Kevin Stewart-Panko must be some kind of monster that feeds off the hatred of internet commenters. First, “The Bravest Man in Metal” defended Metallica’s St. Anger and Cryptopsy’s The Unspoken King for The Deciblog’s weekly “Justify Your Shitty Taste” column. Now, The Deciblog has launched a new weekly column, a kind of anti-”Justify…” called “Disposable Heroes,” in which writers basically wonder aloud “What’s the big effin’ deal?” about a classic record. And Mr. Stewart-Panko has penned the inaugural edition, in which he wonders “what the fuck has gotten you people so excited” about At the Gates’ Slaughter of the Soul.

Let me repeat that: Kevin Stewart-Panko says that Slaughter of the Soul is overrated.

I mean, dude might as well walk into the Westboro County Church with Harvey Fierstein and Mario Cantone and start burning Bibles, y’know?

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Yep, it’s finally here — Dream Theater’s first song with new drummer Mike Mangini.

Vince is really the resident Dream Theater expert, and even Anso is a bigger fan than I am, so I feel weird talking about it. The short version is, I feel the same way about it I feel about most Dream Theater, which is that it’s just swell until James LaBrie and his stupid vagina voice comes into the song.

Insofar as the Portnoy versus Mangini question goes… I don’t have an opinion. I’m sorry, I just don’t. I know Portnoy is a great drummer, but Magnini is obviously no slouch, so, again… I’ll leave it those of you who are really enamored of this band to decide whether or not this lives up to the band’s other material, or if they need to get Portnoy back STAT.

Stream “On the Backs of Angels” here. The band’s new album, A Dramatic Turn of Events, comes out September 13 via Roadrunner.

-AR

Axls calleds me earlys thees mornings. Havents spokens ins a longs times.

“Hey, dude, check out the new Trivium song,” he says ins his disgustings accent. “There’s a section toward the end that sounds kinda black metall-y! Rad! Killer! Awesome! Okay, catch ya later!”

I thinks: “Dids he says ‘Trivium’ to mes?”

But Is listens to the song anyways.

Its wills be a longs time befores I speaks tos Axls again.

-NC

“Dusk Dismantled” appears on Trivium’s new album, In Waves, which comes out August 9 on Roadrunner.

ATTN MOSHBROS, GTFIH

I’ve been waiting for this video to drop for weeks, because this track is easily my favorite hardcore song in years. Featuring guest vocals by Martin Stewart of Terror/Donnybrook, it’s pretty much the best song Madball never wrote. Actually, it’s even better, because most Madball songs are about New York, which is a hipster-filled shithole, and this song is about the best place on earth: SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA!

My notes:

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I hate, hate, hate Ted Nugent. I never liked his music, and I despise him as a human being, too.

Which is why I have more than a little appreciation for this skewering of The Nuge from last night’s episode of The Colbert Report:

The thing is, I kind of agree with Nugent; this generation does seem oddly apathetic to the fact that the world is basically falling apart all around us. Of course, I don’t think running out and joining The Crazy Badly Misinformed Violent Moron Brigade Tea Party is the answer, and it’s hard to take advice from anyone as racist and misogynistic as Ted Nugent.

Then again, I’m sure some of you disagree with me, and are chomping at the bit to tell me why Nugent and/or The Tea Party is wonderful. Feel free to try and convince me I’m wrong in the comments section below.

-AR

Additional reporting by Corey Mitchell

Horns up for readers Alexis Taylor, Kyle Palmer, Eric Josi, and Andy Kiss! They each correctly identified last week’s logo as belonging to the band Nihlotep. For their troubles, they each get a copy of Turbid North’s kick-ass album, Orogeny, which is out now on Ironclad. Crank that shit up, guys!

This week we have another super awesome prize for you: two ultra-limited edition white-vinyl-with-a-black-swirl copies of Based on a True Story, the latest album from legendary hardcore band Sick of it All. Think Fast! Records is producing a variety of different vinyl editions of the album, all of which can be pre-ordered here — but this is the rarest, with only 150 copies being pressed. So either order yourself one ASAP, or enter this contest to make sure you don’t miss out!

All you gots to do to win is identify the name of the band whose logo appears below, then shoot me an e-mail at axl AT metalsucks DOT net with your answer, your name, and your address. ALL ENTRIES WITHOUT AN ADDRESS WILL BE DISQUALIFIED. From everyone who gets it right, we’ll randomly select two winners and announce their names a week from today.

This week’s logo was suggested by reader Dan Anderson… thanks, Dan!

-AR

The MetalSucks Maniac known only as “Kyle” is a lucky, lucky man. See, his girlfriend is adult model Danielle Trixie, who has appeared in the pages of Playboy, Penthouse, and Hustler, amongst other fine publications (NSFW pics here and here). And, it recently dawned on Kyle that, hey, having the gorgeous Danielle model one of our Completely Unreadable MetalSucks t-shirts was probably a pretty damn good way to win our ongoing Show Us Your MetalSucks contest! And he was right! For their troubles, the happy couple will now be receiving a box of free metal swag.

