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PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A VINYL TEST PRESS OF DARK CASTLE’S NEW ALBUM SURRENDER TO ALL LIFE BEYOND FORM

 Thursday, June 9th, 2011 at 5:00pm by

Last week we offered a signed Cradle of Filth picture disc vinyl as the prize for our weekly photo caption contest. And the winner is:

  • Zach Dolan: “The Human Scenetipede.”

Nicely done, Zach. This week’s we’re giving away a gatefold vinyl test press version of the new Dark Castle album Surrender to All Life Beyond Form, which is being released by Brutal Panda Records and is available for pre-orders now. Just leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by reader Kyle Palmer). Remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect).


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  • hATE-eR

    There’s too much light in here Algar, kill those bulbs! AHHHHGGGG!

    • Ulversatile

      Darkthrone

      lol

  • Zack Schaus

    The Grimmest and most kvlt band known to mankind…..DARK URINAL!!!!!!

  • Kuranes

    Invoking In The Boys Room

    • http://giantofthemountain.bandcamp.com Lordassenfroth

      LOL! damn thats funny

      • Jaxuhn

        1

    • skullsession

      win

    • dave66

      +1 yup

    • wha?

      Perfect. I’m not even going to try after reading this one.

      • mynutz

        Kuranes wins the Internet!!!!

        Game over…

    • octopus

      Outstanding fucking work. Jesus Christ that is funny.

    • Peachy

      Hell yes!

  • LoGs the Shit

    See, corpse paint really is the shit

  • Planeswalker

    Why is Shagrath holding a jock strap?

  • chainchomp

    The new cover art for Porcelain Black’s latest release: Unrine Luck.

  • http://www.gravatar.com/avatar/34cecaeb05a388c2cc3c5252fb5dc12f.png Mister Yammo

    Zach Dolan: “The Human Scenetipede.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

    Dethroned.

  • Bayon

    What’s that Pungent Stench?!

  • Kuranes

    Toilet of the Idols (In Conspiracy With Satan)

    • Kuranes

      … that may only be funny to Gorgoroth completists.

  • Wowwee!!

    Just when you thought black metal couldn’t stink any worse.

  • im feeling cunty

    im gonna piss blood, drink it, then piss it again, then you can drink it dave

    • beerhead the gearhead

      Win… just for the I’m feeling cunty name!

  • yzermantiis

    Bathroomory

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Koli-Hyche/815349207 Koli Hyche

      HA! Very nice

  • Ernie Collins

    The Guardians Of Asgaard’s Urinals!!

  • Braston

    MOM! Hold the camera still. We want this to look good.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Devon-Czekaj/550092101 Devon Czekaj

    “Our main band is kind of like Arcade Fire crossed with Fleet Foxes, but we also love pretending to love black metal by taking the piss on it with this project.”

    harlequindevon@gmail.com

  • Curmudgeon

    This is why people don’t like using public bathrooms.

    vdeogmrlr@msn.com

  • Shawn M

    Painting the walls with the blood of a thousand whore wombs, Ricky and Joe Joe take a break for a quick promotional photo. “HI DAD! I HOPE YOUR PROUD!”

  • Shawn M

    This red really brings out the black in our wigs dude!

  • Ken

    what lies behind the glory hole

  • Matt Z

    Guardians of the new Morbid Angel album.

  • Josh

    Transylvania Plumber

  • snacrifice

    We will paint these walls red with their blood…shit!

  • Kuranes

    King ov Hell misinterprets Gaahl’s invitation to “have a swordfight in the bathroom”.

    • Marcel

      Fantastic.

  • http://www.brentapetrie.com brent

    A rare photo of Count Pissnackh in the act of murdering Urinymous.

  • Austin Milbarge

    “These ferguson flushers are the only thing brutal enough to handle our dark bowels”

  • JimC

    Kubrick’s THE SHINING just got that much more br00tulz.

  • canea

    We’ve lost our penises. We thought this might be a good place to start looking for new ones.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Emanuel-Aceves/100002344397853 Emanuel Aceves

    who brings a bannana to a sword fight…. the same man who wears a cape to the bathroom

  • Austin Milbarge

    Occupied!

