Cinemetal

CLEARLY, THIS IS THE BEST MUSIC VIDEO YOU WILL EVER SEE, EVER

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My life has been woefully devoid of terribly acted music videos for terrible metal songs as of late. So three cheers for Alternate Reality, whose clip of “The Dignity King That Never Was” perfectly meets that description. The special effects are certainly horrendous, and to call the tune “music” is an insult to sound, but what really makes it so awesomely awful is the fact that everyone seems to have chugged NyQuil right before the cameras started rolling. I’ve seen more enthusiasm from the body at a wake.

I guess, in all fairness, the vocalist and Tits McGee both seem pretty into it. But they also seem to have graduated from The Tobias Funke Institute of Acting, so that’s really no help at all.

“Is it myth, or is reality?” Tits asks the viewer. But, really, it’s neither — because it’s clearly not reality (duh), and a myth, I think, has to be at least semi-famous (i.e., known by people besides the cast and crew of this really bad video) to qualify as such. So the answer is, “It’s fantasy, you nitwit.”

-AR

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