MITT ROMNEY SELECTS ORIGIN GUITARIST AS REPUBLICAN VICE PRESIDENTIAL NOMINEE
If there’s one thing I learned from watching Dave Mustaine on MTV in the early 90s, it’s that I need to know that Countdown to Extinction comes out July 14 and makes The Black Album look like some real pussy shit. But if there’s two things I learned from watching Dave Mustaine on MTV in the early 90s, it’s that it’s really important that we get out there and ROCK THE VOTE.
So I pay real good attention to politics, and every time I go to the polls, I ask myself one key question: “Which candidate is the most metal?” Some years it’s not really clear which candidate is more metal and it gets real tough to decide who to vote for, but some years the decision is easier than my cousin Jenny. For example, voting for Bush/Cheney over Gore/Lieberman back in ’00 was a real no-brainer, ’cause Tipper Gore took Dee Snider to congress and Joe Lieberman blamed Marilyn Manson for Columbine, but Bush is always doin’ coke and throwing horns, so, I mean, that dude was clearly the more metal choice.
Well, this year, the decision is easy again — ’cause over the weekend, Mitt Romney announced that he had selected PAUL RYAN FROM ORIGIN as his running mate, making him not only the most metal candidate of this election, but probably the most metal candidate of any election ever in the history of metal.
And the craziest part is, like I said, I pay real good attention to politics and I know my shit, and I had no idea that Paul Ryan was a SIX TERM congressator from Wisconsin. No wonder it’s so long in-between Origin albums! This motherfucker is busy doin’ Jesus’ good work for America!
And what’s the thanks he gets? Fuckin’ Wikipedia says Origin are from Kansas!!! I already wrote them an angry email. I know Kansas and Wisconsin are right next to one another but that don’t make them the same place — you try pullin’ that shit with someone from The Bronx, say they’re from Staten Island, see how that goes over. So Wikipedia is supposed to be a legitimate source of knowledge and they’ve got factual errors like that up there? Fuckin’ shameful.
And in case you think MetalSucks is trolling like with that stupid Obama shit, you should know that this news was in the New York Times, so it’s real and legit.
Anyways, Romney just got my fuckin’ vote. What about you?
-DN
