BLACK METAL BRUNCH: DREX GRAPPLES WITH TASTE

BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER, TO START.  FOR EQUALLY, IT IS IN THE PALM’S POOL OF FLUID, REFLECTING UP THE SMILE OF ONE #LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE HOLDING AN EYE. #SIPPYSLURP THE OCULAR ICK AROUND THAT EYE IN YOUR PALM, AND THE REMAINDER CAN BE CONSTRUED AS #FISHGUTMOZARELLA JUST AS EASILY AS A #PRITYPLUMP #FLESHPEARL. BEAUTY IS A #TASTERSCHOICE, AND YET, LO, IT IS REMARKABLE HOW MANY RAVENOUS STUPIDS APPEAR TO SUBSIST ON A GRITSY DIET OF SCRAMBLERED SHITS. #EXCLUSIVELY.

#DREX IS #PROBYGONES. I BELIEVE ALL, #WARRIOR AND #INFERIOR ALIKE, MAY BE FREE TO TASTE WHAT THEY WANT. THE CAVEAT OF #TASTERSCHOICE, IS THAT IT #APPLICITATES ONLY SO LONG AS THE CHEWER’S MOUTH REMAINS CLOSED. SOON AS THAT #PUSSBUBBLY #BLOODCANKERED SLOBBER NODULE IS OUT THERE FOULING THE FAIR AIR, GATHERING FLIES, AND INFECTING THE WORLD WITH #EMOCORE #WHITECHAPEL #MICHAELBAY #FLIPFLOPS #BLUBSTEPS #LEFTBEHINDNOVELS #PAINTERSOFLIGHT #SKRILLEX #MULTIMEDIAARTINSTALLATIONS #JAYLENO #SUBWAYSANDWICH #ALIENPREQUELS #ETC., WELL THEN, MAY MY STORM OF JUDGMENT MALEFICENT RAIN PITILESS DAGGERS UPON YOU. MAY MERCY BE BOUND, GAGGED AND RELOCATED TO OBLIVION, SO THAT MY JUDGMENT’S FEROCITY WILL NOT BE FETTERED. MAY THE LEASTEST HAIR OF RESTRAINT NOT STOP THE MAGMIC FLOW OF JUDGMENT AS IT SILENCES THE UNTOWARD TONGUES TASTING FROM THE CATTLE TROUGHS OF #INFERIORITY. IF YOU CAN’T KEEP YOUR AESTHETETIC PREFERENTIALS TO YOURSELF, AND THEY ARE INDEED #INFERIOR, THEN THE  #BYGONES’ SHACKLES OF #PROSOCIALITY DISSOLVE, LOOSING THE FISTS OF HATE AND JUDGMENT TO RAIN BLOWS UPON YOU (#NOTAEUPHEMISM!!).

AND NOW MAY #JUSTICE BE STRIPPED AND GIVEN AN #IV OF #MONSTERENERGY®, FOR THE COURT OF TASTE IS NOW IN SESSION! #TRIALS. #KAFKAN. #KAFKAESQUE.

DEFENDENT1: OFFICE MATE WHO LOVES “INDIE” MUSIC.

