Black Metal Brunch

BLACK METAL BRUNCH: DREX ON A PLANE

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MY SOUL IS PRECIOUS AS A LUMP OF COAL SOAKED IN URINE. MY BODY IS A BLOODY JUMBLE OF EXCRETIONARY INPUTS AND OUTPUTS. I AM AS LOWLY AS A YEAST INFECTION IN THE EYE OF A MONITOR LIZARD, AND THRICE AS MOIST. YET VERILY, I HAVE NEVER FELT SO WORTHLESS AND #INFERIOR, NOR INCITED TO #MCFLURRIES OF SUCH #PUROHATRED AS WHEN I ATTEMPT TO TRAVEL THROUGH #AMERICANAIRPORT. #FINALCALLFORHATRED.

HAHA YES, REAL HEAVY BAG. I WILL NOT CHECK IT. WEIGHT LIMIT FOR #INFERIORS. NO BIG DEAL, JUST A BUNCH OF STAINED GLASS SHARDS I FOUND. SCATTERED ON FLOOR OF CHURCH. DURING SUNDAY MASS. LISTEN #CHARLOTTE, THAT WHAT YOUR TAG SAYS, SO ACCORDING TO CUSTOM OF YOUR #AIRCLAN I AM PERMITTED TO CALL YOU SUCH. BUT FEEL INSUFFICIENTLY FAMILIAR TO EXPLAIN WITH YOU, #LILCOUNTERWICCAN OF #STRONGHAUNCH, #FANCIFULSCARF AND #VICIOUSEYE. CAN I CALL YOU CHARLIE? NO? OK, LISTEN #CHARLIE #CHUCKLES, CAN’T GET INTO ALL OF IT, BUT LET’S #GIST: YOU DON’T LET ME TAKE THIS BAG ON, AND 50 CATHOLIC CHILDREN WERE SPOOKED TO #PANTSHITTING DURING THEIR WEEKLY #FALSECHRIST #INDOCTRINATIONRITE FOR NOTHING. YOU WANT THAT ON YOUR #CONSCIENCE? NO? YOU SAY I’M #WEIRDO #CLOWNASSBITCH?? MAYBE CALL SECURITY? SHHH. SHHHHHH!!! #SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! I TAKE HAND OFF MOUTH UPON EXPLOSITION OF ONE THING. #CHARLIE YOU LIKE #HORSES? MANY GIRLS LIKE HORSES AS #SUBLIMATEDPLACEHOLDER FOR #EROTICPREPUBESCENTLADYLONGING. #SADDLEEUPHEMISM. #DADDYRIDES. #WELL THIS BAG IS MADE FROM A HORSE NAMED #SORROW, AND HE WAS MY BEST FRIEND. THIS GLASS REMINDS OF TRAIPSES WITH HORSE BUDDY THROUGH SUMMER FIELDS GORGING ON THE SWEET GRASS. #EQUESTRIANEQUIPAJE. THIS BAG IS FILLED WITH LAST SHARDS OF #CHILDHOOD MEMEORY. NO? AHA! I GAUGE NOW YOUR WITCHERY. YOU CHALLENGE ME TO GO WITHOUT. A WORTHY WARRIOR WANDERER WITHSTANDS WHATEVER. #AWWWWW. I HONOR YOUR HATRED #CHARLIE. I SAY GOODBYE TO SORROW AND SOMEHOW HELLO AT SAME TIME. #MYSTERIES.

ATTENTION NORMALS, SUBNORMALS, AND INFERIORS! NOW TIME FOR INVASIVE SECURITY AND #DIGNITYREDUCTION PROTOCOLS! REMOVE, BELTS, #UPSIDEDOWNCROSS NECKLACE, #NOLACE WARRIOR BOOTS. #CRAM #STUFF #HUFF AND #HARUMPH IN THE HURRIED FLOW OF HATRED’S FELLOW TRAVELLERS. COMMISERATE WITH ASKANCE GLANCES AND HEAD SHAKING. MAKE YOUR LITTLE #HATEFRIENDS, YOUR COMRADES IN #INEFFICACY. PRETEND FOR A MOMENT THAT A HUMAN BOND FORMED IN OPPOSITION TO DOMINATION CAN COMPENSATE FOR A HOLIDAY WEEKEND LINE WHERE A MOTHER MUST TAKE OUT HER BREAST MILK FOR (ADMITTEDLY EROTIC BUT NO LESS SHAMEFUL) #PUBLICINSPECTION, WHERE A FEEBLE OLD MAN IS DRESSED DOWN BY A 19 YEAR OLD #TSA #INFERIORICRAT FOR NOT UNLACING HIS SHOES QUICKLY ENOUGH, WHERE A PIMPLED TEENAGE GIRL DROPS HER PLASTIC BAGGIES AFTER X-RAY AND OUT SCATTER THE TAMPONS AND TOILETRIES OF INSECURITY IN FRONT OF HER FAMILY AND THE COLLECTED AUDIENCE OF MISERABLES ACROSS THE TERMINAL TILES. TRADE YOUR DIGNITY FOR A DREAM OF SECURITY. IT IS SO AND SHALL BE. #DEALORJUSTSTAYHOME. #TSAMOTTO. #DREXSPONSOREDBYTSA.