  • Kuranes

    Toilet Of The Thunder Gods

  • leelee

    what happens when you don’t wash your hands

  • jfenris

    wolfshirts in the bathroom

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Colin-Frazier/100002182298476 Colin Frazier

    Now you shall watch as we cross streams.

  • This dude

    Nic cages son and his trainer doing sword lifts before a show

  • synic

    We go in pairs. It’s safer that way.

  • CJ

    “We conquer this lavatory in the name of Mighty Ravendark!”

  • lucifer

    the toilet cleaners at Helvete would often get distracted by their sword shaped mop

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carrigan-Matbll-Schmillby/1225749739 Carrigan Mëatbäll Schmillby

    Black as shit

  • Chase

    Stomach pains so violent only one thing will help. the black metal enima. Your life is in our hands.

  • spacescoundrel

    Apparently they saw the phrase “Tr00 kvlt BM” and didn’t realize that it’s supposed to stand for Black Metal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kyle-Timothy-Palmer/582086079 Kyle Timothy Palmer

    Hooray! They used the picture I suggested! :)

    “There are cornier things than turds in the deep places of the world.”

    kyle.palmer@hotmail.com

  • Grind

    The only place that remotely looked like a green screen.

  • jason

    “hey, I went to flush this bible and you’ll never guess what was in the toilet!”
    “a massive shit?”
    “no, the new Morbid Angel CD!”
    “called it”

    • x-light

      its supposed to say “close, the new Morbid Angel CD!”

  • Wah wah wah

    Eurinemous and I.B.S. Vortex were pretty upset when they realized it was the wall that was blood red, not the throne

  • jondabudz

    “Black Metal Birthday clowns getting ready to tear up Chuckie Cheese”

    I hope your ready for some satanic mountain dew and evil cheese pizza.

    This would be at some awkward fat kids birthday party that only his family would attend, because nobody in his seventh grade class likes him.

  • http://heavymetalist.com theheavymetalist

    what is this thing you call bathroom humour?

  • David B.

    Dude has a huge turd cutter

  • Mark D

    Dennys: Because the summoners of the Dark One were out of ram skull and garlic.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grey-Gibson/100000560366769 Grey Gibson

    A Golden Shower filling your Black Cauldron of Angst.

  • Matt S

    A rare glimpse into a black metal recording session.

  • BruisedMetal

    two dudes showing their swords in the bathroom

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Lewis/605594586 James Lewis

    Urinymous

  • Nick>

    Embrace the stench of dehydrated black piss!

  • Brock Sterns

    Anal Nathrakh

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cory-John-William-Kamermans/505609811 Cory John William Kamermans

    Nattefrost Takes a Piss.

  • amelia

    A typical trip to the little kvltist’s room

  • Rachel

    My Anorexia Nervosa is acting up again.

  • Joe LaForm

    I Am The Black Whizzers.

  • Joe LaForm

    Anthems In The Mens Room at Lunch.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/James-Lewis/605594586 James Lewis

    After some debate, Urinymous and Abbathroom Occulta realized that Wolves In The Washroom wasn’t a great idea,

  • Sacajawea

    Got your number off the bathory wall.

  • http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrTpeIZEYNk Alex

    ‘PU KVLT’

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Izeovasis/165678580151365 Jamison

    “Dammit Jurgen, I told you eating Vegan Black Metal Chef’s cooking was a bad idea before our show!!!!”

  • jason

    The skinny dude is ready to cross swords

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    The place where Victory Records discovers new bands to sign.

    • chris

      1

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Shcherbelis/507935408 David Shcherbelis

    Black metal is all about how shitty the recording quality of your record is

    dshcherbelis@verizon.net

  • Izzy_Jones

    This is how Elvis Presley really died.

  • chris

    I didn’t know they had reflections.

