooking lesson from a dude in corpse paint.
• We questioned the logic of the new Avenged Sevenfold video.

Next week we unveil numbers fifteen through eleven on our guitar player list; the average age of those five musicians is thirty-one, whereas the average age of this week’s selections was forty-two. So maybe you can go back to being upset because you think they suck, not because you think they’re too old to be “modern.”

-AR

MetalSucks recently polled its staff to determine who are The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, and after an incredible amount of arguing, name calling, and physical violence, we have finalized that list! The only requirements to be eligible for the list were that the musician in question had to a) play metal (duh), b) play guitar (double-duh), and c) have recorded something in the past five years. Today we continue our countdown with Alice in Chains’ Jerry Cantrell…

I held off on listening to Alice in Chains for a really long time. Mainly because all the ‘90s grungy metal I’d heard previously made me go meh, and that’s the genre with which I associated AiC. But when countless people told me I was stupid for thinking so and all but bullied me into listening to them, I thought maybe I should stop making assumptions. Hey, I can admit when I’m wrong.

Jerry Cantrell played a big part in changing my mind. His style is what distinguishes Alice in Chains from just another grunge band. In his words, “We’re a lot of different things… I don’t quite know what the mixture is, but there’s definitely metal, blues, rock and roll, maybe a touch of punk. The metal part will never leave, and I never want it to,” and it’s those extra elements that make Alice in Chains such a, I hesitate to say this but really there’s no better word, unique band. His riffs are often punishing, loud, and harsh but expand into slower moodier grinds that blend so well with the dual harmonizing vocals. The dark, almost nihilistic themes are always present even in the seemingly simple acoustic numbers.

Click to read more…

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Welcome to “Question of the Week,” a (sometimes) weekly debate amongst the MetalSucks staff regarding a recent hot button issue.

This week’s query comes from an e-mail sent to us by reader Jaziel Ocampo. We thought it was such an intriguing issue, so we passed it along to our writers:

“I still buy and collect vinyl records and prefer them over buying a cd but they rarely have an access code to obtain a digital copy of the album. Do I have the right to download the album without paying for it since I already paid minimally twice the price for the record on vinyl?”

The MS staff’s answers after the jump.

Click to read more…

As I write this, the insanity of week fucking 17 (!) of American Idol‘s season ten (!!) hasn’t really sunk in yet. It was that mind-fuckingly insulting, pandering, and retardening. See, the guest mentor was Lady Gaga (attired in a way that could not be more distracting to the Idol hopefuls) and she, like Poochie, is just so damn edgy and extreme and viral; in the face of her um I guess pernicious influence, American Idol producers opted to strenuously counteract any potential disapproval from the mythic moral heartland with shitloads of god, 9/11 rhetoric, and peckerwood platitudes. One singer’s antidote to a making Gaga’s acquaintance was to fervently kiss a neck-worn cross; another refused to sing the line “I am evil.”

Fucking pussies.

After this abominable week, Idol producers, judges, contestants, and sponsors would be wise to acknowledge something: Some people are your sworn enemies. They work behind the scenes. They know people. They move with invisibility. They are like Fight Club. And if they so choose, no Idol people shall ever again encounter a meal that hasn’t been farted on, a hotel towel that hasn’t been dick-wiped, or a mic that hasn’t been incubated between two hot, hairy asscheeks. These things happen.

Ahem until then, here comes your Idol Remains recap of crap, your scorecard of hardcore bore, your summary of bummary. Man, this show sucks donkey dicks.

Click to read more…

Sonic Syndicate’s Karin Axelsson. Apparently there are other people in this band, too.

I was recently made aware of this post over at That’s Not Metal, and holy God, did I laugh. In short, it’s all about a show Sonic Syndicate played in Worcester in 2007, and how horribly the audience reacted to them. They were opening for Amon Amarth as a replacement for Decapitated (it was just a few weeks after Vitek passed away), and they were booed right off the stage. It was hilarious. And you know how I know it was hilarious? I was there.

Click to read more…

You want Sepultura pics? We got ‘em, courtesy of MS photographer Mariel “Tormentia” Pietrykoski. Our favorite Brazilians tore through New Jersey’s Starland Ballroom with Belphegor and Hate in tow, and Mariel caught it all via her newfangled picture-taking-device. Have a looksee after the fold.

Click to read more…

MetalSucks readers know we’re HUGE fans of Ihsahn, and were completely blown away by his solo release last year, After – which is why we’re beyond stoked that he’ll be making his live U.S. debut at ProgPower USA on Friday, September 16.

