What the...??

JAZ COLEMAN IS OKAY AND SPEWING B.S.

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Here’s something I wrote when Jaz Coleman disappeared last month:

“It would be really great if this was like when Five Finger Death Punch misplaced one of their members a few years ago, and it turned out he was just, like, at the bar or something and it was all no biggie.”

Semi-related: You guys will never believe where Jaz Coleman was!!!

From Killing Joke’s Facebook page:

“To the relief of family and friends, Killing Joke Frontman Jaz Coleman appeared today from his retreat in the Western Sahara bemused by all the fuss of his disappearance. ‘I’ve been finishing my book and writing the score for my new project – (The Nirvana Symphonic) – (laughs), what’s all the fuss about then?’

“Coleman had apparently been living a nomadic existence for the last month in the desert in order to concentrate on finishing his two current projects. Nirvana looks like becoming a TV show and a concert in Seattle in 2013 and the book and an exclusive Coleman album will be packaged together and available for order as early as next week.”

Okay so the guy basically pulled a publicity stunt to help get the word out about something he can make money off of by exploiting the name of a band he wasn’t in. But he’s fine, which is terrific. Still, this explanation of his whereabouts doesn’t explain the message he allegedly left on the band’s FB page just prior to disappearing, in which he asserted that  “all [of The Cult’s] songs suck” and “[The Cult] clearly have no integrity.” Oh unless —

“Coleman claims no knowledge [of that anti-Cult post]. ‘Looks like this has caused a right ding dong and feel its impossible to continue this tour under the circumstances’. His comments were to wish both The Cult and The Mission the best of luck on the tour, and to find out who has been impersonating him.”

And in case it isn’t clear from my tone, I’m glad Coleman is okay, and I call bullshit on this entire explanation. (The two sentiments are not mutually exclusive. It’s like when you used to come home after curfew and your mom would hug you and then scream at you and ground you. Seems kinda weird, but actually makes perfect sense.) If he had nothing to do with those Facebook posts, why is the tour off? If he was just on a walkabout or some shit, how come no one knew where he was? He didn’t leave anyone a note? The tour was supposed to begin in a few weeks — it didn’t occur to him that people would really need to speak with him, like, pronto?

So yeah that dude is okay.

-AR

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