Black Metal Brunch

BLACK METAL BRUNCH: DREX DOESN’T LIKE PETS

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“IT’S A DOG EAT DOG WORLD” SAY THE #ANIMALCANNIBALS. IF COMMON CUR CODDLING, KITTIE COMFORTING HUMANITY WERE TO LISTEN, WHAT ELSE WOULD THE BEASTS SAY? THE BEASTS WOULD SAY IT’S A DOLPHIN RAPE DOLPHIN WORLD, A #POLARBEARMOMMY EAT #POLARBEARCUB WORLD, A VENOMOUS PLATYPUS FANGS AN ALLIGATOR WORLD. THE NOBLE #PLATYPUSWARRIOR ELABORATIONALLY SAYS “G’DAY MATE. I GOT BEAVER SKIN, A DUCKBILL, I LAY EGGS, AND IM FILLED WITH ENOUGH POISON TO PARALYZE A JOEY. ADVANCE YOUR EYES ACROSS MY FURTIVE FURRY #BEAVERDUCK BODY AND YOU’LL KNOW THERE IS NO GOD IN THIS UNIVERSE, AND THAT NO ONE COULD EVER LOVE YOU. #CR-EYE-KEE. #IRECK-UN. #FOSTER’S”

WELL, I RECKON NATURE’S FIRST INTUITIONS ARE OBSCENITY AND VIOLENCE. I ALSO RECKON AUSTRALIA IS A PLACE MANIFESTLY PALTRY, FILLED WITH CHATTY CATHIES AND G’DAY GAGGLING #SURFSTUPID #INFERIORS (AND THE #RADRAD BAND #BEYONDTERRORBEYONDGRACE [[CHECK THEM OUT]] WHO REDEEM A CONTINENT OTHERWISE NOTABLE AS #GEOGRAPHY’S ANTIPODIAL #SKINCUBBY). BUT MORE THAN ANYTHING, I RECKON THAT ANIMALS ARE THE BEASTS WE PRETEND WE’RE NOT. IN AVOIDANCE OF THAT TRUTHTOID INFERIOR HUMANITY GOES ALL #FACTUALFLIPPY, AND ASSUMES THAT ANIMALS ARE LIKE US. WHICH IS JUST #DAYTIMETV #BONBONSANDAGOODCRYINBED PATHETIC. WHEN YOU’RE PETTING YOUR PISSY KITTIE OR PATTING YOUR BLACK GUMMED SLOBBER MOUTHED CANINE DUNCE, YOU’RE REALLY CARESSING YOUR OWN INFERIORITY. PETS ARE JUST HUMAN WEAKNESS, LEAVING THE ANIMAL SHELTER.

I CANNOT HELP BUT BE DISGUSTED BY THE LAVISH ATTENTIVES PEOPLE HEAP ON THEIR ANIMAL COHORTS. THE SITUATION IS #FISTPUMPINGLY (#PREHA!) REMINISCENT OF THE LAVISH PERQUISITES ROMAN NOBLEMAN HEAPED ON THEIR #BOYAMOURS (#POSTHA!). AT LEAST THOSE ROMAN BOYLOVERS RECEIVED SEXINGS IN RETURN. ALL MODERN ANIMAL LOVER GETS IN RETURN FOR THEIR RESOURCE MISALLOCATION IS THE CHANCE TO PICK UP A PIECE OF SHIT ON A PUBLIC SIDEWALK. AND ON THE WAY BACK OWNER STOPS WITH #POOCHUMS AT DOGGYKITTIE WEIRDO TOY STORE, IN APPEARANCE AND INVENTORY AS ODD AS A FETISH SHOP (ANDASCREEPY),

DROPS $50 ON AN ASIAN #SLAVEMADE CHEW TOY, TO BE OPENED AFTER THE WALK BACK HOME, WHICH PASSES FOODSTAMPS FED FAMILY, AND DOGGIE JUMPS OVER ITINERANT HOMELESS MAN (WHO I CAN ASSURE HAS NO ONE TO PICK UP HIS STREET DUMPS BESIDES HIS #TIREDSTAINED GENITAL THREADS), AND HEADS HOME FOR ORGANIC BEEF SPINE AND #PLAYPLAY. SOUNDS #RUFF.

