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Contests

PHOTO CAPTION CONTEST: WIN A BOX O’ FREE METAL SHIT

 Thursday, June 30th, 2011 at 5:00pm by

We heard you missed us… we’re back! After a three-week hiatus, Photo Caption Contest returns to offer you up your weekly dose of metal swag in exchange for your pathetic attempts at witty comments. Last time we offered a limited edition test-pressing vinyl of the new Dark Castle album Surrender to All Life Beyond Form, which is being released by Brutal Panda Records and is out now. The winner is longtime MS reader / Caption Contest commenter Kuranes, with this gem:

  • “Invoking In The Boys Room.”

Well played, avoiding the obvious! This week I didn’t have a chance to set up a cool and unique prize, so instead I’ll offer a big box o’ goodies from the MS Mansion including promo copies of recently released CDs, stickers, posters, and who knows what else. Just do your thang: leave a comment with the funniest caption to the photo below (sent in by reader Jake Haras). Remember to use a real email address (or post it with your comment if you’re using FB Connect).


  • meemperor

    Jewdas Priest

    • Kevy Metal

      Winner.

    • Jones

      Agreed

      • Biclops

        Yeah, I was gonna add a caption but fuck it.

        • BigBintheAV

          Same here. This wins!

          • skullsession

            1

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Pinson/1402489026 Chris Pinson

      well, shit

      • Bayon

        Motörahead

    • squealie

      this beats this others by a longshot

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Bungart/1379559051 John Bungart

      I was going to put this you bitch. damn it. well i hope you win so i can at least feel gratified that my idea was good enough.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Carrigan-Carber-Schmillby/1225749739 Carrigan Carëbeär Schmillby

      Jonah Hell

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Izan-Lewis/100002118242465 Izan Lewis

      i think Neckbeard McJewfro is funnier.

  • luke

    if seth rogan, jonah hill, and rob halford had an orgy. this would be what it would create

  • cougar party

    Jonah Hill to play Rob Halford in new biopic.

  • The_Anti_Kriist666

    holy shit it’s Sweetums brother

  • Evil Ernie

    Neckbeard Apocalypse

  • http://twitter.com/realofficernarc aaron m

    What you can’t see is that this dude is currently in the process of receiving a blowjob from Violent J. This is his o face.

    • unholyjuggalo666

      Really, lame

      • http://twitter.com/realofficernarc aaron m

        Ok. And Shaggy 2 Dope is up his butt crack giving him an RJ.

      • http://twitter.com/realofficernarc aaron m

        AND MADROX IS WORKIN’ THE BALLS.

      • http://twitter.com/realofficernarc aaron m

        ABK sits in the corner, a single pillow to cushion his ass from the cement floor. Tie around his neck, pants off, he strangles himself as he cums blood into a dirty sock. “This is the Juggalo life” he thinks to himself. “Psychopathic until death.” Later, at the inquest, the coroner pronounces him an offense to humanity.

      • http://twitter.com/realofficernarc aaron m

        The mood is sullen at the funeral. Everyone feels the loss of such an integral part of the Psychopathic family. As they lower the coffin into the ground, Violent J bangs his fist on it, screaming, “IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME! IT SHOULD’VE BEEN ME!” Shaggy tries to pull him off, but it is too late, the casket spills out and ABK’s ashen face stares up at them in mock orgasm.

        • unholyjuggalo666

          no wonder people hate metalheads, because they are so close minded about music

          • atomic_horror

            Nah Juggalo’s are just funny.

          • Mac

            says the juggalo douche

          • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jordan-Oates/1476540021 Jordan Oates

            Can unholyjaggalo666′s comment win? I laughed the most at it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Scott-Perloff/9388451 Scott Perloff

    Jonah Hill’s Lars Ulrich impersonation in Get Him to the Greek.

  • Kickin Chalk

    Kerry King’s early pubescent years were not a pretty sight.

