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WHO THE DAGGUMIT IS ANTHONY GOBEILLE AND WHY SHOULD I CARE

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Why should I care? He’s just some guy that grew up in North Jersey and has way too strong opinions about stuff just like me! Also why didn’t the guy I voted for win the contest? And why do all bands that have color gradients filtered over their photos seem hipstery immediately? And why is Bill Dance so damn clumsy and unlucky? And who the sunny jim cares about Warhammer, Scott Pilgrim, TNTLLY, IMN entitlement, Battlestar Galactica, HORSE the band, Dillinger Escape Plan, and Paul Robertson enough to write about them all day?!

ANTHONY GOBEILLE, THAT’S WHO.

(photo of me being a romance novel cover. Courtesy of the wonderful Julianne Karr)

And boy howdy am I excited to be writing for all you wonderful readers today! Although as of writing this little intro I’m actually feeling a wee bit pissed off.

The reason being I just went to see Devin Townsend in NYC (the Sept 23rd show) and the crowd was a huge reminder as to why I never go to “trve” Metal shows anymore. What a bunch of self-absorbed arm crossing buzzkills! I think I was the only guy that crowd-surfed all night. And I hope you’re not going to complain about how inconsiderate crowd-surfers are in the comment section. Have you ever crowd-surfed? Have you ever felt the power that is the act of being thrown in the air screaming your favorite lyric at the top of your lungs while Devin Townsend grabs your hand and sensually stares deep into your eyeballs and his soul passes through them into your heart and mind and for a moment you’re one perfect being? Are you going to complain about that guy that was headbanging behind you all night too? (Because, again, that was me doing that). You wonder why you can’t just go to a metal show and drink your red wine and sit down to watch in a quiet fashion?

Because I’m not going to let you. I’m going to push you until you remove your self inhibitions and actually let your emotions fly off the handle (not slam dance/karate chop you and punch you. Just regular old pushing). And let me tell you, the tension release I experience at a metal show is something otherworldly. My whole body is sore right now from pissing off all the pricks that punched me away when my extreme elation with the blaring epicness that is Devin Townsend got me doing seizure like vibrations too close to their extremely insecure comfort zones, and damn does it all satisfy something very deep down in my hairy groinal area (also known as a “goochal” or “grundle” area).

Ever since I started going to shows they’ve always been like this, and I have a theory that when metalcore and “breakdown hardcore” hit the scene in the post nu-metal days (2003’s-ish right?) that there was a dynamic shift in the way people act at and attend metal shows. Nobody headbangs! What the hell is up with that?! In about 2006 or 07 I went to see HORSE the band (who got booed for being “emo”) at a Dragonforce show (yeah I mean what should I have expected right?) where a vast majority of the crowd was 14yr olds wearing dragonforce shirts. C’mon man we already know you’re here to see Dragonforce you CAME to the show. And you know what? I decided to say screw it and try and hit that powermetal crack just for shits (as in I hung out for DF’s set). And lo and behold not one person in the crowd was head-banging. There were a couple of really bad pits with kids punching each other but nothing really cool went down. And yeah you guys are thinking: well duh Anthony that was a BAD show. But I’ve attended my spread of shows of different genre’s and styles and for a majority of these shows they always seem to be FILLED with people who want to stand in one spot and if you so much as graze them they shit their britches. The occasional Dillinger Escape Plan or Andrew W K show never disappoints but I’m pretty sure that crowd isn’t the same type of metal most of you guys strive to stylize yourselves as. I think what it boils down to is that the kids at those shows have no inhibition or fear of judgement, where as the conservative metal community is anything but accepting. Better not be weird near me while I watch Paradis Lost bro! (who were god awful by the way… Although the sound was pretty poorly mixed). Its a shame though, because I think we could all have a real blast going crazy at a Faceless show if you weren’t all so intent on watching, judging, and then leaving. I know that’s not what everyone does and I totally appreciate the guy or gal that wants to chill out and check the band out. But I’m sure you all know the types I’m referring to. And to those people I just want to say: Don’t be so uptight! We’re all there to enjoy the same group, if you get a little banged up laugh it off! Some silly dude’s shoe just hit you as a result to him enjoying himself to something you also get down to! It’s funny! And if it isn’t funny to you then don’t go! IT’S NOT A CLASSICAL CONCERT.

So let me ask you all. DO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT AND PARTY HARD AND GET FUCKING PUMPED ABOUT METAL AND METAL RELATED STUFF TODAY?!?! BECAUSE I TOTALLY DO.

Lots of good zany arguing about our opinions still to come so please stick around.

-Anthony Gobeille

p.s. You can also obviously await an obligatory self post about my band Impossible Voyage that I of course totally think is great.

p.p.s. I’m already using post scripts and the day just started!

#tags: Anthony Gobeille, Horse the band, Dillinger Escape plan, Andrew W K, Dragonforce, Devin Townsend, the Faceless, Paradise Lost, Gooch, Grundle, Groined, Party Hard, Impossible Voyage, Man they so great, And handsome,

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