Necessary Roughness

Necessary Roughness, Week 10: We Are All Losers Now


Necessary Roughness with Gwar's Dave Brockie

Week Ten featured tons on concussions and an end to the Atlanta Falcons’ previously perfect record. I am always happy when the final unbeaten team goes down, because it means we don’t have to listen to a bunch of nonsense about whether or not the 1972 Miami Dolphins perfect 17-0 season is going to remain the benchmark of excellence that all N.F.L. teams aspire to. To think, I was actually alive then. The helmets didn’t have faceguards, and the “pigskin” was actually ripped out of the unfortunate animal right before the game started. And I was already well into my forties!

You guys are probably going to get a lot of that this week. “That” being a bunch of made-up shit. Otherwise known as lies! You see, I am writing this column on the bus on the Pacific coast, coming into Vancouver, and there is no cable to check highlights on, and no wireless signal to download a paper to my Kindle. In other words I have no way of checking anything out other than by remembering what I saw during my 10+ hours spent lolling on a couch backstage yesterday. I watched three whole games on Sunday, but unfortunately was still trying to shake off the effects of some pot-cookies I had eaten the night before, so I spent whole sections of the games snoring loudly. Today, when I try to remember what I witnessed, it seems like a whole bunch of teams were playing at the same time as all three games plus the additional highlights and halftime shows mooshed together in my pot-addled mind. At one point I was pretty sure they had joined two fields together in a cross-pattern, and four teams were playing at once. Did they do that? In London?

I am pretty sure the first game I saw featured the New York Giants vs. the Cincinnati Bengals in a game the Giants kinda got their asses kicked in. Lots of people are screaming in New York, but I think the G-Men have got everything under control. With their place at the top of their division looking pretty solid, the G-Men may have slipped into their traditional patch of lame games they usually have at some point during the season. I have no doubt they will peak just when they need to, win the NFC East handily, and play the Packers (or maybe the Niners…) in the Championship game. It was a solid win for the Bengals, who remain dangerous, just like teams named after huge tigers should be.

Next up was the San Francisco 49ers vs. the St. Louis Rams in the battle-of-the-two-teams-I-couldn’t-give-a-damn-about, and as a result of that (and the cookies) I spent huge sections of the game completely unconscious. This game saw the first concussion of the day as SF QB Alex Smith got the living shit knocked out of him but still was able to run another play before teammates and coaches realized he had no idea where the hell he was. Again I couldn’t help but feel bad for Sam Bradford, the best QB on a sub-par team in the league, as he led his usually-losing Rams to an early lead which the 49ers scrappily refused to submit to. It wasn’t very pretty, but I figured the Niners were going to pull it out as I fell into my third coma of the day. Waking up about an hour later, I was surprised to see the game was still going on as the two teams listlessly plugged away at each other on their way to a 24-24 tie.

Finally, after a quick nap, it was time for the marquee event of the day: in what could be a potential preview of the Super Bowl match-up, the Houston Texans made their way to Soldier Field in Chicago to face the Monsters of the Midway, Da Bears. Both teams have been facing the same question all season—are they for real? Despite being on top of their respective divisions, questions of legitimacy linger, Houston, because they are a newer franchise, and the Bears, because Jay Cutler is their QB. After four quarters of slogging it out in miserable weather, it seemed as if the dome-dwelling Houston Texans were better suited for the harsh environs of Chi-town than Da Bears were, as they capitalized on Chicago turnovers to hang on to a 13-6 victory.

In the beat-down of the day, the Ravens put 55 points on the Raiders, who continue to bring misery to all who follow them. The Broncos, Colts, and Vikings were also big winners. The Falcons finally dropped one as mentioned earlier. Anything else that happened I can’t remember, but I think I did pretty good today considering this was all from memory. Next week I will be back in the country and maybe even in a time zone where people don’t play football at ten in the morning. So now I turn it over to you guys to finish this thing… how did your team do? Because I have a GWAR show to get ready for…

Told ya I wouldn’t mention the Redskins this week… whoops.

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