A Game of Thrones

GAME OF THRONES, SEASON 2: THE HEAVY METAL REVIEW — EPISODE 2.3, “WHAT IS DEAD MAY NEVER DIE”

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HBO’s Game of Thrones is populated with armor-wearing, sword-waving, longhairs like this guy. So that should make for a pretty metal show, right? 

For two weeks now, MetalSucks has been telling you that HBO’s epic fantasy programme Game of Thrones is the most metal show on TV. And you’re well within your rights if you’re questioning us at this point. Let’s recap episodes 1 and 2, using metal criteria.

In the first two weeks, the body count was pretty low. Some people burned ancient wooden effigies of the kingdom’s gods. And while flaming, large-scale blasphemy is very metal, they were destroyed to honor another (alleged) One True God, and that has some quite conventional overtones. (That One God is R’hllor, Lord of Light – mark his name well; he ain’t goin’ nowhere.) And one guy’s dad yelled at him and said he looked like a chick, which is totally metal. But so far, the show  has had more intrigue than entrails, and it’s been less Lord of the Rings/The Legacy and more Michael Corleone’s trip to Cuba. But, as they say: Winter is coming.

SPOILER POLICY: It’s been great having everyone weigh in on the show and books every Monday,  but please keep in mind: Some of the viewers are new fans who haven’t read all the books – and you know what wonderful, terrible twists tale tale has to offer. Please try to limit your discussion to the episodes that have already aired. If you absolutely need to reference something that will happen later in the saga, please be vague, and please label it a spoiler. What if some prick had told you that Anakin kid was gonna turn into Darth Vader?

Episode 2.3, “What Is Dead May Never Die”

The title alone is some on some Lovecraft-Maiden-Metallica shit. Then an old maester speaks of dissipated magic, skinwalkers, and dragons long disappeared. A tall woman warrior with big shoulders and a larger heart humbles a queen’s brother. The ironborn do not toil for others; they make their purchases with blood. And a whore, also, has her own currency and vocations.

Sansa Stark stills sucks, as she ever shall. A Grand Maester slips the imp the good shit for a good shit, and the big little man writes songs for others to sing. Two dudes get it on, and when boobs come a callin’, a maiden cannot conjure the king’s steel. A warded hostage burns his honor and is reborn at the hands of a pagan priest. A man in black recalls his righteous revenge against a pretty-boy poseur – then goes down swingin’ as a silver sword turns blood red. A horned helm saves a bastard. And an injured lad learns that, in this world of myth, magic, and mysticism, the grandest fantasy of them all is honor.

Stats: Boobs, 2. Body count, like 5 or 6.

RATING: Still not very metal – but by episode’s end, you can see how it’s gonna get there.

-Ferris

D.X. Ferris wrote the 33 1/3 series book about Slayer’s Reign in Blood, writes & draws the webcomic Suburban Metal Dad, and runs Pentagrammarian,  the world’s only heavy metal grammar & usage website (that we’re aware of). You can follow his bullshit on Twitter herehere, and here.  

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