Everyone's Replaceable

TEN POSSIBLE CANDIDATES TO BE THE NEW SINGER FOR KILLSWITCH ENGAGE

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With Howard Jones now available for a White Lion reunion, who will be the new vocalist for Killswitch Engage? The obvious answer, of course, would be for the band’s original frontman, Jesse Leach, to return to the fold — although there’s been no word on such a possibility yet, save for some cryptic comments from Leach himself. The second most obvious answer would be Phil Labonte, but (mercifully), he’s already said “I’m not gonna be singing for KsE.”

So if we take Labonte at his word and imagine, for the sake of discussion, that Leach is not returning to the band… who else might get the gig? After the jump, we weigh a few possible options.

DEVIN TOWNSEND

Why it would be good: He sings, he screams, he’s a motherfucking genius, and he would make damn sure that KsE broke out of their current creative slump.

Why it would be bad: His recent solo outings have been so great, who wants to see him take a break so he can go sing “Arms of Sorrow?”

TIM LAMBESIS 

Why it would be good: He already has a working relationship with Adam D. and is popular amongst the crowd that loves Killswitch Engage.

Why it would be bad: It could mean no more Austrian Death Machine albums!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SEBASTIAN BACH

Why it would be good: Because holy shit, it’s Sebastian Bach! The clean vocals in all KsE songs would now RULE.

Why it would be bad: He’s an idiot, an egomaniac, to the best of our knowledge he can’t do death metal growls or hardcore barks, and he’s Canadian. Really, it’s the Canadian thing that bothers us.

COREY TAYLOR

Why it would be good: We don’t actually have an argument for this one. But since he almost joined Anthrax and almost joined Velvet Revolver, it just seems like if there’s a spot open in a reasonably big metal band, he gets the call sooner or later.

Why it would be bad: Give some other dudes a chance, man!

BEN ROBSON

Why it would be good: He’s a great singer, he’s funny as hell and would therefore compliment Adam D. perfectly, and we’re just gonna keep pushing this kid until someone finally hires him.

Why it would be bad: It wouldn’t be.

TOMMY VEXT

Why it would be good: We’ve already joked about this happening, and it would assuage racists who seem to think that Jones needs to be replaced by another minority.

Why it would be bad:  We’ve already joked about this happening, and it would assuage racists who seem to think that Jones needs to be replaced by another minority.

SEAN FARBER

Why it would be good: To the best of our knowledge, the former Dååth vocalist has not achieved any of the “new interests and goals” he left that band to pursue, including opening a restaurant and, uh, starting his own religion. So, y’know. He’s probably available.

Why it would be bad:  The world doesn’t need a Killswitch Engage song called “Intensive Purposes.”

 MARY ZIMMER

Why it would be good: KsE is really just one “Hottest Chicks in Rock-Flavored Pop” cover girl away from being even bigger than they already are.

Why it would be bad:  Uh, so, like, remember Luna Mortis???

HOWARD JONES

Why it would be good: The band’s less-intelligent fans might just think that the other Howard Jones had lost a lot of weight and, uh, put on make-up. Or something.

Why it would be bad:  As though Killswitch Engage needs any further pussification.

RONNIE JAMES DIO

Why it would be good: KsE’s cover of Dio’s “Holy Diver” — their most popular song on both iTunes and Spotify — would now sound even awesomer.

Why it would be bad:  A rep for RJD tells us that “Mr. Dio is not currently available.”

-AR & VN

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