Black Metal Brunch

BLACK METAL BRUNCH: SCIENCE IS SH*TTING ON ALL OF US EVERY DAY

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IN THE VIKING EPOCHS WARFARE SEEPED INTO THE GROUNDWATER. IT PERMEATED THE SUBLIME FJORDLAND AQUIFFER. AND IT IS SAID IN THE FOURTH AND SEVENTH EPOCHS THAT A RING OF RED CIRCLED THE IRIS OF EVERY #TRUENORWEGIAN NEWBORN.

MODERN SCIENTIFICAL INSTRUMENTATION WOULD LOOK AT THIS BEGINNING TO PROPER #BRUTALVIKINGHISTORY, UNDO #SHINYPANTSBUCKLE, AND TAKE A SHIT OF GIRTH SO STARTLING AND PROFOUND IT WOULD GIVE A POLARBEAR A  HEART ATTACK.

YET VERILY, THIS OCCURRENCE IS LESS #EXCEPTIONAL THAN IT IS #RULORIOUS. SCIENCE IS SHITTING ON ALL OF US EVERY DAY, BUT IT IS AS IF WE HAVE FORGOTTEN TO SMELL.

SCIENCE WOULD DESCRIBE THE TERRIFYING ASPECT OF THE RINGED EYE AS A PRODUCT OF “MICRONUTRIENT DEFICIENCY ENDEMIC TO NORTHERN EUROPEAN POPULATIONS DURING THE EARLY MIDDLE AGES” OR SOME OTHER #BLAHBLAHBLAH SOPHISTIC HYPERRATIONAL CHICANERY. SCIENCE WOULD GET IN ITS ZANY #INFERIOR TIME MACHINE, PLOP INTO A FJORDLAND HUT OF YORE, STOMP ITS #SWEETKICKS OF SHINIEST POLYMER NEAR THE STRAW STREWN HUT HEARTH AND SHOUT “HEY HESRID, THAT RED TINT IN YOUR NEWBORN’S EYES ACTUALLY MEANS HIS KIDNEYS ARE FAILING, AND #SWEETSAVORYJESUS, HE LOOKS JAUNDICED, ARE YOU LOOKING TO RAISE A WARRIOR OR ENTER THE WINNER IN #TINIESTCORPSE CONTEST AT PATHETIC AMERICANA COUNTY FAIRE, IN THE FAR IMPOSSIBLE FUTURE, THAT YOU WILL NEVER SEE OR KNOW, YOU PRIMITIVE HAG? ” HARSH, RELENTLESS, #BRUTALTRUTH IS SCIENCE RAW.

SCIENCE IS ALWAYS CASTING COLD METALLIC #FACTLIGHT BURNING THE POTENCY FROM THE POWDER OF INANE MYTHOLOGICAL NARRATIVES, THE VERY POWDER THAT IN SHORT TERM SNORTINGS AND TWEEN TOE NEEDLINGS,  PROVIDES ILLUSORY DISTANCE AND BUILDS FORTITUDE IN THE #TESTICLEASE AND #CERVICHES OF WARRIORS OF ALL AGE AND GENDER.

SCIENCE IS LIKE CHARACTER IN #INFERIOR AMERICAN TELEVISIONS SHOW #HOUSEMD. SHOW PREMISE IS THAT HOUSE IS “A REAL FUCKING ASSHOLE,” BUT “SUCH A GOODE DOCTOR.” SCIENCE SAME BUT DIFFERENT.

SCIENCE IS A RAPACIOUS POWER, THE SUPERIOR FACT DRIVE. ITS ABSTRACTED FACTOIDS ARE #INLANDOFIDEALS MERE THOUGHT TOOLS, WITH WHICH TO BUILD A #CASTLE, #BATTLEAXE, #ABOMB, #ALLCYBORGGORGOROTH (#CYBORGOROTH), #INVISIBLEFULLBODYCONDOM, #INDUSTRIALSKULLPOLISH, #INFLATABLEJAPANESEDREAMWICCAN, #SNAKESCENTREMOVALSPRAY, ETC.

BUT THIS RAW FORCE OF DOMINATION IS NOT THE MOST POWERFUL TONGUE IN THE CANKEROUS MOUTH OF SCIENCE. TODAY THE #SILICONVALLEYS WANT TO UNSCRUPULOUSLY RESHAPE SCIENCE INTO ABOMINABLE #TECHNOCRACY. THEY PRETEND #TECHNOCRACY WILL SAVE US, THAT ALL LITTLE SUFFERING BOYS AND GIRLS WILL BE DELIVERED FROM ALL PAIN AND INCONVENIENCE, THAT ONE DAY WE ENTER INTO COMPUTER CHIP FOR ETERNAL #OUROBORUS BINARY GANGBANG, WITH ONES RUBBING ON ZEROS AND ZEROS RUBBING ONES AND ZEROS IN AN ELECTRIFIED PORNOGRAPHIC FROTH OF ULTIMATE #SHAME AND #INFERIORITY.