So here is the lovely Danielle Trixie, providing definitive, photographic proof that starting MetalSucks was the best idea we ever had…

…and you can check out some more pics of Danielle rockin’ our gear after the jump. Be forewarned, a few them are definitely NSFW.

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Isn’t five minutes long enough to get your post-metal fix? Do you really need to sit through eighteen minutes of delay to feel the rush of that four-chord climax? Sometimes you just want your sludgy satisfaction; the quicker, the better.

And… that’s okay! The Mire is there for you. Brighton UK’s dour four-piece plays post-metal that ADD-sufferers and ants-in-the-pants-ers alike can savor in five to six minute increments.

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Back in May, Vince rightfully gave kudos to So Hideous, My Love; since then, I’ve fallen madly in love with the band’s four-song EP, To Clasp a Fallen Wish with Broken Fingers. I’m not even quite sure how to describe the music… it’s almost like Buried Inside with orchestral elements. It is, simply put, epic and beautiful and ugly and beautifully ugly.

If you’re not yet familiar with these up and comers — who seem to picking up some serious steam in the metal world right now — here’s a good opportunity to become familiar with them: our homies over at The Deciblog are streaming the title track from Clasp. You should definitely, definitely check it out. I know the band’s name makes it seem like they’re gonna be a third-rate metalcore band or whatever, but they’ve got nothing to do with that nonsense.

So listen here, and then let us know what you think in the comments section below. Clasp is out now via Play The Assassin; you can download it for all of five bucks here.

-AR

It’s been eight long years since the release of Exhumed’s last studio album, but the wait is finally over: All Guts, No Glory, the band’s new album, is absolutely MONSTROUS, and will more than rewards fans’ patience. Razor-sharp guitars, brain-busting drums, demon from the bowels of hell vocals, songs that prove that technicality, brutality, and hooks can all peacefully co-exist… in short, All Guts, No Glory is everything you want from an Exhumed record.

Relapse will unleash Guts upon the world on July 5, but you don’t hafta wait ’til then to hear it in all its death metal glory, ’cause we’re streaming it below right this very second. And once you’ve heard just how killer it is, you can pre-order a copy here.

And don’t forget that Exhumed will be touring with the also-excellent Cephalic Carnage starting July 17; you can get dates here.

[this streaming promotion has ended]

Pretty slow week in metal releases, seeing just some new releases from Queensryche, the bass player from The Faceless, and also some band called Limp Bizkit. Details on this week’s latest metallic offerings after the jump!

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Holy shit, two good music videos in one day? What the crap is going on around here? Where is the shit that normally gets released? Someone send me a new Straight Line Stitch video, ASAP.

ANYWAY…

All aspiring music video directors should take note of Amon Amarth’s latest clip, the David Brodsky-helmed “Destroyer of the Universe” — because this is how you do a fucking performance video. The tight, angular close-ups with enough movement to convey the power of the music but not so much that the viewer feels nauseous, the gut-punch editing style that is absolutely in sync with the music and not just completely and idiotically random, the shots from inside the crowd that make you feel like you’re right in the middle of the pit instead of watching it from afar… this thing is bursting with so much goddamn energy, it makes me wanna see Amon Amarth right now. Seriously, right this second. I don’t give a fuck that it’s ten o’clock in the morning, get those dudes some coffee and tell them to blast my ear drums out right the fuck now.

While I obviously can’t actually just snap my fingers and make Amon Amarth play for me right now, I will have a chance to see them soon, on the second leg of their “An Evening with Amon Amarth” North American headlining tour. Get dates here.

-AR

All photos by Ivo Ledwozyw

We’re a little more than three months away from Behemoth playing their first shows since the mighty Nergal was diagnosed with leukemia last summer. Which, obviously, is fantastic fucking news. The band recently held their first rehearsal for those shows, and posted some photos of that rehearsal on their official webpage; now, normally, I find rehearsal photos to be pretty boring, but this is obviously not a normal situation. Just seeing Nergal up and about with a guitar in his hand seriously warms my heart.

There are more photos after the jump — but first, here’s a statement from Nergal himself regarding the rehearsal:

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Hopefully, between Sammy O’Hagar’s glowing review of Decapitated’s Carnival is Forever, and my own declaration that it’s one of the best metal albums of 2011 thus far, you’re now really, really excited to hear the album. Actually, you were probably already excited before we declared the record to be officially killer, since a) it’s Decapitated, b) it’s their big comeback album, and c) it’s motherfucking Decapitated.

But if for some reason you weren’t excited, hopefully the new song from Carnival that is now streaming over at Guitar World, “Homo Sun,” will do the trick. And if it still doesn’t, well, uh, go decapitate yourself. ‘Cause this album rules, and this song rules.

Headbang here, then exchange e-high-fives in our comments section below. Carnival is Forever comes out July 12 on Nuclear Blast.