  • gruber

    Jack Osbourne listens to too much Judas Priest

  • Papa Smurf

    Claudio Sanchez (the dude from Coheed and Cambria) during his Judas Priest phase

  • Alex

    Hellbent ‘Fro Leather

    • TheHateMachine

      This!

      • teethgrinder

        1

  • canea

    From the cover of How to Look Like Metalion in 10 Easy Steps.

  • rev tom

    Hair metal may have died for the gentiles, but the chosen people still throw up the horns.

  • Ronald Raygun

    Dimmu Bor Mittvah

    • BigBintheAV

      I lol’d

  • Adam

    Heavy Metal Parking lot (at Burger King)

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cory-John-William-Kamermans/505609811 Cory John William Kamermans

    You wanna impress those boner’s with your awesome metal skill’s lil’ dude you gotta find the BOOK OF PURE EVIL!

    • Biclops

      You wanna impress those Metal Sucks readers who care about grammar usage? Stop adding apostrophes to plurals.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Seth-Jones/736964211 Seth Jones

        hahaha

  • afkeefe07

    My Full Metal Morning Jacket

  • d.o.g.o.b.g.y.n.

    “What Vince Neilstein Did On His Three Week Vacation”

  • Chief

    2.50 euro for a small coffee?!?! I WILL EVISCERATE!!!!!!

  • Kuranes

    Trevor was starting to think maybe it was time to try a different OkCupid profile picture.

  • Heywood

    Look into my eyes. Look deep into my eyes. On the count of three, you will think i am cool.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Mike-Long/100000144612811 Mike Long

    The funniest thing is that this is the wikipedia page image for Metalheads.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jake-Haras/1185944091 Jake Haras

      That’s where I found it. The article is also hilarious to anyone who wants to give it a read.

  • Jewers

    Claudio Sanchez takes Coheed and Cambria in a heavier, neck beardier direction (the music will be heavier too)

  • Nick>

    I play bass.

  • Ørsaeth

    so that’s who they’re to playi Rob Halford in Rock of Ages

    • Ørsaeth

      wow, typing fail.

      “So that’s who they’re getting to play Rob Halford in Rock of Ages”

  • Ryan Park

    666-the number of the beast! my number is… oh, you don’t want my number? what about… oh, never?

  • MetalMeatHammer

    “I had this crazy dream that Buzz Osborne and Rob Halford had sex… and this jewish metal head watched”

  • shane t

    Man o’ Man i wondered what happend to the jewish kid who played guitar on the movie school of rock………what a change

  • Josh

    So Jim James IS a metal fan!

  • Heathen

    Apparently, Paul Baloff was bar mitzvahed and sent down to earth to convert the thrashers.

  • Derrek

    Leather and Spikes: A DIY guide for metalheads of all ages.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Aaron-Hoye/1031294709 Aaron Hoye

    Shane Embury found his “look” for the new Lock Up record. (Japanese import only)

  • jondabudz

    Balls Mcgee, lead singer for killer thrash revival band.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Ziegler/1650217583 David Ziegler

    Jorge Garcia, the fat guy from LOST, is currently working on his metal project Dimmu Burger. Their newest release on Nuclear Fatass will include songs such as Progenies of the Grape Jelly Apocalypse, The Sacrilegious Scone, Spellbound (By the Deviled eggs)

  • BruisedMetal

    The werewolf of blunder

  • Howard K

    Turns out denim and leather really shouldn’t be brought together.

  • Huuuuurrrrfffff

    Behold the majesty of my wispy pubic beard!

  • protofail

    Neckbeard: 101

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adam-Green/719581926 Adam Green

    Weird Al Yankovics new CD Alpocalypse drops this week greenmachine@telus.net

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Nathan-Lawrie/1357645181 Nathan Lawrie

    DISCO-INFERNO

  • You Don’t Know Me

    Long lost MetalSucks founder Brett Michlewitz

  • http://allmetalresource.com Matthew Grant Anson

    David Lilker never did quite make it as big as his brother Dan.