 

BETTER TO REIGN IN HELL THAN SERVE IN HEAVEN, AND BETTER TO WITHER, SUFFER AND DIE ON EARTH THAN BE PRESERVED IN FALSE ETERNITY. #ACCEPTYOURBOUNDARIES #ICARUS

BUT EN ROUTE TO NUMBERBANG HEAVEN, #TECHNOCRACY REQUIRES US TO USE ITS FREE GCHATTERS AND FACEBOOKES, THAT THE #TECHNOCRACY MAY LEARN THE EBBS AND FLOWS OF OUR SOCIAL, CONSUMERIST, AND PORNOGRAPHIC HABITS. IN TURN IT OFFERS US CLICKY-CLICKABLE DEALS. #GOODDEAL RIGHT? DIGNITY SMALL PRICE TO PAY FOR ACCESS TO CONSUMERIST UTOPIA? #THANKYOUSIRMAYIHAVEANOTHER #ANDANOTHER #OWWW

#TECHNOCRACY FURTHER COMPELS US INTO PAROXYSMS OF #INFERIORITY VIA PATHETIC #FETISHIZATIONS OF INNOVATOR HEROS WHICH LIKELY ALSO REFLECT #SUBLIMATEDSEXUALIMPULSES. TECHNOCRATS WANT GIVE A #STEVEJOBSJOB. HA!

SO #JOBSMAN HELPS DESIGN OBJECTS THAT OPEN WINDOW INTO PIXELATED LAND OF FALSE UTOPICS, OBJECTS THAT THROW OUT #VIBES OF INVIDIOUS CLASS DISTINCTION FOR #FLEECEWEARINGBAYAREAINFERIORS, AND THEIR PARTNERS IN #CREATIVEECONOMY #CRIMENOMICS. HE WEARS TURTLENECKS. IS A #TRUEWARRIORASSHOLE TO HIS EMPLOYEES. BANGS STARLETS. GETS CANCER. DIES.

AND THEN OUTPOURING OF GRIEF CAME, TORRENTIAL, DRIPPING, ABSURD. THE HORNS OF FLATULENT SADNESS RESOUNDED FROM THE TOWERS AND RADIATED FROM EVERY #HOTSPOT, BETRAYING THE SICKLY SNIFFERY, THE COLD MOIST SYCOPHANCY OF THE #TECHNOCRATS. AMERICA’S GREATEST HERO A CAPITALIST GADGETEER. AMERICA’S AFFLUENT PROSTRATING THEMSELVES, LASHING THEIR BACKS WITH FIREWIRE. REPENTING FOR NOT BUYING THE LATEST APP OR PLUNKING DOWN HUNDOS FOR #OSMYTHICALBEASTHUMPRAMPAGINGTHEHOLEWHEREYOURSELFRESPECTONCERESIDED. #THINKDIFFERENTJUSTLIKEME.

MY PET SNAKE #TRISMEGISTUS CRYING FOR DAYS.  INCONSOLABLE. DESOLATE. THREATENING TO BURROW INTO CENTER OF EARTH, NEVER COME BACK. SAYS JOBS WAS #VISIONARY, AND I SAY, WHY YOU REQUIRE VISIONARY, YOU BLIND? HA! AND HE SAYS, NOT BLIND, BUT ACTUALLY MY SENSE OF SMELL MUCH STRONGERS THAN SIGHT, LEGALLY BLIND IN HALF STATES. NO SHITS I SAY. #BYGONES.

IF INFERIORS DEMAND #INNOVATORWORSHIP I SAY, PUT DREX IN #TURTLENECK, GIVE HIM HEADSET AND #TEDTALK. I’D SAY #AHA MOMENT, GIVE SMOOTH PLANNED PRESENTATION, ROUTINIZING AND STIFLING THE #TRUEWARRIORSPIRIT IN NAME OF #GREATPR. HERE’S WHAT I WOULD SAY:

WORSHIP THE HEROS, AND PRAY FOR YOUR DELIVERANCE, #RELIGIOUS OR #TECHNOCRATIC, IT DOESN’T MATTER, OBLIVION IS THE ONLY UNIVERSAL #OS, IT HAS THE #MOSTINTUITIVEDESIGN, AND GREATEST #MARKETPENETRATION.

YOU MAY AS WELL SWALLOW YOUR GLORIFIED CALCULATOR AND SHIT YOUR NUMBERS INTO THE WELL OF #INFERIORITEARS, #POINDEXTROS. FOR YOUR SCIENCE IS JUST CHRISTIANITY WITH AN APP STORE.

-DV

Follow Drex on Twitter or, if you’re single, hit him up on OK Cupid! You can also e-mail him at drexsez AT gmail DOT com. 

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