People all around the world love the nature-defying, super power’d MetalSucks Mansion Monkeys. And really, aside from poop being flung around wildly, what’s not to love?

Why even this past Summer Hollywood unveiled its long in-the-works movie adaptation of the story of that one time Higgins organized a simian mutiny in San Francisco (starring James Franco as a young Kip Wingerschmidt and John Lithgow as crotchety, forgetful ol’ Axl Rosenberg):

And some of you may remember The Kids In The Hall’s parody of Vince Neilstein’s rampant threats to unleash the monkeys on the unsuspecting public:

But every once in a while one of our mega-intelligent fusion-lovin’ apes gets a little too big for his/her britches, and an example must be made before the rest follow in rebellious suit.  We started calling it “ironing the monkey” — the MS version of branding your cattle, and unsurprisingly it’s quite effective.

Here’s what you do: let an insignia-clad iron heat up to peak temperature, drag a misbehaving monkey out into the middle of the arena (cuz yeah of course we have a bona fide arena in the Mansion) whilst the others watch on in sheer panic and terror, and brand the little fucker on his/her hairy bum…  Our iron has a big protruding “MS” protruding on it, so if you see that stamped on the ass of a monkey you’re sodomizing, you know where to return the beast after you’ve finished.

We got the idea from this band, which very well may have gotten the idea for its name from this movie:

Circle of life.

-KW

Happy birthday, Reign in Blood! We love you. You don’t sound a day over one.

Here’s some other things that happened this week which are worth celebrating:

• We started the countdown to The Metal Suckfest.
• We debuted new music by Immolation and a new video by Early Graves.
• Devin Townsend and Textures’ Jochem Jacobs and Bart Hennephof took us through their live rigs.
• GWAR’s David Brockie discussed the NFL, Daath’s Eyal Levi discussed getting the fuck out, and God Forbid’s Doc Coyle discussed how the times, they are a changin’.
• We spoke to Mike Muir from Suicidal Tendencies, Mother of Mercy’s Bob Wilson, and directors Sean Dunne and Kenneth Thomas.
• We checked out new releases by Ghoul and Taake and Craft.
• Sergeant D. became the most popular feminist in metal.
• Bring Me the Horizon’s Oli Sykes had a bad week.
• We mourned the death of the album intro track.
• We wondered if Mastodon’s live vocals are getting better.

Now go crank some Slayer.

See ya Monday.

-AR

Have you ever stayed in a situation when you knew deep down inside that it was already doomed? I believe in the power of positive thinking a rational amount. That is, if I keep my mind focused on the right shit, the right shit happens in my life. If I focus on the wrong shit, the wrong shit happens. Either way, shit happens, but at least it’s the right shit. Or closer to right than it would have been otherwise. You definitely have some measure of control over some of the outcomes in your life.

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(photo credit: Mark Holmes for Metal Discovery)

Devin Townsend has gone above and beyond for MetalSucks, and for YOU, oh devoted MetalSucks reader, Devin Townsend superfan and guitar player. Not only has Devin put together one of the most detailed Rigged entries to date, not only has he provided an incredibly in-depth description of his live signal chain setup, not only has he provided photos of his EQ settings… but he’s actually provided us with the very custom-made patch files he uses live. For you to download. Completely for free. If you like Devin Townsend and you’re a big nerd (which we’re guessing is everyone who likes Devin Townsend) you’re going to love this edition of Rigged.

Unlike most of our Rigged musicians who say, “As you can see, it’s quite simple!” Devin is honest about his rig: “What a freaking nightmare.” And with that, here’s Devin himself:

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The Inaugural Metal Suckfest is almost here!!!! Twenty bands will DESTROY The Gramercy Theatre on November 4 and 5, PLUS there’s an awesome, five-band pre-party at the venue the night before, making this THE can’t-miss hang of the year.

Tickets are on sale now right here, and you can hit up the fest’s official website for more info on the shows, including the complete line-up. In the meantime, we’re counting down to this weekend of chaos and debauchery by speaking to one member from each band on the bill. We continue today with guitarist Justin Waaland of Ultrageist, whose music you can check out here.

Read our chat after the jump. And don’t forget to check back in the coming days and weeks for interviews with more of the musicians participating in this awesome event!!!