    • Marcel

      1

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Tyler-Harris/1428087632 Tyler Harris

    Seth Putnam, heir apparent.

    primateforever@yahoo.com

  • Mike760

    The William Murderface’s Planet Piss album cover.

  • Mike

    Wait i thought was cast for the Jewish Road warrior?

  • Kevin C.

    If you cant grow your own, use your pubes.

  • Black Shuck

    Fenriz glared at him and made his hair stand on end.

  • Matt

    The answer you seek… it’s easy to find… the number of the beast… on the chalkboard behind me.

  • mucupurulent

    Cirkultcision

  • BruisedMetal

    When did Sideshow Bob go metal?

  • chris

    Jonah Hill pre-superbad

  • Skylar

    “Br00tal Al” Yankovic

  • Chet Stedman

    Holding on to black metal.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elric-Epicness-Durden/736212689 Elric Epicness Durden

    “I still wet my bed”

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Elric-Epicness-Durden/736212689 Elric Epicness Durden
  • atomic_horror

    As much as he loved metal, he always thought the song was ” Electric Pie”….

  • crimsonghost

    “hurry up and take the picture mom!”

  • TacoGrinder

    I’m Saul, vocalist for Meshuggeneh.

  • pescarojo

    “Pube transplant successful dude!”

  • http://www.americanaftermath.net Ross Gnarly

    Jonah Hill was in Slayer?

  • Chainsword

    The executive who embezzled funds from Roadrunner Records, Bernie Baloff.

  • NeutronBomb

    Metal up your afro

  • controlledchaos419

    Attila Csihar at the annual junior high Halloween party

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Farhaad-Esfandiary/501309890 Farhaad Esfandiary

    Messiah Marcolin’s side project is a re-thrash band.

  • Mrs. Sweatshirt

    OFWGKTADGAF!!!

  • Guy Guyerson

    Nice gorilla mask, schmoolie

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kevin-McCullar/737170239 Kevin McCullar

    problem? u mad? u jelly?

  • jawknee

    Shane Embury on speed.

  • alex

    “Am I a wannabe? Have I no dignity?
    I’d give up all my beard to be…
    In the book of heavy leather!”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Amir-Hossein-Sarrafian/1227735670 Amir Hossein Sarrafian

    We all had our awkward teen moments, even Jonah Hill.

  • Gil M.

    Jack Black’s stand in for Anchorman.

  • John

    The result of the Allied Victory.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Michael-Dickerson/576274384 Michael Dickerson

    Fuck, I thought I burned this picture.

  • Kromdar

    Daddy??

  • Travis

    Welcome To Hell Kotter

  • Douche baggins

    Head bangers and mash.

  • tony meinero

    Jonah Hill on the set of “School of rock 2″

  • Smuycknuts

    Rob Halford + Cladio Sanchez = this guy

  • Venom678

    why just bang one girl…….. one you can bang hundreds

  • JW

    theoncewrestledbear

  • unearth

    Casey Abrams and Rob Halford’s love child

  • Glenn

    Metallica rul… Wait, metal up whose ass?

  • Fawad

    Don’t make me fist you. I’m a serial rapist.

  • http://www.easttexasunderground.net DaylightReckoning

    Jacket is bitchin’!
    Neck hair . . . is a bitch!

  • GKIII

    Hellbent….Hellbent for Pleather!

  • kingben

    If I…
    was king…
    of the forrrrrreeeeessst!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

    Menorah Candlemass

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

    Facepalm Death

  • Sapien

    Tenacious Derp.

  • Jester

    Fromer Shabbos.

  • TairyHesticals

    Get Him To The Mayhem Festival

  • Ugha

    Dreidel of Filth.

    • hosscatjosh

      +1!