To celebrate, we’re giving one lucky MetalSucks reader and a guest the chance not just to meet Ihsahn at the festival — but to actually hang out with the legendary musician! Here’s how this is gonna work:

• Between now and Friday, June 10, purchase a ticket to ProgPowerUSA. Tickets are available here. In addition to Ihsahn, there’s lots of other cool artists playing the fest, including Sanctuary, Therion, and Dream Evil — so you know this is gonna be a good time!
• E-mail proof of your ticket purchase to progpowerusa AT gmail DOT com with the phrase “IHSAHN/METALSUCKS CONTEST” in the subject line.
• A random drawing will be held to determine the winner, who will be announced on Monday, June 13.
• That winner and a guest will get a private meet and greet with Ihsahn the day of the show. This will not be a simple stand in line/photo/autograph/ass out the door kind of situation — the winner will be able to hang out with Ihsahn for awhile, have a beer or two, get some cool swag, etc.
• The winner will also be given a special pass to watch Ihsahn’s entire set from in front of the stage barrier.

And that’s it! This has to be one of the coolest contests we’ve ever run. So go buy your tickets and enter now!

Good luck…

-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

An Open Letter to Mötley Crüe and Poison

Dear Members of Mötley Crüe and Poison,

Okay so look. Vince and I already have our tickets to your big summer tour with the New York Dolls. You have our money. You won that fight. It’s over.

So the least you could do is make the tour fucking entertaining. And, no, I don’t mean by playing “Live Wire” and “Ride the Wind” or whatever. I mean, you’re gonna play those songs, but that’s a given.

No no no no no no no. What we really, really want here is some DRAMA. Some FEUDING between the bands. You’re Mötley Crüe and Poison, fer cryin’ out loud! You chase trends. Star on reality shows. Contract and spread diseases. Release terrible records. This tour is not supposed to be some huge love fest. It’s supposed to be a total shit show.

Which is why I’m really pissed that, thus far, you seem to be getting along. You’re doing talk shows together. And now Bret Michaels says that Nikki Sixx has even apologized for the comments he and other members of The Crüe have made about Poison — y’know, the ones where they called Poison “fake bullshit,” swore that they “would never, ever tour with a fucking band like Poison,” and even yelled at a fan over Twitter for suggesting such a heinous concept. According to Mr. Rock of Love:

Click to read more…

No longer are appearances on Fox News’ Red Eye program by metal bands limited to intergalactic cuttlefish-mongering monsters; the “fair and balanced” news network recently invited legendary doom-pop trio Floor into the studio. Why Floor, why now? Beats me; maybe Steve Brooks is a huge Glenn Beck fan. Either way, this clip is actually a lot of fun and includes zero allusions to the fact that President Obama might be a terrorist. Without ruining it for you, I’ll just say that host Greg Gutfeld asks the guys some pretty entertaining questions. Also, you get to hear octagenarian MTV newsman Kurt Scroter curse!

-VN

According to Noisecreep, masturbation enthusiasts now have a new place to convene in the digital space: GuitarTV.com, the new venture presented by legendary axeman Steve Vai, Hugh Hefner, and technology wiz Bill Gates.

GuitarTV.com is a 24-hour interactive channel loaded with streaming videos of legendary scenes by some of the world’s most famous porn-stars, interviews with the “talent,” chat rooms, live cams, and more. GuitarTV.com is also a place for passionate fans of jerking off to connect with each other.

“Most people are fascinated to see someone tug their dong in an inspired way. We are moved by witnessing self-pleasing brilliance, and it was this notion that led me to purchase the GuitarTV domain 10 years ago,” said Vai in a statement. “Still to this day, I am deeply satisfied when watching some dude who is connected with their art and “instrument” furiously pull their own putty. GuitarTV helps you tap into that connection, and to each other.”

No word yet on what the hinted at “interactive features” will be, or what Vai thinks of a budding new online video community called “YouTube” that also features filmed masturbatory sessions.

-VN

I’m going to put approximately as much work into this introduction as Osama bin Laden did to constantly changing locations so the American military couldn’t find him. Here’s a bunch of clips that aren’t as good as the new Red Fang video.