  • ZackP

    Rob Halford: “Where the fuck was my invitation??”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Connor-Couzens/580622274 Connor Couzens

    Giant cheese-strings and a well-lit washroom. Tr00 Kvlt.

    connorcouzens@hotmail.com

  • crimsonghost

    In Norway even the janitors are metal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stefano-Passaro/618678171 Stefano Passaro

    Haters gonna hate

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bo-Benge/784671029 Bo Benge

    Meet here at 3:33AM for black, frosty love.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Rigney/100001091433733 Aaron Rigney

    Wolves In The Porcelain Throne Room.

    cumquat@hotmail.com

  • http://lacalca Carlo

    The match is ending

  • DieByTheChord

    Welcome to our Inner Stanktum!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Robochrist-Feuerzauben/1328586275 Robochrist Feuerzauben

    “where’s the tp!?!!”

  • ehhhhh

    Hvis Lyset Turd Oss

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alejandro-Aldana/683878171 Alejandro Aldana

    these guys really think black metal is the shit

    VerrucktsAl@aol.com

  • sonas76

    On that dark winter’s day, Danny Torrence discovered that not all of the Overlook Hotel’s ghosts were scary…in fact, some of them were trying just a little TOO hard to be brutal.

    Sonas76@ptd.net

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dean-Cowles/1657411509 Dean Cowles

    Red Ruum, Red Ruum

    dcow00@gmail.com

  • onetothrowaway

    Can you hear the roar of the fans? THEY LOVE OUR SHIT.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Trovoy-Ellis/100001221729990 Trovoy Ellis

    When Keeping It real goes wrong.

    Nonesovile06@gmail.com

  • zoidhoek

    So which one of you two forgot the bananas.

  • http://sfsludge.blogspot.com Blyan

    Indigestuous Ritual

    bproteau[at]gmail[dot]com

  • Blackmarketops

    Whoa, that Indian food went right through me. Time to loosen some wolves in the throne room.

  • CrackCore

    At least this shit belongs in the bathroom.

    • CrackCore

      I just thought of a better one! ahh forgive me.. “Unfortunately these two turds of darkness can’t be flushed down the toilet.”

  • Eric

    Who Forgot to Flush!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ryan-Sean-Heron/9391234 Ryan Sean Heron

    thine shit hath been layeth there!

  • BigDan

    There is nothing blacker and tr00er than the bathroom at a Red Robin.

  • Hunter Remington

    Under a urinal moon.

    • http://sfsludge.blogspot.com Blyan

      Ahh I really want to win but I love this one

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hunter-Remington/100000311509473 Hunter Remington

        Thank you kind sir.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hunter-Remington/100000311509473 Hunter Remington

        Thank you kind sir.

  • Hunter Remington

    Wolf’s Lair Piss.

  • Travis O.

    Nergal and Orion bring the power of Black Metal with their sword and summon its powers in the Castle Grey Skull Restoom, “I have the power!!”

  • Nick

    my dick is darker than yours is.

  • whiskey_ramble

    Glad to see that SHIT from “Joe’s Apartment” are finally getting the respect they deserve..

  • BigBalluh

    Wolves in the porcelain throne room

  • ryry

    ‘This isn’t where you said the enchanted dark forest was at!’

  • Adam

    Looks like a long line to get into the bathroom…i guess we will be “watain-ing” here awhile.

  • EarthreceptoR

    In the black metal world “sword fight!” means something different.

  • Anna

    Shit metal.

  • Darth Brooks

    Evil Metal has just gone to the shitter.

  • Bierko

    “To Grim To Piss”

    Alternately, “2 Grim 2 Piss”, if you like MC Hammer.

  • http://carlogerardi2@virgilio.it Talco

    Behind that door the Snore

  • Andrew

    … But what most of you don’t know, is their actually on stage right now, and those urnals are their instruments

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Mollica/9373117 David Mollica

    Dude, man code strickly prohibits showing me your broad sword in the restroom!

  • nickmeister

    we’re here to exorcise your bowels!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bill-Wigmore/729485689 Bill Wigmore

    You know, I’ve heard of ‘taking a Wicked BM’ before, but this is just taking the piss.

  • anthony

    “Metal Up Your Ass” the newest thing in medieval-style enemas.

  • http://home.myfairpoint.net/~larrypatinvt/ Larry VT

    Gargamel: “ARRRG! Only One Seat!! – Quick, Skarge, take your sword and clear that stall!”

    Skarge: “Are you fuckin kidding me, My legs are buckling from the weight of this damn thing. Your gonna have to do it!”