  • sonas76

    Dan Lilker borrowed the ‘Nocturnus Time Machine’ but once to go back and revist his glory days of groupies and hard partying…now, this alternate world version of Jonah Hill never smiles. He will expose his neck beard gladly, but not his tiny teeth.

    sonas76@ptd.net

  • BDM_Ritual

    Looks like Carrot tops fat brunette cousin who has a metal/jonah hill fetish.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Bransfield/1601222159 Dan Bransfield

    “Duuuuudeeeee…rock onnnnn”

  • NitroSantanaCFH

    If Jack actually liked his dad’s music.

  • Paul

    Jewshuggah

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Fawcett/656970429 Andrew Fawcett

    Turns out Cambria was really holding Coheed back.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Sebastien-Bazinet/803425388 Sebastien Bazinet

    Like Nicholas Cage…Bob Ross also has a metal offspring.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eric-Nguyen/100001285066849 Eric Nguyen

    Dancing Rick took a turn for the worse after the fall of disco.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eric-Nguyen/100001285066849 Eric Nguyen
  • Nick

    Hairfull of Metal

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dylan-Evans/673053310 Dylan Evans

    Full Metal Brisket.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dylan-Evans/673053310 Dylan Evans

    Full Metal Brisket

  • Benny

    Fear the neard.

  • DarthMammogram

    My lifestyle, determines my HAIRSTYLE!!!

    • DarthMammogram

      +1 to myself.

      • Darth Brooks

        -10 sir, you never self-gloss. amatuer.

  • Darth Brooks

    Coheed and Brujeria

    • DarthMammogram

      lollll k

  • Darth Brooks

    Too many coheed jokes. Shoulda read.

    “Bra-jeria”

  • Spaceman(Thatswhattheysayiam)

    The photographer shouldn’t have been shooting with a camera.

  • ferris

    Don’t be afro’d of the daaark!

  • Printmedium

    I represent theso people, on Wiki-fucking-pedia.

  • Printmedium

    File:Metal’s not dead.jpg

  • http://Etch Tyler Etchell

    LAY DOWN YOUR FRO TO THE GOD”S ROCK N’ ROLL!

    • ferris

      ^ THAT is f*kin’ funny! Well played, sir.

  • Tyler Etchell

    He’ll take you to the candy shop. He’ll let you lick the lollypop. Hail Satan.

  • Clint Scott

    Fozzy the Bear is way too metal for Kermit these days.

  • T.J.

    After standing in this pose for overt an hour the casting director for Rock of Ages kindly told Jonah Hill to “Get the fuck out.”

  • chainsaweater

    Claudio Sanchez Joins Judas Priest

  • betterthanezra

    I always wondered what happened to Chunk

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Harry-Manback/524383755 Harry Manback

    Buzz Osborne Fucked A Poodle!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  • sasquatch

    Lol you stole this from the wikipedia page about metalheads. nice one

  • Trux

    So I guess Claudio Sanchez is playing now in a traditional metal side band…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Vikernes-Linnander/1839189864 Andrew Vikernes Linnander

    Marty Friedman’s fat jewish brother

  • Cpt. Howdy Stole Christmas

    Chuck Billy and Scott Ian tried to forget their night of passionate love, but their offspring would forever remind them of their past past mistakes.

  • wha?

    Neckbeards… the mullets of the aughts.

  • Marco

    Jew Steel

  • Wolf Blitzkrieg

    Shane Embury…..YOU ARE THE FATHER!!!!!!!

  • Cure Eclipse

    Yiddish Steel

    • GuitarZan

      lollocaust.

  • dale schmucker

    chucky from child’s play ,the movie, as a grown up ready to terrorize school’s!!!!!!

  • ChaseHigh

    Jewcore

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Stanley-Adecla/24409570 Stanley Adecla

    Career Day in the UK
    wakkowolf@yahoo.com

  • Mark D

    Superbad 2: Norway

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Brian-Schroeter/1325539630 Brian Schroeter

    So what? I use Prell in my hair, its f*ckin metal!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kieran-T-Martin/100000339252478 Kieran T Martin

    Coheed and Cambria frontman to replace legendary Judas Priest singer.

