ALICE COOPER TO MAKE NEW TIM BURTON FILM EVEN LESS BEARABLE
Alice Cooper used to be cool, but now he is lame. And if you disagree with me, you should keep in mind that his new album not only attempts to exploit fans’ nostalgia with the incredibly dumb title Welcome 2 My Nightmare, but opens with a song called “I am Made of You,” that utilizes a severe amount of vocoder:
Like Mr. Cooper, Tim Burton also used to be really cool, but is now lame. All of his post-Ed Wood work, in fact, can be summed up thusly:
I mean, the dude is so reliant on a formula that even Johnny Depp, who is apparently under legal obligation to star in all of Burton’s films, has a sense of humor about it.
So while I might normally complain that having Cooper make a cameo in a Burton and Depp’s upcoming cinematic adaptation of the “gothic soap opera” Dark Shadows is both a) obvious and b) potentially very distracting, the movie probably wasn’t gonna be good anyway, so, really, whatever. Actually I kind of appreciate that the filmmakers are pretty much telling us upfront “Hey, we’re not putting any real effort into this,” so we can all just skip it anyway.
Ah, well. We’ll always have Wayne’s World, won’t we, Alice?