I don’t usually take requests, but when I do they’re from bands on independent music retailer VICTORY RECORDS — in this case, it’s death metal standouts CARNIFEX! Vocalist Scott hit me up on Twitter and asked if I would review their latest album, and I was more than happy to oblige since I’m a big fan of theirs!

Not sure how many of you were around back in the day, but these guys have actually been going strong since 2005, and they have a new album called Until I Feel Nothing. I’ll get into more detail about the record itself, but before I do that I have to I have to touch on what IMO makes this band something truly special: their innovative marketing and merch!

As a journalist I feel like research is the foundation of accurate reporting!! With that in mind, I felt like I had to understand their brand position before I knew how to interpret their music. As you can see, they have short hair and neck tats like a deathcore band, but rep old school death metal bands like UNLEASHED and the stage moves of a Gamma Ray or Iced Earth — I just wish he would do that Christina Augilera thing where you put one hand over your ear when you hit a high note :(

Carnifex guitarist and Seymour Duncan endorsee Cory is all, “Yah that’s right, SEVEN MOTHERFUCKIN STRINGS. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!”

 

OMG I am so mad!!! My gf is like “are you coming to bed, it’s 2AM” and I’m like “Get off my back you f—-ing stupid bitch, I’m trying to decide on what to order for my BUILD-YOUR-OWN CARNIFEX PACKAGE DEAL!! I only have one shot at getting this right why don’t you STFU and leave me alone!!!!”

My busy lifestyle means that I’m always on-the-go, and I don’t go anywhere without my CARNIFEX drawstring backpack. The heavy-duty cords are a lifesaver, and a 12″ opening means I can fit my BMTH hoodie *and* pre-algebra textbook!

The best part about this poster Fine Art Part is that people will think it’s a Converge “Jane Doe” poster Fine Art Print unless they look closely, so you don’t have to explain why you paid $20 for a deathcore poster Fine Art Print that probably cost 75 cents to produce.

Much like Winds Of Plague realized that metal dorks would always hate them, and kids just want to mosh, I feel like it would be a smart move for them to use more ignorant, wiggerish elements like anon suggested via my Tumblr. I suggest something along the lines of “See the swiss on my wrist / haters can’t afford this / kill that fucking slut” * BASS DROP / BREAKDOWN* Also, that opens the door to selling mesh shorts with offensive phrases across the butt (ala Asking Alexandria– #nohomo).

I am both a purist and an extremist. As such, I greatly respect and admire artists who distill a concept down to its essential elements, with no apologies to anyone who is alienated by their uncompromising vision. For example, Josef Muller-Brockmann’s striking typography, the minimalist works of Philip Glass, or the stripped-down, unfettered industrial design of Muji. With that in mind, what is a more pure expression of the archetypal deathcore “controversial slogan” t-shirt than this??? My only suggestion is for future printings to make it say “FUCK YOU, MOM.”

Speaking of mesh shorts, don’t get me wrong I LOVE MESH SHORTS!! I’m just saying, I already have Winds of Plague, Suiside Silence, and Chelsea Grin shorts. What I need is some footwear, like these FOR THE FALLEN DREAMS Toms knockoffs. Hook it up, Victory!! Just shoop “DEATH FUCKING METAL” on the heel or something and you’re done!

 Anyhow, I didn’t really get a chance to check out the record, but I’m sure it’s really good!!

Hit CARNIFEX up on Twitter and Facebook, and tell them Sergeant D sent you. Good dudes, backed hard!

-Sergeant D.

Sergeant D. accepts requests every day at Stuff You Will Hate.