Question Of The Week: Follow The Dead
Hey MetalSucks awesomes! Congrats on your completion of another week of work, school, exercising, and silent screaming! Say, have u ever contemplated a tour vacation? Like, just chuck your responsibilities and travel from city to city alongside your favorite band’s tour? Wouldn’t that be an awesome, educational, and adventurous? What if u got paid for it?
Well that’s today’s MS Question Of The Week! Party!!
Fearless. Controversial. Half-baked. We give it to you straight every Friday afternoon. Straight out of your protective shell and your good hygiene! Here’s this week’s question:
Inspired by awesome drug-gobbling jam band tour rats, we asked our staff the following:
U have been contracted to write a book about your month of accompanying a heavy artist on tour 24/7. Which act do u select?
Read the MS Staff’s awesome answers then reply awesomely below!
Amon Amarth. I assume that after a shirtless, sweaty 85 minutes on stage, Johan Hegg and co. like to get on their bus and get right into PJs. Many glasses of Yellow Tail Merlot are sipped, the occasional Basketball Wives marathon viewed, and the giggles endless. After all, the band can’t be “on” all the time. Each morning, it’s English Breakfast tea, then a few hours of reading something Oprah-approved. Next, canasta. Sure, the musty parking lots of their venues would be filled with greasy heshers looking to pound Belgian ales or homemade mead on ’til daylight — but the Amon Amarth boys need a good night’s sleep for the next night’s conquest, so it’s lights out by 10:45. Except on birthdays, when they crash a Chili’s for mild wings and $14 rail drinks. My month would be light, relaxing, and occasionally ornamented by some barbaric Viking metal.
Motorhead. I can’t imagine anything more awesome than hanging out with Lemmy for a month.
Oxbow. I’d let the tape roll on frontman Eugene Robinson, the realest dude in the game now and forever. Perhaps I’ll again be witness to a venue cutting power to stop Robinson’s onstage stripping (like SXSW 2007). They hatin’ cause he’s so beautiful. I’ll even let him beat me up, just so I can have a firsthand account of what it’s like to get an ass-whooping from him. Also, I just have to get to the bottom of his reasons for hating farmers markets. As a child, was he pelted with heirloom tomatoes?
Tool. Night after night, I’d view the Tool concert spectacle from different vantage points. Following each night’s bow, the band and I would unwind serenely with measured conversation and pot. On our three weekly off-days, we’d gather (or splinter) for excusions to each city’s planetarium, aquarium, beaches, sites of historic crimes, and nakedest rollerskating spots. We’d wager cheerily on Danny-Anso vs. Justin-Adam swim relays. We’d battle tour openers The Crown in soccer, and savagely prank local media and retail dudes over 18 holes of golf. The resulting book would open with the story of how, after one of our semi-weekly tour book club meetings, I talked my way into backing vocal duties on “The Patient.” Its closing scene? Roofied by Maynard JK, I stumble to center stage and spend their encore nude and barfing into the photo pit. Video makes national news. lol The End.
How about u? Does the idea of four weeks of road grind totally freak u out? Could u withstand a month of Megadeth insanity on tour? Would 30 days of Trivium performances spell your certain doom? Could u keep up with 54 shows in 55 days with Soilwork?