-AR

Earlier this year, vocalist Wyatt Anderson re-joined White Wizzard, and Vince wondered aloud, “How long before he quits again, Matt Barlow style?” Well, the answer, apparently, was “Not very long at all.” From the band’s Facebook page:

So that’s not great news. But the silver lining is that, at least for the time being, Cellador vocalist Mike Germino is handling frontman duties for the band. I’m not a huge Cellador fan, but there’s no denying that Germino has a set of pipes on him. And if the below video, filmed during a recent stop on the band’s current, MetalSucks-sponsored tour with Forbidden, Revocation, and Havok, is any indication, Germino is killing it out on the road right now:

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As my man Anso reported yesterday,  this morning finds Mastodon are giving away a free, previously unreleased song from the Crack the Skye sessions. It’s called “Deathbound,” and you can get it here. And don’t think that this is some crappy throwaway track that didn’t make the CTS cut for a good reason; the song kicks ass in a major way, and I’d have to speculate that the only reason it didn’t wind up on Skye is because it seems a little different from the rest of the album stylistically, and may have broken up that oh-so-important flow of the record.

Of course, what none of knew yesterday was that the band was also releasing a video for the song, and that that video was gonna be another ten tons of FUCK YEAH!, just like the last however many Mastodon videos. (When was the last time one band had such a long streak of releasing great videos?) I wish you all could have seen the look of child-like wonder and amazement on my face as I watched this clip for the for the first time.

Fucking great, right?

-AR

The best thing about teenagers is that they take everything so seriously: whether it’s an upcoming math test, getting grounded, or missing out on seeing their favorite band this weekend, if they don’t get their way, the world is coming to an end. Everything is such a big deal!!

For example, as long as I can remember, kids have been getting mad about Hot Topic. Sometimes they’re mad because Hot Topic sells something that they like, other times they’re mad because Hot Topic doesn’t sell something they like… you never know. For example, they got butthurt 10-15 years ago because you could buy Hatebreed shirts at Hot Topic, and now they’re butthurt because there aren’t enough Hatebreed shirts at Hot Topic — so lulzy.

The main difference is that now teenagers have so many ways to express their stupidity on the internet, which is great for people like me who like laughing at them and how angry they get about trivial bullshit like what shirts they sell at the mall. In this post, I will share a few of my favorite Tumblr temper tantrums about Hot Topic — plenty of lulz after the break, and make sure to follow my Tumblr!

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So remember a couple of weeks back, when Waterloo Records in Austin, Texas attempted to see how many illegible band logos their employees could actually identify or, better still, just plain read? Well, now they’ve done it again, this time with members of Tombs and Kill the Client. And at first, the band dudes are all cocky, probably because whomever selected these logos somehow thought that these guys wouldn’t know who Slayer, Emperor, and Nachtmystium are. But then they start to break out some actually difficult-to-decipher logos — including several we’ve used for Completely Unreadable Band Logo of the Week — and, well, these guys start to have just as much trouble reading ‘em as anyone else might.

Check out the video below. It’s worth watching almost entirely for Kill the Client’s Champ Morgan, who is apparently a very opinionated, facetious, funny motherfucker, that I will now begin pursuing to write a column for MetalSucks, although based on this clip I’d guess he thinks we blow.

There’s still about twenty-four hours left to enter this week’s Completely Unreadable competition for a chance to win a copy of Turbid Norther’s Orogeny; then, tomorrow, we’ll start a new competition, in which we’ll be giving away some sweet vinyl copies of Sick of It All’s Based on a True Story. Get stoked.

-AR

Thanks: Slippy MacNeil

With a cadre of screaming car alarms, vividly argumentative neighbors, and the ever-pervasive rise and fall of reggaeton blasting down the block as a sonic backdrop, I settle in to give as much of my attention as possible to an album that, after years of waiting, has finally arrived on my doorstep. I’ve been a devotee to Ireland’s Wreck of the Hesperus’ particular breed of funereal filth since I first heard their 2006 opus The Sunken Threshold, and while their ensuing slew of demos, EPs, and splits (including an absolutely colossal outing with doomed countrymen Mourning Beloveth) have all hit the spot, I wanted more.  Now, thanks to Aesthetic Death (and the lads’ finally getting off their arses and recording!), Light Rotting Out has arrived, slick with afterbirth and writhing in the sunlight.

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Around the MetalSucks Mansion, we refer to Rodney Githens of Vertebrae 33 as “The Derek Riggs to our Iron Maiden.” The dude does amazing artwork, and has designed some of our most favoritest MS stuff, like this t-shirt, and this t-shirt, and this poster.

And now he’s started his own website, Metal Band Art, devoted entirely to the ongoing search for the world’s finest chili recipe. No, of course that’s what the site is about. It’s about metal band art. Duh.

ANYWAY, I mention it now because Rodney just posted part one of an excellent interview with the legendary Derek Riggs, a.k.a. the creator of Eddie, a.k.a. the dude who did all the Iron Maiden art that’s worth a damn. Here’s an excerpt:

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