THEN THERE ARE THE FAULTY EMOTIONAL DISPLAYS, EXCESSIVE AS THE FROTHLETS FLUNG FROM A RABIES FANGED #ROVER REACHING THE END OF THE LINE AT THE BARRELL OF A RIFLE. FOR INSTANCE, THE MODERN #CATWOMAN IS NOT A COMIC HEROINE, SHE IS A #DISASSOCIATIVE TANGLE OF #HUMANWRECKAGE WHO MAY OR MAY NOT LIVE ACROSS THE STREET FROM ME. ANIMAL LOVE IN HER CASE IS BOTH WORLD AVOIDANCE, AND PUBLIC HEALTH NUISANCE. I MAY OR MAY NOT LOOK AT HER MEWING DISGUSTING TANGLE OF FELINES FROM MY DUNGEON APARTMENT WINDOW, AND FEEL IN MY SPIRIT A DEMAND TO CULL FOR THE SAKE OF HERD SURVIVAL. I MAY OR MAYNOT TAKE IN HAND AN IVORY HANDLED KITTIE BLADE AND DO THE WORK MY #AMPLE STRENGTH ALLOWS. I MAY OR MAY NOT LEAVE #CRUCIFIXED KITTIES IN MY WINDOW JUST LONG ENOUGH FOR HER TO SEE ONE AND THEN REMOVE THE #BLESSEDFELINEDEITY RIGHT BEFORE SHE CAN SNAP A SHOTWITH CAMERA PHONE AND SEND TO POLICE. I MAY OR MAY NOT PLACE BONES IN HER BACKYARD IN SHAPE OF #GARFIELD. WHO KNOWS? #WEIRDWORLD. #LOTTASICKOSOUTTHERE #SVU. #CRAZYCATLADY. #BIGPOINT IS THAT CATS WERE THE ONLY THING SHE HAD, AND IF THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE, YOU DESERVE NOTHING. #SARCASTICSORRY.

THOSE KEENLY AWARE OF MY LIFE KNOW I DO INDEED HAVE A PET MYSELF, MY DEAR SNAKEFRIEND #TRISMEGISTUS. YET SHEATH YOUR #SADTROMBONES OF HYPOCRISY! #LETADREX EXPLICITATE! TRISMEGISTUS IS A SNAKE DIFFERENT FROM OTHER PETS. HE REALLY GETS ME. WE GUZZLE BEERS, CHOKE RATS TOGETHER. ON HOLY DAYS WE GO TOGETHER AND URINATE WITH #MAXFORCE ON #CHURCHES #SYNAGOGUES #MOSQUES #TEEPEES ETC. BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY, HE SNAKE, NOT ENOUGH “MEAT ON THE BONES” IF YOU KNOW WHAT IM SAYING. #YOUDONTYET

IT’S LIKE IN COMEDY, BUT NOT, WITH PETS. #TRUSTDREXYOU’LLSEE. IN COMEDY FUNNY GUY SAY “AHH HELL NAWW MEN AND WOMEN CAN’T BE FRIENDS. YOU KNOW. HAHAHA. BC FRIENDS WANNA HAVE SEXUAL INTERCOURSE IN CASE OF MUTUAL ATTRACTION. #IRONLAW. GET THEIR FUCKS ON OR BE ALL EMOTIONALLY MANIPULATIN ON EACH OTHER TIL ONE JUMPS OFF A BRIDGE OR GETS A GUN AND KILLS THE OTHER. HAHAHA. SO IF YOU FRIENDS, ONE WANTS THE SEXUAL MORE AND THE OTHER WITHOLDEDS IT. FRIENDSHIP IMPOSSIBLE BETWEEN SEXES. YAFEEEELME. HAHAHA” IF I WERE COMEDIORC I PUT PETS LIKE THIS: “OHH HELLISH NEGATION. PETS AND HUMANS ARE INCOMPATIBLE. A HUMAN HAS AGENCY, AND KNIVES. THE LOWLY PET BEAST HAS MERELY HIS EVOLUTIONARILY SELECTED PSYCHOMIMICRY APPARATUS BLANKETING OVER AN INNER WORLD SO FOREIGN AND ODDLY ORDERED AS TO BE BEYOND OUR COMPREHENSIVES. A DOG IS MEAT, AND WHERE THERE’S MEAT, THERE’S EAT. FRIEND OR OTHERWISE.”

SNAKES DON’T HAVE MUCH MEAT SO I’M NOT MUCH HYPOCRITE!

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KOEeNEEmko&feature=player_embedded

-DV

Follow Drex on Twitter or, if you’re single, hit him up on OK Cupid! You can also e-mail him at drexsez AT gmail DOT com. 

 

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