Haterade

SH*TSTAIN ON THE ASS OF THE UNIVERSE #23: CAPTURE THE CROWN

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When your shitty crabcore band indulges in every video cliche known to man, you’re sure to get lots of little tweeny metal girls all hot n’ bothered in their privates like Capture the Crown do. So, this is what Sergeant D meant by Formulaicore? About the only thing missing from Capture the Crown’s video for “You Call That A Knife? This is a Knife!” (lol @ movie reference from way before they were born) is a grassy field, but thankfully there’s a graffiti-covered warehouse in its stead. Some of my favorite parts:

  • the crushed oil drum the singer is using as a “monitor” to rest his foot on
  • why is it raining really hard inside this warehouse?
  • this band apparently has an invisible keyboard player. where is he??? superpowers ftw.
  • skipping in place. this is never not funny.
  • the pants these guys are all wearing. um, WUT??!
  • the fact that these guys have their amp cabinets on $1k+ flight cases with rollers, JUST IN CASE they’re picked up for a big tour straight from this shoot!

This video is approaching 500k views, and surely Capture the Crown are selling bucketloads of their comically stereotypical Varsity font SHOUTABLE GANG VOCALS t-shirts. Century Media or Rise Records should get on signing this band asap!

-VN

Thanks: Joel Sigsbee

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