To being today we have Steven Tyler’s first-ever solo video, for the song “(It) Feels So Good.” And by the way, if anyone can explain (to) me why the word “it” is (in) parenthesis, (I) would grateful. Because (it) seems pretty fucking random, doesn’t (it)? And also, the song really isn’t that great, although it’s not terrible or anything. The video, on the other hand, is about as exciting as being stuck in traffic in a venue parking lot after a concert lets out. That Red Fang took what looks to me like a very small budget and made something so awesome and Steven Tyler hired some big name L.A. fashionista and Christ knows how much money and only came up with this is fucking embarrassing for Steven Tyler and the big name L.A. fashionista. Really all this video has going for it is a scantily clad hot girl, and not to be a dick or anything, but I live in downtown Manhattan and its spring time, so I can see a hot girl anytime I want just by stepping scantily clad hot girl by stepping right outside my door. And I don’t even need to listen to a mediocre song to do it!

Click to read more…

The Revolver Golden Gods Awards will air on VH1 later this month (or something… I know we got a press release but I was too lazy to read it), and it will be interesting to see that, because I was there, but I didn’t actually see very much of the show. I saw the schmuck from Asking Alexandria drop his mic two seconds into “Youth Gone Wild,” and I saw some of Avenged Sevenfold’s performances with Duff McKagan and Vinnie Paul, and I saw enough of Chris Jericho performing “For Whom the Bell Tolls” to consider throwing myself over the balcony and ending the awards in spectacular fashion (sometimes, sacrifices must be made for the greater good). But by and large I was too busy snorting coke in the bathroom with a girl who fucking swore to me that it wasn’t a herpes sore that lying bitch! to be bothered.

So one thing I had absolutely no idea even transpired was the below montage paying tribute to the five guys who died in the past year that are relevant to the readers of Revolver, which is to say, not Phil Vane or Frankie Sparcello.

But I shouldn’t be a jerk about it, it’s really a very touching video.

-AR

[via Metal Underground]

Remember that EP that Gorod announced they were working on over 16 months ago that was supposed to include a 14-minute long epic and a Cynic cover? Yeah, I’d forgotten too. But according to an email from Gorod guitarist Mathieu Pascal that the MS Mansion Monkeys just printed out, couriered over to the Vince Division and are jumping up and down “ahhh ahhhh ahhhhh!”-ing whilst waving it in my face, Gorod are finally releasing that EP, called Transcendence… on their own.

What is wrong with the world that Gorod can’t get a record deal? Do previous labels Willowtip and Listenable not realize that this band’s popularity has exploded since their last release, 2009′s mind-melting Process of a New Decline? Whatevs… we get new Gorod music, so who gives an eff? Here’s Pascal:

“Transcendence” will only be available at the band shows and on the forthcoming Gorod online shop (june 2011)… the EP will hit iTunes later on this year…

Gorod ultimate fans will be pleased to know that the EP will be available from may 23 at the Paris show (Glazart) on this European Invasion Tour !!

This new sound, that shows 45′ of Gorod’s universe [I think this means "45 minutes." -Ed.] and new way of musical approach, marks the end of the SciFi story started with “Neurotripsicks” and that led “Leading Vision” and “Process Of A New Decline”…. End of an era…

After the jump, check the tracklisting (including the Cynic cover):

Click to read more…

I’m working on a big “Cinemetal Round-Up” for today, because a bunch of notable artists have released new clips in the past forty-eight hours. But as I was watching — and uncontrollably grinning at — “Wires,” the new video from Red Fang, I thought to myself, “No. This is just too damn good to be lumped in with a bunch of other shit. People must see this. Attention must be paid.”

What a great fucking example of doing something awesome with what, I’m guessing at least, was not a lot of money. (If the video is to be believed, it cost less than $5,000. That may sound like a fair sum of cash, but in the filmmaking world, it’s practically nothing.) “Wires” isn’t the prettiest video you’ve ever seen, but it’s well shot, it’s well edited, and, clearly, a lot of thought went into its creation.

And the results are top notch. AND this the second the band and their collaborator, Whitey McConnaughy, have pulled off such a feat — their video for “Prehistoric Dog” is also fucking incredible. These clips are funny as hell and metal as fuck. I almost don’t wanna talk too much about it because I don’t wanna give anything away. But I implore you to check it out. It’s not currently embeddable, but you can watch it by clicking on the screen cap below (and God help you if the screen cap doesn’t make you wanna watch the video right now.)

Fucking AWESOME, right?

“Wires” comes off of Red Fang’s latest, Murder the Mountains, which is out now on Relapse. The band will spend their summer on the Rockstar Energy Drink Mayhem Festival; get dates here.