  • brandonmetal

    i pose this way

  • sam

    Woah, jack osbourne is in a band?

  • steal.money.for.drugs

    RIP Truffle Shuffle.

  • GuitarZan

    Only the most brutal among us can grow a scarf.

  • Bill

    Who knew Son of Sam was metal?

  • Jason

    Curtis Armstrong’s audition photo for Revenge of The Nerds.

    • Bill

      What the F*ck is a Frush?

  • Peppy

    If this is the economics teacher I’d hate to see whose teaching sex ed…

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Chris-Smith/604491230 Chris Smith

    This is what happens when you try to be the most metal person among your friends; those metal spikes do not pass well after eating them.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Walter-Deyo/1328790019 Walter Deyo

    Math metal

  • (required)

    Real men buy there Spikes at Key Jewelers.

  • hunter remington

    Walking on a razor’s edge, running out of Gillette, the beards of metal men grow on and on!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Alex-Beard/599526006 Alex Beard
  • http://deleted Ken

    Metal Muppet or Pastor of Muppets

  • TFR

    kristallnachtmystium

    tscadova@ksc.mailcruiser.com

  • AARONIUS

    Anthems to the Melvins at dusk.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Corey-Mitchell/660352330 Corey Mitchell

    Jonah Hell.

  • cdowell

    Hellbent for Cheddar

  • Zane

    shit shower shave shampoooooo COHEED AND CAMBRIA BITCHES

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rocky-Treadway/100000477951614 Rocky Treadway

    Wanted, DEAD or ALIVE: The Cock Choker.

  • Bill

    The Social Network

    • Mark Zuckerberg

      Not Funny

  • AK

    The Revolting Blob: Unmasked

  • nola210

    too much metal and cookies for mr. bob ross

  • Ebony Sorrow

    The end product of Seth Rogen and Messiah from Candlemass having a lovechild

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jorge-R-Valverth/521246222 Jorge R. Valverth

    Canadian Teachers got really inspired by school of rock..

  • ElvisShotJFK

    When feeling threatened, the majestic fuzzy-haired mosher makes a distinct gesture to anyone nearby in an attempt to determine whether it is safe to remain in the area.

  • yourmama

    if Candlemass met Judas Priest in the back of an alleyway and had an orgy

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Dan-Bevacqua/1303418087 Dan Bevacqua

    Winds of Plague would like to welcome our newest keyboardist, Claudio Sanchez.

  • Che Guitarra

    Axl Rosenberg’s Senior Picture

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Lance-D-Liddell/1470525102 Lance D. Liddell

    “I’m a shoo-in for Crank III: Low Voltage!”

  • Steve

    The single art for Weird Al’s Judas Priest parody “[Beer is the] Shamekiller”

  • h4tr3d

    bob ross’ metalhead years

  • Christian Mogensen

    “Afro-Neck Beards Become New Trend in Heavy Metal”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Jon-Young/1576370507 Jon Young

    Morjewary.

    That’s the best I’ve got atm. Lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Shiloh-Santiago/1475360946 Shiloh Santiago

    “IT’S NOT A PHASE MOM IT’S WHO I REALLY AM.”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Cj-Coronado/1818773972 Cj Coronado

    Jonah Hill in: The Metalhead

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Rui-Santos/637881346 Rui Santos

    Metal sucks so i’m taking this photo so i can also suck.

  • Mike L

    If he had as many sticking out of him as he’s had in him he’d be a porcupine -nevermind!

  • Wildman

    Haircut from Scott Tenorman: $16.12

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Anthony-Gally/1586198244 John Anthony Gally

    bogger from revenge of the nerds turns metal

  • Awesome Steve

    Just don’t show my mom.

    essehl.lo@gmail.com

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    Florida’s fucking humid dude!

  • http://www.kingdomofnoise.blogspot.com MetalMatt

    Blacktard’s new singer, Neck Beard!

  • Christastrophe

    Thrash: guaranteeing you won’t get laid since 1982.