NATURE OF OFFENSE: “HEY BRO, KNOW YOU’RE ON DEADLINE FOR PUBLISHING THAT WEBSITE, YOUR #DESIGNGAME IS #HELLATIGHT TODAY. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE IS TIGHT? #INDIEROCK! IT IS AWESOME AND MAKES ME FEEL SMART AND MATURE AND THOUGHTFUL. IT IS GOOD TOO BECAUSE THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE IT NEVER FART. NOT A ONCE. I BELIEVE THE WEIRD LONGHAIRED GUY FROM #DIRTYPROJECTORS HAD THE WHOLE BAND’S FART GLANDS REMOVED SO THEY COULD PRACTICE LONGER. HE IS GENIUS. WHEN I LISTEN TO GENIUS, A PIECE OF GENIUS TAKES ROOT IN ME. HOW ELSE COULD I UNDERSTAND THE WORK OF “GENIUS” UNLESS I WAS ONE? THIS RELATIONAL IS NOT A MARKETING SCHEME LEVERAGING MY #GENERATIONALNARCISSISTICTENDENCIES, IT’S #BESTNEWMUSIC! INDIE ROCK IS ALSO GOOD BECAUSE IT IS LOGICAL END PLACE OF PUNK IDEALS. THIS MUSIC MAY SOUND LIKE #LIFESTYLEMUSIC MARKETED TO #YOUNGYUPPIES WHILST THEY TEAR INTO ORGANICAL HOTS DOGS ON #CONDODECKS. BUT IT’S ACTUALLY THE LOGICAL END OF PUNK ROCK: A BUNCH OF BEAUTIFUL CLEAN EDUCATED WHITE PEOPLE SCAVENGING GRAVEYARD OF COUNTERCULTURAL REFERENTIALISM AND PICKING UP THE CHOICE NUGGETS TO TOSS IN THEIR PROTOOLS. LOVE IT! #DIY! #FUGAZI. #ART #ART #ART!”

VERDICT: GUILTY

PUNISHMENT: POTENTIAL STERILIZATION VIA #WARRIORBOOTGENITAL KICK. YOU HAVE TO KEEP LISTENING TO INDIEROCK.

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DEFENDENT2: GUY WITH #WHITECHAPEL TSHIRT ROCKIN OUT TO #WHITECHAPEL REAL LOUD VIA #EARBUDS ON SUBWAY.

NATURE OF OFFENSE: “GONNA GET PLUGZZZ. GONNA GET TEN GUITARISTS. ROCK OUT SAME TIME. GREASE HAIR #TOUGHSEXY. TAKE ALL AIR OUT OF RECORDING. VACUUM SEAL SOUND LIKE LEFTOVERS MY MOM LEFT ME WHEN SHE LEFT TOWN FOR WEEKENDS IN MIDDLESCHOOL. DURRR. DURRR. DURRR. 20 DUDES IN BAND MEAN BAND STRONGER LOUD BETTERER . THESE GUYS LIKE SLAYER ATE MORBID ANGEL AND SHIT THEM OUT TO MAGICEST #GROOVE EVER. WEARIN PLUGZZZ. WALKIN MY PUGGGS. LIS-UH-NIN TO WHITECHAPELS. #NECKTAT.”

VERDICT: GUILTY

PUNISHMENT: LARGER #PLUGZZZ.

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DEFENDENT3: DREXOPHILIOUSssssss FRANCESssssss VASsssEKTOMY

NATUREssss OFss sssssOFFENSEss: POSSESSSsssssING MIDDLE NAME FRANCESsssss

VERDICT: GUILTYssssssssssssss

PUNISHMENTssss: APOLOGIZE TO BESssssT SNAKE FRIEND TRISssssssMEGIssssssTUSsss FOR MAKING FUN OF MY #SSSSSUPERCOOL #BEANIEsssssss HAT.  #sssssssssssssssssssss.

GET FUCKS OUT OF HERE TRISMEGISTUS! THIS COURT OF LAW, NOT SNAKEY’S SNARK PARTY!

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DEFENDENT4: ALL FASHION PARTY ATTENDEES.

NATURE OF OFFENSE: UPON THE TERMINATION OF FREELANCE WEB GRAPHIC DESIGN FREELANCE JOB, I WAS INVITED TO OPENING FOR #FASHIONABLELABEL FOR WHO I HAD TOILED IN CODE AND #INDESIGN, AS THE NORWEGIAN GRAPHIC MASTERS OF YORE PAINTED CRUDE #PHALLUCEES ON THE PILLAGE SHIPS IN THE #SWEET #TANGY BLOOD OF THE VANQUISHED ENEMY.