Click to read more…

Last week we tipped you off to a striking similarity between the intros of Mastodon’s Hunter track “Creature Lives” and the Steve Miller Band’s classic “Threshold / Jet Airliner.” Coincidence? Intentional nod to a personal favorite of one or more of the Mastodudes? Until the next time we speak with a member of Mastodon we can only speculate, which could take a while seeing as we just spoke with guitarist Bill Kelliher.

But what is the Internet for if not useless and reckless speculation? Especially with Mastodon, a band whose ambitious progsterpieces are the source of endless Internet rambling and LOST-ish conspiracy theories; they’re the Pink Floyd, or better yet the Tool, of this era.

To that end, MS reader Ryan H. has unearthed another sound-alike — again with song intros — this time between The Hunter‘s “Dry Bone Valley” and Metallica’s “Damage, Inc.” Metallica’s intro is a whole lot longer, but Ryan H. is right on the money that these two intros sound alike. It could be that both bands just decided to create eery swell-like sound effects with EBows or whatever, but it could also be… so much more! I’m pretty sure if you play both songs backwards and sync them up with one another that there’s some kind of secret message to be decoded that simultaneously unlocks all the secrets of the universe and bestows upon us a map to a hidden Dharma Initiative station. What do you think???

-VN

Regular MetalSucks readers already know Empyreon; featuring Meek is Murder drummer Frank Godla (although it’s worth noting that they sound nothing like Meek is Murder), they’re one of NYC’s finest melodic death metal acts, and were on our free NYC Sucks comp earlier this year. And while we eagerly await their new full-length next year, the band has blessed us with a little taste in the form of a demo of “No Peace No Light,” which you can check out here.

Even in such rough demo song, it’s a prime example of why we love this band so much, and why we’re so stoked for their new full-length. It’s heavy, it’s fast, it’s catchy, and it’s fucking EPIC. Seriously, make sure you check that shit out.

While we continue to wait impatiently for the band’s new album, they’ll be opening next week’s New York stop of the currently-in-progress Firewind/Arsis/White Wizzard/Nightrage tour. We’re giving away two free pairs of tickets here; you can also buy a special ticket package from the band, which includes a copy of the new single and some sweet swag, right here.

-AR

In all the discussion of thrash metal’s first big bands, too little airtime is given to the great Suicidal Tendencies. Launched by a teenaged Mike Muir in Los Angeles, Suicidal took root in punk and hardcore, landed an early MTV hit in the manic, careening “Institutionalized,” and attracted the ire of authorities via rumored gang ties and concert violence. And that was before ST solidified a line-up, one anchored by Muir’s bandmate in No Mercy, riff-god guitarist Mike Clark. The two Mikes rebooted Suicidal with the defiantly thrashy How Will I Laugh Tomorrow When I Can’t Even Smile Today, a major label-powered crossover hit which drew an even bigger target on the band for censorship crusaders and unwittingly helped to fertilize the coming crop of nu-metal self-pity peddlers.

But in the hands of Muir, personal woes weren’t excuses but motivation, and confrontation more often than wallowing; see 1989′s mini-album Controlled By Hatred/Feel Like Shit … Deja Vu, on which Muir continues to document disassociation for a society slow to acknowledge mental health realties. Suicidal’s peak came in 1990 with Lights … Camera … Revolution, an album-length indictment of society’s complicity in its own demise, all cowed by power-mongers, con men, and the self-righteous. This was a different era for metal; no commercial band had yet approached the blunt rage, contrarianism, and pervasive guitar solos of Suicidal Tendencies.

On the phone to MetalSucks last week from California, a typically expansive Muir downplayed his regard for the history of Suicidal, but even he looks back to past days on The Mad Mad Muir Musical Tour (Part 1), his forthcoming collection of new and vault tracks by re-punk era ST, his solo Cyco Miko project, and Infectious Grooves, the funk-metal clan Muir formed with ST bassist Robert Trujillo (now of Metallica). So I had all the license needed to drag Muir down memory lane to tour the land of Suicidal. Join us!

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Full-album streams usually occur pre-release, but for whatever reason, our friends at Decibel are now streaming Absu’s Abzu two days after its release. That’s just dandy, though, ’cause I know it’s been a busy few weeks in terms of awesome new albums, and if for some reason you didn’t get to check this one out, or you’re somehow not yet convinced of its excellence, or whatever, well… here’s your shot!

