UNNECESSARY ROUGHNESS, WEEK 13: CLINCHIN’ DIVISIONS AND LAST-SECOND DECISIONS
What’s up, everybody! First and foremost I wanna say thanks to the MS staff for giving me this opportunity. I know a decent amount about football and my TV rarely sees any show other than SportsCenter, so this is gonna be really fun every week. A little sports background information on me: I grew up a Packers fan my whole life (and Wisconsin sports in general), so the past couple years have been really fuckin awesome for us. I never played football, but I played basketball and have been super competitive throughout my life. I love a good rivalry and a good shit-talking session, as long as you’ve got the facts to back it up. So here we go!
TGIT (“Thank God It’s Thursday”) just started, and if you’re fortunate enough to have the NFL Network you can watch one extra-shitty game every week. Marshawn Lynch ran well for the Seahawks, busting tackles left and right, but Vince Young played even better. The Eagles are a sorry squad this year; I’m so happy they didn’t pan out. “Let’s spend all the money we can on free agency and say we’re the Dream Team with our talent level.” The only dream they’ve got now is breaking .500. See ya later Andy Reid, leave now and go to a city who won’t boo you every time you play at home.
Kansas City beat Chicago, their only touchdown coming from a hail mary right before the half. The idiot behind Bears linebacker Brian Urlacher batted the ball into the Chiefs’ Dexter McCluster’s hands; damn, that’s gotta feel great! Kyle Orton had one play, a flea flicker, before getting rocked and dislocating his finger. Welcome to Kansas City! The Bears lost Matt Forte for at least a month which is gonna hurt BIGTIME, considering they’ve already lost Jay Cutler for the year. I’m sure we’ll see Donovan McNabb starting next week for Chicago.
Miami has had a resurgence lately and Matt Moore is playing great; good for them. Houston continues to win, even without Matt Shchaub. I like Houston, and I hope they keep winning. It’s a fresh face in the AFC, Arian Foster is a beast, and their D is unreal (with help from J.J. Watt of Wisconsin, might I add).
Some non-surprises: Pittsburgh manhandled the Bengals, New England beat the Colts in a game originally scheduled Sunday night (flex scheduling = win) and the Jets beat the Redskins. Mark Sanchez just doesn’t have what it takes to get the Jets deep into the playoffs this year and Rex Ryan needs to stop setting the bar so high in every interview. The Titans beat the injury ridden Bills; Ryan Fiztpatrick’s MVP beard wasn’t enough to keep the Bills from losing. The Ravens’ Ray Rice ran for like 90 miles against Cleveland; when they click I think they are the best team in the AFC and their defense is scary. Carolina doubled Tampa’s score. Cam Newton’s Rookie of the Year trophy will look pretty sweet sitting next to this National Title and Heisman Trophy; talk about having success early… yikes.
Both Green Bay and San Francisco clinched their divisions, SF with a shutout while the Pack hit a game winning FG as time expired, still perfect! Congrats to the reigning champs and to Harbaugh and his camp. It feels like the mid 90’s all over again. But you know the 49ers are kicking themselves in the nuts for picking Alex Smith over Aaron Rodgers; I mean, I would be.
Jason Garrett lost the game for the Cowboys. HE ICED HIS OWN KICKER! Who does that? Dude hits the field goal to win but it doesn’t count because his own team called a timeout right before, then he shanks the real one! Goes to overtime and Rob Ryan’s defense forgets how to tackle the Arizona Cardinals. FAIL. You don’t deserve to win that game.
The Lions lost to New Orleans. New Orleans offense in the league, so well-rounded, and those black and gold uniforms are just so badass. The Lions put up a good fight but committed so many stupid penalties. When are you gonna grow the fuck up?? Stop throwing tantrums every time something doesn’t go your way. We all know you’re young and pissed, we get it, now get your shit together.
And lastly, we’ve got Tebow. Say what you want, but this guy WINS. Every advanced stat in the world is meaningless to me because the only one that matters is the Win column. The Broncos defense is stellar too, and I really don’t care how they do it because Denver is fun to watch in the 4th quarter. A last second field goal did it this time. Tebow is 5-1 as a starter, so if it ain’t broke don’t fix it. People shit on Tebow saying “oh he can’t throw the ball,” or “Eric Decker is his best receiver.” Who the fuck is Eric Decker?!? Give the guy some credit.
Monday Night Football is coming up with the Jaguars and Chargers, so I’ll be sure to put that on in the background and not give a shit. Maurice Jones-Drew will run, Philip Rivers will throw, but it will all be pretty meaningless as neither team is going to the postseason.
Only four more games ’til the playoffs start. The wild card race is gonna be fun; it’s gonna come down to the last game and dudes are gonna be playing their asses off. God, I love football season. Go Pack Go!
In College news, Wisconsin beat MSU in the Big Ten title game to move onto the Rose Bowl for the 2nd straight year, which is very awesome. The national title will be the LSU vs. Alabama rematch; maybe somebody will score a touchdown this time. Oklahoma State didn’t get the second bid, so they’ll face Andrew Luck; good luck.
Make sure you check out my other blog “Let’s Get Real” on Metal Insider. I ramble about being in the music business, different music, shit like that. Bring all the love and hate you can!
– Jeff Paulick / Lazarus A.D.