-AR

A day that is supposed to be totally fucking cursed seems pretty metal, doesn’t it?

To celebrate, here’s a heavy metal version of the theme music from the Friday the 13th series that I found on YouTube. Friday the 13th was my favorite slasher franchise in my youth (besides Sleepaway Camp, but in those days there were only three Sleepaway Camp movies and there were fucking NINE Friday the 13th movies, so Jason Voorhees wins, I guess), so, uh, yeah! Don’t go camping tonight. Or have sex. Or do drugs.

Yeah, actually, fuck it, you’re not gonna live forever! Have sex, unprotected. Do drugs. Go camping. Have a good time. Pray Jason makes your end quick.

-AR

MetalSucks recently polled its staff to determine who are The Top 25 Modern Metal Guitarists, and after an incredible amount of arguing, name calling, and physical violence, we have finalized that list! The only requirements to be eligible for the list were that the musician in question had to a) play metal (duh), b) play guitar (double-duh), and c) have recorded something in the past five years. Today we continue our countdown with Buckethead…

“He was born in a coop, raised in a cage,
Children fear him, critics rage.
He’s half alive, he’s half-dead
Folks just call him ‘Buckethead.’”
–”The Ballad of Buckethead,” Buckethead featuring Les Claypool

Buckethead (his mommy just calls him “Brian Patrick Carroll”), the one-time Primus and Guns N’ Roses axe slinger, hasn’t released a single album in 2011, which I guess is excusable, SINCE HE RELEASED FOUR IN 2010 and ANOTHER FOUR IN 2009. In fact, his most recent release, 2010′s Untitled, was his thirtieth studio album — and that only counts solo albums, not stuff he’s recorded with bands/other artists. And even then, only solo albums released under the moniker “Buckethead,” not solo albums released as “Death Cube K” (which, in case you don’t see it, is the letters that spell “Buckethead” re-arranged).

Of course, the fact that he’s pretty much the most prolific person in the history of ever would make no difference if he wasn’t also an incredible, mind-bogglingly mind-blowing musician. Fact of the matter is, when you look at all those albums he’s released, not only are they all good, and not only do they all display top-notch musicianship and songwriting abilities, but they cover a wide range of styles, including not just metal and hard rock, but electronica, country, funk, blues, flamenco, and lots and lots of experimental shit that I don’t even know what the fucking fuck you’d call it.

For example, here’s a quick overview (and a shit ton of videos) of the genres covered in just those eight most recent solo releases:

Click to read more…

For last week’s photo caption contest we offered up two MetalSucks Fanpacks, each with a sweet t-shirt and 20-track CD with new music from TesseracT, Thomas Giles, Trap Them, and many others. If you didn’t win, don’t worry; they’re still available at every FYE store in the U.S. for a mere $10 (use this store-finder app to find the location nearest you). The winners are:

• Ben Robson: “Surprisingly, Gene Simmons wasn’t always a marketing genius.”
• Kuranes: “Frehley’s Vomit.”

This week we’re giving away two prize packs from Blackfield, the collaboration between Steven Wilson (Porcupine Tree) and Israeli superstar Aviv Geffen.Their third studio album Welcome To My DNA is out now and available for purchase here, and you can catch the band on tour in the U.S. starting next week. One grand prize winner will receive a Welcome To My DNA CD, t-shirt and poster, and the runner-up will receive a CD. You know how to play: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by reader Yasmina Ketita). Remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect).

We’ve been trying to get one of the dudes from Cannabis Corpse do a “Metalcal Marijuana” column for us for what seems like forever now, and they said they were gonna do it but never actually did, and now I’m finally going public with this request in the hopes that if enough of you post comments to the effect of “YES PLEASE DO THAT,” it will actually happen.

Then again, it’s hard to blame stoners for forgetting to do stuff. Especially when you’re a stoner who sometimes forgets to do stuff.

Speaking of blaming shit on bud: the band has a new song called “Blame it on Bud” that our, uh, buds at Brooklyn Vegan are now streaming. It comes from Cannabis Corpse’s new album, Beneath Grow Lights Thou Shalt Rise, which is coming out on July 12 via Tankcrimes. And if you still think of Cannabis Corpse as “just some joke band,” well, you oughta know that Erik motherfucking Rutan mixed the album, SO THAT SHIT IS SERIOUS.

So “get right,” as we like to say, and then go rock out to the song. But don’t toke up and then forget what you were gonna do next, you silly stoners!

-AR