BORN OF OSIRIS’ CRIBS: A CHILL SPOT FOR BROS WHO LIKE N64 AND BREAKDOWNS
It’s no secret that playing in a real metal band is a one-way, express ticket to poverty, obscurity and involuntary abstinence. I mean, if a legend like poor Lemmy is relegated to a shitty apartment in Hollywood, surrounded by a lifetime’s worth of dinosaur-metal detritus, I shudder to think how depressing the lives of lesser metal losers must be.
On the other hand, bands like Asking Alexandria, Suiside Silence, and Bring Me The Horizon are getting laid, paid and laughing all the way to the bank, much to the chagrin of metal purists. The handwriting is on the wall, and it couldn’t be any more clear: playing anything other than metalcore/deathcore is career suicide.
If you don’t believe me, check out this guided tour of BORN OF OSIRIS’ posh pad in Wheaton, Illinois (AKA The Temple Of Osiris AKA The House That Sumeriancore Built [or leases, at least]).
- Floor tiles are “imported from Mexico”
- They are really into video games, but only entry-level, mainstream stuff like Call of Duty and Mass Effect. No RPGs :(
- They also talk a lot about N64 — is that considered “old school” among people their age?? Either way, it was definitely the worst console since the Jaguar.
- Band members all have the electrifying, dynamic personalities you would expect from 22 year olds who are way into N64 and playing guitar.
- Keyboardist Joe Buras shows off his collection of novelty hats, including one of those dumb reggae hats. In a very cringeworthy moment, he puts it on and says “I get rasta with it, mon” à la Michael Scott.
- They have a very impressive collection of knick-knacks, including several empty bottles of Jack Daniels, an unopened can of Keystone Light, and photos of their first tour (which was in a bus).
- Video concludes with some exclusive, behind-the-scenes footage of them jamming in their practice space — kind of disappointing they didn’t get footage of an actual song, so all you can see here is them practicing double bass and breakdowns, but it’s still pretty cool to watch!
Yo dawg, Sergeant D. herd you hate stuff, so he put some stuff in yo hate so you can hate while u stuff.