Our own Grim Kim has already included it as one of her picks for favorite albums of 2011 so far back in August, and last month, Vince praised it for both its terrific songs and stellar production. I don’t really know what other kind of recommendation you need to check this thing out, but, uh, also your parents called and said to give it a listen, too. And that really hot girl at work? She told me she’d, like, totally jump your bones if you give it a whirl, so, y’know, might be worth a shot.

Listen to it here. Abzu is out now on Candlelight.

-AR

If you missed the awesome Toxic Holocaust headlining tour we sponsored over the summer, don’t be too sad — ’cause the band just announced another trek, this one to start in February. Last time, the band had one punk band, Krum Bums, and one metal band, Holy Grail, playing support; this time, they’ll have two punk bands, English Dogs and The Casualties, and one metal band, Havok, as support. So I guess, like, go put some egg in your hair or whatever. I don’t really know where I was going with that.

ANYWAY, these shows should be shit tons of fun. Here are dates, courtesy of Metal Underground:

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photo by Chris Fulcher

Here’s some cool news: Mike “Gunface” McKenzie, guitarist for experimental grind gods The Red Chord, has apparently been working on a solo project. It’s called Stomach Earth — no, I have no clue what that means — and a rough, unmastered excerpt of a new song, “Prolong the Death Watch,” is already available for streaming here.

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Greg Puciato, vocalist for longtime Disturbed fans The Dillinger Escape Plan, tweeted the following message earlier this week:

And I’m a massive fan of Puciato’s, but I actually disagree with him on this particular issue. ‘Cause when I think of Hell, I usually think of fire and brimstone and, y’know, pain. And Disturbed’s “Hell” isn’t really painful. It’s just really, really fucking BORING.

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No. I am not kidding.

Nor am I upset. If you don’t liked this song, I take issue with you.

-AR

[via SkullsNBones]

Though we can pretty much rule out a long-awaited follow-up to Axe To Fall before year’s end, Converge aren’t planning to finish 2011 quietly. According to the band’s latest news update, the hardcore hellions will play two December dates, in Denver and Seattle, respectively. The former of these (12/8) is a make-up show with Alternative Tentacles’ Git Some opening, while the latter (12/9) serves as a birthday party of sorts for their tour manager. That second show features some openers you’ll likely recognize, including Black Breath and ex-Botch frontman Dave Verellen’s Narrows. Other things in the pipeline include an “eco-friendly repackaging” of The Long Road Home and a 12″ edition of Unloved And Weeded Out, both due out on J. Bannon’s Deathwish imprint.

Now, two gigs do not a tour make, and unless you live near these towns you’re probably a bit bummed about the whole thing. Still, since Converge claim to be hard at work writing that new record, let’s go a little easy on them, all right?

-GS

This trailer for the new season of Beavis and Butt-Head is only a little bit over ninety seconds long and gives only the slightest hint of some upcoming storylines (Mistaking a bum for a werewolf and asking him to bite them because chicks love vampires and werewolves = classic!!!!) — but it’s still probably the funniest goddamn thing I’ve seen all week, and I truly cannot find the words for how happy it makes me. I watched it three times in a row last night, and now I’d like to watch it again with you now:

Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod, is it October 27 yet?!?!

-AR

[via Vulture]

Holy crap, what a great week to be an Immolation fan. Not only did the death metal legends kick off their North American headlining tour with Jungle Rot and Gigan… but they also announced that next week they’ll be releasing a free digital EP, Providence, via Scion A/V… and they give away the title track for that EP via our friends at Metal Injection… and now they have bestowed yet ANOTHER track from that EP, “Swallow the Fear,” for us to give away right here at MetalSucks.

And we couldn’t be happier about it. Speaking of the title track yesterday, one of our readers wrote that “The words ‘Fucking’ and ‘Epic’ come to mind,” and we think that goes double for this spine-crusher of a song.

You can stream it or download “Swallow the Fear” via the below widget; Scion A/V will give the entire Providence EP to the world for the low low cost of nothing starting this Tuesday, October 11. Meanwhile, you can get those Immolation tour dates here — and don’t forget that Scion is also giving away free tickets to these sure-to-be-brutaler-than-brutal shows via their Twitter account, so you best follow start following ‘em.