    Gargamel: “I can’t lift it either, That TOFU crap I ate is starting to make it’s way out! Don’t wanna add to the pressure! ARRRG!”

    Skarge: “Seriously, you’ve never seen ‘The Smurfs’?

    Gargamel: “What the fuck is a Smurf? Your losing focus here – I need that STALL cleared before I squat an OZZY right in the middle of the floor here!”

    • http://home.myfairpoint.net/~larrypatinvt/ Larry VT

      Note: I apologize to BMVC for references made about TOFU, and the squat an Ozzy refers to the ‘on tour hotel hallway diarrhea’ incident(s). “Diarrhea of a Madman!”

  • ferris

    “Human Scenetipede.” Simple and brilliant. Genius.

    “Invoking In the Boys Room” is tough to beat.

  • The Uncool Guy Down The Hall

    Now to complete our transformation into a Black Metal band, we’re changing our name to “I Wrestled a Urinal Cake Once.”

  • dan

    My Black Metal Shit Don’t Stink!

  • http://twitter.com/pessimistedisco Pessimiste

    carpathian restroom.

  • Barry Von Breetalstein

    I wrestled a douce once.

  • Barry Von Breetalstein

    Dooce*

  • chainchomp

    IWRESTLEDATURDONCE

  • cylnplnt

    Displaying swords in the bathroom,not playing swords in the urinal.

  • TacoGrinder

    “Hello, I’m Ghaal, I’ll be your attendant today. May I interest you in some cologne, lotion, or blood of a virgin?”

    • Ant

      +1

      Genius.

  • Dragthewaters

    Would u like a mint, colone or maybe a TTOOOOOOWWWWWWEEEEELLLLLLLL!!!!!!

  • BruisedMetal

    “I see your schwartz is as big as mine!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Pat-Arriola/100002131340820 Pat Arriola

    The members of Emperor in their throne room.

  • http://www.radioactivesandwich.com slice two

    Worry not, for we shall vanquish the person who created the urinal deuce!!!

  • Bill

    Countess Bathroomy

  • Proggie

    Must… release… THE DEMONS!!!

  • miamisnuff

    “vorgaar this room ain’t kvlt enough to record our demo, lets head back to our tree house in bergen”

    matthewflandorp@ymail.com

  • http://www.myspace.com/funeralage John The Drummer

    Blade for Balls.

  • Jeff Jefferson

    Eurinalymous

  • Marco

    Rodd and Todd Flanders finally grew up…sort of.

  • Pete

    Pitch Black Metal. Pitch Black Stool.

  • Josh Bradford

    “Watain the hell were we thinking?”

    “I know, there’s no Agalloch on the door.”

  • The Duke

    Man i knew the quality of black metal had gone down, but now its in the shitters!

  • Mooseknuckle

    And now for my final act….I am going to make this sword disappear

  • Tom

    Abbath-room

  • http://home.myfairpoint.net/~larrypatinvt/ Larry VT

    There can be only one!

  • http://ohsoyeah Jordan

    “Can someone help us slide these pants down?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jaymz-Stupidname-Hina/100000866625703 Jaymz Stupidname Hina

    janitors of northern darkness…/detroit

  • Kevin

    “What’s whiter than my Burzum shirt and face paint?” “Fucking porcelain, bro!” “Call the winds, let’s get tr00 as fvck!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cameron-Almasi/1547604046 Cameron Almasi

    Armoured cocks pisses of steel
    Silvershlongs… time to reveal”

  • heemeyer

    in this episode of vegan black metal chef we’ll be making lemon devil’s food urinal cakes

  • Lasen.DK

    Sond Of Northern Toilets.

  • steven

    “Unsheath that sword and give me a fresh circumscision, Its time to turn my frown upside down!”

  • steven

    There werent any fresh tampons in my stall. Find the custodian and KILL HIM.

  • Ally

    Spirited Urination

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jason-Nexell/100002401689520 Jason Nexell

    what’s green and has wheels??? grass. i lied about the wheels

  • Dylan

    Wolves In The Throne Room.

  • aMaratDavid

    The Breaking of the Seventh Seal!