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NEW SLAYER RING ALLOWS FANS TO TELL THE WORLD THEY’RE FROM NEW JERSEY

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As we all know, one of the biggest concerns with being a New Jersian is the issue of how to alert others that you’re from New Jersey. You could just open your mouth and talk, of course, but who knows if anyone is listening? You can’t expect every person you meet to see you driving, so that’s out. Ditto waiting on a long line for a loud dance club in Manhattan that was designed to facilitate date rape. And while the entire state of New Jersey smells like a skunk factory, the people from that state, amazingly enough, seem to have discovered deodorant, and do not carry this pungent stench with them wherever they go.

But fret not, people from the only state less valuable to The Union than Puerto Rico! Slayer have teamed up with The Great Frog, purveyors of fine jewelry (in case the name “The Great Frog” somehow didn’t make that clear!) to bring you this incredibly ugly ring. It’s so bright and gross that anyone who sees you wearing it will immediately know “Hey, that person is from New Jersey!” (WARNING: They may actually mistake you as being from Long Island. But don’t let that upset you, as Long Island and New Jersey are pretty much the same thing.)

The Great Frog is actually a European company, but insiders tell us that Slayer hired them because, like Slayer fans, no one cares what language the Europeans think they’re speaking. So the ring will sell for €200, or approximately $265, but it would be a steal at half the price. Because now no one will have to hear you utter the phrase “NO MOAH BEAH?!?!” to know where you’re from!!!

-JR

[via Metal Injection]

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