And now, without any more B.S. from us, enjoy “Swallow the Fear”…

Last week we gave ya’ll the opportunity to win a signed CD booklet from Kingdom of Sorrow’s latest, Behind the Blackest Tears. Since we installed the new commenting system it’s been easier to sort through these entries based on the number of “likes” each comment receives, but this week’s winner — by far the funniest — didn’t have any likes at all:

• Worksofein: “Deathspell Bromega.”

Before there were blogs there were these things called magazines, and the only metal magazine we still get excited about reading every month is Decibel. Here’s managing editor Andrew Bonazelli…

I’ve been an editor at Decibel for six years now, and I’m a Tony Gwynnian one for three on successfully executing a Hall of Fame feature—Quicksand’s Slip was my “groundball with legs,” way back in June of ’07. This meant interviewing all four members separately by phone, which necessitated specializing a few questions for each dude, but in the end mostly asking the same goddamn thing, worded the exact same way, four times. While conforming to dB standards and practices made the process a little boring at times, it was nevertheless interesting to identify the small fissures in memory and chronology in their shared experience. You get a more thorough picture. I’ve always disliked group interviews for that very reason—interviewing band members one at a time prevents, say, the singer from hogging the conch, the drummer from clamming up, the bassist from waiting for somebody else to tell the story, then chiming in with the cursory “Yeah, what he said.”

On the flipside, if you can corral a band in one room and there’s still some semblance of camaraderie and enthusiasm, you can get some entertaining overlap, and the guys do your job for you, going off into tangents and anecdotes you’d never dreamed of addressing. Most of our Ministry HOF went down that way, as Bill Rieflin, Chris Connelly and Paul Barker requested that they be interviewed together and separately from Al Jourgensen. And our forthcoming December HOF is 100 percent like that, as our esteemed writer (no hints) got an esteemed band (ditto) to chat about their classic record over dinner, and the piece wound up all the better specifically due to the way in which it was conducted. They riffed off each other, and good shit happened (then again, I wasn’t the poor bastard who had to transcribe it, so what do I know?) Guess the artist and album based on the clip below and, as usual, we’ll hook you up with a six-month subscription.

DECIBEL HALL OF FAME DECEMBER 2011

-AB

The November 2011 issue of Decibel features Skeletonwitch, Alice Cooper, Machine Head, Chimaira, Brutal Truth, and an awesome Anaal Nathrakh flexi disc, and can be ordered here. But why not just get a full subscription to ensure that you never miss an issue?

For the second year in a row, MetalSucks is proud to be teaming up with our friends at Metal Injection and 1000 Knives for a totally kick-ass CMJ Music Marathon showcase at the always-fun Club Europa in Brooklyn. This year’s edition will take place on Friday, October 21, and will be co-headlined by the unfuckwithable one-two punch of Kvelertak and Skeletonwitch, as part of their MetalSucks-presented U.S. tour with Zoroaster (full itineraryhere, although Zoroaster will not appear at the CMJ showcase). Support will be provided by three up n’ coming bands that we absolutely love and think have big, big, big things in their future: Barn Burner, Turbid North, and Battlecross.

It is going to be a totally fucknuts crazy show and wild-ass party — and now you can win free tickets AND a silk-screened copy of the awesome show poster you see above. Pretty sweet, right?

Head over to the show’s official Facebook page for details on how to win. Of course, if you don’t wanna risk not winning and getting shut of this sure-to-be-unforgettable night, you can always buy tickets here.

-Axl, Vince, and Everyone at MetalSucks

The Inaugural Metal Suckfest is almost here!!!! Twenty bands will DESTROY The Gramercy Theatre on November 4 and 5, PLUS there’s an awesome, five-band pre-party at the venue the night before, making this THE can’t-miss hang of the year.

Tickets are on sale now right here, and you can hit up the fest’s official website for more info on the shows, including the complete line-up. In the meantime, we’re counting down to this weekend of chaos and debauchery by speaking to one member from each band on the bill. We continue today with drummer Jonah Livingston of Ramming Speed, whose recently released a new split with A.N.S. via Tankcrimes Records.

Read our chat after the jump. And don’t forget to check back in the coming days and weeks for interviews with more of the musicians participating in this awesome event!!!

Click to read more…