BUT THEN THERE’S #MARGARET. THE SEPTUGENARIAN #TSA #DREAMWICCAN. MY #BLUEGLOVEDBLACKROSE. WHEN YOU VIOLATE MY PRICKLY FLESH FOR THE #SECURITYAPPARATUS, YOU NEVER FIND ANY #DRUGS, #EXOTICANIMALS, #SHARPKNIVESIES, OR #EXPLOSIVEDEVICES, BUT YOU MANAGE, WITH YOUR THOROUGHNESS, DISINTEREST, AND PROFESSIONALISM TO TICKLE THE GREY VENTRICLES OF MY DEAD HEART. #BUTMAYBSMYWARRIORPROSTATETOO. #MARGARET UR THE MEANING OF LOVE #POST911.

THE TERMINAL IS A LESSON IN CRUEL PROBABILITY. THE WORST SCENARIOS YOU CAN DIVINE ARE THOSE MOST LIKELY TO OCCUR. FOR INSTANCE: THE LOUDER THE BABY YOU SEE BEING PATHETICALLY HUSHED BY ITS #MOTHER (AS IF THE LARVAL BLOB WERE A KING!), THE MORE LIKELY YOU WILL BE TRYING TO SLEEP ON THE FLIGHT NEXT TO ITS SCREAMS, AND THE LIKELIER YOU WILL BE FORCED TO PONDER TRADING THE STAIN OF #INFANTICIDE FOR THE CLEAN FABRIC OF #SILENCE.

AND THE BIG BELLIED COW MAN YOU SEE HOUSING #QUADRUPLEWHOPPER IN THE TERMINAL? HE WILL BE SITTING NEXT TO YOU ON THE FLIGHT.

HIS #WHOPPERGAS WILL INVADE YOUR NOSTRILS’ #NOFLYZONE. HIS GUT WILL SPILL OVER ONTO YOUR LAP. YOU WILL NAME THIS #GUTBUDDY #GERMAINE. YOU WILL DEVELOP A RAPPORT WITH #GERMAINE AS HIS MASTER SLEEPS. #GERMAINE WILL HAVE INTERESTING, COUNTERINTUITIVE THINGS TO SAY ABOUT #GORGOROTH’S RE-RECORDING OF #UNDERTHESIGNOFHELL. #GERMAIN WILL BECOME BEST #FLIGHTFRIENDEVER (BECAUSE †SOMEONES† BEST FRIEND AND PETSNAKE CAN NO LONGER TRAVEL AFTER #AMBIEN INDUCED GROPING OF FLIGHT ATTENDANT, AND SUBSEQUENT #BEATDOWN BY SKYMARSHALL)#GERMAINE WILL ASK FOR YOU TO KILL HIM AND SET HIM FREE FROM THE SUBJUGATION OF #GUTLIFE. NEXT THING YOU’RE STABBING #SLEEPINGFATTY WITH A PLASTIC KNIFE THAT WILL NOT PENETRATE FLIGHTFLESH, AND #GERMAINE REFUSES TO TALK TO YOU FOR REST OF FLIGHT. SUPER AWKWARD. YOU JUST LOST A FRIEND, AND 3 HOURS. NEXT TIME MAYBE JUST WALK.

A.W.W.W.W.W.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UEmWpbciu9A

-DV

Follow Drex on Twitter or, if you’re single, hit him up on OK Cupid! You can also e-mail him at drexsez AT gmail DOT com. 

 

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