Black Metal Brunch

BLACK METAL BRUNCH: “DO NOT TALK TO ME AFTER SHOW”

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HELLO #INFERIORS.

DO NOT TALK TO ME AFTER SHOW.

AFTER I CONJURE THE ESSENTIAL VOID AND AURALLY ENEMIZE THE STRINGY YUCK FROM YOUR PITIFUL SOUL, I DO NOT WANT BATHE IN YOUR DECADENT BATH OF “CHAT,” CHEW STALE FAT OF YOUR SLAVISH “WELL WISHES.”  I WANT TO SKIN YOUR WELL WISHES AND SPREAD THEM AS TENT OVER A STY OF SICK PIGS, WATCH THEM CHOKE, HAVE GOOD LAUGH. HA! MAYBE INVITE FRIEND, LIE IN WASTE, MAKE PIG SHIT ANGELS. GET SHIT SICK. FUN. HA!

DO NOT TALK TO ME AFTER SHOW.

DO YOU THINK I WANT YOUR DEMO? DO YOU THINK I WILL TAKE TIME TO FLY THROUGH YOUR SOUNDCLOUDS OR INVADE YOUR MYSPACES? WILL I BRING MY COMPENDIUM OF FALSE ESCHATOLOGIES TO YOUR LASTFM? WILL I SET UP MY TEEPEE BY YOUR BANDCAMP? MURDER FAMILY IN WAGON?  SAVE BUFFALO? STOP WESTWARD FLOW OF GENOCIDAL AMERI-CHRISTIAN ONSLAUGHT? MANIFEST TRIBAL DESTINY IN THE BLOOD OF IMPERIAL AGGRESSOR? WILL JESUS RISE AND TONGUE KISS MOHAMET BAREFOOT ON THE UNFURLED SCROLLS OF THE JEWS? WILL ONE AND TWO MAKE SIX MAKE SIX MAKE SIX? WILL LOVE SAVE YOU? WILL YOUR HOPES TO BE DELIVERED FROM YOUR DRIPPING SHITSTAIN EXISTENCE COME TRUE AFTER YOU READ #LONGREAD THE SECRET?

DO NOT TALK TO ME AFTER SHOW.

DO YOU THINK I WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW YOU KNOW X, WHO IS RELATED TO Y, WHO HAS A PASSING RESEMBLANCE TO Z WHOSE SISTER ONCE HAND PLEASURED THE THIRD DRUMMER OF #BLAHBLAHDIE IN TOWN OF #RINKYDINSK, STATE OF #INFERIORITY? DO YOU THINK THAT’S NEAT? DO YOU THINK I THINK THAT’S NEAT? DO YOU THINK I THINK  THAT YOU THINK THAT I THINK THIS IS NEAT, THUS ALLOWING YOU TO FURTHER EXPOUND YOUR #PR, #MANAGEMENT, #PRODUCTION ABILITIES ON A SOCIAL PLATFORM OF EXTENDED ACQUAINTANCE HAND JOBBERY?  DO YOU THINK MY PET SNAKE #TRISMEGISTUS DOES NOT ALREADY HANDLE MY EUROPEAN BOOKINGS? DO YOU THINK HE NOT UP TO SNUFF JUST BECAUSE OF RECENT STINT IN REHAB? FUCKS TO YOU!

DO NOT TALK TO ME AFTER SHOW.

