What the...??

HOLY SH*T: KISS HAVE UNLOCKED THE SECRETS OF TIME TRAVEL

0

Okay, so I was reading this interview with Paul Stanley where he was talking about Kiss’ new album, Monster, and he said — and this is a direct quote, I swear! — he said, “I wanted us to make the album we never made.” And at first, I was totally confused, y’know? ‘Cause what else is a band gonna do? How the fuck can you make an album you’ve already made?

I called my old lady into the room and I says to her, “I thought Gene Simmons was the only immigrant in Kiss.” “He is!” she told me. “Then how come Paul Stanley don’t speak better English?” I asked her. She shrugged and went back to doin’ whatever she was doin’ in the other room.

But I know Paul Stanley is a smart guy ’cause look at how much money he makes. So I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it, and that’s when it hit me:

PAUL STANLEY HAS A TIME MACHINE.

I know it sounds like I’ve gone cuckoo, but think about it for a minute — Paul Stanley having a time machine explains a LOT of things, like:

In conclusion: not only are Kiss amazing songwriters, but they are also apparently scientific geniuses!!! In fact, now that I think about it…

OH. MY. GOD.

-DN

 

Metal Sucks Greatest Hits