GET READY FOR THE MONOTONY OF METALLICA MONOPOLY

When I was a kid, Monopoly was always known as “That game we’ll never have time to finish.” Like, if we needed something to do, we might see what board games we had (Do kids even still play board games? I know that’s a ridiculous question, but, seriously… do they?), and someone would be like “Monopoly?”, and everyone else would be all “It takes too long, we’ll never finish it!” The result is that the game actually almost never got played. Everyone owned it, but it only got broken out like once in a blue moon. What a colossal waste of money.

And now it will be a waste of money that is even more colossalier: Metallica have announced on Facebook that they’re going to be releasing their own edition of the game next week on their webstore. Because nothing is more metal than buying and selling real estate. (Except for maybe zoning issues.)

I don’t know how much Metopoly is going to cost yet, but is it foolish of me to assume that it will be more than the retail price of regular Monopoly? A few quick Google searches tell me that other themed-editions of Monopoly, ranging from Star Wars to Hello Kitty to Nintendo/Mario to Disney, are all more expensive than the original version of the game. Meanwhile, as far as I can tell, there’s absolutely nothing special about them, other than the pieces are different (in this case, I’m gonna wager that instead of a shoe, a hat, etc., we’ll either get instruments, or, if the designers were feeling ambitious, the band members themselves) and the names of the various places have been changed. I can’t even imagine how that will work in this version. Will there be a Blackened Blvd. or something? And if there is, does that really make the game more fun than just having Park Place or whatever?

But maybe I’ll be wrong! Maybe there will be something really cool about this. But right now it seems like this will be shelling out cash for a box with some caricatures of Metallica. In which case, you can just cut out any pictures of the band taken in the past fifteen years and glue them to a Monopoly box and use the money for something better, like buying the new Hate Eternal album.

-AR

[via Metal Injection]