**†ESPECIALLY†** IF YOU ARE “HEY BRO. YOUR BAND WAS SO GREAT BRO, AND THESE OTHER BANDS WERE SO GREAT BRO, AND IS IT NOT GREAT THAT WE ALL PLAY TOGETHER? MUCH BETTER SHOW THAN LAST TIME BRO, SERIOUSLY YOUR BAND MUCH BETTER EVERY SHOW. ARTISTIC GROWTH. RELEVANT CREATIVE STRIDES. REALLY SERIOUSLY. BUT YOU THINK BRO YOU GUYS GET NEW BASSIST MAYBE? I DON’T WANT INTRUDE, BUT SOMEONE TO HOLD LOW END BETTER AND YOU’LL REALLY HAVE IT. MY COUSIN BRO, SICK BASSIST. SUPER SICK. #CHOLERA #EBOLA #TRIPLEAIDS SICK. BUT NO STILL, YOU WERE GREAT. YOU GUYS PLAYING SOON BRO? WE PLAYING SOON. PUTTING OUT RECORD. YOU PUT OUT RECORD? WE DO SMALL REGIONAL TOUR. YOU TOUR BEFORE? AWESOME BRO, AWESOME. MANY SMALL TOWN #DREAMWICCANS WHOSE PATERNAL ALIENATION PROVIDES SEXUAL OPPORTUNITY. JUST WRAP IT UP BRO, LEST RISKS INHERENT IN CONTEMPORARY SEXUAL LIBERATION INTRUDE UPON OUR EMBRACE OF PREDESCRIBED DIONYSIAN IMPERATIVES. SO GREAT TO PLAY WITH YOU, BRO. WE PLAY AGAIN, SHARE DRINK TICKETS NOW, GETS DRUNK. WONDERFUL ARTISTIC COMMUNITY, SUCH CREATIVE MINDS, RANGE OF BANDS. SCENE DEAD, ALL MUSIC BAD IN LAST FOREVER YEARS, BUT NOT TONIGHT! WE’RE ON TOP BRO, GREAT PLAYING WITH YOU BRO. “ #DIE. #DIE. #STABS. #STABS. #DIE.

DO NOT TALK TO ME AFTER SHOW.

IN THE THIRD EPOCH, DURING THE RED SPRING OF ASMÅRD THE GRIEF SHEPHERD, A MILLER’S BOY FROM PILLAGED CHRISTIAN LANDS WAS POSITIONED AS THE PAGE OF ASMÅRD. THROUGH THE COVES AND FJORDLANDS, THE YELLOW FELDTS AND DEEP WOODS, THE PAGE ACCOMPANIED ASMÅRD IN  HIS PURSUIT OF THE THEOCRATS WITH HIS STEADY #SUPERIOR MIEN OF UTMOST PATIENCE AND EQUANIMITY. ON THE DAY OF ASMARD’S FIRST RIGHTEOUS SLAUGHTER, THE PAGEBOY WAS STUNNED BY THE FLUENCY OF HEFTY ASMÅRD’S CHOPS AND STROKES, HOW THE STREAMS OF BLOOD MIMICED THE SALUBRIOUS FLOW OF THE SOUTHERN FOUNTAINS OF LORE, OF ASMARD’S FEARLESSNESS, HIS TRAMPLING OF ALL WEAKNESS AND SKULLS, HOW THE CRIES OF HIS ENEMIES IN DEATH SOUNDED LIKE PRECIOUS SONG OF ELABORATE ORCHESTRATION AND PARAMOUNT NUANCE. IN NIGHT, AS THEY ATE HORSE FLESH AROUND THE VICTORY PYRE THE BOY ASKED ASMÅRD IF HE COULD CLEAN THE BLOOD FROM HIS SWORD. HE ASKED ASMÅRD IF HE COULD TEACH HIM HOW TO DRAW THE PUREST PAIN AND FEAR FROM HIS ENEMIES. AS THE VICTORY PYRE BURNED LOW THE PAGE BOY PESKERED ASMÅRD WITH FURTHER #INFERIORIQUERIES; THE FLY BITE QUESTIONING OF THE OBSEQUIOUS, OF THE SADDLE SNIFFERS. AND LO, ASMÅRD: WRATH SPENT, WINE DRUNK, BELLY PROTUBEROUS WITH HORSEN FLESH, BADE THE BOY COME HITHER, HIS HEAD GROGNODDING IN EXHAUSTION. HE GRABBED THE BOY’S CHEEKS IN HIS MIGHTY PAW, SLICED OUT HIS TONGUE, AND TOSSED IT ON THE EMBERS TO SIZZLE AT THE DAWNING OF TRIUMPH’S SUN.  THE BOY WOULD SERVE ASMÅRD IN SILENT OBEDIENCE UNTIL HIS DEATH TWENTY SUMMERS HENCE.

DO NOT TALK TO ME AFTER SHOW.

-DV

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