I WANTED ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF MY FRAMING AND PAGE USABILITY TRIUMPHS. I RECEIVED THE KEEN CRUEL #JUDGMENTEYES OF THESE FOULEST #TASTEMAKERS. IN A CLUB (SO CALLED FOR IT BEATS YOUR SPIRIT) LARGE AND RHYTHM BANGING, MANY TALL #DREAMWICCANS, WITH SIDE OF THEIR HEADS SHAVED, IN WEIRD #BARBARIANSANDALS, AND MEN IN FOULEST #FLIPPEYFLOPS, OR #BLACKSOCKED, STARED AT ME SIPPING THEIR CHILLED INFERIORITY SUCKLE BOOZES.

I ENTERED THE SANCTUM, PERFUMED IN PHEROMONE AND SELF REGARD.  MY PET SNAKE #TRISMEGISTUS SAT IN BOOTH WITH MY #INDIE “ROCKER” OFFICEMATE BROBRO. ACROSS FROM THEM A #EUROPEAN ARTIST WOMAN, WITH FREEFLOWING EROTIC FLESH DISPLAY IN HER UPPER THORACIC AND #FLESHULOUS THIGH REGIONALS. HER FRIEND ADORNED IN WHITE LIGHT ROBE AND HAIR BLACK LONG DANGLING, LIKE A CULT MEMBER SACRIFICE PRIMED IN A SUNNY SUMMER FIELD.

I SAT DOWN, AND FELT WEIGHT OF JUDGINGMENTS UPON MY WARRIOR SELF. CONVOS HALTED. “HELLO I AM DREXOPHILIOUS, FOR WHICH THIS WEBSITE EXISTS FOR THIS FASHION BUSINESS, AND HENCE THIS PARTY. I WILL NOW RECEIVE YOUR PRAISE AND HOMAGE FOR THESE DRIPPINGS OF ENJOYMENT IN YOUR LIVES OTHERWISE PUNCTUATED ONLY BY MISERY AND WOE.” I OPENED UP MY #LEATHERBOUND COMMENT BOOK AND LAID IT ON THE TABLE WITH A FALCON QUILL PEN. READY TO RECEIVE THE WORDS OF FEALTY TO MY  TRIUMPH. THE SKRILLEX BANGED, BUT THE SPIRITS OF CRICKETS CHIRPCHIRPED, SUSPENDED IN THE ACID GLUE OF MY SELF SECRETED #AWKJUICE.

“MMM, MAYBE I’LL WRITE IN YOUR DIARY LATER,” SAID THE (SOUTHERN!) EUROPEAN SEX FLESH ARTIST. THEN SHE ENTERED INTO CONVERSATION WITH SNAKE ABOUT THE QUALITY OF HIS HAT, AND HER  “LOVEAFFAIR” WITH “THE SPIRIT OF CRAFT.” I SHIFTED AND STOMPED, MADE AGGRESSIVE EYE CONTACT THAT WENT UNHEEDED BY ALL AT TABLE. “IT IS A JOURNAL,” I MUTTERED TO MYSELF. MY WORKER BRO TALKED TO SEXY #CULTWICCAN ABOUT #ART “THEORY.” SHE SAID SHE LOVED #CRASS, AND THEN THEY TALKED ABOUT #ST.VINCENT, WHICH I THINK IS WEIRDSO #CHRISTIANROCK ARRANGED BY AN ANOREXIC PLEASURE ROBOT. HE PUT HIS HAND ON HER THIGH.

I FELT AS ONE STRANDED IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY, AND YET IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE MY OWN. HERE WAS MY CONTEXT, AND ALL I FELT WAS REVULSION, DISGUST. #MORRISSEYGOROTH.

VERDICT: GUILTY

PUNISHMENT: LIVE OUT YOUR NATURAL LIVES, PRETEND YOUR TASTE MATTERS, BUILD A SCAFFOLD OF HIERARCHICAL REFERENCE, CLIMB IT LIKE #KINGSHITSPIDER, PRETEND YOU WON’T DIE LIKE THE INSECT YOU ARE. DIE ANYWAY.

STILL PROBABLY A BAD IDEA TO LISTEN TO #WHITECHAPEL.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CEn1R9aXSw&feature=player_embedded

-DV

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